Critical Miss: Conan the Barbarian
- Thread starter The Wooster
- Start date
I'm going to try to be open-minded and go see it. I have no attachment whatsoever to any of the previous movies or short stories or anything, so hopefully I'll enjoy it. And Jason Momoa was actually pretty good as Khal Drogo in Game of Thrones, so I'll give him a chance at least.
Having seen the 1980's movies... (Yes, even Conan the Destroyer unfortunately)... I can honestly say that I was never anything remotely approaching a fan. It's subtle hints at underlying messages and dialogue were entirely overshadowed by some of the cheesiest acting and poorest action scenes I have ever witnessed. The plot dragged. The action was -slow- and awkward. The dialogue was almost non-existent, and the characters were ridiculously bland.
I actually -like- Arnie as an actor... and I wish he hadn't been in the movie. The only reason I have seen the movie more than once is because James Earl Jones is amazing. I would watch paint dry if he narrated it.
But my point is... when I see they're making another Conan movie, it doesn't matter to me if they don't have something like the first one. Because I think the first one (and the second, too) were pretty damn boring. I like a good barbarian ripping apart the bad guys and sleazing around with the ladies as much as the next guy... but Conan really did absolutely nothing for me.
He didn't feel awesome. He felt like a cartoon character. And they accentuated this point by TURNING HIM INTO A CARTOON CHARACTER... so I think I'll just rest my case right there.
I happen to like Jason Momoa. He conveys badassery well, he's a competent actor, and he's proven without a doubt that he can handle an action scene at something a bit better than ol' Arnie's arthritic pace.
You can say whatever you like about the originals. I'm sure they had fans.
I am not one.
This movie might actually compel me to give Conan and his interesting universe another look. Assuming they don't screw it up too horribly, I might even enjoy it this time around.
I actually -like- Arnie as an actor... and I wish he hadn't been in the movie. The only reason I have seen the movie more than once is because James Earl Jones is amazing. I would watch paint dry if he narrated it.
But my point is... when I see they're making another Conan movie, it doesn't matter to me if they don't have something like the first one. Because I think the first one (and the second, too) were pretty damn boring. I like a good barbarian ripping apart the bad guys and sleazing around with the ladies as much as the next guy... but Conan really did absolutely nothing for me.
He didn't feel awesome. He felt like a cartoon character. And they accentuated this point by TURNING HIM INTO A CARTOON CHARACTER... so I think I'll just rest my case right there.
I happen to like Jason Momoa. He conveys badassery well, he's a competent actor, and he's proven without a doubt that he can handle an action scene at something a bit better than ol' Arnie's arthritic pace.
You can say whatever you like about the originals. I'm sure they had fans.
I am not one.
This movie might actually compel me to give Conan and his interesting universe another look. Assuming they don't screw it up too horribly, I might even enjoy it this time around.
While I appreciate them bringing the franchise back to some sort of relevance, I really wish they left whatever little backstory Conan had intact. He was an adventurer and his homeland provided little excitement, except for the constant fights with Picts, Vanes and Asgardians. Really, his only motivation for leaving his family behind was a search for glory, women, wealth and booze.Falseprophet said:
However, the movie makers seem to believe that such motivation is difficult to relate to, so instead they feed us cookie-cutter parental death vengeance backstory in Conan's every non-book appearance (original 80's movies, the cartoon show and now this new flick). Which is a bunch of bull. I totally can get where Conan comes from. In fact, what man doesn't want glory, women or wealth?
Also, what annoyed me a bit in all the trailers was badass Cimmerians cowered in furs and stuff. The whole point of Cimmerians, and most other mountain-dwelling nations, was that they didn't fear cold, and Cimmerians never wore much, especially any sort of armor or protection.
In fact, when Conan returns back home briefly in one of the stories, his relatives make fun of him for needing to use his cape as blanket and a rock for a pillow, considering that as a sign of weakness and negative influence of the civilized countries.
tl;dr version: I want less Batman in my Conan.
Damn straight! That guy was the secret hero of the 80s films.Cosplay Horatio said:
ALL GLORY TO THE CHINESE DESERT HOBO!
This said, I fear that this movie will become forgotten within a year or so. As Total Film commented, likely to be a poor copy of Zack Snyder's 300. Will not be rushing out to watch any time soon.