"...but we're just friends"

[GotMalkAvian]

Unfortunately, most of us nerds are socially awkward. Sure, we're nice enough; we can be polite, caring, and generous. All of this makes for a great friend. What a lot of us are lacking, however, are confidence and social aptitude, the things that can make a nice person genuinely desirable. Then again, the problem could also be that nerds and geeks just make a bad habit out of falling for people who aren't generally attracted to nerds or geeks. There are a lot of possibilities for the "just friends" situation.

 

[Tiny116]

"You're like a brother to me..."

I've had this one recently...what's more annoying is that she only stays in contact with me when she has a boyfriend.
She's single now and I haven't heard from her in weeks.....Go figure. -_-

 

[superbatranger]

Wait, that seems a bit off. Only 5 minutes? What if a guy meets a girl but doesn't think of asking her out in the first 5 minutes?

a guy meets a girl

a guy
a girl

if a guy doesn't think of asking a girl out in the first 5 minutes, he probably isn't interested anyways.

Yeah, you had no need to tell me that. I already knew it.

 

[BlastedTheWorm]

The thing is, I think the girl is just being nice. It's better than her saying "No, I'm not interested. Now fuck off", or worse. She's trying, in vain, to spare your feelings.

 

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

Wait, that seems a bit off. Only 5 minutes? What if a guy meets a girl but doesn't think of asking her out in the first 5 minutes?

If your talking to girl, odds are at some level you are attracted to her. Before you talk to her, but when you first see her, your instincts will tell you one of two things;

1- She could be a good friend to have (You will develop feelings for her, but that can be said of any friend).
2- She could be my girlfriend (When you ask the worst that she can say is No, rejection isnt the end of the world).

If you see a girl and dont come to either conclusion, move along. Your instincts are the most powerful weapon you will ever have, trust what they tell you.

 

[Black-Volkan]

This has possibly happened to me before in the past, but for the life of me i can't remember. I guess it just never gets to me so I just kind of put it behind me until I forget it. Just take it in the gut ponder it for a few hours and go meet up with your friends and do...........whatever the hell you do for fun with friends the memory of that rejection should just float away

 

[iamthelizardqueen88]

I can honestly say thats only happened to me once but its a tat more complicated than usual (we actually like each other but she has a history with my best friend soo yyyyyyeah) =/

 

[superbatranger]

Wait, that seems a bit off. Only 5 minutes? What if a guy meets a girl but doesn't think of asking her out in the first 5 minutes?

If your talking to girl, odds are at some level you are attracted to her. Before you talk to her, but when you first see her, your instincts will tell you one of two things;

1- She could be a good friend to have (You will develop feelings for her, but that can be said of any friend).
2- She could be my girlfriend (When you ask the worst that she can say is No, rejection isnt the end of the world).

If you see a girl and dont come to either conclusion, move along. Your instincts are the most powerful weapon you will ever have, trust what they tell you.

OK, I see where you're going with this, but what if you have a lot on your mind that pushes your instincts regarding that girl to the back of line? Do you just not try with her, or do you wait until your mind is clear enough to take a go at it.

 

[merf1350]

I'll put in my advice/perspective, if it's already been stated, sorry, tl;dr.

First, the girls that go out with the douche-bags thinking they can change them, the ones attracted to ass-hats, they are generally immature. Case in point, by your prof, I can see you are about 20, 10 years my junior, and I can honestly say I saw a lot of the same at that age. It kinda sucks, but you just have to wait it out, they do eventually change, some of them.

Second, learn how to be a dick. I know it goes against everything you believe, but the unfortunate truth is that at the age you're at, girls really do tend to fall for the "he's not showering me with attention, I must win his approval" trick. Don't give them everything they want, don't tell them everything they want to hear. You have to occasionally be rude, though the best way is pick you moment, then be brutally honest about something about them you don't like, and tell them how to fix it. Occasionally through the soft anti-compliment their way. Believe me, it actually does work. In ten years, I've gone from an average size 8 to a petite size 2, and I am far from the best looking guy around.

