Center for Disease Control Reveals Zombie Apocalypse Plan

[Soviet Steve]

I'm not talking about the sniffles, I'm talking about an epidemic where the dead reanimate and eat people, I'm all for studying new diseases to figure out how to combat them, but once it turns a certain percentage of the populace into bloodthirsty cannibals then the time for study is over and people need to do damage control.

Indeed, but they still have to establish that that is what's happening, as simply taking for granted that everyone is done for and that we should kill anyone who looks off will inevitably lead to embarrassing and inconvenient situations.

 

[xXLivinDeadGrlXx]

Hello... first time poster...

anyway on to what I originally wanted to post...

From CDC site

Are you prepared? Tell us?
Have you begun preparing for a zombie apocalypse? Or maybe you have been preparing for a more realistic threat like hurricanes or the next flu season? Tell us about what you are doing to prepare.

I've always been prepared. I've been watching zombie movies since I was 9 years old. My dad introduced me to a dvd-rom movie version of "Night of the Living Dead". Original movie, but on dvd back in like '99 lol... Then he recorded the classic 1978 "Dawn of the Dead"... ironically it was recorded on Easter. After that I just went to town over the year on viewing almost all awesome undead flicks. I've also been a big fan of the game "House of the Dead" and "Resident Evil". I'm a hugh geek about guncon's... they need more of those for dead aim accuracy in xbox.

Anyway, I've always pictured, thought out, and prepared in my head for this stuff, in the hypothetical sense of course. I've had my CNA and going for my RN, so I'm perfectly aware of medical stuff and preparation for emergencies.

Basically, for a realistic stand point on all this? I just think they were using it as a decoy to get people aware, I mean the last 5-6 years have been insane around the world with natural disasters, especially with the current Mississippi river issue and Katrina. I think in general, zombies or not, it's just good practice to alway be mentally aware of what to do. I commend the CDC for being pretty damn creative and attention grabbing. I mean they got someone to post it here, they must be doing something right.

 

[vxicepickxv]

From CDC site

Are you prepared? Tell us?
Have you begun preparing for a zombie apocalypse? Or maybe you have been preparing for a more realistic threat like hurricanes or the next flu season? Tell us about what you are doing to prepare.

Is it me or is the CDC trying to get us ready for a more realistic disaster by joking around with a less likely, yet more... entertaining disaster?

They actually mention that as part of their master plan, in the article. Which is why I put up a cached version link, so people could get to it.

 

[VendettaNola]

Oh man, Rave to the Grave. Thanks for making me mentally review that two horrible hours of my life. Lol, lol, lol....

 

[soren7550]

This plan needs MOAR WEAPONS!

Seriously CDC, you should of thought of that.

 

[Bretty]

Pffft, Zombies are old news. We have moved on preparing and creating safe environments against Raptor attacks.

For example... door handles. Only round knobs pass the test.

 

[Lono Shrugged]

I know it's not CDC but I'm not exactly confident about the U.S. government handling anything after a little hurricane a few years ago.

 

[Ilke]

Too bad zombism isn't like any other disease outbreak, and the CDC's plan is basically the one used by governments in zombie apocalypse flicks: It doesn't work.

 

[loogie]

How patients can be treated? A bullet to the head sounds like a good start.

Bullet to the head is very difficult against a moving target a good distance away if you're not using a scoped weapon and are trained to do so.

Plus, walking corpses still decompose and rot very quickly, then there's winter and how Cracked pointed out the whole zombie apocalypse scenario isn't logically possible.

well your logically boring.

 

[loogie]

Too bad zombism isn't like any other disease outbreak, and the CDC's plan is basically the one used by governments in zombie apocalypse flicks: It doesn't work.

It's in fact quite like any other emergency, being that is has very few fixed parameters... the point is the gov't is using the outbreak to throw people off guard... If your an emergency manager you'll have been planning for earthquakes, tornadoes, disease outbreaks, and other such "common" emergencies for a long time... and, working with fimilar data makes you think less, it's like looking at a problem a different way, schools in canada made a zombie apoc plan awhile ago and were very surprized how useful the information was to emergencies in general, which is why it's a plausible form of planning.

 

[Sneaklemming]

Redeker Plan [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1QZDdkNkoE&feature=related] anyone?

 

[Fayathon]

*snip*

Step 1: Ascertain that it is indeed the dead returning to life and eating the living.
Step 2: Provide heavily defended shelter for the living.
Step 3: Murder the shit out of zombies.
Step 4: Study zombies in insanely secured location after most of the threat is neutralized.
Step 5: ???????
Step 6: Everyone PROFITs

 

[TheSuperiorXemnas]

So were does the "Let's just blow up the infected area and pretend that we fixed it" part fall into?

 

[mexicola]

Nice to see at least SOMEONE is prepared for the eventual zombie outbreak, I don't think my government has anything like this in store. The plan needs more shotgun though.

 

[Nate Corran]

Well. Glad to know they have a plan. *Smiles unconvincingly and reaches for baseball bat)

 

[theultimateend]

How patients can be treated? A bullet to the head sounds like a good start.

Bullet to the head is very difficult against a moving target a good distance away if you're not using a scoped weapon and are trained to do so.

Plus, walking corpses still decompose and rot very quickly, then there's winter and how Cracked pointed out the whole zombie apocalypse scenario isn't logically possible.

Let's just say "gigantic viral outbreak that drives it's infected to murderous insanity".

That's not even that farfetched. I mean, we have rabies and all kinds of nasty behaviour-influencing parasites. If influenza were to mutate and develop this trait we'd all be in some serious trouble. It would be like the Spanish flu with zombies.

Wasn't this literally a movie?

I thought that was the premise to 28 days later?

 

[Atheist.]

Can I have my tax dollars back now? This is just ridiculous.

 

[LadyMint]

Unless the CDC knows something that the rest of the public doesn't (which I don't doubt they do), I think it's utterly ridiculous that they had to release any statement to this effect. It all sounds very standard procedure, anyway. They might as well just have said, "We plan to handle a zombie apocalypse just as we would any epidemic."

 

[ReiverCorrupter]

The government rolls its eyes pats meme frothing people on the head and gives a general purpose plan for infection control (This plan can be used for any unknown disease) and you get your panties in a twist. People are far too obsessed with zombies on the internet. Its seriously reaching the point of necrophilia or maybe super-Necrophilia. The government doesn't have a plan for zombies the same way it doesn't have a plan for extra-dimensional aliens, its very unlikely. Sorry to be a party-killer but hundreds of zombies threads and news posts have made me put on my serious face here.

It depends on what we mean by zombies. If we actually mean 'undead' where flesh is reanimated, then they don't need to prepare because it is biologically impossible. You can't move without a metabolic systems and cells, it's just nonsense.

However, a 28 days later scenario is quite possible. Rabies is already a kind of zombie disease. There could definitely be a virus that is spread through saliva, etc. and is extremely virulent and also makes people go nuts.

It would be incredibly scary, yes, but it isn't the worst possibility. I think the worst possibility would be a retrovirus that is incredibly virulent and airborne but doesn't have immediate effects and appears just like the common cold. Then about a month or two later, once virtually everyone has contracted it, it goes into its second stage and causes almost instantaneous death, not giving anyone enough time to find a cure. The good news is that it couldn't evolve but would have to be designed. The bad news is that it could be designed.

 

[serata]

Meanwhile, in the world run by the CDC: http://xkcd.com/734/

All films end up as romantic comedies. It's a lot more boring in that world.