Boyfriend?

[BOOM headshot65]

I guess I am the odd man out in this thread, because I got my girlfriend at the age of 17, and would have had her at 15 if I hadnt been so blind when it come to love. Long story short: She loved me first, I had no idea what that meant, she moved away after 9th grade, it finally hit me that I liked her too, I go 2 years without finding her, and through the mother of all miracles, I find her again, found out she had still loved me even for those 2 years she couldnt find me, and now we have been together for over 2 1/2 years, with plans to get married after college, and God himself could not stop those plans.

Other than that, I have no idea what advice to give. I guess look for someone you share an interest with, perhaps with one of your friends. I found that everyone I ever had fellings for I started out as a friend, but never moved passed that with the exception of my girlfriend because she was the only one who felt the same back. But that is still a good place to start since they are your friend anyway. And this may just be me, but another way I helped myself was that I would think to myself "Can you stand being married to this person for the rest of your life?" If the answer was no, then I let it go. If yes, I tried for a date. It was only successful once, and that was all I needed, since she wants to marry me too. What ya gonna do?

 

[Jaythulhu]

As someone who's gone from single to dating to married to divorced and single again, I've gotta say that single life is the best life. Not the most fulfilling, perhaps, but the best. I've been single for 6 years now, and I've got no interest whatsoever in hooking up again. I get far more achieved now, I'm significantly less stressed, I have more money, I can actually buy stuff I like/want without having to beg and bribe someone, I don't feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, I don't have to walk on eggshells.. ahh, it's just brilliant. Aside from a little loneliness when I first get into bed at night, I'm content for the other 99% of my day.

Seriously, the day my divorce was finalised was the happiest day of my life. I danced a jig in the street, and I don't dance.

 

[Kolby Jack]

I'm in the same, albeit gender-reversed situation. No girlfriend, no sex, nothing. But I don't really mind and I don't feel a lack of fulfillment from it. Sometimes I entertain the notion of pursuing a relationship, but at the end of the day I just don't think I'm really interested in it. I've been at a really good place in my life for the past few years and am pretty happy with things. A relationship just isn't something I need. Maybe when I'm older and start getting those "I don't want to die alone!" feelings I'll go for it, but hey, that's a problem for future me.

 

[lacktheknack]

I got my first girlfriend about... three months ago. Age 21.

We never kissed, and she moved away a couple weeks ago. ;___;

I do want to get in a meaningful relationship, have kids, the whole shebang. but... I have practical exams as of tomorrow (THREE WEEKS IN! THREE! WEEKS! IN!) and maintaining a long distance relationship is hard. Maybe after school's done, I'll get more serious about it.

 

[Xdeser2]

I'm 18 and have had 1 girlfriend, we went out for about 4 months, then she got a scholarship to the University of Phoenix, left, and we promptly broke it off as neither of us really wanted a long distance relationship. We had kissed a few times, but I never got to see her for the last time after I learned she was going to Phoenix. (This was this last summer)

I'm not a looker, believe me, and I share the same experience as a person who very rarely "goes out" but I found out probobly the best lesson of all, everything comes with patience. (As much of a cliche as it sounds and as unhelpful as it is) However, you can't just expect something big like love to just fall into your lap. If you see someone you like, you have to make a move....

However, one other caveat, as others have said, rushing into a relationship to just be in a relationship is never going to end up the way you want it to. Trust me, I've had plenty of friends (male and female) that did that, and have ended up lost afterwards. Relationships are something that grow naturally between people, even me and my Ex were great friends for all of high school before we went out. Very rarely should you jump the gun.
(sorry if the points seem somewhat contrary to each-other, but you know, love is confusing and whatnot)

 

[Fox12]

I am 24 years old. My cousins around my age are married and have children by now. But I have never had a boyfriend or had my first kiss (if that was ever important) yet. I have never met someone I like, or someone who like me.

I used to not care about this because I think doing it as a teenager is rushed, but now that I am 24 I am starting to feel the pressure. Even if I don't expect to find the one yet I wish I had at least some experience with dating. Maybe I'm rushing but it feels like I am living the life of a retired old lady sometimes, I never "go out" or anything. I want to experience youth.

