'Be a man'!

[zehydra]

I don't agree with it first of all on feminist grounds. "Be a man" is one of the most sexist statements I hear in common use. Not only does it imply that being a non-man, ie. female, is something that makes one emotional and unstable, it also shoehorns all men everywhere into an emotional iron maiden. The idea that "a man" is stoic and relatively emotionless causes all kinds of untold damage due to repressed issues that need to be dealt with. Let me take rural Australia for example. There's been a drought here for the past decade or so. Out in rural areas that takes its toll. Men who ascribe to the Stoic and Manly ideal find it difficult to seek help for the problems, such as depression, that arise out of having a failing farm when it's been in the family for generations. Stereotype, but you get the idea. The suicide rate in those areas and in this situation shoots right up.

The other reason it irks me is because it demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding about mental illness. I differentiate here between medical depression and "I'm down, need someone to talk to." While the latter is valid as a request, the former runs far deeper. For someone with depression it is impossible to "be a man" and cheer up because of chemical imbalances and other physiological factors upon which no amount of stoicism can have an effect. Stephen Fry related an anecdote during an interview about a fellow bi-polar man in the depressive swing of his illness. This guy had walked in front of a truck and wound up spending six months having the bones in his legs re-broken and re-set repeatedly in an effort to enable him to walk again. The guy said that while yes, the pain of having his legs mended was truly terrible, "it was nothing compared to the pain that made me step onto the highway."

Manic depressives do have the manic part of that cycle to reassure them. It will get better for them because that's a part of their illness. People with depression don't, and it's not fair to burden them with masculinity crap atop everything else. It won't make them better, it could well make them worse. The most likely result is that they just stop talking about their troubles.

Glad I saw this post. I totally agree with you on this.

 

[Labyrinth]

Hey, I dont have problems with talking about my feelings. Although I am not a man, I am a raptor.
Would that make a difference?

I'm pretty sure that as raptors get a +5 Awesome racial advantage, it can make somewhat of a difference. I can't say I've studied raptor social gender roles, so I would leave it down to them rather than human ones. For all I know, female raptors could be the ones expected to uh, "woman the fuck up" perhaps?

 

[Flames66]

Last time i checked men can cry. Yes belive it or not its true we do have tear ducts and feelings! Of course this is no excuse for blubbing at a wimpy film or crying because you lost in the cup final...i cried the day my daughter was born and im not ashamed to admit that.

Absolutely. I cried when my aunt died and I cried at sad points in books I have read or films I have watched. A real man shouldn't be afraid to show his emotions.

 

[Kingsman]

You cry when you have a massive traumatic experience dealt to you. Anything less is just being a pussy.

Bullies? Man up.
Bad day? Man up.
Failed at something? MAN THE FUCK UP.

Most people will be crying about the former, or the latter LOOOOOOONG after they should've cried it out of their system. It results in the men of the world having a fair number of fairies amongst their population and the women getting the illusion that they're superior than men at everything.

 

[Silver Patriot]

All I can think of is this when I hear it

I was going to do that...
DAMNIT NINJAD

This version is the one I think of.

TTGL Be a Man [http://www.gametrailers.com/user-movie/ttgl-be-a-man/273281]

 

[octafish]

You can't be a man unless you have read Kipling's If.

 

[Thunderhorse31]

It's an over-simplified answer to potentially complex problems. As such, you probably shouldn't take it too seriously.

Then again, there are rare occasions when it's perfectly appropriate (because gender stereotypes are sometimes accurate, after all), so it's not going away anytime soon.

 

[ottenni]

I'm amazed one of the 'real men' hasn't had a go at me yet!!

Thats because a 'real man' is not some guy who never cries and beats up dangerous animals with his fists, a real man is someone who is completely confident with themselves and their mind. Hence a 'real man' would probably not have a go at you because there is no need, you
are right anyway. Telling someone who is depressed to man up is a dick move.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Its right.

Stop crying and man up, god damn it.

