Can men and women be just friends? - proof within

[BehattedWanderer]

So, some twat with a faux-hawk and guided questions is considered results, now? Well, hot damn, science just got easier! Anecdotal evidence is accepted! BTW, guys--Superpowers exist! I have them! But I'm not gonna show you. You just gotta take my word for it, okay?

Anyways, blatant disregard for the acquisition of acceptable results aside, yes, it's certainly possible. When you're not dealing with almost obviously testosterone driven men discussing the girls that friend zoned them, your results will change. If a single sexual thought, or non-amicable thought, ever crossed your mind about someone you consider a friend, this does not automatically mean if you don't bang them the friendship is over. That's similar to saying that if you've ever had a single thought about politics, you should run for government. "Oh man, I really like her, but she won't do me, so I can't ever be around her again!" is the disparaging cry of the emotionally immature.

Of course that thought will happen. It's freaking biological. Friendship is in part about accepting that fact, and acknowledging the other person for attributes beyond 'boinkable'. Attributes like sense of humor, or intelligence, or a similar history. Hell, your relationship grows when you share such things in common, but just because you refrain from jumping into bed with someone doesn't mean all that just hangs around as sexual tension between you. You incorporate those things into the friendship instead of into a loving desire.

I hope he fails whatever project that was for. I hope his professor pans the report and the process, explaining in great depth why he failed it, and how data needs to be objective, rather than subjective, and that destroying validity by suggesting meaning to the people you're asking meaning of results only in wasted time. Universe, make this happen, please.

 

[Saltyk]

I once read a small exert of an article in Reader's Digest (in a doctor's office) that asked various questions of psychologists. This was one of the questions. The psychologists said-drum roll please-no. That's right, psychologists said no. They said that men and women are just hard wired to look at everyone of the opposite sex as a potential mate. The only exceptions are when both people are completely unattracted to each other for one reason or another.

Think of it this way. How many times have you met a person of the opposite sex that you never though of hooking up with? Why did you feel this way? Were they ugly? In a relationship? Were you in a relationship? How did they fell? Exactly how close were you? Look in your heart. You know it to be true. Men and women can not be friends without some kind of huge obstacle. And even then, it's dicey.

 

[The Almighty Grigard]

Think of it this way. How many times have you met a person of the opposite sex that you never though of hooking up with? Why did you feel this way? Were they ugly? In a relationship? Were you in a relationship? How did they fell? Exactly how close were you? Look in your heart. You know it to be true. Men and women can not be friends without some kind of huge obstacle. And even then, it's dicey.

False.

I assume that when you write opposite sex, you are really meaning sexually compatible, correct?

My closest friends can be summed into two girls and six guys. Out of those there are only two that I've felt really attracted to and actually wanted to sleep with. That would be two straight men. The two not-that-close-but still-good-friends bisexual guys I know? No such feelings and one is pretty good looking to boot. Bisexual, good looking guy, no relationship. I don't see any major obstacle and I'm still not jumping into his pants. Sadly I can't prove any of this but don't take shit for granted.

I looked into my heart, I know that it is in fact NOT true.

 

[Daverson]

Yes. Of course men and women can be friends. I myself personally have several female friends.

You might as well ask if it's impossible for gay people to have friends of the same gender... and what about bisexual people? They wouldn't be able to have any friends at all if this were true!

 

[Crystalite]

lol, yeah, because he only asked the attractive girls now, didn´t he.

There is such a thing as taste and attractiveness, and most women will not be sexually attractive for some other men.

But anyway, I don´t see how sexual attraction should stand in the way of friendship. It is not the same thing as being in love, and implying men cannot seperate that is very sexist indeed.
Also, I have male friends I had sex with, and they are still just friends.
Very, very good friends at that.

 

[zehydra]

I think that it is just immature college students. I have had plenty of friends of the opposite sex and never once has there been an issue where one person secretly wants to have sex with the other. Then again that may be because very few of my friends are actually single.

how would you know if it's secret? lol

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Ah-HA! He said "under no circumstances".