I'm just wondering if anyone here have ideas or insights about people who didn't lose their virginity as a teenager. When did you get your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Did it matter to you when it happened?

captcha: groundhog day. I've been getting that one a lot lately.

Well, don't rush into something because of pressure, because that's guaranteed to end unhappily for him and you. As far as relationships go, I would just recommend that you put yourself out there. Don't date someone expecting to get married, just try to have fun. Join a club with people who share your interests, and meet people there. You don't have to talk to guys expecting it to turn into a relationship, just treat them like you would a friend. If you think they're cute, or they make you laugh, then ask them out on a date. You'll probably break up eventually, but so what? You've gained experience, and you're still young. A lot of people I know feel like they have to get married soon, but that leads to 50% divorce rates.

You can also try online dating. I have it on good authority that E-harmony works pretty well, but I've never tried online dating myself. Supposedly it matches you with people who have similar interests.

Despite popular belief, love at first site doesn't exist. You have to date people, and then see where the relationships goes from there. Over time you may decide you care about the person more and more. That's how adult relationships work.

Good luck with whatever you do

Edit: Also, if your shy, that's fine. Guys aren't too complex, just talk to someone until you feel comfortable with them. Hangout in a group of other friends. Bring a, I guess "wing girl," with you if you have to. That will make it less awkward but still give you a chance to hangout with a guy you like. Go from there.

 

[Caine Master]

I'm in the same boat, never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl.

There has only been one girl that I have had feelings for and that ended badly. I've met some cool women sense then but none that I would want to date.

I also need to get out more.

 

[Akytalusia]

all my first experiences were prompted by peer pressure. all unsatisfactory, and ultimately disappointing. it's painted my perpetual perspective of the whole system as a game for a more naive generation. basically, physical relations are a game played by children who have more hope than sense.
inevitably the weight of experience will crush any idealized notions of romance from your dreams, rendering you too jaded and cynical to play nice enough with others to procreate.
you're best off starting before you know better. beyond then, you should be old enough to appreciate your independance.

 

[Sleepy Sol]

I've only had online relationships that probably barely qualify as actual relationships.

So yeah. Have not had a kiss or sex. 18, just started university. It's on my mind every now and again but I'm not really stressing over it. There's a few girls I've liked but they usually end up having someone already and it's not really my place to fuck up someone's happiness over my own desires.

Whatever happens happens, I guess.

 

[scorptatious]

21. Never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl. Although when I was back in elementary school, a girl did kiss me on the cheek. But that doesn't really count. I've always been somewhat of a chicken when it comes to girls I find myself attracted to.

It's funny this thread came up, I just recently got a new job and today I met this really cute girl who also worked there. She was really sweet. Hopefully I'll get to talk to her more often.

 

[Zeldias]

First girlfriend was...14, I think. Maybe 13. First time was 17.

My advice would be, as other said, try to go at your own pace. Getting thirsty and anxious about it is going to hurt your chances at both having those things happen and also having them be good experiences. Take it easy, go at your own pace, participate in your own interests (with other people, if you can), and it'll work itself out. Hell, the woman I nearly married was someone I met through an MMO I was playing who met her through a woman he met on a cruise. I was in Virginia, he was in South Carolina, and the ladies were in Illinois; we talked for a while, then I drove off to see her, eventually moved over there, and so it went. If something as unlikely as that can happen to me, then I'm certain that you can have a mutually loving relationship with a man and get laid.

You can, of course, do the online dating thing and so on. I was skeptical, but a close friend of mine met the woman he's probably gonna marry through that (not the crazy one that is anti-gay, though).

But I say be cool, try not to press it. And don't be pressured. It's easy to feel that way, but I didn't start driving until I was 19 and didn't own a car until I was like 20. Everyone has their own life path. It's more important that you meet a quality person and if y'all have sex, that person is good at it and good about it (no pressure, is safe, listens to you, and cares), than it is for you to smooch someone and get your back blown out.

