Aversion to Children

[Tsukuyomi]

I'm not really looking for kids at the moment mostly because my own parents did a number on me psychologically and I flat-out REFUSE to pass that on to any child I have.

Children being annoying is also a bit of an issue, but it's an issue that is largely linked to how they're being raised. Working in retail I can't count how many times I've seen children that run about our store doing whatever the hell the please, or screaming, crying, and doing other annoying things and the parents just seem to pretend the children don't exist or block it out somehow! The parents I've dealt with who have at least been trying to keep their children under control seem to have better behaved kids. and by "trying" I mean not just telling them to stop only because they're talking to me and I happen to be watching the kids being little hellions. Yes lady, I saw your children going berserk for the last five minutes while you ignored them. Too late to make a good impression on me in terms of your parenting ability.

OP, there's nothing to be ashamed of if you're not a fan of kids. Also the excuse some people give you is indeed utter garbage. 9/10ths of the random terrible mistakes/screw-ups I remember in my life come from when I was a kid or a teenager. When I pointed this out to a family member they replied:

"well doesn't that make you laugh?"
"....no. No it doesn't. It makes me embarrassed and angry and ashamed."
"Awww, but you were a kid!"
"That doesn't mean I can't be embarrassed by what I did back then and all the problems I gave people."

They simply didn't understand why I felt that way. Even after almost an hour of going back and forth with me trying to explain it.

 

[lunavixen]

I don't like children, I really, really don't like them, 4 and a half years working in a supermarket at the registers has cemented that, and I've found that the younger they are, the less I like them (I think it might be the dependancy thing) and also, the noisier they are the less I like them. I'm okay with older kids if they're not crying or whining and i'm okay with teenagers for the most part.

 

[novem]

I disliked children even when I was one. I was that weird kid that hung out with the adults.

 

[michael87cn]

Kids are all different. There are quiet, good natured children. How good the parents are at raising them factors into things. But, they do have a will of their own that ultimately will change how they behave. But, it's wrong to say that all children are annoying, or loud, or basically bad. That's simply not true.

It is true that babies cry, when that young they have literally no other means of communication.

Honestly, though, if you feel like you couldn't handle a crying baby I think that you have some personal growing to do. It doesn't really take much effort to love and nurture something. Especially when you know the payoff will be a new life form that can think for itself, act for itself, and achieve things all for itself and for others (eventually). Also, -usually- when you become a Dad or a Mom... you can split the responsibility of taking care of the child with your better half, so that you don't have to take the burden on alone.

I can see why you would dislike the idea of having to pay money for something, but that's petty.
I can see why you would dislike the idea of having to hear annoying sounds, but that's really not that bad.
I can see why you would dislike the idea of having to butt heads with a childs attitude, but that's the duty of a parent (and also not that difficult, within your lifetime you will likely correct many people you don't even care about -- how easy then would it be to correct and teach your own child right from wrong?)

I can see these things, but I reserve my right to think they seem selfish. You know what? Good for you. I'm sure its perfectly healthy to be selfish. You might be ... pretty lonely acting like that... you might also... appear to others like the children you loathe so much.

 

[King Billi]

Kids are all different. There are quiet, good natured children. How good the parents are at raising them factors into things. But, they do have a will of their own that ultimately will change how they behave. But, it's wrong to say that all children are annoying, or loud, or basically bad. That's simply not true.

It is true that babies cry, when that young they have literally no other means of communication.

Honestly, though, if you feel like you couldn't handle a crying baby I think that you have some personal growing to do. It doesn't really take much effort to love and nurture something. Especially when you know the payoff will be a new life form that can think for itself, act for itself, and achieve things all for itself and for others (eventually). Also, -usually- when you become a Dad or a Mom... you can split the responsibility of taking care of the child with your better half, so that you don't have to take the burden on alone.

