British Engineers Design Anti-Pirate Laser

[NotYetForsaken]

The U.S. has a plane mounted one that can shoot through missiles. Mount that on and a plastic boat isn't going to be that much of a problem. Good job Brits, now just buy the one from the U.S. military and start teh killing.

Death is the best deterrent.

 

[Norendithas]

and this is why pirates are better then ninjas, do you see anyone making an anti ninja laser?

Silly pirate. You can't defeat a ninja with a laser, haha!

 

[Archwright]

I've heard of a small version of this laser designed to be attached to SWAT team's weapons. The goal is to blind and disorient all peoples in the room in a safe way. The ultimate goal is to reduce collateral damage, friendly fire accidents, etc.

I suppose, since the pirate vessels get so close to the ships they intend to hijack, conventional ship-to-ship weapons are just too unsafe. If they miss the small pirate ship, the shot could hit the much larger cargo vessel and kill crewmen or wreck vital components.

 

[Denamic]

...a pirate repellent?
That's... awesome!

 

[beniki]

I'm sure it would be easier just to put a big mirror on the boat and stand behind it. Big science defeated with small solutions.

Big mirror is actually pretty hard to come by. Down there even hand mirrors are fairly expensive.

That and you'd have to hold it up against the head wind on a boat the size of a shoe, standing up in the waves.

You could just put a big sheet up to hide behind, but then you're not looking at the target, and that's even more risky.

 

[ShadowsofHope]

.. Damnit, and here I thought I had replicated the Death Star's planet killing laz0r beam.

World, I am disappoint.

 

[Danpascooch]

Considering it doesn't cause any real damage, I imagine this could have the opposite effect, with the pirates thinking "those fucking motherfuckers just fired a laser at us! SINK THAT SHIT!"

I probably wouldn't use one.

 

[Firehound]

So.. rather then use the smart solution- use relatively cheap old merchant gunboats from WW2 that could be refurbished and give a pirate who points so much as a crowbar with so much explosive shell that they would be shitting shrapnel for weeks if they weren't obliterated, they instead decide to stick a big laser pointer on the end.

Really britain? This isn't that cool. If I wanted to build a Giant laser pointer I could.

Hell, the laser pointer itself is probably worth plenty of money. I can already see the headline "Giant laser pointer stolen by pirates- actual worth estimated to be higher then that of goods and lives on ship."

I mean seriously? Why not put a fucking sign that says "Rob me I'm incredibly wealthy" over the ships while your at it, and carpet bomb the area with pound notes. I will go with my relatively inexpensive utilize old ships designed to kill things and transport things.

Also, if your a damn fisherman, and start paddling up towards the deck of a huge ship while inside pirate infested waters, you deserve to be blown to hell. Your stupid might be contagious.

Thought I'd fix that for you. Also, you'll find that the laser works in a completely different way than you're implying. If the laser has the effect the Sun does, the pirates can't even look in the direction of the boat. It's fairly difficult to aim at a target if the target is as bright as the Sun.

And your opinion on killing fishermen is rather...uneducated. What if your boat gets caught out at sea, and you have an injured crewman? It's only sensible to get the attention of a passing ship, especially a cargo vessel with huge crew numbers, since they're more likely to have qualified first aiders or working radio equipment.
But, nope, your opinion - kill them. Aren't you a ray of sunshine?

I know your proud of your countries laser beam, but it just isn't that cool.

Well friend, when you look relatively indistengiushable from freaking guys with guns who frequent the area and regularily torment bigger ships sans you don't carry a gun yet- it might be a good idea to not head towards a big ship unless you can explain yourself before getting within shooting distance. And if YOU read the article you'd know that it isn't the same as the sun, only similar and not dangerous. As in, you'll only have to squint your eyes and you've defeated this epic system, not to mention properly colored goggles cancels this out completely.