Also, there's ups and downs to everything. I never knew how much being in a relationship can cost until I dated in high school. To say nothing of the price of long-distance relationships. And I mean that psychologically, emotionally, monetarily...It's nice to be with a person, but it can also be nice to be by your damn self. So love yourself, maybe more importantly, LIKE yourself, and take it easy.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

All the responses so far have been to help you get a boyfriend. Have you considered that what you're feeling now is influenced by cultural factors and not truly "who you are"? Maybe the reason you haven't had a boyfriend is because you don't really want or need one. Don't get sucked into doing what your friends and everyone on TV and seemingly the whole world is doing, because it's really nothing special. Just another thing you feel you don't have, no different from a gold watch, or the latest console game system, or a $200,000 car.

 

[Something Amyss]

One of the more annoying elements of our society is the notion that we all progress at the same rate and need to hit the same milestones at the same time.

I don't speak on the never dating, never been kissed, never had sex thing, but don't let it bug you. There's no real time you should feel you're "supposed to" do any of those things.

Seriously.

 

[Blow_Pop]

Christmas cake

I hope that wasn't an attempt to bump your thread after waiting 5 minutes. That's not a goooood idea here >.> <.<

Anyway, just relax. You have plenty of time but I will say, enjoy your youth while you still can. I bet you have plenty of friends you can go out with and just enjoy yourself, maybe meet a guy along the way if you wanted that.
I'm sure there's plenty of people who have liked you and I have a feeling if you got to know some people more you'd probably like them.
I assume you just shy away from guys which isn't necessarily a bad thing but you'll have to build up your confidence if you ever feel like you want companionship.
Relationships aren't for everyone and that's understandable but I personally feel if you go to your deathbed without falling in love at least once, you've missed out on a lot of happiness.
Of course you have years to experience this and you shouldn't worry. take it easy, get to know people, go to places that interest you and make some new friends which could potentially blossom into romance.

Don't ever get with someone because you think it's "the thing to do" (and I'm sorry if what I said sounded like that's what I was saying) but because you want to be with them.
Open up, embrace others (In a... metaphorical way of course) It might mean you get hurt but that's part of the experience.

I don't mind saying this (Hell I've said it before and no one here knows me personally anyway) I lost my virginity at a stupidly young age and every time I think about it, I feel shame, regret and anger. I just wanted to do what my friends were doing and I thought if I didn't give it to the first guy who offered, I'd be alone forever. I hope you don't make the same mistake and feel comfortable with a person before you get intimate.

Don't settle for just anyone who isn't right because you're worth more than that. Every guy that is nice is not always as genuine as he seems.

Be careful with who you give your heart to, but you can't keep it locked up forever. It'll happen in it's own time, you just make sure you go out there and have some fun while you can. (For the record, I also barely go out and feel like an old woman sometimes).

I didn't have a serious relationship until I was 15 which was REALLY according to my friends, I couldn't keep a guy for longer than 3 weeks or get one at all. I didn't have a srs srs one until I was 19.

I've met all my boyfriends online because ones in my city are absolutely disgusting, LOL.

Em, you give great advice <3... I seriously <3 you


OP: You're young. Don't worry about it. My first boyfriend was technically in 6th grade and we never actually technically broke up. We like to still laugh about it and tell each other that we've been cheating on each other for ages now(though by Elementary/Middle school standards we did break up because we stopped talking and hanging out for 4 months). I actually mostly don't count that one. If you want actual break up/get together relationship it was 8th grade and lasted 3 months ish and he wound up being gay and unfortunately realised it by dating me. And he is the only one I've dated who has found out they're gay. I've had 6 or 7 boyfriends since, 2 girlfriends, and have slept with more people than I really care to count (it's under 20 but over 10 if I remember correctly and it's more laziness than anything else). Out of all those relationships, most of them have been 3 months or less. One guy I dated off and on for 5 years. And it was all abuse, manipulation, and lies. I dated my first girlfriend for 3 months and she cheated on me. My second was 6 months. I've had 2 healthy relationships in which no one cheated on anyone and no one lied or manipulated or abused anyone. All the rest have had one or all of those characteristics. I've made men cry when I've broken up with them.

