'Be a man'!

[Orcus The Ultimate]

Nut up or Shut up - Zombieland

 

[astrav1]

Last time i checked men can cry. Yes belive it or not its true we do have tear ducts and feelings! Of course this is no excuse for blubbing at a wimpy film or crying because you lost in the cup final...i cried the day my daughter was born and im not ashamed to admit that.

I agree with you heartily.

 

[Madara XIII]

Actually a think a lot of the time it is a valid point. Its fine to vent stuff out and analyze why things are the way they are, but eventually you need to man the hell up. Suck it up if shit has happened and move on. Being able to do that will show you its possible to get over shit, that you are stronger than you thought, and let you regain some confidence.

That was so beautiful that I cried Reading it...*Slaps Self* AAAAAAAAARGH MAN UP!!

TY

 

[Scarecrow]

Alright first post, well no time like the present.
ok so "be a man". Honestly i suppose i don't have much of a reaction to that at this point. The saying is defined by the emotions its bred over the years, and its far to old to be held responsible for its direct relationship to the male definition. Today for me its synonymous with "be strong" and has little to do with what it means to be a man. Truthfully it no longer defines what it is to be a man simply because its associated with emotional fortitude and not all men today are emotionally barren. Not that there is any thing wrong with that, men in touch with their emotions will at the very least be more sane if not more successful in the big city workplace, where this kind of persona is favorable to relieve stress and create a calm work environment.
But i digest<lol, I think the real issue being raised here it whether or not the saying is an "attack" on the woman's ability to be strong, and although i agree that the association of man with strong is an unfortunately misguided development, it is also a natural one due to the way that the term has been used. The truth in my mind, is that the saying when used today is only used in passing when the man saying it assumes the receiver is also a man, and is being used not as an attack on the woman population, but on the cultural outlook of the times we live in as it relates to men. Whether you look at music or popular television programs or the like, its quite obvious that the effeminate handsome man dominates the scene, and this is at least what i speak against if i am ever to utter the phrase. As i said there's nothing wrong with this kind of man- but an entire generation of them would drive me right up the wall, mostly because the same culture creating them also tells them its ok to be a giant bag of douche(not all of them of course but far to many).
So when i say "be a man" i say be different, don't be troubled by that which matters to your facebook status, or girlfriend status, or which vampire you favor most or whatever, find your own path, be your own PERSON, and be strong.

'heavy breathing'....is it someone new....?

 

[Madara XIII]

i think the overthetop manliness shtick is just a front or defense mechanism used by those males that are to weak or scared to face their emotions.

Ooooor a coping mechanism to help deal with the pain so that we don't focus on it and let it get us down. It's not being weak or scared to face your emotions, it's about finding a time and place to do it and majority of the areas that men are, are not the suitable environment for that.

 

[v3n0mat3]

All I can think of is this when I hear it

This. This and nothing more.

 

[esin]

Men are so insecure under their shells of machismo. Funny how you don't hear ladies barking 'Be a WOMAN!'at each other.

 

[joshuaayt]

Words cannot express the level of my antipathy for that sentiment.

I don't agree with it first of all on feminist grounds. "Be a man" is one of the most sexist statements I hear in common use. Not only does it imply that being a non-man, ie. female, is something that makes one emotional and unstable, it also shoehorns all men everywhere into an emotional iron maiden. The idea that "a man" is stoic and relatively emotionless causes all kinds of untold damage due to repressed issues that need to be dealt with. Let me take rural Australia for example. There's been a drought here for the past decade or so. Out in rural areas that takes its toll. Men who ascribe to the Stoic and Manly ideal find it difficult to seek help for the problems, such as depression, that arise out of having a failing farm when it's been in the family for generations. Stereotype, but you get the idea. The suicide rate in those areas and in this situation shoots right up.

The other reason it irks me is because it demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding about mental illness. I differentiate here between medical depression and "I'm down, need someone to talk to." While the latter is valid as a request, the former runs far deeper. For someone with depression it is impossible to "be a man" and cheer up because of chemical imbalances and other physiological factors upon which no amount of stoicism can have an effect. Stephen Fry related an anecdote during an interview about a fellow bi-polar man in the depressive swing of his illness. This guy had walked in front of a truck and wound up spending six months having the bones in his legs re-broken and re-set repeatedly in an effort to enable him to walk again. The guy said that while yes, the pain of having his legs mended was truly terrible, "it was nothing compared to the pain that made me step onto the highway."

Manic depressives do have the manic part of that cycle to reassure them. It will get better for them because that's a part of their illness. People with depression don't, and it's not fair to burden them with masculinity crap atop everything else. It won't make them better, it could well make them worse. The most likely result is that they just stop talking about their troubles.

Boy, are you going to hate that little red indicator by the time the week is out. You covered anything I could possibly have said and continued far onwards.