Or third, and maybe most importantly of all, don't date your age. generally the guy being older works out better, but you could always go for the slightly older woman. Try your luck at bagging a 25, but be aware, the older woman expects more from you than the younger.

Most important, don't take that crap from them. Like others have said, make your intentions known. Practice some flirting. Complement their looks in a blatantly "I'd hit that" manner. And if they straight up shoot you down, don't get frustrated, shrug it off and chalk it up to her not being the caliber of person you thought she might be (extra points if you let them see that it doesn't bother you, and that they lost ground in your eyes for it).

 

[The_Blue_Rider]

...Just wondering

Being a site of nerds (I mean that in a good way) I'm wondering if any of you have had this situation

Being the cuddly, shy, kindhearted souls we are (well some of us are *cough*)

Why is it that EVERY girl I have ever talked to... goes like this...

"I like you, you're nice, funny, kind, and anyone would be very lucky to have you"
(quickly followed up by)
"...but we're JUST friends, okay?"
(2/3 of the time)
"You're like a brother to me..."

...soo am I the only one that wonders "well if all that is true why doesn't anyone try to give me a chance instead of pulling the 'friend' card every time?"

sorry starting to rant

In Short: Has anyone else had this situation?

(and yeah it ticks me off that after all that stuff they say they go out with a total dick saying "I can change him, he's nice deep down")

I feel ya brother, the friend zone hurts. Ill tell you, that i was absolutely in love with this girl once, the first girl i ever liked, she was amazing, I became friends with her over a few months, not super great friends, we became good friends though. One day in class i was brooding and just decided to go for it, I had nothing to lose and hopefully i'd come out stronger (and hopefully with a girlfriend). I asked her out, she looked shocked and she said she had to think about it, at that point i knew she already knew what she was going to say, she gave me a note later saying how she was incredibly sorry but she already already had a boyfriend and that she hoped we could remain friends. I was torn at that moment, I loved this girl and i knew even though she had a boyfriend that she wouldnt ever feel the same for me.
I wanted to give up and never talk to her again but i realized how bad she mustve felt turning me down and I'd already told myself that above all her feelings come before mine. I decided to try giving friendship a spin, I did but all the while i was secretly hoping that I could still have a chance with her, I was wrong of course but eventually after talking to some of my close friends about it and spending a good deal of time thinking, I decided that all we would ever be is friends, and you know what, now were incredibly close friends.

The moral of the story is, if your gonna try date someone, dont be their friend for a while, make it clear you like them, If you remain friends, dont cling to the notion that you still have a chance, because you will end up hurting her and getting hurt yourself. The important thing is to learn from whats happened and improve yourself, after that i learned that if i wanted to have a relationship id need to be much more confident, and surprise, later that year i actually did get my first Girlfriend.
So yeah, you just need to assert yourself a little more and you might just get a girl

Oh yeah and the friend zone bites balls D:

 

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

OK, I see where you're going with this, but what if you have a lot on your mind that pushes your instincts regarding that girl to the back of line? Do you just not try with her, or do you wait until your mind is clear enough to take a go at it.

She is here, your "other concerns" are not. Thats all the priority you need.

"Other Concerns" is your self doubt generating seemingly important stuff conjured at a spur of the moment to distract you so you wont talk to her. Put your self doubt at the back of the line.

 

[Doclector]

That in itself doesn't sadden me much.

The fact that 90% of the time it's a downright lie, however...

Seriously. Most girls who have done that have just avoided me. I can only think of one who actually meant it, and at the time I was too damn paranoid from past experiences to believe ad accept it.

If you hate me, don't be a coward. Admit it, and we'll both be better off.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Nerdy guys are amazing! Well, not so much for the cuddling, but if both of us were aloof, that ruins the magic, yeah? So, I don't mind if they cuddle me, I'm just not so much a curl up sorta girl. I like nerdy boys, except the lack of romance part (maybe it's just mine, though... he keeps telling me I'm "not girly enough to like the romantic stuff).

Well you definitely must be of the female species, since that made absolutely no sense and does not appear to be connected to the topic.