I can see why you would dislike the idea of having to pay money for something, but that's petty.
I can see why you would dislike the idea of having to hear annoying sounds, but that's really not that bad.
I can see why you would dislike the idea of having to butt heads with a childs attitude, but that's the duty of a parent (and also not that difficult, within your lifetime you will likely correct many people you don't even care about -- how easy then would it be to correct and teach your own child right from wrong?)

I can see these things, but I reserve my right to think they seem selfish. You know what? Good for you. I'm sure its perfectly healthy to be selfish. You might be ... pretty lonely acting like that... you might also... appear to others like the children you loathe so much.

Thank you for putting forward how I myself feel about this subject but in a much more calm and eloquent way than I was able to.

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

I totally agree with you. Babies are ugly wads of meat that are incapable of doing anything but making the most horrible sound in all of existence and shitting themselves. Then they grow up to be people, and I hate those things too.

I'd say the reason people like children is more an evolutionary trait than a logical one. Naturally I guess you're supposed to just have an affinity for them. It's sort of necessary since our offspring come out pretty damn dependent and useless. I suppose on a biological level it's abnormal that you don't think they're cute and don't feel naturally inclined to nurture them. That said, I'm right there with you and disliking them is pretty damn easy, because as you pointed out, there's a big list of downsides.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well this is one of those hormone induced emotional states, much like our desire for sex, people who's hormones are going wild will never understand why you wouldn't want to rub genitalia with someone and people who aren't going ape will not understand why you would.

And the same happens for your view of offspring, your brain flips over at some point (usually around the age of 30) and then you can't not love those useless little fuckers.

 

[LadyLightning]

Only one out of every million babies is cute. Protip: it's not yours.

The problem I have is with those disgusting excuses for human beings that have the gall to think it's okay to take their small children out in public with them, and ruin everyone else's day. If you've ever been sitting in a restaurant and trying to enjoy your date, but there's some shitsack couple with their three-year-old at the table next to yours bawling his friggin' eyes out because his mommy wouldn't buy him an ice cream, you'll understand.

I wholeheartedly believe that you should only conceive a child if you plan on eating it. The world has enough mistakes in it already. If you really want one, adopt someone else's instead of making a new one.


I also feel strongly about being told that it's in my "nature" to want a child. That I somehow can't be a woman if I hate kids. As a trans girl, that really gets me.

 

[Blow_Pop]

I despise children. However, children seem to love me. I do occasionally babysit for my friends but it is few and far between times that I do. It gets me money and gives their parents time to go out. And I get to give them back at the end of the day about the time I'm sick of them.

Personally, I won't ever have kids. Part of that is my dislike for children. Part of that is my family's medical history, I don't want to bring a child into this world with the high risks for cancer that run in my family on both sides of my family. And part of that is because I don't much have the temperament to deal with children all the time.

Of course having XX chromosomes anytime I tell people that I plan on not ever having children I get told "oh you'll change your mind", "you're motherly instincts will kick in and will want them", "you're just being selfish"(which always confuses me since I'm not married or anything and have no means to take care of a child anyway so I don't understand how that's selfish), "but you're so good with kids, how can you not want them?", or some variation of some of those.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Wow, The Escapist really doesn't like children.
Why am I not surprised?


I generally like kids, I'm just kind of awkward around them because I'm worried I might break them or that they'll get upset and I won't know what to do.
I don't have much regular contact with young children but my friend had a baby nearly two years ago and I think he's awesome. Whenever I visit home, the three of us will go for a walk in the park or go for coffee and he's so inquisitive and innocent, it's impossible not to love him.


I get annoyed when kids are loud in a confined public space, like anyone else, but I have more of a tolerance for it now than I did when I was a teenager. It's not their fault, it's the only way they know how to communicate and just saying that the parents should "shut them up" is completely ignorant of how difficult parenting can be. There's no magic "off" switch when a child gets upset, they're not doing it to piss you off.

I think it's perfectly understandable to not want children of your own and I don't think anyone should feel pressured into that situation but, at the same time, I think it's pretty immature to list off your grievances about young children and babies, as if they were annoying you on purpose, or to berate parents for having the audacity to bring their children outside of the house.

