Can men and women be just friends? - proof within

[James Mann]

Guys and Girls can be friends as long as neither has feelings for the other. Simple.

And no, not all guys are Horny twats... well, might be different in big ol' us of a but down here in jolly old england we dont slobber over any attractive woman we see. Well, the chavs do but we try to ignore the scum around the edges of our social standings. But i digress, this doesn't mean no attractive or hot girl would never have friends, but im pretty sure more decent human beings don't automatically think of nothing but sex whenever they see a girl they think is attractive. For the most part i know guys just tend to move over the attractiveness and talk to girls like they are any other person.

D'no. I'll just lay some random but relevent facts.

1) I am a guy.
2) I have female friends.
3) I have a girlfriend.
4) I've had female friends when i haven't had a girlfriend.
5) I've know most of my female friends for many years, some i have made only recently.
6) I'm a nerd, but thats probably a given from being in this forum.
7) I'm awesome.

 

[conflictofinterests]

Do these results show something?

Are we talking on a statistical scale? No. The sample is too small and too unrepresentative (all the people being college aged people, probably all from the same LIBRARY). Also, either the question is too vague, or the sample is incredibly, ridiculously too small and insignificant for anyone to take a second glance at, because there are more cultures than "American College" and they exist in geographically distant locations, and the world population is such that a realistic sample size, after accounting for the majority of cultures (or at least culture types) would have to be somewhere on the scale of hundreds of thousands, or a fair-sized city.

Also, I lived in Utah for 8 years. That is one of THE most repressed states you will ever encounter. I don't doubt the guys there get hard-ons for anything that moves; the taboo around sex and sexuality adds a whole layer of paraphilia to it. I also don't doubt that the girls would say that "just being friends" is possible, despite sexual attraction from the guys, because, for the most part, girls in that culture have a higher sense of propriety, which they will display even in the face of proof to the contrary. It's like saying you're having a good day when someone asks you when you aren't. It's polite.

 

[Trikeen]

Speaking as a guy, who is kinda a horn dog, 3 of my closer friends are girls who I have absolutely no interest in as anything beyond friends.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

I have a bunch of female friends and I don't want to get in their pants.

 

[conflictofinterests]

Guys and Girls can be friends as long as neither has feelings for the other. Simple.

And no, not all guys are Horny twats... well, might be different in big ol' us of a but down here in jolly old england we dont slobber over any attractive woman we see. Well, the chavs do but we try to ignore the scum around the edges of our social standings. But i digress, this doesn't mean no attractive or hot girl would never have friends, but im pretty sure more decent human beings don't automatically think of nothing but sex whenever they see a girl they think is attractive. For the most part i know guys just tend to move over the attractiveness and talk to girls like they are any other person.

D'no. I'll just lay some random but relevent facts.

1) I am a guy.
2) I have female friends.
3) I have a girlfriend.
4) I've had female friends when i haven't had a girlfriend.
5) I've know most of my female friends for many years, some i have made only recently.
6) I'm a nerd, but thats probably a given from being in this forum.
7) I'm awesome.

It's Utah, not the entire US. Utah = super fucking repressed. I moved to southern California from there, and let me tell you, it was an enormous culture shock. WHAT?! PEOPLE OF THE SAME SEX CAN KISS? Also what is this "slut" you speak of?! (Both things I learned upon moving to CA)

 

[Kevlar Eater]

I don't believe men and women can be 'just friends'...

Well, it can happen, but both parties must agree without any lingering feelings for the other, otherwise, it will not be a friendship, but unrequited love. I have yet to experience that, and with my personality will never happen.

 

[Laurie Barnes]

Ok here are my thoughts. I am starting this post this way because people tend to get belligerent when you try to speak for an entire gender, so let me clearly state that anything I say here is an opinion.

Can guys and girls be friends? Absolutely, the fact that I have female friends seems to support this.

Will the guy be satisfied with a so called "one sided relationship"? (I actually particularly enjoy that turn of phrase in this context).

Probably not, or at least I have seen nothing to suggest it. Attraction is not something I can just turn off like a light switch, and if I am friends with an attractive girl, you better believe at some point I have thought (Consciously or subconsciously) about them in a sexual way. This even goes for girls who are in a relationship with my guy friends, and as terrible as it feels to admit it, I can't help it. Every time I have been "just friends" with a girl, it felt like a loss to me, like I wasn't good enough for her, in some ways far worse than outright rejection. It feels like the woman saying, "I like you, I like having you around, but I do not think you are attractive." and that fucking hurts! Its like winning third place, or being Mr. Congeniality, or being denied something for some arbitrary reason.

I am sure girls don't mean for me to feel this way, but it is entirely possible that they straight up don't care, and I can't help how it feels on my end.

(Edit, I feel the need to mention I have never made any girl friends on my own when I wasn't outright seeking a mate, most of them I know through my guy friends, and perhaps this is not healthy.)

 

[luckshotpro]

Absolutely, and for an argument, assuming that they can't is literally saying that a bi-sexual person is completely incapable of having a non-romantic relationship with another human.

 

[PurePareidolia]

I think you can make video proof of prove anything when you're the one editing it.

 

[cobra_ky]

good god was that ever stupid.

yes, men and women can be friends. yes, men are more likely to to be sexually attracted to their female friends because men and women tend to be attracted to different things. yes, friends can have sexual tension between them. no, it does not make them worse friends.

 

[Flames66]

In my opinion, a man can choose not to act on his sexual drives therefore enabling friendship with a little effort.

 

[Jadak]

The logic in that video doesn't really make sense...

A guy being willing to hook up with a girl should she show an interest does not mean they can't be just friends. If the girl continues to not show an interest, that's exactly what they'll be.

