Can men and women be just friends? - proof within

[launchpadmcqwak]

So far I would say no because I don't see the point of it. I really want to just hang out, I will pick guys every time. I think guys are more laid back and are easier to get along with. Think its kind of bullshit that she puts you in the friend zone but doesn't consider you attractive enough to do anything with. You know thats why I laugh when a women says this line and she is your friend. "Know there are plenty of fish in the sea, you will find someone." You and me have alot of things in common, why not us, oh thats right, I get to be the guy in your life that gets to listen to all your problems while the other dude gets all the perks.

Are you honestly saying that a women is not allowed to be friends with you unless she wants to fuck you? Do you realise how fucked in the head is that?

Are you upset that I don't think the same way that you do. I want a friend and someone I can share my life with. my friends already fill the need that I have when it comes to wanting to hang out, I don't need another girl doing the same. Need a relationship, not a girl who just wants to talk and shit, have plenty of that already.

Inserting myself into a conversation:

So you're basically saying you don't want any more friends regardless of gender? You've only given the reason that you have enough people to hang out with as it is and don't want to have to talk to any additional people unless it comes with a relationship. If that's what you're saying, that sounds acceptable (not that you need the approval of random internet people anyway), if a little anti-social.

If that' not all you're saying, though, you haven't given any reasonable reason why guys and girls can't be just friends.

I can pretty agree with Shark I'm overall I nice guy that's quite adapt at getting a long with people. It's just overall I'm the silent guy in the group that doesn't want to be bothered with pointless bullshit.

You may think this is a bit selfish yet I only really deal with people I can relate and share opinions with. If to me you can't really fit this I don't want to waste yours or my time.

Edit

Woot 777th post

a dude got suspended for this post...why?

 

[The Heik]

I dislike people who think their personal experience allows them to speak for all other people. I dislike the stereotype that men are always thinking about sex, and in particular the 'people' who perpetuate it. I dislike people who think their personal experience overrides facts that I know.

I'm sorry but I must disabuse you of this notion that humanity does not think about sex all the time. In fact we do, because it's the only reason we're alive at all. Sex is the act of trying to continue the species, which is the only actual goal that life seems to have. You want to eat and sleep? it's to have energy in order to have sex. You want to better yourself as a person? It's to prove that you're the best candidate for procreation. Whether it's a conscious thought or not, you will think about sex from the minute you're born to the minute you die, which I feel is the point Deviate was trying to make. Whether or not people know it, they will have thought about having sex with whatever demographic they're attracted to whether or not they will act upon it or even register the thought consciously, because that's what we're hardwired to do.

 

[Samus Aran but a man]

"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
~Oscar Wilde

 

[tthor]

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and I tend to have a lot more girl friends then guy friends (some cases I admit are probably out of subconscious flirting, but not all). I think its because guys never talk indepth about personal things with other guys. guy conversation tend to wind up being very simple and superficial in nature. where as women will talk in much greater detail about things (arguably sometimes a little too much.. I don't CARE how hard the guy is riding you, Tisha, STOP texting me about it!)

 

[Fluffythepoo]

If you dont have sexual thoughts about attractive people you're in close contact with, then one or more of the baby making marts needs a tune-up, or youre old

 

[Dominic Burchnall]

Sorry, but I couldn't stop this song popping into my head as I watched this;


On a more serious note, he's doing this test across a very small cross section i.e. college students between 16 and 18 years of age in the Utah area. Might want to take his studies a little further afield before drawing these conclusions.
Case in point; I am a 19 year old straight guy. I have never had a girlfriend, so as you might imagine I have quite a considerable level of repressed libido. When I started university, I met a girl who I had not seen since primary school, and we immeadiately got re-aquainted, and are now very close friends once again. HOWEVER, after a mis-understanding caused by some of the gobbier of our friends, we had a talk, and have both confessed that niether of us have any sexual desires for the other. Or, if you want to get finickey, that we have no feelings beyond friendship for each other. she's not ugly, and (hopefully) niether am I, we're not waiting for anyone, we're both single, but we just want to be friends. It IS possible for such a state of affairs to exist, but it takes the right, circumstances, the right attitude, and really the right people.

 

[Subbies]

I don't see why having sexual thought invalidates friendship. Hell, I don't see why SEX invalidates friendship. The two are seperate and you can have both at the same time.