Also, as everyone seems to be answering, I will probably want a child of my own at some point but not for a long time. There're a lot of things I want to do with my life first, I am eternally indebted to the creators of contraception.

 

[lacktheknack]

And... what if it comes out missing an eye? Or a leg? Or part of its brain?

Just the thought of caring for such a creature fills me with dread.

Words can't adequately convey how offended this statement makes me.

Children are pretty much the epitome of everything I dislike. High pitched, noisy, messy, unpredictable, uncontrollable, selfish, ignorant, not at all self sufficient, expensive, demanding in so many ways and of so many resources, and all efficient methods of removal tend to be illegal and frowned upon by society.

Babies are ugly wads of meat that are incapable of doing anything but making the most horrible sound in all of existence and shitting themselves. Then they grow up to be people, and I hate those things too.

Words can not describe my contempt for children,

I wholeheartedly believe that you should only conceive a child if you plan on eating it. The world has enough mistakes in it already.

The Escapist: The home site of the world's most balanced and stable people since 200-whenever.

Jesus Christ, why do I even stay here?

 

[Eamar]

Of course having XX chromosomes anytime I tell people that I plan on not ever having children I get told "oh you'll change your mind", "you're motherly instincts will kick in and will want them", "you're just being selfish"(which always confuses me since I'm not married or anything and have no means to take care of a child anyway so I don't understand how that's selfish), "but you're so good with kids, how can you not want them?", or some variation of some of those.

Solidarity. I fucking hate all this.

The only reason my own parents have finally accepted that I won't be having kids is because I explained that if I got pregnant I'd have to stop taking my bipolar medication for 9 months, and would almost certainly end up harming or even killing myself and/or the baby in the meantime.

It took something that extreme. Not respect for the fact that I have never actually wanted kids, or that I'm phobic of pregnancy, or I am self-aware enough to feel that I wouldn't be a good parent, or that the things I want from life don't really work with the whole "stable child-rearing environment" thing, or that mental illness runs in my family and I don't want to risk passing something like that on. Nope. None of that matters.

It really shouldn't be so freakin' controversial for a woman to say she doesn't want kids. It's not even all that uncommon.

 

[Jamieson 90]

I'm a Beaver Scout Leader so I work with 5-7 year old's and it's great. At that age they're still somewhat 'cute' and their energy and enthusiasm is contagious. Thankfully they're not that cheeky either although they can still have their moments when they want to, but some of the stuff they come out with is just pure gold, especially if they're misunderstood adult conversation, lol.

So yeah it would be completely weird for me not to like kids, but I can certainly see why some people wouldn't; there's a lot of drama involved at times and it's certainly exhausting but then very rewarding if you're willing to put the time and effort in, and the one great thing about talking to kids over say other adults is that they keep it simple and that they don't already have their own biases and preconceptions, yeah you can actually talk rather than argue.

 

[Barbas]

I haven't really liked most of the ones I've met...but to be fair, that's probably down to the skill (or lack of it) of the parents. They don't seem particularly vigilant - I've almost tripped over someone's child on more than one occasion, because they were crawling across the floor where they shouldn't have been.

Spoiler: Spoilered Snip.

And... what if it comes out missing an eye? Or a leg? Or part of its brain?

Just the thought of caring for such a creature fills me with dread.

Words can't adequately convey how offended this statement makes me.

Children are pretty much the epitome of everything I dislike. High pitched, noisy, messy, unpredictable, uncontrollable, selfish, ignorant, not at all self sufficient, expensive, demanding in so many ways and of so many resources, and all efficient methods of removal tend to be illegal and frowned upon by society.

Babies are ugly wads of meat that are incapable of doing anything but making the most horrible sound in all of existence and shitting themselves. Then they grow up to be people, and I hate those things too.

