Center for Disease Control Reveals Zombie Apocalypse Plan

[Kenjitsuka]

"how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated."

One; don't let them bite you.
Two; shotgun shell to the cranium (duh).

Easy peasy!
And they don't need to do any testing blah blah, just contact Umbrella Corp

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

They better have a cure withen 2 months... or there will be no surviving zombies...

Seriously, I'm pretty sure every nerd in the universe has a zombie mass murder plan by now...

 

[FarleShadow]

I actually think there should be a study group that thinks up the most outlandish scenarios all the time.

Like what happens if every third person turned into barbeque dip?

Spoiler

The answer is: get some ribs, yoohoo!

 

[Nerdstar]

How patients can be treated? A bullet to the head sounds like a good start.

Bullet to the head is very difficult against a moving target a good distance away if you're not using a scoped weapon and are trained to do so.

Plus, walking corpses still decompose and rot very quickly, then there's winter and how Cracked pointed out the whole zombie apocalypse scenario isn't logically possible.

"Patient" implies someone already infected and under the care of doctors.

Dismemberment would be better. Zombie or not, mobility is kinda hampered with an amputated pair of legs and only one arm that ends above the elbow.

if said "patient" is already in the care of doctors, then just shoot him if you cut him up not only is there increased chance of infection because of the decapitated limbs the head might still be a problem afters its been cut off if it can still bite, then use fire, rinse and repeat as necessary, if out in the open and face with said zombie and the plan is too merly get away then a quick dismemberment is preferred.

How patients can be treated? A bullet to the head sounds like a good start.

Charming dude. Zombiism can be cured, but I'm pretty sure lead can't.

but seriously even if you can cure zombism the fact that your paent is a rotting corpse with half its torso missing is probably a good sign that its a lost cause. maybe if you've just been bitten and are still alive or in the throes of change perhaps, but one the transformations done its game over man! game over!!!!!

 

[Xjin]

Just use holy water, and for the love of the void don't use a phoenix down!

 

[Jamous]

In all honesty I sincerely doubt we need one. Everyone has a Zombie Survival plan. Everyone. We just have to make sure that we don't all go to the same places to stock up!

 

[Frostbite3789]

This has restored my faith the US government 110%. And considering I was hovering somewhere around the -60% mark. That's pretty good. We're up to positive 50% now! Hooray guv'ment!

 

[Kopikatsu]

but seriously even if you can cure zombism the fact that your paent is a rotting corpse with half its torso missing is probably a good sign that its a lost cause. maybe if you've just been bitten and are still alive or in the throes of change perhaps, but one the transformations done its game over man! game over!!!!!

If you're talking about rotting corpse zombies (The kind that can't feasibly happen in real life), then sure.

But I'm pretty sure the CDC's plan is for 'infected' zombies that aren't rotting corpses, but sick individuals. Like a large group of people with a radically behavior altering disease that made them want to murder everything near them with their bare hands. Not really likely, but still kind of possible. Kinda...sorta...a little bit.

 

[TitanAtlas]

And if help doesnt come you could resort to PLAN B with 3 important actions...

Spoiler: 1st Action

1st Action - Break the Glass

Spoiler: 2nd Action

2nd Action - Get Tactical...

Spoiler: 3rd Action... Its show time

3rd Action - Get Busy...




Good luck, and happy hunting ;D

 

[Soviet Steve]

So the CDC is going to study the zombies and look for a cure. Why does that sound familiar?

Oh, right, it's because it's the same asinine response the government has in any story about zombies. Kill them first, figure them out later, or at least after completely securing a safe zone.

Yeah, the approach to anything we haven't previously encountered or know much about should be to kill everything and everyone. Imagine the public response if a new strain of sniffles where you also went a bit pale was dealt with by launching a pre-emptive nuclear strike. >_>

 

[Fayathon]

So the CDC is going to study the zombies and look for a cure. Why does that sound familiar?

Oh, right, it's because it's the same asinine response the government has in any story about zombies. Kill them first, figure them out later, or at least after completely securing a safe zone.

Yeah, the approach to anything we haven't previously encountered or know much about should be to kill everything and everyone. Imagine the public response if a new strain of sniffles where you also went a bit pale was dealt with by launching a pre-emptive nuclear strike. >_>

I'm not talking about the sniffles, I'm talking about an epidemic where the dead reanimate and eat people, I'm all for studying new diseases to figure out how to combat them, but once it turns a certain percentage of the populace into bloodthirsty cannibals then the time for study is over and people need to do damage control.

