'Be a man'!

[Irridium]

Its a bullshit answer.

People have problems, people get depressed. Some problems may in fact be little things someone's just getting worked up about. Other times its a serious issue and no amount of "being a man" will help. At all.

Saying "be a man" also opens up a whole can of worms that Labyrinth already explained.

If I see something sad in a book/movie/TV show/game, I'm probably going to cry. Toy Story 3 is the most recent to make me do so.

Being able to cry about doesn't make you a wimp, it makes you a person with feelings, emotions, problems, and depth. It means you have more to you then meets the eye.

Your a person, rather then an emotionless prick who holds everything inside then explodes in a usually violent way.
Granted thats just a generalization, this subject tends to get me riled up.

 

[thylasos]

It depends entirely on context.

Saying it to a person who's depressed is just spiteful and ignorant.

 

[Scarecrow]

Its a bullshit answer.

People have problems, people get depressed. Some problems may in fact be little things someone's just getting worked up about. Other times its a serious issue and no amount of "being a man" will help. At all.

Saying "be a man" also opens up a whole can of worms that Labyrinth already explained.

If I see something sad in a book/movie/TV show/game, I'm probably going to cry. Toy Story 3 is the most recent to make me do so.

Being able to cry about doesn't make you a wimp, it makes you a person with feelings, emotions, problems, and depth. It means you have more to you then meets the eye.

Your a person, rather then an emotionless prick who holds everything inside then explodes in a usually violent way.
Granted thats just a generalization, this subject tends to get me riled up.

It gets me riled up too, mainly becasue I went throught depression, so it gets me angry when people say that it's not 'manly'.

 

[7moreDead_v1legacy]

I'm all for the whole man the fuck up attitude - Most people I say it too are upset from usual day stuff like, getting dumped, being a sissy about asking someone out, kittens dying and so on...

I've suffered death, debt and betrayal in my life and could well have depression (I ain't seeing a quack until I need a sick note - ain't going into it either), but you just gotta power through shit!

At the end of the day mankind has gotten here - to this stage through suffering and ingenuity...Seeing people get upset about shit that at the end of the day that is pretty minuscule in the greater scheme of things is pretty tedious especially the ones who try suicide/shit like it.

Yes I can understand it all but the worlds still turning at the end of the day.

This is regardless of gender, you could have 6 dicks and 4 tits and it would still apply.

Probably not worded this well and made myself come out looking the worse of it but meh.

Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim.

 

[Snotnarok]

All I can think of is this when I hear it

 

[Private Custard]

I don't agree with it first of all on feminist grounds. "Be a man" is one of the most sexist statements I hear in common use. Not only does it imply that being a non-man, ie. female, is something that makes one emotional and unstable, it also shoehorns all men everywhere into an emotional iron maiden. The idea that "a man" is stoic and relatively emotionless causes all kinds of untold damage due to repressed issues that need to be dealt with. Let me take rural Australia for example. There's been a drought here for the past decade or so. Out in rural areas that takes its toll. Men who ascribe to the Stoic and Manly ideal find it difficult to seek help for the problems, such as depression, that arise out of having a failing farm when it's been in the family for generations. Stereotype, but you get the idea. The suicide rate in those areas and in this situation shoots right up.

The other reason it irks me is because it demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding about mental illness. I differentiate here between medical depression and "I'm down, need someone to talk to." While the latter is valid as a request, the former runs far deeper. For someone with depression it is impossible to "be a man" and cheer up because of chemical imbalances and other physiological factors upon which no amount of stoicism can have an effect. Stephen Fry related an anecdote during an interview about a fellow bi-polar man in the depressive swing of his illness. This guy had walked in front of a truck and wound up spending six months having the bones in his legs re-broken and re-set repeatedly in an effort to enable him to walk again. The guy said that while yes, the pain of having his legs mended was truly terrible, "it was nothing compared to the pain that made me step onto the highway."

