Branston Pickle!

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

Sir, You are a ledgend, worthy of a title from the Queens upmost order!

That was beautifully written, and worthy of not one, not two, but three special sandwiches filled with none other than Crosse and Blackwells finest chunkey goodness!

Other British marvellous wonders can be found in HP Sauce, and Lea and Perrins Worcestershire Sauce... Both of which, like Branstons Pickle, can do wonders so cheese on toast!

I am currently out the country for 6 months on work related matters, and this article has really cheered me up! I love hearing about the motherland, and those little things that make us... well... just Damn British!!

 

[Phlakes]

You silly Brits. Everyone knows the only way to go is drinking Bovril [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bovril] straight.

"But Phlakes," you non-British fellows say, "what exactly is Bovril?"

Well, what's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "meat extract spread"? Because it's that.

[sub][sub][sub]Disclaimer: I am completely Amurrican, but I've been to England more than probably 99.999999% of the people in this country, I know their shit.[/sub][/sub][/sub]

 

[Tiger Sora]

As a member of the Commonwealth I wish to know more of this food stuff. (Being in Canada). I've never seen Branston Pickle at the store. Whats it taste like, or is it it's own unique taste where theres nothing remotely comparable. Or does it taste like pickle. Ohh the as yet unanswered question how it torments me. May the first response be swift.

 

[pyramid head grape]

I hate Braston Pickle... If what was the point in the thread.

[sub]Me no gets![/sub]

 

[Best of the 3]

Snip for your attention.

[HEADING=1]Marmite Retaliation![/HEADING]​

[HEADING=2]Rise up marmite soldiers[/HEADING]​

It has to be done my friend's. I am sorry, but Pickle is not the way to go. Marmite, is the future.

I don't have some long winded speach on how Marmite is better. Nor has Marmite had a crisis. But that's cause we Brits know where our priorities lie. We made sure there were no crisises (crisisiees? Crisisi?)

Although I do know it was made by a german scientist, Marmite itself was established in the UK. And being brits we'll do what we're good at. Taking credit where we say it's due. And it's definately needed here! But that's all we really need to know of establishment. Even if it was made by a German, it helped us to win the two World Wars. During WW1, it was used in ration packs of soldiers, in schools and hospitals. During WW2, marmite became a dietry suppliment, as well as a moral boosting food for peace forces in Kosovo in 1999.

But enough of this blathering. Here are 4 simple facts as to why Marmite is superior to your pickles any, and every day.

[HEADING=1]1:[/HEADING]

A great British symbol right there. The good ol' famous, Paddington Bear. But what is this, what is that he's now eating? Marmite sammiches? And not Branstopn Pickle. Hmm, marmite most definately wins here. PADDINGTON APPROVED!

[HEADING=1]2:[/HEADING]

Bestowed upon this wonderful marmite lid, is the face, of the one and only, Jesus Christ. God has bestowed upon us, his wonderous grace, in the form, of almighty marmite. In all seriousness, is there's not many things people don't find his face in. Except I haven't seen a Branston Jesus. WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW!?

[HEADING=1]3:[/HEADING]

Marmite has been made into fine, edible, works of art. Branston art, is there such a thing? OF COURSE NOT. Branston lacks the elegance needed for such an accomplishment.

[HEADING=1]4:][/HEADING]

Take a good long look at this. What you now see is pure bliss. This is melt in your mouth goodness. Crumpets and Marmite were a match made with heaven, kissed by angels, blessed by all that is holy, and now in our possesion. Take another good long look, you usually won't see it for long. The mere sight of such a thing increases people's hunger levels almost instantly, with only the marmite and crumpets itself, able to satiate this hunger.

.
.
.

And I think that is everything.

 

[Nouw]

Marmite or Vegemite, question of my life.

 

[SeaTimeless]

What do you have against (Chunky)Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches. Admittedly they aren't exactly complex sandwiches, but peanut butter is probably the greatest thing ever. EVER. EEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR. ever.

 

[Eggsnham]

-Snip-

Being an American, I feel ashamed to admit that Branston Pickle is quite possibly the best food substance ever created. EVER.

 

[Satosuke]

I used to think the glut of hypothetical BS question topics were the worst thing on this already pretty lacking forum. This post has proven me wrong. I know this is a joke, but the joke's just not funny. OMG HAHA COOKING IS FOR GIRLS AND BRITS LIKE FERMENTED SPREAD. Yeah. Great. Real powerful satire there, kiddo.

