Cheating, a dealbreaker?

[Spade Lead]

I never cheated, not counting my separation, but three women have cheated on their significant others to sleep with me (I know, I am shit), including my ex-fiance, who has cheated on three different guys with me.

Cheating is a deal breaker for me, which is why I have never cheated on anyone, and would immediately come clean if I did. (I did fool around with one woman when my wife and I were at our rockiest, and I told her right away about it. She forgave me and we moved on, and eventually we broke up for different reasons.)

Wait, what "emotionally"? How does someone "emotionally" cheat on someone else?
If you aren't fucking other guys/girls, you aren't cheating on anyone.

On topic:
Yes, of course it's a dealbreaker.
Why would I need to be with someone who sleeps around?
I don't have self-esteem issues, or problems with my confidence.
You sleep around, you can be damn sure I can do better than you.

He is talking about an emotional affair, which is just as much cheating as fucking a stranger. It involves building up emotions that you shouldn't feel for people that aren't your spouse.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Wait, what "emotionally"? How does someone "emotionally" cheat on someone else?
If you aren't fucking other guys/girls, you aren't cheating on anyone.

Some people feel just as betrayed if they believe that their partner is emotionally cheating. Such as falling in love with someone else or essentially being in a relationship with someone else except there is no sexual contact.

 

[l_w_88]

I can see why she's your ex fiance.

The connection there being if she cheated on others, I'm guessing she did it to you?

 

[s0denone]

He is talking about an emotional affair, which is just as much cheating as fucking a stranger. It involves building up emotions that you shouldn't feel for people that aren't your spouse.

That would be your opinion then.
I agree... Being in love with someone other than your spouse? That's bad. Very bad. Very detrimental to the relationship.
Is it "cheating"? No.

Some people feel just as betrayed if they believe that their partner is emotionally cheating. Such as falling in love with someone else or essentially being in a relationship with someone else except there is no sexual contact.

Being in two seperate, physical relationships is certainly cheating on either one of the people involved - if they don't know.
Falling in love with someone else, without acting on those urges, however, is not.

 

[Ironrose]

I truly believe that cheaters can change, I have both strayed and been cheated on myself. When I strayed the people around me really came down hard, I was completely ostracised from my friend group, not even the person I cheated with would talk to me, I was left without a friend in the world and it took months for me to rebuild trust with people. I learned the hard way that no matter how confused I am about my feelings or how tempting a situation is it will always hurt far far far more people then it will please and it simply isn't worth it.

 

[King Ramen Noodle]

it would be over for me. and i say this from a few perspectives.

1: It shows that i can't trust them anymore to be faithful to the relationship or to me in general so if i can't trust them then i see no reason why i should stick with them. A relationship without trust is poison at best, because now instead of being 100% comfortable about what they are doing when your not around instead turns into "what is he/she doing?" "is he at home like he/she says?". so deep down you no longer truly enjoy the relationship and will most likely second guess everything about them and their motives.

2: Assuming that its because they were swayed by the other man then it shows that i never was good enough for them to begin with. we all have it. if you could date the man or woman of your dreams then you would. and at some point you're gonna have to face that fact that the person you are dating may not consider you to be ideal. it blows but that life.

so generally i would break it off and would refuse to give it a second chance because regardless of the reasons valid or not means that deep down in the relationship something is truly wrong or broken and most likely can never be fix or can't be fixed since cheating just permanently leaves a nasty stain on the Relationship its hard to get over or even fix so it better to just move on. And on a final note if you resort to cheating instead of dealing with problems with your current relationship then it just shows a true lack of character and respect for others. and if you can't have the decency to tell that hot looking guy or women no then maybe relationships aren't for you. if you can't stay faithful then at least accept that part of you and let everyone know so we can all avoid that heartbreak from the get go.

 

[Spade Lead]

I can see why she's your ex fiance.

The connection there being if she cheated on others, I'm guessing she did it to you?

Nah, she just went insane, or rather I noticed her craziness. I guess after two years or so, her general craziness got through my love-fogged eyes and I realized she wasn't the normal woman-crazy, she was crazy-crazy.

I feel so bad for her, I did everything in my power to make her life as good as I could, but it wasn't enough to overcome the hard life she had, and she resorted to a lifestyle that I still cannot condone. It took me until about two weeks ago (over a year) to come to grips with reality and accept that her personal choices are not my fault, and that there was ultimately nothing I could do about it.

She still obviously loves me very much (she even told me as much while I was holding her that last time), and I still love her, it just wasn't meant to be. Now I am moving on, and I genuinely hope she is happy.

 

[LawlessSquirrel]

I believe in second chances, but if someone cheats on me they'll have to do a bloody good job proving it's not going to happen again or it's over. There are certain circumstances where I could believe it was a one time thing, but more likely than not it'd be over.

That just seems like such a selfish betrayal to me; I don't think I could be with someone that would treat me like that.

As for me, I've been accused of cheating before, but never have and never will. I was quick to correct the presumption, but I think there were still lingering concerns, which is never a good thing.