 

[Twilight_guy]

It's certainly sexist. It implies that women are more emotional or at least more likely to be depressed and that men are less emotional. I disapprove of sexist things so I'm going to say that a man can cry if he wants to (cry if he wants to). On top of that telling someone who is clearly unstable that your problem is not a real issue is throwing a lite match at a powder-keg. You calm people down if there depressed not give them a cold shoulder.

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

Ugh I hate it when people here tell others to "Man up". Wanna kick them in the balls and them tell them to "man up" (or some sort of other ironic punishment).

All just because you are showing some sadness doesn't mean that you are some wuss or something. Especially if you are going through a really hard time. Sometimes you just need to cry a little bit, get all that sadness out before you can move on. There is nothing wrong with that.

"Real men" know when to cry manly tears of manliness. They don't just bottle it up and try to act tough. Because if you have to try to act like a "real man", then you aren't one.

Mind you I don't really like the whole idea of the "real man". Some men are tough. Others are smart. Certain men are clever. Others are stubborn and don't back down. Some men care about other people. And some go it alone. There are meny types of men and there is no one right way to be a "man".

Not that I'm trying to be a "man". I'm trying to be a smart human being.

 

[Impluse_101]

Myeh~ If you don't think I'm a man because I really like THIS song


then you can go piss off while I enjoy my time. Go bugger off somewhere else. ;P

 

[Madara XIII]

i think the overthetop manliness shtick is just a front or defense mechanism used by those males that are to weak or scared to face their emotions.

Ooooor a coping mechanism to help deal with the pain so that we don't focus on it and let it get us down. It's not being weak or scared to face your emotions, it's about finding a time and place to do it and majority of the areas that men are, are not the suitable environment for that.

where is this suitable environment? i am guessing you mean, alone where no one can see? shame is a type of cowardice. a man shouldn't be ashamed or afraid for someone to see that they have emotions, it's not wimpy its human. I am NOT saying we should let our emotions get the better of us, i'm just saying that pretending you don't have emotions because your insecure in your manliness is not very well....manly.

To answer the question; a suitable environment would be one with loved ones and those you trust with your emotions and feelings. Secondly I'm not saying that men don't act like they don't have emotions. We just ignore the negative emotions not because it makes us look weak to show them, but because it can become a hinderence to us if we continually focus on them so in a way we basically forget for a short period of time. It is how society has conditioned us and unless society decides to make a change then you can expect to see a majority of people conforming to the current gender roles.

 

[Triple G]

There have being a few threads reactly about men being sad and depressed, which have being met with the crys of 'be a man and grow a pair', which persnaly think is one of the most stupid things to say to a depressed person.

But what do you think about the 'be a man' saying? Is it right or is it wrong?

You gotta be really through if go out posting your shit on a forum like that, so I think the "be a man" - advice very helpful. I mean, what can such a whiny douche do? Just buckle down, take whats left of his will into his own hands, and try to rush out of the moping and whining. I mean, I had such a phase, and I did it. Best thing is to go go out to a bar with your BEST friends, and have them bring as many girls/women as you can, then get drunk and go get sum. I mean, it really works, if you act confident and try to use your empathy. Everyone can do it, except you're fat, then you gotta lose weight. And I still don't get how people can be depressed over women that much, I just figured it's a waste of time. If she rejected you, so it's her problem, just try the next. It's easy, I mean I'm really unpopular, a nerd, I get high as shit, have empathy like a block of wood, and I'm not even muscular. OK, women told me I'm kinda good-looking, but really, I'm not. I'm maybe just above average. Dudes, I give you that:
1. Act confident, don't show too much interest and make a good entrance.
2. Never, NEVER run into the open blade of public rejection, if you do that, the other girls/women will lose interest, mostly that is.

 

[Star Pancakes Muthaf]

This is in some ways a support forum dude, people come here to whine

 

[Stuntkid]

Ah, gender roles and equality, where double standard is the king with budding compatriots social compliance and confirmation bias.

I've seen and heard a lot of people say fight for a women's rights and show she's not just a subservient housewife, and yet never once have i heard anyone fight for male rights. That we're not all MANLY MASCULINE MEN WHO DO MAN STUFF. You know, not the kind of guy who's automatically good at DIY, doesn't enjoy sport, and yes - is the emotional, sensitive type. You know what's even more bigoted than this? The supposed belief that anyone fitting this description is also a homosexual. I don't know if that's just exclusive to where i was brought up, but that's the assumption - if you don't do MANLY MAN things, you're too soft, too girly and probably gay because you're not enough of a MANLY MAN. How nice.