Now, I think I'm honorbound as a cook to find this poster and gut him with my cimeter.

 

[Eggsnham]

As a member of the Commonwealth I wish to know more of this food stuff. (Being in Canada). I've never seen Branston Pickle at the store. Whats it taste like, or is it it's own unique taste where theres nothing remotely comparable. Or does it taste like pickle. Ohh the as yet unanswered question how it torments me. May the first response be swift.

It tastes like vinegar and crunchy/chunky unknown vegetables.

It's fucking delicious.

 

[Burst6]

You kids and your fancy "marmite" and "branston pickle".

Back in my day we had butter, and a bit of cheese if we were lucky.

Bah, kids these days. What has the world come to where the people can't appreciate churned cow juice.

 

[NightHawk21]

Do they sell this in real countries.

Not but seriously can you get it out of the UK, specifically in Canada?

 

[Al-Bundy-da-G]

Branston pickle propoganda, quick marmite supporter we must rally against this. The evil that is braston pickle must not win this day.

Marmite is terrible. This is a fact.

Yes, Yes it is. So is Vegemite. You have calmed my great wrath against your claim that the great Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich is a foul creation, at least for now. To bring about peace (and redirection of the nueclear missile aimed straight at your disrespectful english ass). I propose a truce upon which our respective countries can agree.

I shall travel to the nearest english import store and purchase a jar of your beloved "Pickled Branston" while you retrieve a jar of "JIF" peanut butter, a jar of grape jelly, & a glass of milk. We shall each create the sandwich of the other nation and consume them as tradition dictates. Afterwards we shall agree to each sandwich's pure embodiment of joy and return to peace.

At least until the World Cup...

 

[iblis666]

As a member of the Commonwealth I wish to know more of this food stuff. (Being in Canada). I've never seen Branston Pickle at the store. Whats it taste like, or is it it's own unique taste where theres nothing remotely comparable. Or does it taste like pickle. Ohh the as yet unanswered question how it torments me. May the first response be swift.

It tastes like vinegar and crunchy/chunky unknown vegetables.

It's fucking delicious.

hmm yeah that doesnt sound very tasty I think ill stick with my peanut butter and preserves(preserves because it is 2x better than jam since and 3x better than jelly) and the inevitable sugar high that i will recieve frome something that is half refined sugar

*que Homer gurgling noise of hunger*

 

[Maximum_Power_Cheese_Supreme]

I'm half-aussie, half-brit... I MUST COMBINE VEGIMITE+BRANSTON!!!

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Paddington eats marmalade, not Marmite. And he's an illegal immigrant. Came from Darkest Peru! Coming over here... eating our Golden Spread...

And Branston's/Marmite both fall against the power of HP!

What's the sauce you use on this?

IS IT BRANSTON PICKLE? IS IS MARMITE? IS IT PB+JELLY? NO!

HP Wins.

 

[Best of the 3]

Paddington eats marmalade, not Marmite. And he's an illegal immigrant. Came from Darkest Peru! Coming over here... eating our Golden Spread...

I knew he ate marmalade, he was just featured in Marmite adverts eating Marmite sammiches.

Forgot that he was an immigrant. But then again I haven't seen the actual show in years, and I was way too tired to look it up =P

 

[Superior Mind]

It read like a Cracked article so no wonder I'm no closer to understanding what it was all about.

Branston Pickle is good huh? Fine, great, I'll take your word for it, maybe one day I'll trip over some and decide to dip my tongue in it. And Marmite? Man, this if this is a war between salty yeast and slimy vinegar consider me so far in the Swiss Alps that I've learned to yodel and play the Alpenhorn.

TopazFusion - you can get Branston Pickle in NZ, some supermarkets stock it if they have what they deem to be "British Food". There is also a Fruity HP Sauce which sounds to me like a crime against nature and the universe.

 

[Master_of_Oldskool]

Bah. Bah I say. You may keep your Branston Pickle and your Marmite both, you heathens. I use only the best of all possible sandwich spreads.

Spoiler: Behold the one true God.

 

[cyber95]

I, uh, I kind of uh... I can't do this.

Spoiler: As the nervous man runs away, a picture drops from the file folder he was carrying.