 

[The Almighty Grigard]

Think of it this way. How many times have you met a person of the opposite sex that you never though of hooking up with? Why did you feel this way? Were they ugly? In a relationship? Were you in a relationship? How did they fell? Exactly how close were you? Look in your heart. You know it to be true. Men and women can not be friends without some kind of huge obstacle. And even then, it's dicey.

False.

I assume that when you write opposite sex, you are really meaning sexually compatible, correct?

My closest friends can be summed into two girls and six guys. Out of those there are only two that I've felt really attracted to and actually wanted to sleep with. That would be two straight men. The two not-that-close-but still-good-friends bisexual guys I know? No such feelings and one is pretty good looking to boot. Bisexual, good looking guy, no relationship. I don't see any major obstacle and I'm still not jumping into his pants. Sadly I can't prove any of this but don't take shit for granted.

I looked into my heart, I know that it is in fact NOT true.

Well, yes and no. I don't see any reason it wouldn't be applied to gay and lesbians, but that is a very different situation, at the same time.
So, I'm assuming that you are gay. Correct?

If so, look at your female friends. No issue there, right? But you're established as off limits. Proving part of my point.

As for the men, are you saying that the two straight men are the ones you have ever really felt attracted to? That's how I'm reading it. And that proves the point. There IS an obstacle there. The fact that they are only attracted to women. I'm sure that as a person in your situation, you can just kind of accept that. I accept it all the time when girls I know are in relationships, or lesbians, or whatever. In fact, I can be friends with them with no strings attached. I might think to myself that they are cute, but have no issue being friends (no guarantee that is a mutual understanding I have found a few times, fueling my belief). I'm certain this is a similar feeling/situation.

As for the bisexual friends. You say you're not that close. And that can be a part of it right there. The last girl I dated we actually started as friends. Pretty good friends, too. Hell, we went out together as friends and it became a date. To be fair, I think we both knew it might happen that way and were lying to ourselves and each other that we were just going out as friends.

Here's the thing. I must admit, that I am not really sure about bisexual men. I've heard that bisexual women tend to be of the thought that they like to have fun with women, but want to marry men. As such, lesbians don't really like bisexual women too much. Is there a similar issue with bisexual men? If so, there's your obstacle. You obviously see it subconsciously if nothing else. On the same frame of mind, you might (even subconsciously) think that he prefers women, causing the same issue.

Otherwise, I'm at a loss. But I'm not prone to dismissing something I've seen with my own eyes countless times. It could just be a man and woman issue, in that case.

Note: I was trying to write this in a respectful manner. If anything I said offended you, that was not the intention. Not sure why it would, but I like to cover all my bases when I feel there MIGHT be an issue. Honestly, I have very little personal experience with gay men. Actually, the last time I talked to one, he was trying to pick me up... Apparently, the people I was with (both male and female) were so desperate for alcohol that we walked into a gay bar without knowing it. Long story.

Hm, I'm a bit confused now. I understood your first post as "if you don't have feelings for them, it is because of a huge obstacle." Here I was explaining a situation where I did have feelings for someone, even though there is an obstacle. At the same time there is two people who are readily available but I still have no feelings. Don't dismiss the women though since I am bisexual. I just kinda forgot writing out the part about them. That's what you get for being sleep deprived!

Don't worry about me being offended. You didn't write anything that I'd consider offensive so you are being overly cautious. Maybe there's a bit of an "I am 100% right" tone, but offensive? Hell no.
(I'd love to hear that story. Sounds hilarious. But maybe not derail the thread.)

 

[predatorpulse7]

Only real answer is if the girl is not that attractive or if the guy is gay.

 

[Sholtz]

lol, i love how the only ones to say "yes" are the girls. That because they are the ones who choose whether your worthy for them or not. They decide whether your friends or not. Regardless of how you feel for them. So cruel...

 

[predatorpulse7]

I am friends with several women, and there is not a hair on my head considering sex or a partnership with any of them. Some are real lookers, but it's just not on my mind.

So yes, it is possible.

A couple of questions:

-are these "lookers" single and if so why don't you desire them? Not your type?

-are you homosexual?

Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way but I don't see how I could be just friends with a hot woman who is single. Maybe you could pretend for a while but make no mistake, you still want to have to sex with her and thus it isn't really a friendship. I don't desire to have sex with any of my friends. Sure, I guess your girl can also be your friend at times but not like a real friend cause your behavior around her will change since you can potentially have sex with her. Sex and friendship don't go hand in hand. It's basically the same bit as true admiration for someone. You can't really have sex with someone you genuinely admire since you put them up on a pedestal.