I really hate the term "be a man", even if it is just a 'figure of speech', because i can tell you now whether it's meant to be taken as a literal term or not it's just as damning as saying 'you're too girly / sensitive / some other variant'. It implies that there's still a gender divide because hey, MANLY MEN control the world right? And that women are somehow lesser because - oh look, they can't "be a man". Even if, again, they could "metaphorically" it's still pretty damn offensive. It'd be better if people said "toughen up" or something similar. Aside from that, it's complete blatant ignorance of the other party's feelings and neglects the fact that, actually, maybe there is something wrong that can't be overcome just by pounding one's chest like a fucking ape.

The fact "be a man" is still such a prevalent phrase in today's society shows gender equality still has a loooong way to go. For both genders. And let's not even talk about the rampant xenophobia and other equality issues That's another topic for another time.

would it help if man was from the latin word manus meaning hand which is being used poetically to repressent having control, the word manufacture does not mean a bloke made it means it was created by humans the man in mankind for instance is also the signifyer of hu"man"ity as something which has a hand.

same with all the other words like handyman a person skilled with hands on work or manpower as in having all hands on deck.

It has zero to do with gender

beside toughen up isn't advice its please shut up about your problems because I don't want to hear them is the actually meaning of those phrases.

Not showing emotions is public is not reguarded as weakness but as social politness to not burden other by bringing down the general atmosphere, offloading your problems onto other that have no wish to be shared with is impolite and selfish

I don't completely agree with that. My fucked up way of thinking derived from the constant physical and verbal abuse of those who think the gender role of a man is one who is hardened inside and out. It's retarded, it's wrong, and it should be exterminated. Though I pretty much think you're right, there are still people who think of it as a gender-role term and use it as such.

Women are naturally more emotional than men so people think of toughened as a trait of the male gender. I've seen countless accounts of women using physical and verbal attack as a way to "shapen up" men or "put them in their place"(just like men do, sometimes) but if you're a man you can't do it to them, and they know this and abuse this athoratative immunity. That also goes with the gender role of women being more fragile physically and emotionally (which obviously isn't true. Iv'e seen alot of hard women.) And at the same time, these same women are active in women's rights and equality. This baffles me.

Is the title like an assessory to flaunt around? I know it's not just women, it's universal; but GODDAMN, get off my porch you fuckin girl scouts; I dont want your damn cookies. Just like everything else, if a certain thing recieves a mass change you can't go back to the way things were. Basically what I'm saying is YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS. You can't eat both Rock Pops and Diet Coke or else you'll explode, and it'll get everywhere, and someone else would clean it up, and it would smell up the joint.

Most of this gender-role shit comes from the media. This is one of the reason why I don't watch TV anymore. These jack-offs from the ironically named "reality TV" giving us common morons an idea how to act like (even though these jack-offs mostly are us common morons.)Now get me my medicated sandwich.

Sorry, I was trying to find my marbles. But anyway, it's not just reality tv, or tv in general. What's dipicted as "right" is whatever the writer thinks is right. How can you trust them? When you read something you should have a mind of your own and access and juxtapose their information with yours. Or better yet, kill them all; your girlfriend would never know what hit them.

I'm falling off the topic here, let me climb back on. It should not be a gender thing, but it is anyway and there's no way any of us can change it. Unless everyone decides to do it at once which is impossible; seriously, why would you think that? It's stupid. Don't ever think that again. Of a matter of fact Im angry now that you thought of that I'm ending this right now! Pch! Everyone changing at once, that's stupid.

Oh, and mass murder is stupid too. You have a twisted sense of humor, you. I have my eyes on you. I'm not saying where I'm watching you, but I am. And Im not in your closet.

 

[Yureina]

I think that that saying belongs in a very special place in hell. I hate gender roles, and that is one of the worst ones in my opinion. There is nothing "wrong" about feeling sad, and no distinction of any kind should be made as to who is "right" to be sad about things.

 

[KarumaK]

There is precisely ONE acceptable venting solution for a man that involves his tears Manly Tears [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ManlyTears].

Nothing else is permitted, stop weeping and cowboy up.

 

[brebo]

Well, if you sit there and cry, nothing gets done except you feel sorry for yourself, In my opinion, sometimes people need to be whipped into shape. SO BE A MAN ABOUT IT.
Edit: honestly, I don't want to hear your crap, keep it at home, and to all of you who say "If I don't cry, I'll do other things", maybe you should try to control yourself and not resort to extreme measures so easily, assuming someone didn't die, you should learn how to control your emotions.

I strongly agree.

 

[Paksenarrion]

All I can think of is this when I hear it

Damn, ninja'd.

I agree, though. To be a man, you must be swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

 

[Snotnarok]

All I can think of is this when I hear it

Damn, ninja'd.

I agree, though. To be a man, you must be swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

No joke I ninja'd like 10 people. There should be a badge for a c-c-combo breaker like that.