British Engineers Design Anti-Pirate Laser

[Danpascooch]

Considering it doesn't cause any real damage, I imagine this could have the opposite effect, with the pirates thinking "those fucking motherfuckers just fired a laser at us! SINK THAT SHIT!"

I probably wouldn't use one.

 

[Firehound]

So.. rather then use the smart solution- use relatively cheap old merchant gunboats from WW2 that could be refurbished and give a pirate who points so much as a crowbar with so much explosive shell that they would be shitting shrapnel for weeks if they weren't obliterated, they instead decide to stick a big laser pointer on the end.

Really britain? This isn't that cool. If I wanted to build a Giant laser pointer I could.

Hell, the laser pointer itself is probably worth plenty of money. I can already see the headline "Giant laser pointer stolen by pirates- actual worth estimated to be higher then that of goods and lives on ship."

I mean seriously? Why not put a fucking sign that says "Rob me I'm incredibly wealthy" over the ships while your at it, and carpet bomb the area with pound notes. I will go with my relatively inexpensive utilize old ships designed to kill things and transport things.

Also, if your a damn fisherman, and start paddling up towards the deck of a huge ship while inside pirate infested waters, you deserve to be blown to hell. Your stupid might be contagious.

Thought I'd fix that for you. Also, you'll find that the laser works in a completely different way than you're implying. If the laser has the effect the Sun does, the pirates can't even look in the direction of the boat. It's fairly difficult to aim at a target if the target is as bright as the Sun.

And your opinion on killing fishermen is rather...uneducated. What if your boat gets caught out at sea, and you have an injured crewman? It's only sensible to get the attention of a passing ship, especially a cargo vessel with huge crew numbers, since they're more likely to have qualified first aiders or working radio equipment.
But, nope, your opinion - kill them. Aren't you a ray of sunshine?

I know your proud of your countries laser beam, but it just isn't that cool.

Well friend, when you look relatively indistengiushable from freaking guys with guns who frequent the area and regularily torment bigger ships sans you don't carry a gun yet- it might be a good idea to not head towards a big ship unless you can explain yourself before getting within shooting distance. And if YOU read the article you'd know that it isn't the same as the sun, only similar and not dangerous. As in, you'll only have to squint your eyes and you've defeated this epic system, not to mention properly colored goggles cancels this out completely.

I don't maintain you should do this in civilized areas where pirates don't regularily seize ships who respond to distress call, but simply in the areas where it is as likely that they are just in need of help. I should also mention that from previous accounts of your average failed boarding attempt it's pretty obvious who to fire on.(1) I'm not saying blast every ship, but since the average somali pirate has only one mode, which is shoot, when the RPGs start coming out, an HE shell will send them down. It's pretty easy to tell pirates anyways if you consider that your average skiff full of RPG and AK47s are their motus operendi. And if enough pirates get killed, there will be a surprising revelation- Less living pirates will want to resort to piracy.

Also, yes dollar bills since you can get more of them.Last time I checked the pound was worth more then the dollar.

(1)http://goafrica.about.com/od/africanews/a/pirates.htm

 

[RheynbowDash]

Why aren't shipping companies just using javelins? $75,000 is peanuts to them.

How cool would it be to see a tiny ship pull one of those bad boys out?

 

[banthesun]

First thing I thought of:

Spoiler

The

Sounds effective.

 

[Thyunda]

So.. rather then use the smart solution- use relatively cheap old merchant gunboats from WW2 that could be refurbished and give a pirate who points so much as a crowbar with so much explosive shell that they would be shitting shrapnel for weeks if they weren't obliterated, they instead decide to stick a big laser pointer on the end.

Really britain? This isn't that cool. If I wanted to build a Giant laser pointer I could.

Hell, the laser pointer itself is probably worth plenty of money. I can already see the headline "Giant laser pointer stolen by pirates- actual worth estimated to be higher then that of goods and lives on ship."

I mean seriously? Why not put a fucking sign that says "Rob me I'm incredibly wealthy" over the ships while your at it, and carpet bomb the area with pound notes. I will go with my relatively inexpensive utilize old ships designed to kill things and transport things.

Also, if your a damn fisherman, and start paddling up towards the deck of a huge ship while inside pirate infested waters, you deserve to be blown to hell. Your stupid might be contagious.