 

[predatorpulse7]

If guys cannot learn not to think with their dicks then it is a sad world we live in.

Welcome to the world as we know it since humanity began.

 

[Psymon138]

I don't see why sexual attraction would invalidate a friendship. Several of my female friends are very attractive and yes, I have certainly fantasised about them. With at least one, the attraction is mutual and she suggested that if we're ever both single we should hook up. The idea that wanting to have sex with someone would stop you being friend with them is laughable, if you're honest and open about your sexuality it shouldn't bother you.

 

[predatorpulse7]

I once read a small exert of an article in Reader's Digest (in a doctor's office) that asked various questions of psychologists. This was one of the questions. The psychologists said-drum roll please-no. That's right, psychologists said no. They said that men and women are just hard wired to look at everyone of the opposite sex as a potential mate. The only exceptions are when both people are completely unattracted to each other for one reason or another.

End of thread basically.

The minute SEX enters your mind it's not "just friends" and thus not a real friendship.

A friendship between men and women can occur in situations when there is ZERO CHEMISTRY, for various reasons like gayness, woman being unattractive(or moderately attractive but not his type) and so on. As the pros said, we are hardwired to seek beauty in the opposite sex(for the heterosexuals among us) and if we do see a beautiful woman(I'm speaking as a guy) the last thing I want to do is be "just friends" with her, I want to eventually have sex after knowing her a bit. Hell, even if I don't have anything in common with her, I'd still like to have sex to her just based on her appearance.

Attraction needs to be absolute zero for a true friendship to exist.

Look at how you behave around a friend and the way you behave around a girl you want to get with.

 

[predatorpulse7]

I don't see why sexual attraction would invalidate a friendship. Several of my female friends are very attractive and yes, I have certainly fantasised about them. With at least one, the attraction is mutual and she suggested that if we're ever both single we should hook up. The idea that wanting to have sex with someone would stop you being friend with them is laughable, if you're honest and open about your sexuality it shouldn't bother you.

It's not true friendship because you are both hanging around in the off chance that you might get together someday. It's a love relationship that's waiting to happen. It kinda reminds me of that whole thing "hey if we're single by age x let's get hitched". That suggests attraction but not immediate attraction, it's like a failsafe against lonelyness, if we're single and we don't like it let's hook up.

Being that attraction exists, a true friendship can't occur. You would never think about your friends in a sexual manner.

 

[ElPatron]

Can women and men be just friends? Of course. Will the male/female have sexual thoughts about his friend? Hell yes.

Fixed that for you.

I hate the myth that girls don't think about it at all.

 

[The Human Torch]

I am friends with several women, and there is not a hair on my head considering sex or a partnership with any of them. Some are real lookers, but it's just not on my mind.

So yes, it is possible.

A couple of questions:

-are these "lookers" single and if so why don't you desire them? Not your type?

-are you homosexual?

Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way but I don't see how I could be just friends with a hot woman who is single. Maybe you could pretend for a while but make no mistake, you still want to have to sex with her and thus it isn't really a friendship. I don't desire to have sex with any of my friends. Sure, I guess your girl can also be your friend at times but not like a real friend cause your behavior around her will change since you can potentially have sex with her. Sex and friendship don't go hand in hand. It's basically the same bit as true admiration for someone. You can't really have sex with someone you genuinely admire since you put them up on a pedestal.

Some of those lookers were taken when I met them, than their relationship broke up and all but one are now again in a new relationship. I am not the type of guy who jumps on any women, simply because: "she is hot", the total package needs to be there, and there should be a click.

My neighbour's niece used to be Miss Holland, I hung out with her a couple of times, but absolutely nothing happened as far as desire. Yes, I saw that she was gorgeous, but I wasn't chasing her with a raging boner.

Also, I am not gay and currently in a relationship.

 

[Psymon138]

It's not true friendship because you are both hanging around in the off chance that you might get together someday. It's a love relationship that's waiting to happen. It kinda reminds me of that whole thing "hey if we're single by age x let's get hitched". That suggests attraction but not immediate attraction, it's like a failsafe against lonelyness, if we're single and we don't like it let's hook up.

Being that attraction exists, a true friendship can't occur. You would never think about your friends in a sexual manner.

I don't understand this concept many people here seem to have of a 'true' friendship. How would you define it? The girl I mentioned previously is easily one of my closest friends. We hang out together, we get drunk together, we talk on every subject and we've both been there for each other in rough times. I probably know more about her than I do about many of my guy friends. Why would the fact we are attracted to each other invalidate that?