Manic depressives do have the manic part of that cycle to reassure them. It will get better for them because that's a part of their illness. People with depression don't, and it's not fair to burden them with masculinity crap atop everything else. It won't make them better, it could well make them worse. The most likely result is that they just stop talking about their troubles.

Thats what got me too make this thread. People were telling people who where depressed to 'be a man' and it really made me made. These people really had no understanding of depression and had no place telling these people what they should do.

Exactly.

As well put as Labyrinths post was, I'll just be far more blunt. If there's a thread about depression and you don't fall into one of these categories,

- You're a doctor
- You're suffering from depression
- You're living with/friends with/related to a depressed person
- You've suffered from depression

then it's probably best you just stay the fuck out of the discussion! Telling someone to 'man-up' or 'grow a pair' helps no-one. There is no manning up to be done, times have changed, dinosaurs be gone!

 

[Blindswordmaster]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDCRp5mrYE8

Only real men watch this video.

Hey, I cried at the end of Gran Torino. And if you didn't, Clint Eastwood will come to your house, put a Smith&Wesson .44 Magnum to your head and fuck your sister. Men are capable of feeling sadness, though I never have, but we are also capable of working through it and coming out stronger then ever before. We're like Sayians that way.

 

[Safaia]

All I can think of is this when I hear it

This is the correct answer.

 

[kaveradeo]

All I can think of is this when I hear it

I was going to do that...
DAMNIT NINJAD

 

[Snotnarok]

SNIP

All I can think of is this when I hear it

I was going to do that...
DAMNIT NINJAD

You could say, be a man about it! Woo-chaw! :U

Mister, I'll make a man, out of yoooou~~

 

[Scarecrow]

I don't agree with it first of all on feminist grounds. "Be a man" is one of the most sexist statements I hear in common use. Not only does it imply that being a non-man, ie. female, is something that makes one emotional and unstable, it also shoehorns all men everywhere into an emotional iron maiden. The idea that "a man" is stoic and relatively emotionless causes all kinds of untold damage due to repressed issues that need to be dealt with. Let me take rural Australia for example. There's been a drought here for the past decade or so. Out in rural areas that takes its toll. Men who ascribe to the Stoic and Manly ideal find it difficult to seek help for the problems, such as depression, that arise out of having a failing farm when it's been in the family for generations. Stereotype, but you get the idea. The suicide rate in those areas and in this situation shoots right up.

The other reason it irks me is because it demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding about mental illness. I differentiate here between medical depression and "I'm down, need someone to talk to." While the latter is valid as a request, the former runs far deeper. For someone with depression it is impossible to "be a man" and cheer up because of chemical imbalances and other physiological factors upon which no amount of stoicism can have an effect. Stephen Fry related an anecdote during an interview about a fellow bi-polar man in the depressive swing of his illness. This guy had walked in front of a truck and wound up spending six months having the bones in his legs re-broken and re-set repeatedly in an effort to enable him to walk again. The guy said that while yes, the pain of having his legs mended was truly terrible, "it was nothing compared to the pain that made me step onto the highway."

Manic depressives do have the manic part of that cycle to reassure them. It will get better for them because that's a part of their illness. People with depression don't, and it's not fair to burden them with masculinity crap atop everything else. It won't make them better, it could well make them worse. The most likely result is that they just stop talking about their troubles.

Thats what got me too make this thread. People were telling people who where depressed to 'be a man' and it really made me made. These people really had no understanding of depression and had no place telling these people what they should do.

Exactly.

As well put as Labyrinths post was, I'll just be far more blunt. If there's a thread about depression and you don't fall into one of these categories,

- You're a doctor
- You're suffering from depression
- You're living with/friends with/related to a depressed person
- You've suffered from depression

then it's probably best you just stay the fuck out of the discussion! Telling someone to 'man-up' or 'grow a pair' helps no-one. There is no manning up to be done, times have changed, dinosaurs be gone!