All it takes for a guy and a girl to be friends in those sorts of cases is for the girl to be clear and the guy to be well aware of the fact that the girl is simply not available and/or interested. Guys might have plenty of issues with just being friends, but it's easy to get past when we don't feel that we've got a shot, for whatever reason.

Examples:

One girl I met when out with a friend. That friend and that girl got engaged, I stayed good friends with both on an individual basis, having no issues being just friends with the girl because she wasn't available, and was with my friend at that.

Now, that relationship has since gone south, and if the girl ever shows an interest in me then sure, I'd probably give it a go. But it's not something I strongly desire, and as long as she doesn't do that I have no objections to being a friend.

And another girl, I met in school when she was already 3 years married. My interest in her was definitely perking for the first few days after knowing her, but upon learning that she's married, happily so, while disappointing at first, it instantly shut the possibility out of mind and these days I she's just a friend and thoughts of more than don't take hold at all.

 

[dvd_72]

I've been buddies with my pre-uni friends for years. Some of them happen to be female. Never had any romantic feelings for them, and as far as I know there where none from them to me. The idea of "hooking up" with them just.... doesn't fit right. Love them all to bits though. Part of the gang

 

[Radelaide]

My ex is my best friend.

It's funny because men and women aren't actually slaves to their sex bits and try to hump each other to death at any given moment ALL THE TIME. We are actually capable of emotion and thought and the ability to be civil without sneaking off for a quickie.

 

[Chairman Miaow]

I just love the denial of the women in the video and the people in this Thread.

NO, we can't be ''just'' friends, it's always going to be in that wierd place where it generally shouldn't be, those feelings will be too strong and rather inappropriate for a ''friendship'' between men and women. That is precisely the reason why, as a Boyfriend, you have to make those male ''friends'' fuck right off

But honestly, if your girlfriend wants male friends then you apparently aren't giving her something and she's looking for it somewhere else.

The funniest part about this thread however is, and I would be willing to bet that I'm spot on about this, that most of the people denying this are guys that are trying to downplay feelings they have for one of their ''friends'' and to generally appeal more to the female forum users.

You sound like a pretty awful abusive boyfriend that drives off all his gf's friends to feel secure.

And you sound like someone who is trying suspiciously hard to convey their position. There isn't perhaps another User here on the Forums who you would rather not have seeing you claim otherwise?

See how that works?

In regard to your claims about downplaying feelings for 'friends' and appealing to the female forum users? I have been in a relationship for nearly four years and currently have no female friends. I have no reason to care what the female users on this forum think of me. I would rather they didn't hate me or anything but if I cared that much I simply wouldn't post in this thread. I just wanted to make this clear before you dismiss me out of hand. Driving away your girlfriend's friends just because they are male is unhealthy. I knew someone like that. Their paranoia about other men destroyed every relationship they were in and did considerable emotional harm to those they were in a relationship with. I know you won't listen, and I know you won't change, but I hope you reconsider your stance on this, before you hurt someone.

 

[Vault101]

yes...

I mean back in the day it never ocured to me as gender being a "thing"..you know

although I dont seem them much I had guys freind..then again we did grow up together so I wouldnt even dream of going there

 

[Catrixa]

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Keeping with the Hypothetical situation, The Idea wouldn't be about you being unfaithful. The idea would be, is this other man going to potentially misuse your friendship with the agenda of pushing you away from me?

I'm not afraid about my Girlfriend cheating on me, I'm still not going to let my guard down around other guys.

I should however probably add, even in same sex friendships, I know alot of people, but I have maybe 1-2 people that I would genuinely consider my friend. She has her College colleagues, I don't know them either, I have my work colleagues, she doesn't know them. You don't necessarily know everyone that your partner knows. But, if my Girlfriend came up to me and started talking about her new male best friend. Well, yeah, aslong as I don't have some kind of relationship to that person myself, I'll be throwing wrenches into the clockwork.

To keep with the hypothetical situation: would you be worried that I would believe him over you? That maybe he'd tell me about something horrible that you did, and I'd never question it? Or maybe he'd pretend he's some kind of more wonderful person than you?

I guess, for me, I don't really... "date lightly." If, like the example above, someone had said something horrible about you, and I could see it happening, considered them to be a reliable source, or just generally believed them, I'd confront you about it. I know in this situation I'd bring it to you first, because if I'm going to date you, I know I ought to trust you. And if you say my new friend is a lying douchebag, I'll probably believe you, no matter what my friend saying (especially if I just met this guy).

As for if he's just pretending to be someone he's not to be with me: I'm hypothetically with you, right? I didn't start dating you because you were the only other warm body in the room. I'd have far too much respect for you to switch to some other guy just because he wanted it. And if I started developing actual feelings for this other man? I'd probably talk with you about it, believe it or not. I am a stupidly insecure person who knows people make dumb decisions based on fleeting feelings and doesn't want to lose the people who truly matter. And, from the sound of it, you'd probably still tell me he's a faking douchebag.

But, I know everyone isn't me (which is probably a good thing. I worry way more than is technically healthy). Some people actually have confidence in their decisions, are impulsive, or don't try to learn from the mistakes they or others make. I guess it just boils down to how well you know your partner, and how well they make decisions. I do know, however, that, even if you're just looking out for their best interests, trying to come between a friendship like that won't look very benevolent from the outside (and I don't mean just us Internet Denizens, I mean your girlfriend's perspective as well). I can't say I know your situation, but just be extra careful before tossing wrenches anywhere, I guess.

Blech, lots of text again. I don't think I made my point very clearly, so let me know if you have any questions >.<