Best insult without swearing?

[Joos]

May you have a dozen daughters and may all of them marry well.

 

[Brisingr]

I think a quote from Monty Python and the Holy grail will do nicley here:

"I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

 

[XJ-0461]

You must have fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

 

[perfectimo]

Walk up to the person, spit in their face and walk off without saying a word.

 

[F17]

As soon as they start to say something, cut them off with "that's enough out of you, [name]." Or call them silly, or the silly man, but in a totally serious manner. It's quite hurtful. The insults without swear words are always the ones that stick with you, haunting you to your grave.

 

[Animated Rope]

"I remain unfaithful in the prospect that you have the wit to comprehend the level of linguistic mastery that I display on numerous occasions every day."

It could be considered offensive, but as an insult it's utterly useless. Which is why it's a favourite of mine.

 

[Simalacrum]

"if your this ugly when I'm drunk, I'd hate to see you when I'm sober. Heck, I might just turn to stone."

came up with it on the spot

 

[Nyan Cat]

Err... This is a bit harsh but,

"I hope you die of cancer"

 

[S.H.A.R.P.]

"You sir, smell"

 

[MasterSqueak]

"no u"

Do I win?

 

[Player 2]

You were an alcoholic accident of a washed up hooker

 

[treehead]

respond to everybody that insults you with "SO'S YOUR FACE!!!"

if it doesn't insult them then it will at least baffle them and you've got something out of it

 

[Curiosity's Cat]

This is from scrubs. I'm desperately hoping to find a situation in real life where i can use it:

"Aww, you've got a little crush on yourself. Be careful though the guy you're in love with's a douche."

 

[Lexodus]

Were you born with that face or did it catch on fire at some point and had to be put out with a shovel?

Brilliant.

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

"I'll show you how thinly you slice!"

 

[Lexodus]

Err... This is a bit harsh but,

"I hope you die of cancer"

On that note, I had to get a refund on my Jade Goody calendar. It only went up to March...

Also:

What's the difference between cancer and a goat? Jade Goody couldn't milk a goat.

 

[Lexodus]

'That tie looks good, does it come in straight?'

Classic line one of my friends told my physics teacher.

WIN.

 

[arkwright]

"you'r a puralent piece of human flotsam"

 

[dietpeachsnapple]

Was never one to insult others, but I had plenty of opportunities to fend off attempts on my otherwise calm existence.

"What foolishness... Why do you seek to aggravate an otherwise docile situation? To provoke conflict where there would be peace?"

This forces the person to question WHY they are doing what they are doing, and it brings the attention of everyone else to the situation. Very good defuser.

If that is insufficient,

"Did I kill you in a past life? What is behind your obvious distaste for me?"

Throw a little indignation into your voice and people tend to back down with that one.