Words can not describe my contempt for children,

I wholeheartedly believe that you should only conceive a child if you plan on eating it. The world has enough mistakes in it already.

The Escapist: The home site of the world's most balanced and stable people since 200-whenever.

Jesus Christ, why do I even stay here?

...I draw the line there, though - that is no less than an atrocious attitude to take toward the offspring of your own species. I'm going to take my leave now.

 

[MrBaskerville]

I thought i disliked kids until i had a nephew, turns out i don't mind them at all, they are very entertaining and loveable. And good to see that this forum is filled with such well balanced individuals . I guess this is the forums for people who hate humanity and everything it brings to the world.

 

[an annoyed writer]

I also feel strongly about being told that it's in my "nature" to want a child. That I somehow can't be a woman if I hate kids. As a trans girl, that really gets me.

This part hits especially close to home for me. While I don't outright hate kids on principle(the quiet and inquisitive ones are pretty good), I can't stand the thought of myself raising them in any manner even remotely close to stable, since I'm already full of problems, and don't want to have my ineptitude become everyone else's burden. When I tell people this they almost always say "well it's in your NATUUURRE! How could you be so horrible and dare to call yourself a woman?", implying that I don't qualify since I'm not someone that puts having kids before all else, completely disregarding things like insuring their own mental stability and financial stability so that their kid doesn't have it so rough. You know, stuff that should matter to any halfway competent parent.

 

[diligentscribbler]

I really struggle with children, not aversion and hate I just don't understand.

I find it really hard to talk to children like they're children, they're these tiny fragile and uneducated things that move about me feverishly struggling to understand these terrifying adults that lumber about them talking a different language entirely, hating them doesn't seem fair.

I think children react very differently because of this, like they're a foreign tribe that sees me as one of their own. I think children say remarkable things when they don't see you as an adult(basically a dictator to them), it's very interesting place to be in (like Spinelli in recess with the kinder gardeners).

They still terrify me though, especially when they want to be held.

I don't think I'd be a good parent.

 

[Damicles]

Hi been lurking on this board forever and decided to post.

To the OP do'nt feel that their is somthing wrong with you for not wanting childre. I'm 34 and have never wanted kids. The reasons been that I had a very bad time at school and then after that got dumped on the welfare benifits after leaving for 4 years of my life before finally managing to get a job in IT.

The question I ask the people that call people like me or you selfish is why the hell would I want to bring a innocent child into a world like this and force them to jump through the sadistic hoops that society in general forces us to jump through. I mean really this world is not a nice place at all to live on half the world pop starves while we have enough resources to feed everyone our resouces are been squandered by the rich elite which will be utill the time we run out and by that time ww3 will be on its merry way and you want to bring a innocent life into this world no thx. I kinda feel sorry for my friends baby for been born into a world like this.

But that humanity for you.

 

[FoxKitsune]

I'm twenty five and I work with children in a nursery setting, so, 3-5 year olds. You can guess where I stand on it, as if I didn't love kids I couldn't do what I do. That said there's no rule that everyone in society has to like them, or even ever be parents, but I think it needs stressing that the children in question (for the most part) aren't intentionally flipping on some kind of `annoy` switch, as you put it. Children mimic what they see, and the thing they care most about it bonding with their carers (generalising here, of course)

Sure, sometimes they know exactly what they're doing, but children are just little people, and it's not okay to take a person and judge that person by all of the peers they have that share a quality (in this case age)

I think the rule of thumb that should be followed is if you really want to distance yourself from having anything to do with children, by all means, do it. Never do it to the individual child that cares about you in some way though, be it through family or friends, because that will make a difference.

 

[Neuromancer]

I have never minded children. I find their energy and innocence to be refreshing. And though there definately are what some would consider...bad apples in the mix, one should always remember that the apple does not fall far from the tree.

It is the duty of the parents to help the child shape its own personality by teaching it right from wrong, to give it motivation, to teach it priorities and, as the child grows up into a teenager, that one's actions always have consequences, not only to them but also the people involved.