Well, my brother has been dating this girl for about a year and a half. She's pretty cool. Sometimes she can get on my nerves, but in general, I think she's alright. A little irritating, but alright. Plus, if I so much as glance at her...assets...I immediately feel guilty because, you know, she's dating my brother. So I don't really even see her as a sexual being anymore.

I mean, I don't exactly consider her my friend, but that's mostly because she can be really annoying some...most of the time. It has nothing to do with the fact that she's a woman. If a guy acted like that, I wouldn't be friends with him, either.

The point is that this guy thinks the only thing keeping men and women from being friends is sexual attraction on the male's part.[footnote]HA![/footnote] I have no sexual attraction to this girl. Therefore, we COULD be friends. Theoretically. If she wasn't so annoying.

 

[MetaMuffin]

It's pretty hard to be good friends with a girl who you are very attracted to, I'd say impossible. If you're into someone...good luck settling when she's with another guy. However, I have a lot of girl friends that I have no problem being friends with. Either I'm not attracted to them or couldn't see myself with them (just no chemistry). But yeah...I guess I'm too immature to just be friends with a girl I'm really into...I'm a jealous person.

 

[Saltyk]

Think of it this way. How many times have you met a person of the opposite sex that you never though of hooking up with? Why did you feel this way? Were they ugly? In a relationship? Were you in a relationship? How did they fell? Exactly how close were you? Look in your heart. You know it to be true. Men and women can not be friends without some kind of huge obstacle. And even then, it's dicey.

False.

I assume that when you write opposite sex, you are really meaning sexually compatible, correct?

My closest friends can be summed into two girls and six guys. Out of those there are only two that I've felt really attracted to and actually wanted to sleep with. That would be two straight men. The two not-that-close-but still-good-friends bisexual guys I know? No such feelings and one is pretty good looking to boot. Bisexual, good looking guy, no relationship. I don't see any major obstacle and I'm still not jumping into his pants. Sadly I can't prove any of this but don't take shit for granted.

I looked into my heart, I know that it is in fact NOT true.

Well, yes and no. I don't see any reason it wouldn't be applied to gay and lesbians, but that is a very different situation, at the same time.
So, I'm assuming that you are gay. Correct?

If so, look at your female friends. No issue there, right? But you're established as off limits. Proving part of my point.

As for the men, are you saying that the two straight men are the ones you have ever really felt attracted to? That's how I'm reading it. And that proves the point. There IS an obstacle there. The fact that they are only attracted to women. I'm sure that as a person in your situation, you can just kind of accept that. I accept it all the time when girls I know are in relationships, or lesbians, or whatever. In fact, I can be friends with them with no strings attached. I might think to myself that they are cute, but have no issue being friends (no guarantee that is a mutual understanding I have found a few times, fueling my belief). I'm certain this is a similar feeling/situation.

As for the bisexual friends. You say you're not that close. And that can be a part of it right there. The last girl I dated we actually started as friends. Pretty good friends, too. Hell, we went out together as friends and it became a date. To be fair, I think we both knew it might happen that way and were lying to ourselves and each other that we were just going out as friends.

Here's the thing. I must admit, that I am not really sure about bisexual men. I've heard that bisexual women tend to be of the thought that they like to have fun with women, but want to marry men. As such, lesbians don't really like bisexual women too much. Is there a similar issue with bisexual men? If so, there's your obstacle. You obviously see it subconsciously if nothing else. On the same frame of mind, you might (even subconsciously) think that he prefers women, causing the same issue.

Otherwise, I'm at a loss. But I'm not prone to dismissing something I've seen with my own eyes countless times. It could just be a man and woman issue, in that case.

Note: I was trying to write this in a respectful manner. If anything I said offended you, that was not the intention. Not sure why it would, but I like to cover all my bases when I feel there MIGHT be an issue. Honestly, I have very little personal experience with gay men. Actually, the last time I talked to one, he was trying to pick me up... Apparently, the people I was with (both male and female) were so desperate for alcohol that we walked into a gay bar without knowing it. Long story.