Thought I'd fix that for you. Also, you'll find that the laser works in a completely different way than you're implying. If the laser has the effect the Sun does, the pirates can't even look in the direction of the boat. It's fairly difficult to aim at a target if the target is as bright as the Sun.

And your opinion on killing fishermen is rather...uneducated. What if your boat gets caught out at sea, and you have an injured crewman? It's only sensible to get the attention of a passing ship, especially a cargo vessel with huge crew numbers, since they're more likely to have qualified first aiders or working radio equipment.
But, nope, your opinion - kill them. Aren't you a ray of sunshine?

I know your proud of your countries laser beam, but it just isn't that cool.

Well friend, when you look relatively indistengiushable from freaking guys with guns who frequent the area and regularily torment bigger ships sans you don't carry a gun yet- it might be a good idea to not head towards a big ship unless you can explain yourself before getting within shooting distance. And if YOU read the article you'd know that it isn't the same as the sun, only similar and not dangerous. As in, you'll only have to squint your eyes and you've defeated this epic system, not to mention properly colored goggles cancels this out completely.

I don't maintain you should do this in civilized areas where pirates don't regularily seize ships who respond to distress call, but simply in the areas where it is as likely that they are just in need of help. I should also mention that from previous accounts of your average failed boarding attempt it's pretty obvious who to fire on.(1) I'm not saying blast every ship, but since the average somali pirate has only one mode, which is shoot, when the RPGs start coming out, an HE shell will send them down. It's pretty easy to tell pirates anyways if you consider that your average skiff full of RPG and AK47s are their motus operendi. And if enough pirates get killed, there will be a surprising revelation- Less living pirates will want to resort to piracy.

Also, yes dollar bills since you can get more of them.Last time I checked the pound was worth more then the dollar.

(1)http://goafrica.about.com/od/africanews/a/pirates.htm

Why would the British be using dollar bills? We like clean money, thanks. I'd have not brought nationality into this, but you already did, so you brought this on yourself.

Put simply, I am not surprised you're viewing it like this. You're under the impression that the pirates are idiots who wave guns about while declaring their intentions. They're not. And if you read the article, it nowhere states that squinting will defeat it. Nobody said it would be dangerous, but it's enough to prevent any semblance of accuracy with firearms. If the ship is harmless, they'll know to go the other way. If they're hostile, they'll not be able to do much. And the coloured goggles - I'll assume they'll do trial and error till they get the exact shade required. Pirates have that kind of resources onboard their skiffs. Everybody knows that.
That was sarcasm. Another British thing - I hope you can understand it without trying to shoot at it.

Besides, we all know that shooting the pirates will escalate the situation. You get armed guards to wipe out a pirate's skiff, the pirates back home will want to know where their friend went. Once they find the bullet-ridden corpses of their comrades, they will want revenge. They'll feel wronged and cheated and they will start killing people, not just taking hostages. Do you think that all the Navies in the world could track down all the pirates? Maybe, but there'll be more. There will always be more.
Pirates won't sink ships, so why should we? Deterrent will always work better than execution. Or have you learned nothing from history? Nuclear warheads deter other nuclear warheads, but as soon as one country fires the first shot, that deterrent becomes void.

 

[The Critic]

So, this causes temporary retinal irritation in the same way that those acoustic non-lethal weapons cause temporary hearing damage? Well, it's better than nothing. I assume that this is just a stop-gap measure untill a "Bulkhead-Melting" Laser becomes feasible.

Of course, by the time that occurs, people will question why the crews of these ships haven't been issued Lightsabers yet...

 

[Micah Weil]

This reads like a Cracked article...AND IT IS AWESOME.

 

[Subject7]

Vulcan Cannon. Yes, it is as awesome as it sounds.

 

[Lem0nade Inlay]

Oh that is so cool, heh.

 

[Worgen]

and this is why pirates are better then ninjas, do you see anyone making an anti ninja laser?

Silly pirate. You can't defeat a ninja with a laser, haha!

thats why the rice ball you just ate was poisoned with grog, ninjas are weak against grog, it melts their ninja gland

 

[Tom Phoenix]

Laser beams attached to their heads, you say? Hah! As if that was intended to protect some poor schmucks on trading vessels. Everyone knows that this is just a test in preparation for putting laser beams on the heads of giant mecha:

 

[Firehound]

So.. rather then use the smart solution- use relatively cheap old merchant gunboats from WW2 that could be refurbished and give a pirate who points so much as a crowbar with so much explosive shell that they would be shitting shrapnel for weeks if they weren't obliterated, they instead decide to stick a big laser pointer on the end.

