British Engineers Design Anti-Pirate Laser

[MGlBlaze]

And so the Brittish continue their proud history of fighting pirates.

 

[Woodsey]

"Of course, the beam could easily be overcome by simply wearing the right color of safety goggles, but I can't imagine those are easy to find in Somalia."

Unless, of course, the pirates have just raided a ship importing the coloured goggles required to remain unaffected by the laser.

Of course, then you're in "teh shit".

 

[Thyunda]

So.. rather then use the smart solution- use relatively cheap old merchant gunboats from WW2 that could be refurbished and give a pirate who points so much as a crowbar with so much explosive shell that they would be shitting shrapnel for weeks if they weren't obliterated, they instead decide to stick a big laser pointer on the end.

Really britain? This isn't that cool. If I wanted to build a Giant laser pointer I could.

Hell, the laser pointer itself is probably worth plenty of money. I can already see the headline "Giant laser pointer stolen by pirates- actual worth estimated to be higher then that of goods and lives on ship."

I mean seriously? Why not put a fucking sign that says "Rob me I'm incredibly wealthy" over the ships while your at it, and carpet bomb the area with pound notes. I will go with my relatively inexpensive utilize old ships designed to kill things and transport things.

Also, if your a damn fisherman, and start paddling up towards the deck of a huge ship while inside pirate infested waters, you deserve to be blown to hell. Your stupid might be contagious.

Thought I'd fix that for you. Also, you'll find that the laser works in a completely different way than you're implying. If the laser has the effect the Sun does, the pirates can't even look in the direction of the boat. It's fairly difficult to aim at a target if the target is as bright as the Sun.

And your opinion on killing fishermen is rather...uneducated. What if your boat gets caught out at sea, and you have an injured crewman? It's only sensible to get the attention of a passing ship, especially a cargo vessel with huge crew numbers, since they're more likely to have qualified first aiders or working radio equipment.
But, nope, your opinion - kill them. Aren't you a ray of sunshine?

 

[michael_ab]

there are already other devices made for this, although they have a much more limited range. theres an audio one, essentially screaming at them using directional sound, again a "deterrant". then they actually have one that shoots microwaves at them, if we were to combine all three we would have a device that could have full sensory depraviation within the lowest distance (the microwave)

 

[theriddlen]

Hahaha! Yeah, i see will happen.
Pirates get annoyed, board the laser ship, take all of the crew as hostages and mount the laser on their ship (or acquire the boarded one). Good job, now the non-pirates will get blinded and pirate's job will be even easier!

 

[Retardinator]

And for a second there I thought we we're talking about a new brand of DRM. Why do the article titles always have to be so ambiguous?

 

[Spoon E11]

Epic thread

 

[Worgen]

and this is why pirates are better then ninjas, do you see anyone making an anti ninja laser?

Ninjas are better than Pirates... why? everybody nows it's useless to try to build a ninja laser... you can't see them anyway. Pirates are easy targets!

you dont need lasers against ninjas, you just use pirates and the ninjas die

 

[2fish]

Then: Pirates spotted sir! Load cannons!

Today: Pirate ship spotted! Arm Lasers!

Future: Pirate space scum spotted sir! Charge shields! Prepare phase weapons!

Time to work on step three, I want phase weapons. This is cool though.

 

[TrilbyUK]

That's no moon...

That's no boat

Non-lethal? I don't get equiping ships with non-lethal weapons when your enemies have rocket launchers.
Pirate 1: Hey! I can't see anything!
Pirate 2: Well, just shoot the rocket at the center of the light.
Pirate 1: Oh... I knew that.
Pirate 3: ARRRRG!

...
Profit

*cough* ... sorry

 

[Albino Boo]

So they built a laser.

Sure, a non-lethal laser pretty much designed to annoy the pirates away, but a laser all the same.

Surely if criminals are coming at you with assault rifles and rocket launchers the LAST thing you'd want to do is "annoy" them.

I'm not saying we should give into these pirates but this is more likely to get people killed than save them from armed robbery and kidnap. I think a far more effective strategy is good old convoys escorted by naval ships and aircraft that can blow any pirate craft right out of the water.

Also if convoys are not practical (they take a long time to amass all the vessels and they have to go at the same pace and path) I think a Security Officer with a Scoped Rifle would be far more effective and cheaper than a laser that the pirates will likely interpret as aggressive so invite them to respond with their own aggression.

Security Officer(s) would also be far easier to deploy on each boat, no special installation, he/they can be delivered via dingy and could be in direct contact via radio with other friendly naval forces in the area, warning of any approaching pirate vessels they may have spotted via UAV and advising on appropriate course of action.

American vessels going through these trouble areas should have a small US Marine contingent on board, and so for British Vessels a Royal Marine contingent. These ships are likely paying HUGE amount of taxes for their trade, their own countries military sould do their job of protecting them.

Assaulting a vessel is suicide with just a few trained riflemen holding the high ground and directing Naval strike aircraft against you. Shooting accurately from a small boat is almost impossible on rough seas whereas the larger boat would be quite stable, they wouldn't even have to shoot holes in the pirates... a few quarter-inch holes in the small motorboat itself and it'll be sinking fast.

Unlike a convoy where it is clear if the ship has naval support, pirates would have no idea which ships had a marine contingent on board so one bad experience would make them wary of attacking any vessel.

The number of ships sailing under the American flag, or British for that matter, is very few. They sail under flags of convenience, like Panama, to avoid paying large taxes.

 

[vrbtny]

Star Wars here we come!!!!

Bagsie being Han Solo.

[small]cos, I mean, hell. I get a princess to sweeten the deal[/small]

 

[The Wykydtron]

Great now i've got this image of pirates lobbing copies of Dragonage, KOTOR and Mass Effect at a cruise liner,while shouting about disingenuous assertions and snide insinuations

 

[shootthebandit]

this is actually epic, makes me even more excited about the fact ill be working for them in 2 weeks

 

[tehbeard]

Non lethal

Just sell a couple of MQ-8 Fire Scout's to the shipping companies, nothing says go away like a missile chasing your ass

 

[endnuen]

Pirates should be shot and killed on sight.
Why the bother with a giant laser? Arm the ship with a load of guns, and if they see pirates, kill them and leave them rotting in the sea.

Seriously.

But a laser is cool though.

 

[Lilani]

Oh man, we're gonna need a Dispenser here for sure. And probably a teleporter, too.

 

[crimson sickle2]

We need more lasers.

 

[Angus565]

I don't know how effective this will be.

"Ah no, they're slightly irritating us! Curses, foiled again!"

They should make it just strong enough to give them sunburns.
That way it's still non-lethal, but three times as annoying.