You have put it far better then I could have. All those dickheads on the forums where telling these poor people to man, without having any idea what it's like. Having gone through depression myself, it really pissed my off.

 

[PhiMuLady]

I agree with it. I am a woman that rarely cries myself, only when hurt (physically) or someone I love is hurt/hurting. I do get sad, but I have learned that crying does nothing to fix anything. Also I REALY hate being pitied, that is a great motivator for not being a weepy female.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Ah, the gold old masculinity argument.

"Be a man, repress those emotions!"

Most of our ancestry faced much harder conditions than we do today. War, famine, disasters. Man was silent about his emotions not because he wanted to, but because he needed to. If you weren't violent or alert enough back in the middle ages, your body would be left in the gutter with all valuables taken by thieves.

So this ideal of a hard, cold and tough man has survived throughout generations. Now, in a time where most barbaric violence has been eliminated, we are challenging this old ideal.

So we're clashing with those who have embraced the old way of thinking and those who are willing to move past "being a man". I don't think it will ever disappear completely, after all "being a man" allowed marines to take Iwo Jima and let outnumbered paratroopers hold Bastonge. Without this attitude many things wouldn't have happened. As long as there is war or hardships facing humanity that require us to be manly, I think this mindset will remain.

Education is key in this issue methinks. The response "Be a man!" or "Grow a pair!" is basically either a defensive behavioral mechanism or intentional trolling. Perhaps both.

In anycase, I think this attitude is dying out a bit but still strong.

 

[PrimoThePro]

Its right.

Stop crying and man up, god damn it.

I can't believe how dangerously old fashioned your thinking is.
I guess it's your opinion, but by my personal experience, by telling someone that, I just feel like I try and wash my hands of helping them, and that just sounds weak to me. I'd rather stand and take people's pain away than let them handle it themselves and hurt themselves.

 

[Mr. Omega]

I think the idea of the overly-macho jerk being manly is outdated and frankly stupid. a true man knows how to be open-minded and intellectual.

or you can just be a man by doing this.
<youtube=p0qcXjMQyWk>

Ninja's, with both the statement and the video. Curses!

 

[BlueberryMUNCH]

99 out of 100 times, its the wrong thing to say
But its actually one of the...hmm...well, i spose you could say pillars that i try to live my life by nwadays.
Ive experienced extreme depression and one of the ways im keeping it at bay is by telling myself 'mate, just grow a fucking pair and get over it, your a bloke'

Most people will be at the stage in depression where this is the totally wrong thing to say, but theyll probably look back and realise that it was good advice, really.

Thats what i think anyway:].

 

[nofear220]

But what do you think about the 'be a man' saying? Is it right or is it wrong?

Oh its right, sometimes.

<youtube=-qtrAMK7_Qk>

 

[Phantomess]

All I can think of is this when I hear it

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who thought of that song. ^_^

But I would say that any man who is unashamed to cry has guts. My grandfather would never cry in front of his family, but I remember hearing him cry through a door once and it was heart-breaking. But it reminded me that he had feelings just like everyone else. So yeah, I've got no issue with guys crying.

That said, I am guilty of telling people to "Eat some concrete and harden up, princess". Just not when they're obviously hurting some.

 

[spartan1077]

Gender roles are a confusing mess.
I just choose to believe that if it feels alright for me (if I feel okay crying over an emotional event in a novel or movie or game, then I'll do it).
Anyone who wants to tell anyone else what a man needs to be is just wrong. Being 'manly' is one of those opinion things that can't be proven to be one way or another. Like religion or politics.

This!... I'm adding more to this post for no reason lalalalala. Also where is the expression BE A WOMAN! I don't know, they always push equality but do they ever push that?

 

[Omikron009]

It's right...sometimes. If someone genuinely has psychological issues like depression it can be tough (I do suffer from occasional depression and one of the best ways I'm able to get through it is by telling myself to man the hell up, but it doesn't work for everyone.) If someone's just being a whiner, it's absolutely okay to tell them to grow a pair.