Best insult without swearing?

[Lexodus]

"I may be drunk but you sir, are frightfully ugly.
And at least I shall be sober in the morning."

Churchill, but paraphrased.

 

[dietpeachsnapple]

'That tie looks good, does it come in straight?'

Classic line one of my friends told my physics teacher.

WIN.

I concur.

 

[messy]

I assume you've never met any "pro-life" supporters.You might make them change their view

Or one I've actually used "I wouldn't touch you with a bargepole, let alone my own bargepole I'd have to borrow one if anything"

 

[Aanorith]

I usually just respond with:
Whatever helps you cope dearie or the important thing is your happy.

 

[Queen Michael]

Here's one in Swedish:
Din värdelösa vulgära vårdslösa varbildning! It doesn't make much sense, but it's tremendous fun to say to people.

 

[dietpeachsnapple]

"I may be drunk but you sir, are frightfully ugly.
And at least I shall be sober in the morning."

Churchill, but paraphrased.

I have actually heard the story behind that quote!

Churchill was speaking at a function and he was obviously drunk. A rotund woman spoke up and stated plainly that he was a drunk!

He responded calmly,

"Yes madam, I am drunk. However, you are ugly. As for my condition, it shall pass by morning, but you will still be ugly."

 

[Lexodus]

"I may be drunk but you sir, are frightfully ugly.
And at least I shall be sober in the morning."

Churchill, but paraphrased.

I have actually heard the story behind that quote!

Churchill was speaking at a function and he was obviously drunk. A rotund woman spoke up and stated plainly that he was a drunk!

He responded calmly,

"Yes madam, I am drunk. However, you are ugly. As for my condition, it shall pass by morning, but you will still be ugly."

T'was Lady Astor, if I am not mistaken.

said she: "If I was your wife, I'd poison your coffee!"
said he: "If I was your husband, I'd drink it!"
She: "You, sir, are drunk!"
He: "Yes, madam, I am drunk. However, you are ugly. As for my condition, it shall pass by morning, but you will still be ugly."

 

[bbjbrat]

you sound like a poo salesman with a mouthful of samples

 

[Zersy]

"Insulting you would be insulting to insults"

Damn thats going to be really usrful now.

and as for the topic how about

"If i had a doller for every second you were ugly i would be the richest man ever"

 

[Queen Michael]

"Will you stop being so UGLY all the time?"

 

[Optimus Hagrid]

I had a wet dream about you.

You got hit by a bus and I wet myself laughing.

 

[traceur_]

Don't take it out on me just because in the business world in the near future you are destined to spend more time UNDER a desk then behind one.

That's a good one.

 

[Aytasammich(theoriginal)]

the best insult would be a personalised one, not one that sounds really snazzy here. Like, if you make it about a persons character, or a habit. the ones that stick with you (the likes of which you still hear echoing) are those that don't even sound that clever.

 

[Mackinator]

Do you service yourself like, 10 times a day!!??!!?

OR

Your Mother.

 

[Drokles]

I had this conversation with a friend of mine in front of everyone else from our physics study group:

"So, you've passed this semester as well?"
"Nah, I still need to return 3 assignments"
"Ah. It's a good thing you have the rest of the day to complete them then"
"Well, I've actually only got 2 hours"
"..Oh, but that shouldn't take too long since they're just reassignments"
Reassignments being assignments you've already handed in but have failed and returned to you.
"I'm actually starting from scratch"
"I'll stop talking now"

It's not really an insult, but it's damn annoying since I already knew this before talking to him.

 

[Davey Woo]

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of Elderberry.

Can't beat it.

 

[Drokles]

Of course, there's always this one:

 

[hypothetical fact]

You are a waste of stemcells.