Really britain? This isn't that cool. If I wanted to build a Giant laser pointer I could.

Hell, the laser pointer itself is probably worth plenty of money. I can already see the headline "Giant laser pointer stolen by pirates- actual worth estimated to be higher then that of goods and lives on ship."

I mean seriously? Why not put a fucking sign that says "Rob me I'm incredibly wealthy" over the ships while your at it, and carpet bomb the area with pound notes. I will go with my relatively inexpensive utilize old ships designed to kill things and transport things.

Also, if your a damn fisherman, and start paddling up towards the deck of a huge ship while inside pirate infested waters, you deserve to be blown to hell. Your stupid might be contagious.

Thought I'd fix that for you. Also, you'll find that the laser works in a completely different way than you're implying. If the laser has the effect the Sun does, the pirates can't even look in the direction of the boat. It's fairly difficult to aim at a target if the target is as bright as the Sun.

And your opinion on killing fishermen is rather...uneducated. What if your boat gets caught out at sea, and you have an injured crewman? It's only sensible to get the attention of a passing ship, especially a cargo vessel with huge crew numbers, since they're more likely to have qualified first aiders or working radio equipment.
But, nope, your opinion - kill them. Aren't you a ray of sunshine?

I know your proud of your countries laser beam, but it just isn't that cool.

Well friend, when you look relatively indistengiushable from freaking guys with guns who frequent the area and regularily torment bigger ships sans you don't carry a gun yet- it might be a good idea to not head towards a big ship unless you can explain yourself before getting within shooting distance. And if YOU read the article you'd know that it isn't the same as the sun, only similar and not dangerous. As in, you'll only have to squint your eyes and you've defeated this epic system, not to mention properly colored goggles cancels this out completely.

I don't maintain you should do this in civilized areas where pirates don't regularily seize ships who respond to distress call, but simply in the areas where it is as likely that they are just in need of help. I should also mention that from previous accounts of your average failed boarding attempt it's pretty obvious who to fire on.(1) I'm not saying blast every ship, but since the average somali pirate has only one mode, which is shoot, when the RPGs start coming out, an HE shell will send them down. It's pretty easy to tell pirates anyways if you consider that your average skiff full of RPG and AK47s are their motus operendi. And if enough pirates get killed, there will be a surprising revelation- Less living pirates will want to resort to piracy.

Also, yes dollar bills since you can get more of them.Last time I checked the pound was worth more then the dollar.

(1)http://goafrica.about.com/od/africanews/a/pirates.htm

Why would the British be using dollar bills? We like clean money, thanks. I'd have not brought nationality into this, but you already did, so you brought this on yourself.

Put simply, I am not surprised you're viewing it like this. You're under the impression that the pirates are idiots who wave guns about while declaring their intentions. They're not. And if you read the article, it nowhere states that squinting will defeat it. Nobody said it would be dangerous, but it's enough to prevent any semblance of accuracy with firearms. If the ship is harmless, they'll know to go the other way. If they're hostile, they'll not be able to do much. And the coloured goggles - I'll assume they'll do trial and error till they get the exact shade required. Pirates have that kind of resources onboard their skiffs. Everybody knows that.
That was sarcasm. Another British thing - I hope you can understand it without trying to shoot at it.

Besides, we all know that shooting the pirates will escalate the situation. You get armed guards to wipe out a pirate's skiff, the pirates back home will want to know where their friend went. Once they find the bullet-ridden corpses of their comrades, they will want revenge. They'll feel wronged and cheated and they will start killing people, not just taking hostages. Do you think that all the Navies in the world could track down all the pirates? Maybe, but there'll be more. There will always be more.
Pirates won't sink ships, so why should we? Deterrent will always work better than execution. Or have you learned nothing from history? Nuclear warheads deter other nuclear warheads, but as soon as one country fires the first shot, that deterrent becomes void.

SO basically, we should pander to these criminals and give them what we want, and use a laser that will have no effect other then to annoy one skiff, and really won't stop anything. And pretty much, the pirates don't seem to have to be that bright. Skills necessary to be a pirate: Gun shooting, and radio operation.

That's a big skill set. I mean, you must have to be a collegiate to do so. And with a couple million per ship, I think the big bosses can afford to pay for a little R&D. And something tells me it'll be much cheaper to find the color of the laser then to just miss the millions of lost ransoms.