I can't believe how dangerously old fashioned your thinking is.
I guess it's your opinion, but by my personal experience, by telling someone that, I just feel like I try and wash my hands of helping them, and that just sounds weak to me. I'd rather stand and take people's pain away than let them handle it themselves and hurt themselves.

I will admit, there are circumstances where a man can be allowed to express weakness. But these situations are far and few between as far as I'm concerned.

Being over emotional is a weakness, and there is no shame in being annoyed, or even finding it disturbing and disgusting.

 

[Stoic raptor]

Hey, I dont have problems with talking about my feelings. Although I am not a man, I am a raptor.
Would that make a difference?

I'm pretty sure that as raptors get a +5 Awesome racial advantage, it can make somewhat of a difference. I can't say I've studied raptor social gender roles, so I would leave it down to them rather than human ones. For all I know, female raptors could be the ones expected to uh, "woman the fuck up" perhaps?

There is no man up or woman up, its "Raptor up or get fucked up"

 

[Sacman]

Last time i checked men can cry. Yes belive it or not its true we do have tear ducts and feelings! Of course this is no excuse for blubbing at a wimpy film or crying because you lost in the cup final...i cried the day my daughter was born and im not ashamed to admit that.

men don't cry, they sweat from their eyeballs...

Seriously though

All I can think of is this when I hear it

ninja...

but singing Jackie Chan is more awesome...

 

[titaniumChampion]

OT: I think it is wrong to say to "man up". It's mostly just a cultural expectation that it is wrong for a man to show weakness. It could be that people are insecure with any sort of emotion and can't deal with them whether first-hand or otherwise. Anyway it's not a big deal either way. People will parrot things regardless of the truth, perhaps to appear wise.

 

[jamesworkshop]

There have being a few threads reactly about men being sad and depressed, which have being met with the crys of 'be a man and grow a pair', which persnaly think is one of the most stupid things to say to a depressed person.

But what do you think about the 'be a man' saying? Is it right or is it wrong?

"grow a pair" works for women too

no tits kids
has tits adult woman

or another way don't be such a baby (also the same sentiment), or if you perfer completly gender netural terms Grow a backbone(spine) is the exactly same sentiment

sentiment or symantics

 

[Scarecrow]

You cry when you have a massive traumatic experience dealt to you. Anything less is just being a pussy.

Bullies? Man up.
Bad day? Man up.
Failed at something? MAN THE FUCK UP.

Most people will be crying about the former, or the latter LOOOOOOONG after they should've cried it out of their system. It results in the men of the world having a fair number of fairies amongst their population and the women getting the illusion that they're superior than men at everything.

Flaming will begin in 10...really, thats a very sexist, insensitive and stupid thing to say.

 

[Talshere]

Im British... I practice the stiff upper lip.

 

[The Bum]

Real men aren't afraid to cry, because they know they'll be the hell out of anyone who laughs.

Crying is ok if it's warrented IE:When the dog i had since i was 7 died you better belive i cried my eyes out (15 yrs old). But is NOT ok if it's about something petty like say, geting a D on a test.

But remeber when in public, Stiff upper lip old boy. When in private let it all on out.

 

[tok]

I´ll wager that i´have a lot more friend who did´dnt come home from Bosnia, Iraq or Afghanistan if they been, a lot less macho about seeing good friends, children or just common decent people being blown up to pieces. If they been able to shed some tears or allwoing themselves to feel those "unforbidden feelings", when the withessed whatever event instead of just bottling up some unforbidden feeling inside.

 

[The Procrastinated End]

Well theres a difference between a truly depressed person and someone who's just whining. The depressed person you should help without using the phrase in question and and whiner you should just berate into either depression or shutting up.

 

[Scarecrow]

I´ll wager that i´have a lot more friend who did´dnt come home from Bosnia, Iraq or Afghanistan if they been, a lot less macho about seeing good friends, children or just common decent people being blown up to pieces. If they been able to shed some tears or allwoing themselves to feel those "unforbidden feelings", when the withessed whatever event instead of just bottling up some unforbidden feeling inside.

'heavy breathing' is it someone new?