 

[Alanj95]

They have made a general plan because they don't know the speed of zombie they will encounter, what level of intelligence they will retain, or whether the cause will be a parasite, virus, or bacteria.

 

[Nerdstar]

but seriously even if you can cure zombism the fact that your paent is a rotting corpse with half its torso missing is probably a good sign that its a lost cause. maybe if you've just been bitten and are still alive or in the throes of change perhaps, but one the transformations done its game over man! game over!!!!!

If you're talking about rotting corpse zombies (The kind that can't feasibly happen in real life), then sure.

But I'm pretty sure the CDC's plan is for 'infected' zombies that aren't rotting corpses, but sick individuals. Like a large group of people with a radically behavior altering disease that made them want to murder everything near them with their bare hands. Not really likely, but still kind of possible. Kinda...sorta...a little bit.

OK, granted if were dealing with "28 days later" zombie or a left 4 dead zombie as opposed 2 a "dawn of the dead" zombie the impletion of a cure is a bit more reasonable and doable, but that still doesn't solve the problem of administering said cure, because i doubt there going to stand in line for there shots, and as for an aerosol delivery method somehow i doubt that will be very effective, said cure would only be really feasible if used on individuals or at best small groups, large scale deployment of said cure is logistically unfeasible.

P.S-there's also the possibility of impaired brain function because of the neural degradation brought on by the virus so even if you cure them there's possibility of just bring back vegetables

So the CDC is going to study the zombies and look for a cure. Why does that sound familiar?

Oh, right, it's because it's the same asinine response the government has in any story about zombies. Kill them first, figure them out later, or at least after completely securing a safe zone.

Yeah, the approach to anything we haven't previously encountered or know much about should be to kill everything and everyone. Imagine the public response if a new strain of sniffles where you also went a bit pale was dealt with by launching a pre-emptive nuclear strike. >_>

I'm not talking about the sniffles, I'm talking about an epidemic where the dead reanimate and eat people, I'm all for studying new diseases to figure out how to combat them, but once it turns a certain percentage of the populace into bloodthirsty cannibals then the time for study is over and people need to do damage control.

indeed! while i agree that there's a time and place for studying the diseases and that should ALWAYS be going on to combat the diseases, at a certain point quarantines and damage control needs to be done, this is one of those special cases where you need t secure the area(city,state,country)before you start researching how to fight it otherwise your just asking for trouble in the form of overrun safe areas (case in point left 4 dead the ceda chooses to put research before containment and now the entirety of the east coast is in the hands of the ghouls)

 

[vxicepickxv]

So, the link was busted a LONG time ago, so here we go with the Google Cache version from around noon. Even this link will take a while to load. You can probably thank Fark.com for both getting me the Cache link, AND for crashing the site.(I'm sorry, but they're Alexia ranking is over 1000 lower than escapist, which surprised me that Escapist's is actually in the top 3,500)

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:CO9vfWcAsZ4J:blogs.cdc.gov/publichealthmatters/2011/05/preparedness-101-zombie-apocalypse/+http://blogs.cdc.gov/publichealthmatters/2011/05/preparedness-101-zombie-apocalypse/&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&source=www.google.com

So, anyway. The concept of survival in a zombie apocalypse isn't too different, unless the infection vector is airborne or uses a common insect(flea, mosquito) to infect people. If it's just from bites, then the week's supplies should be fine, two weeks at the most to cover newer infections.

 

[BrownGaijin]

From CDC site

Are you prepared? Tell us?
Have you begun preparing for a zombie apocalypse? Or maybe you have been preparing for a more realistic threat like hurricanes or the next flu season? Tell us about what you are doing to prepare.

Is it me or is the CDC trying to get us ready for a more realistic disaster by joking around with a less likely, yet more... entertaining disaster?

 

[NicoDK]

So basicly, their plan is to be like CEDA from l4d2? That worked out well.

 

[thedoclc]

Most people are not going to read or look at public health information.

Anyone who would read it simply because zombies were given a passing mention is probably not important in any way to disaster preparedness.

It's like pandering tax reform to grade schoolers before an election by dressing it up in My Li...er...in some cartoon.

 

[Grunt_Man11]

Well, whatever happens, I know the CDC will take any emergent zombie behavior rather seriously. After all, their motto is...

Yes, for all the idiots we have in the government there is at least one agency that actually knows what the they're doing.

As opposed to the WHO (World Health Organization) who's policy is run around flaying their arms like a moron, while screaming "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE," in order to create as much panic and paranoia as they can.

 

[Valanthe]

Does anyone else think the opening line ought to have read:

"Bad news: hell is full and the dead are walking the earth. Worse news: the government has a plan."

Anyone?