It takes examples to make deterrents. Hiroshima and Nagasaki were the terribly devastating examples to the devastation of Nuclear warfare. After a few dead men, more will decide that it is better for their health to not be a pirate. After all, it worked well against the Barbary corsairs- and the pirates haven't really upgraded their weaponry and transportation much since then- something tells me it'd be worse for them and not as bad for the people taking out the pirates. A laser isn't a deterrent unless it does more then annoy the people it's pointed at. Now if it was a sign you were about to be flat if you continued moving closer, then it'd be a good deterrent.

Though to show I'm not just a barbarous American jackass, though I am that too, I will suggest some more effective alternatives. FOr example a pepper spray grenade launcher would be a more effective deterrant, and it'd cost much less- and deffinately give people something to think about without killing them, and if done correctly, probably would not piss off the countries that don't like guns on ships. Secondly, the sonic guns that are about as deadly as the water cannons on most ships, it won't kill, but it will hurt their ears and make it hard for them to organize the attack.

Thirdly, have marines of some nationality on ship- or pay a PMC for some spare men. Chances are the pirates will think twice when they realize people with actual guns intend to ruin their day if they attack. This of course has it's own issues, so the other two non-laser ideas are better. I especially like the idea of a tear-gas grenade launcher.

 

[Freshman]

So instead of just using a gun, they made a giant laser and mounted it on a ship. Yea that's totally the more cost effective solution here.

 

[Antari]

A bunch of people covering their eyes sailing in the other direction won't make for good music videos though.

 

[Treblaine]

American vessels going through these trouble areas should have a small US Marine contingent on board, and so for British Vessels a Royal Marine contingent. These ships are likely paying HUGE amount of taxes for their trade, their own countries military sould do their job of protecting them.

The number of ships sailing under the American flag, or British for that matter, is very few. They sail under flags of convenience, like Panama, to avoid paying large taxes.

HA! Well then they deserve all they get, you can't dodge taxes then act surprised when your country isn't around to help. I don't know what the Panamanian Navy is like but I don't imagine it has much reach. Still, vessels sailing/steaming under a their proper nation's flag should really have a naval escort or Marine contingent.

At the very least large cruise ships (with so many potential hostages) should have a Naval attaché to advise on appropriate defensive action and co-ordinate with friendly Naval forces such as most up to date security briefing analysing intelligence of pirate and terrorist activity in the area. Though I don't have any evidence this isn't done already...

Mind you, if these shipping companies are so mercenary to steam under a flag of convenience I think they'd much rather hire actual mercenaries to defend their ships from armed invaders. I think they may be cheaper and easier than this laser system.

 

[Taawus]

Next in the news, Pirates start wearing sunglasses in a desperate attempt to combat lasers.

 

[Treblaine]

It takes examples to make deterrents. Hiroshima and Nagasaki were the terribly devastating examples to the devastation of Nuclear warfare.

That's not a very good example, though I can see what you are getting at. But that was Total War, it don't think it's very relevant here and kinda backfired by triggering a global nuclear arms race though it didn't lead to nuclear war, it did get awfully close.

I think a better example would be Iranian Embassy Siege in London; terrorists try to take hostages and make demands, then the SAS burst in and utterly destroy the terrorists, saving all but one of the hostages. Again, Special Forces around the world got so good at foiling Terrorists' attempts at taking hostages that they seemed to give up. Now terrorists don't ever even try siege hostage taking, they never get their demands met and would be lucky to even get out alive.

Russia apparently has a very unorthodox method of countering abduction of their nationals: go on a killing spree. That is to hunt down anyone with the most tangential links the the kidnappers and kill them horribly, it forces the Terrorists to come to the negotiating table as their confederates, friends and even family are picked off. Israel also did much the same in retrograde with avenging the Munich massacre, it forces only the suicidal to attempt terrorist action and contrary to what the prevalence of suicide bombers suggest, only a minority are willing to give up their lives (and even then only after much "grooming" and manipulation).

 

[Canid117]

Why not just shoot em with one of these?

 

[Ghengis John]

So let me get this straight... you're aiming a weapon at the pirates that can't stop them but will really piss them off? This seems like a bad combination of factors.

 

[Count Igor]

What's the betting that in the next month, people find hundreds of ships turned upside down?