I don't maintain you should do this in civilized areas where pirates don't regularily seize ships who respond to distress call, but simply in the areas where it is as likely that they are just in need of help. I should also mention that from previous accounts of your average failed boarding attempt it's pretty obvious who to fire on.(1) I'm not saying blast every ship, but since the average somali pirate has only one mode, which is shoot, when the RPGs start coming out, an HE shell will send them down. It's pretty easy to tell pirates anyways if you consider that your average skiff full of RPG and AK47s are their motus operendi. And if enough pirates get killed, there will be a surprising revelation- Less living pirates will want to resort to piracy.

Also, yes dollar bills since you can get more of them.Last time I checked the pound was worth more then the dollar.

(1)http://goafrica.about.com/od/africanews/a/pirates.htm

 

[RheynbowDash]

Why aren't shipping companies just using javelins? $75,000 is peanuts to them.

How cool would it be to see a tiny ship pull one of those bad boys out?

 

[banthesun]

First thing I thought of:

Spoiler

The

Sounds effective.

 

[Thyunda]

So.. rather then use the smart solution- use relatively cheap old merchant gunboats from WW2 that could be refurbished and give a pirate who points so much as a crowbar with so much explosive shell that they would be shitting shrapnel for weeks if they weren't obliterated, they instead decide to stick a big laser pointer on the end.

Really britain? This isn't that cool. If I wanted to build a Giant laser pointer I could.

Hell, the laser pointer itself is probably worth plenty of money. I can already see the headline "Giant laser pointer stolen by pirates- actual worth estimated to be higher then that of goods and lives on ship."

I mean seriously? Why not put a fucking sign that says "Rob me I'm incredibly wealthy" over the ships while your at it, and carpet bomb the area with pound notes. I will go with my relatively inexpensive utilize old ships designed to kill things and transport things.

Also, if your a damn fisherman, and start paddling up towards the deck of a huge ship while inside pirate infested waters, you deserve to be blown to hell. Your stupid might be contagious.

Thought I'd fix that for you. Also, you'll find that the laser works in a completely different way than you're implying. If the laser has the effect the Sun does, the pirates can't even look in the direction of the boat. It's fairly difficult to aim at a target if the target is as bright as the Sun.

And your opinion on killing fishermen is rather...uneducated. What if your boat gets caught out at sea, and you have an injured crewman? It's only sensible to get the attention of a passing ship, especially a cargo vessel with huge crew numbers, since they're more likely to have qualified first aiders or working radio equipment.
But, nope, your opinion - kill them. Aren't you a ray of sunshine?

I know your proud of your countries laser beam, but it just isn't that cool.

Well friend, when you look relatively indistengiushable from freaking guys with guns who frequent the area and regularily torment bigger ships sans you don't carry a gun yet- it might be a good idea to not head towards a big ship unless you can explain yourself before getting within shooting distance. And if YOU read the article you'd know that it isn't the same as the sun, only similar and not dangerous. As in, you'll only have to squint your eyes and you've defeated this epic system, not to mention properly colored goggles cancels this out completely.

I don't maintain you should do this in civilized areas where pirates don't regularily seize ships who respond to distress call, but simply in the areas where it is as likely that they are just in need of help. I should also mention that from previous accounts of your average failed boarding attempt it's pretty obvious who to fire on.(1) I'm not saying blast every ship, but since the average somali pirate has only one mode, which is shoot, when the RPGs start coming out, an HE shell will send them down. It's pretty easy to tell pirates anyways if you consider that your average skiff full of RPG and AK47s are their motus operendi. And if enough pirates get killed, there will be a surprising revelation- Less living pirates will want to resort to piracy.

Also, yes dollar bills since you can get more of them.Last time I checked the pound was worth more then the dollar.

(1)http://goafrica.about.com/od/africanews/a/pirates.htm

Why would the British be using dollar bills? We like clean money, thanks. I'd have not brought nationality into this, but you already did, so you brought this on yourself.