But hey that is the reason why we like your kind, the wackyness.

 

[superbatranger]

OK, I see where you're going with this, but what if you have a lot on your mind that pushes your instincts regarding that girl to the back of line? Do you just not try with her, or do you wait until your mind is clear enough to take a go at it.

She is here, your "other concerns" are not. Thats all the priority you need.

"Other Concerns" is your self doubt generating seemingly important stuff conjured at a spur of the moment to distract you so you wont talk to her. Put your self doubt at the back of the line.

But, what if these other concerns are actually important? Things that have nothing to do with self doubt, but rather with yourself as a person. For example, working overtime to pay rent, a sudden illness in the family, a major exam in a few days, and so on. In that case, what takes priority?

Also, I'm not sure one's self doubt would seemingly invent some arbitrary bullshit just so that you wouldn't ask that girl out.

 

[_Cake_]

Like a brother means not their type.

If you find a girl attractive let her know when you first meet. Not only do women tend to file men away as friends fairly quickly but they can also feel betrayed, like the entire friendship was a lie just to get in her pants. If she isn't interested don't waste your time, you have enough friends already.

 

[gl1koz3]

I have zero experience on this, but as far as I've seen others succeed at it, you have to take the initiative right away. If you go extra slow (soft) about it, they will switch to friend mode. As far as I've observed, they just want to get physical. Once you give the right signals, they'll click into "like mode" and will barely be able to do something about it.

If you don't play the game right (success = sex; failure = friendship), then it's either an unusual case (you've got somewhat lucky), or it's not a woman. So, you have to really make it clear that you're all up for it, BUT, you have to really be clear about it - not stalking or any of the cryptic flower-gift shit (although every so rarely it can't hurt AFTER you've made yourself clear). There has to be a sense of progress in relationship, yet not too pushing. She'll know when to tell you if she's not interested, so you just move on to the next one after this happens.

I wish I could just walk out and try all what I've observed. It kind of lost its charm since I found a few other awesome hobbies.

 

[Bealzibob]

I had to pull the "we're just friends" card on a girl a little while ago. It's awkward and I was scared I might really hurting her feelings. It sucks when your friendly to someone but they want to take it further,you know there are things about them that you really like but you just not attracted to them in that way.

eh, you just have to move on I suppose, thats what I did when it happened to me.

 

[LinkSwitch]

I've always found that the best way to approach this is by simply appearing to not be the slightest bit interested in the girl.

Even if you spend every waking moment thinking of her, dreamily doodling "Mrs(enter your name here)", as long as you seem completely disinterested TO HER, you come across as both confident, and (sorry to put it this way, but) a 'challenge' to the girl.

Also cut back on video games an hour every day, and put that time into working out. Even if its just light. Youd be amazed at how much better youll look in a couple of weeks.

EDIT:
Also I forgot to mention that no matter how disinterested you may seem, being friendly is also your enemy when it comes to getting with the opposite sex. "Be mean, keep 'em keen" doesn't QUITE work, but the idea is on track.

 

[rutger5000]

Because you asked her out after you became friends with her... My friend does this all the time. He finds a girl he likes, and instead of asking her out while they're just acquaintances, he slowly becomes her friend. Five months later, he'll be sad that she's talking about other guys to him.

Show your feelings and intentions early.

Or perhaps the girl really isn't interested in you. Saying you want to stay friends is a nice way of saying she doesn't want to go out with you.

This guy is a genius, if you like a girl ask her out! No bullshitting around. And wouldn't you feel weird dating a real close friend? I know I would.

 

[MrMetal]

^we are driven to conquer women, if i had a girl who was my close friend and who was physically attractive, id shag her regardless...girls are not like that, they are too overwhelmed by the cockfest surrounding them that every other "lesser male" is perceived as a static corporal form, which is why you have to be at the top of the game and in control of yourself physically and mentally.
and women, especially attractive women, have so many guy friends they dont know what to do with them, it's more like emotional cannon fodder to when the next asshole cheats or breaks up with her while the other poor prick is holding his flaccid cock in hope she will choose him for the rebound...in vain lol