As I've grown older, I care less about being in a relationship than I do about making myself happy and taking care of myself. Selfish? possibly. But my mental health and well being is more important than fulfilling societies standards and just randomly dating someone because society seems to think I should. For the record, even though a LOT of my relationships were when I was a teenager, I didn't sleep with anyone til I was 20. And I'm glad I didn't. Because I honestly wasn't ready. It might be that you aren't ready to date as to why you haven't. Or you just haven't found anyone who has sparked that interest with you. And most of the people I know now a days IRL are married and have children. I have little desire for marriage and NO desire for children. I live vicariously through my friend's children by babysitting for them. Take your time and try your best to avoid abusive, manipulative, lying people. Trust me. It's not worth it. And gives you a huge blow to your self esteem and self worth.

 

[FPLOON]

I'm in the same boat, never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl.

There has only been one girl that I have had feelings for and that ended badly. I've met some cool women sense then but none that I would want to date.

I also need to get out more.

We must be either long lost twins... or we both have the same mindset involving this subject...

OT: Anyway, after the disaster that I code-named "First Crush", my mindset behind dating was "Don't even try... They already have a boyfriend and/or girlfriend... even if they deny that fact..." and, for the most part, it ended up becoming too true NOT to believe that over the years...

Most of the female friends I have (that now occupy my Facebook friends section) I never hang out with outside of a school-like setting unless you count anime conventions... and at least two of them actually dated my best friend in high school, despite the fact that he was less of the dating type than I was back then...

But, hey... At least I don't have any drama-like baggage that sometimes comes from dating, so there's my silver lining... I'll just go back to reading those "romance" doujins and wondering why can't life be as simple as these two characters in this 25-page doujin...

 

[Gennadios]

Did it matter to you when it happened?

No, I was 28 and on a round the world trip, I pretty much vowed I was going to lose it at some point during it. My girlfriend tells me I'm pretty handsome but I was fat in high school and suffered from social anxiety and self-image issues for a large chunk of my life.

Anyway, when I finally lost it I was pursuing this Australian girl in asia. On "the night" I was pretty much her ***** to the point where we were up for two days straight and by the time we got into bed I was so tired and drunk I could barely function. The only reason I think I got it done is because she wouldn't let me sleep otherwise.

Anyway, no. The act itself didn't matter, all that really mattered to me was that it got done and I could move on with my life.

FYI: I'll be 30 years old in a month and I just got my first girlfriend in the beginning of this year. The first few months were a cluster**** of anxiety and not knowing what I'm doing. I'm surprised I didn't crack and run off into the woods at some point.

 

[Laevateinn]

Well, this is an interesting thread, if for no other reason than it articulates a lot of what I've been thinking about recently. See, while I've had girlfriends, my relationships all ended very quickly, and in ways I would rather not describe. The end result being that I am in almost the exact same situation, never been on a date, never had a real kiss, and the things that happened to the women I attached myself to were so horrifying that I just... decided I would be happier not getting close to anyone again. Now though, at the age of 25, I suddenly feel as though I've missed out on something important. Like the fact that I never learned how to talk to a girl, aside from the clumsy come-ons that only worked on awkward teens.

I wonder if it's my fault for not really liking any of the people I meet, or if that's just a result of the people around me being genuinely unlikable. I guess my biggest fear is that in my self-imposed isolation, I've more or less lost the ability to interact with another human being in that way - and even if there are others out there who are as isolationist as I am, how would I ever find them? Is finding someone else like me even a realistic goal? Would I be happy if I settled for someone that was *kind-of* my type, if the alternative is being alone forever? These are the kinds of things I've been thinking about for the last year or so. So... you know, someone get in here and give me a conclusive answer to all that. Kthx.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I'm 31 and I can count the number of relationships I've had on 1 hand, and the number that weren't online number a total of 2. At present I'm on a course to being a real life 40 year old virgin. If you're worried now, just wait till you reach my age. Everyone telling me "Oh you'll find someone." Get's less and less comforting every year.

 

[A_Parked_Car]

I'm basically in the same situation as you. I'm 22 and have never had a girlfriend, or been kissed, or had sex, etc. So you aren't alone. Just try and maintain some hope I guess?

 

[Adultism]

Well, you should not feel pressured by others. I learned that just going out and being yourself generally works, but I'm into men and gay men are waaaaaay different than straight men.

Try to meet people with similar interests as you, even over the internet I know long distance doesn't sound optimal but being older has its advantages now. For instance you can drive and fly in planes! XD