Put simply, I am not surprised you're viewing it like this. You're under the impression that the pirates are idiots who wave guns about while declaring their intentions. They're not. And if you read the article, it nowhere states that squinting will defeat it. Nobody said it would be dangerous, but it's enough to prevent any semblance of accuracy with firearms. If the ship is harmless, they'll know to go the other way. If they're hostile, they'll not be able to do much. And the coloured goggles - I'll assume they'll do trial and error till they get the exact shade required. Pirates have that kind of resources onboard their skiffs. Everybody knows that.
That was sarcasm. Another British thing - I hope you can understand it without trying to shoot at it.

Besides, we all know that shooting the pirates will escalate the situation. You get armed guards to wipe out a pirate's skiff, the pirates back home will want to know where their friend went. Once they find the bullet-ridden corpses of their comrades, they will want revenge. They'll feel wronged and cheated and they will start killing people, not just taking hostages. Do you think that all the Navies in the world could track down all the pirates? Maybe, but there'll be more. There will always be more.
Pirates won't sink ships, so why should we? Deterrent will always work better than execution. Or have you learned nothing from history? Nuclear warheads deter other nuclear warheads, but as soon as one country fires the first shot, that deterrent becomes void.

 

[The Critic]

So, this causes temporary retinal irritation in the same way that those acoustic non-lethal weapons cause temporary hearing damage? Well, it's better than nothing. I assume that this is just a stop-gap measure untill a "Bulkhead-Melting" Laser becomes feasible.

Of course, by the time that occurs, people will question why the crews of these ships haven't been issued Lightsabers yet...

 

[Micah Weil]

This reads like a Cracked article...AND IT IS AWESOME.

 

[Subject7]

Vulcan Cannon. Yes, it is as awesome as it sounds.

 

[Lem0nade Inlay]

Oh that is so cool, heh.

 

[Worgen]

and this is why pirates are better then ninjas, do you see anyone making an anti ninja laser?

Silly pirate. You can't defeat a ninja with a laser, haha!

thats why the rice ball you just ate was poisoned with grog, ninjas are weak against grog, it melts their ninja gland

 

[Tom Phoenix]

Laser beams attached to their heads, you say? Hah! As if that was intended to protect some poor schmucks on trading vessels. Everyone knows that this is just a test in preparation for putting laser beams on the heads of giant mecha:

 

[Firehound]

So.. rather then use the smart solution- use relatively cheap old merchant gunboats from WW2 that could be refurbished and give a pirate who points so much as a crowbar with so much explosive shell that they would be shitting shrapnel for weeks if they weren't obliterated, they instead decide to stick a big laser pointer on the end.

Really britain? This isn't that cool. If I wanted to build a Giant laser pointer I could.

Hell, the laser pointer itself is probably worth plenty of money. I can already see the headline "Giant laser pointer stolen by pirates- actual worth estimated to be higher then that of goods and lives on ship."

I mean seriously? Why not put a fucking sign that says "Rob me I'm incredibly wealthy" over the ships while your at it, and carpet bomb the area with pound notes. I will go with my relatively inexpensive utilize old ships designed to kill things and transport things.

Also, if your a damn fisherman, and start paddling up towards the deck of a huge ship while inside pirate infested waters, you deserve to be blown to hell. Your stupid might be contagious.

Thought I'd fix that for you. Also, you'll find that the laser works in a completely different way than you're implying. If the laser has the effect the Sun does, the pirates can't even look in the direction of the boat. It's fairly difficult to aim at a target if the target is as bright as the Sun.

And your opinion on killing fishermen is rather...uneducated. What if your boat gets caught out at sea, and you have an injured crewman? It's only sensible to get the attention of a passing ship, especially a cargo vessel with huge crew numbers, since they're more likely to have qualified first aiders or working radio equipment.
But, nope, your opinion - kill them. Aren't you a ray of sunshine?

I know your proud of your countries laser beam, but it just isn't that cool.

Well friend, when you look relatively indistengiushable from freaking guys with guns who frequent the area and regularily torment bigger ships sans you don't carry a gun yet- it might be a good idea to not head towards a big ship unless you can explain yourself before getting within shooting distance. And if YOU read the article you'd know that it isn't the same as the sun, only similar and not dangerous. As in, you'll only have to squint your eyes and you've defeated this epic system, not to mention properly colored goggles cancels this out completely.