 

[albania614]

A girl can be friends with a guy, however it is very rare (unless he is homosexual) for a man to be friends with a girl just because she is a nice person. Guys tend to delude themselves by saying that the "friend zone" is good enough. Thats just the plain truth. How many men have you seen with girls that are "below their league" just hanging out. Most men become friends with girls simply because they are too afraid to ask the girl out and/or she is dating someone else.

-Again, girls can be friends
-Men cannot be "just" friends with girls

 

[emeraldrafael]

Well, that is the mormon capital of the world. I wouldnt be surprised if half those girls where in multiple wife situations.

But being serious, you can. Im friends with girls who I have no sexual desire towards and just enjoy tehir company. Some of them are dating my friends, others are dating someone else I've known them since I was young, and others are single who would date me but I tell them know in interest of still being friends.

its not hard really.

 

[Zaverexus]

I, as a (straight) guy, do think that guys and girls can be friends. I don't have as many female friends as male friends, but I do have plenty of girls that I talk to on a regular basis, make jokes with, and know well enough, without any sexual interest in them. Or rather, I may admit they are attractive, but I have no desire to go out with or "hook up with" any of them.
To me, attractiveness is both physical and based on personality. A girl could be absolutely stunningly beautiful, but if she is cruel to everyone, or rude or lazy I don't find her attractive at all. There's some room between a girl being attractive and fun to talk to, and her being so great that I am interested in her, and in that space are my friends.
If I find a girl who is appealing overall, I ask her out and either it doesn't work or we're past friends, so I don't run into being just friends with some girl I'm interested in.
And for the record, to add another voice to the argument, my girlfriend also has some friends who are guys, to whom I speak regularly and who I know are not interested in her, and I trust them to hang out as just friends. So there are two votes yes.

 

[iseeyouthere]

So... What do I tell the several girls that I happen to be friends with?
"Sorry, we can't be friends anymore because you are a female?"

Friendship is for all genders, ages, races. I don't understand the logic behind claiming that a man and a woman can't be friends.

 

[geK0]

Most of my friends are female

I've only considered having a relationship with a few of them

This guy's logic is extremely flawed

 

[geK0]

A girl can be friends with a guy, however it is very rare (unless he is homosexual) for a man to be friends with a girl just because she is a nice person. Guys tend to delude themselves by saying that the "friend zone" is good enough. Thats just the plain truth. How many men have you seen with girls that are "below their league" just hanging out. Most men become friends with girls simply because they are too afraid to ask the girl out and/or she is dating someone else.

-Again, girls can be friends
-Men cannot be "just" friends with girls

You're full of crap.

Maybe YOU are unable to have a genuine friendship with the oppoisite gender, this doesn't mean it is true for every other guy out there. I have A LOT of female friends who I've never had any interest in, so yea I can speak from experience on this one.

 

[estoria-etnia]

My best friend is male and yes, I can be certain that on both sides it's friendship. For one, my best friend is in a relationship and is perfectly happy. We've also known each other since we were little and our relationship is more reminiscent of a brother-sister relationship. We still get idiots who think we're dating when we're really not. This misconception that men and women cannot be friends without one of them harboring feelings for the other really pisses me off and I wish it would stop.

 

[Slayer_2]

If guys cannot learn not to think with their dicks then it is a sad world we live in.

It's not our fault. God gave us two heads, but only enough blood for one. So since blood flows down thanks to gravity... well lower head wins and clouds the upper head.

This man speaks truth.

Seriously, though, men and women can be friends, but if one person is attractive, and the other is straight, it's likely there will be some attraction. Does this mean they can't be friends? Of course not. But the difference is that between two straight males or females, this issue will never arise. In a male-female relationship (assuming the male finds the female somewhat attractive), if the chance arises, the guy will usually try to sleep with her.