 

[Sebenko]

Our offical line seems to be "Make it a threesome or take pictures".

Of course, it's never come up, so we've never had a chance to find out if we'd follow this though.

 

[ramboondiea]

yeah, if your cheated on that should be the end, iv been cheated on a few times ( i really know how to pick them eh?) i tried to have a relationship with someone who did cheat several years after it happened, but i couldnt trust her again and it ended horribly

 

[Mistermixmaster]

If I had gotten cheated on within a year or two, I'd say it's an instant deal-breaker. But if you love a person enough and you've been together for a couple of years, I'd be more leaning on the "you got one last chance" side of things, but I'd have major issues trying to trust her for the next couple of years, which could potentially lead into other problems...

Depressing thread is depressing...

 

[nunqual]

I would be broken... I have no idea what I would do, especially considering that she promised that she would never betray me. I would still love her, but I would always be paranoid that she would be unfaithful again, and that would ruin the relationship, I think. It would definitely leave me with some issues.

 

[Angerwing]

Definitely a dealbreaker. If someone cheated on me, I'd never talk to them again.

 

[FoolKiller]

Wait, what "emotionally"? How does someone "emotionally" cheat on someone else?
If you aren't fucking other guys/girls, you aren't cheating on anyone.

Some people feel just as betrayed if they believe that their partner is emotionally cheating. Such as falling in love with someone else or essentially being in a relationship with someone else except there is no sexual contact.

I tend to have mixed feelings about this. The problem with this is intent. Physically cheating on someone requires you to act. So-called emotional cheating is weird because if you fall in love with someone else, it's not by choice. You can't control how you feel, you can only control how you choose to act based on that feeling.

Personally, I fell in love with my best friend at the time. Realizing this, I broke up with my girlfriend and went after my friend because I felt it wasn't fair to my girlfriend that I have such deep feelings for someone else and not her.

 

[Boba Frag]

I have had the unusual situation of being with someone from another country, and when they left they tried going back to their old partner. Emotionally draining experience, to say the least, for them. We'd decided to let things go as they were when they left, but still missed one another, obviously.

Anyway, over the summer when they became more and more miserable they officially finished with the other dude.
Around September she'd started recovering from the whole ordeal and we decided to give the long distance thing a shot. But before we said we'd make it official, she said she had something to tell me.
She had been fooling around with the ex around August, about a few weeks after she'd finished with the guy. It happened a few times, but then she stopped it.

She didn't have to tell me, but wanted to be honest with me. I understand that now, and we weren't going out at the time, but it was still the most betrayed and hurt I have ever felt.
I came very close to telling her we should forget the whole thing.
We got over that, just about, and started being official (yes, I know, over a long distance is kinda weird) but we were very happy.
My own contribution is that it's such a hazy issue at best, and nobody wins in that scnenario.
If you love them, you'll eventually be able to forgive them.


I think this thread needs a little cheering up.

"He that but looketh on a plate of ham and eggs to lust after it hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart."
CS Lewis

 

[BlastedTheWorm]

Physically...it would honestly depend on the circumstances. I may give them one more chance.

Emotionally? They're gone.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I truly believe that cheaters can change, I have both strayed and been cheated on myself. When I strayed the people around me really came down hard, I was completely ostracised from my friend group, not even the person I cheated with would talk to me, I was left without a friend in the world and it took months for me to rebuild trust with people. I learned the hard way that no matter how confused I am about my feelings or how tempting a situation is it will always hurt far far far more people then it will please and it simply isn't worth it.

'Once a cheater always a cheater' seems to prove true time and time again but of course there will be exceptions and it depends on the relationship.

Do you regret what you did because of the betrayal itself or because of the repercussions?

 

[ajemas]

People really don't change. If they cheated on me in the past, then they will probably cheat on me in the future. Of course, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place because I have no desire to be in a relationship.

 

[Ironrose]

I truly believe that cheaters can change, I have both strayed and been cheated on myself. When I strayed the people around me really came down hard, I was completely ostracised from my friend group, not even the person I cheated with would talk to me, I was left without a friend in the world and it took months for me to rebuild trust with people. I learned the hard way that no matter how confused I am about my feelings or how tempting a situation is it will always hurt far far far more people then it will please and it simply isn't worth it.

'Once a cheater always a cheater' seems to prove true time and time again but of course there will be exceptions and it depends on the relationship.

Do you regret what you did because of the betrayal itself or because of the repercussions?

Both really, I was quite young at the time and I had never realised how much pain I could potentially inflict on another person, and when it happened I was horrified with myself and the other person involved. I had never ever seen or felt that sort of pain and I could never wish it on anybody. If I had had even the slightest comprehension of what the impact of my actions were going to be the event wouldn't have happened, not for anything; but at the time I didn't know and I did a stupid thing and far too many people suffered for it. There wasn't just my ex's, the other guy's and my pain but we were all part of a very tight knit group and everyone got dragged into our crap.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

Once someone breaks my trust, I'm done. It's not even jealousy; I just get pissed off that they would disrespect me enough to try playing me.