I don't maintain you should do this in civilized areas where pirates don't regularily seize ships who respond to distress call, but simply in the areas where it is as likely that they are just in need of help. I should also mention that from previous accounts of your average failed boarding attempt it's pretty obvious who to fire on.(1) I'm not saying blast every ship, but since the average somali pirate has only one mode, which is shoot, when the RPGs start coming out, an HE shell will send them down. It's pretty easy to tell pirates anyways if you consider that your average skiff full of RPG and AK47s are their motus operendi. And if enough pirates get killed, there will be a surprising revelation- Less living pirates will want to resort to piracy.

Also, yes dollar bills since you can get more of them.Last time I checked the pound was worth more then the dollar.

(1)http://goafrica.about.com/od/africanews/a/pirates.htm

Why would the British be using dollar bills? We like clean money, thanks. I'd have not brought nationality into this, but you already did, so you brought this on yourself.

Put simply, I am not surprised you're viewing it like this. You're under the impression that the pirates are idiots who wave guns about while declaring their intentions. They're not. And if you read the article, it nowhere states that squinting will defeat it. Nobody said it would be dangerous, but it's enough to prevent any semblance of accuracy with firearms. If the ship is harmless, they'll know to go the other way. If they're hostile, they'll not be able to do much. And the coloured goggles - I'll assume they'll do trial and error till they get the exact shade required. Pirates have that kind of resources onboard their skiffs. Everybody knows that.
That was sarcasm. Another British thing - I hope you can understand it without trying to shoot at it.

Besides, we all know that shooting the pirates will escalate the situation. You get armed guards to wipe out a pirate's skiff, the pirates back home will want to know where their friend went. Once they find the bullet-ridden corpses of their comrades, they will want revenge. They'll feel wronged and cheated and they will start killing people, not just taking hostages. Do you think that all the Navies in the world could track down all the pirates? Maybe, but there'll be more. There will always be more.
Pirates won't sink ships, so why should we? Deterrent will always work better than execution. Or have you learned nothing from history? Nuclear warheads deter other nuclear warheads, but as soon as one country fires the first shot, that deterrent becomes void.

SO basically, we should pander to these criminals and give them what we want, and use a laser that will have no effect other then to annoy one skiff, and really won't stop anything. And pretty much, the pirates don't seem to have to be that bright. Skills necessary to be a pirate: Gun shooting, and radio operation.

That's a big skill set. I mean, you must have to be a collegiate to do so. And with a couple million per ship, I think the big bosses can afford to pay for a little R&D. And something tells me it'll be much cheaper to find the color of the laser then to just miss the millions of lost ransoms.


It takes examples to make deterrents. Hiroshima and Nagasaki were the terribly devastating examples to the devastation of Nuclear warfare. After a few dead men, more will decide that it is better for their health to not be a pirate. After all, it worked well against the Barbary corsairs- and the pirates haven't really upgraded their weaponry and transportation much since then- something tells me it'd be worse for them and not as bad for the people taking out the pirates. A laser isn't a deterrent unless it does more then annoy the people it's pointed at. Now if it was a sign you were about to be flat if you continued moving closer, then it'd be a good deterrent.

Though to show I'm not just a barbarous American jackass, though I am that too, I will suggest some more effective alternatives. FOr example a pepper spray grenade launcher would be a more effective deterrant, and it'd cost much less- and deffinately give people something to think about without killing them, and if done correctly, probably would not piss off the countries that don't like guns on ships. Secondly, the sonic guns that are about as deadly as the water cannons on most ships, it won't kill, but it will hurt their ears and make it hard for them to organize the attack.

Thirdly, have marines of some nationality on ship- or pay a PMC for some spare men. Chances are the pirates will think twice when they realize people with actual guns intend to ruin their day if they attack. This of course has it's own issues, so the other two non-laser ideas are better. I especially like the idea of a tear-gas grenade launcher.