Dating a Transsexual

[Grey Day for Elcia]

[Disclaimer: hopefully I don't offend anyone or anything here. If I do, rest assured it is not intended. Society doesn't talk about this much, so the words and terms to use may be confused or misused by me.]

Now, if you're attracted to men, you see a man you find handsome, or cute, or whatever else you might like, you talk to them, see if you are compatible and hopefully make a friend out of it with the potential for more to come if you hit it off. It's super straight forward and most of the time you already know the person you'll end up dating through mutual friends and the such.

If you're attracted to women, it's the same, just with a woman and not a man, lol.

But what do you do if you're attracted to transsexuals? I'll spare you the sob story, but my sexuality and dating history is... interesting. Anywho, I've recently been thinking a lot and have come to something of an epiphany; where I previously thought transgender girls were attractive and quite sexy, I now see I am actually very interested in dating a transgirl (sorry if I fucked up my terms there).

I feel like I'm entering a minefield. It's very reasonable to assume someone interested in transgirls is being shallow--after all, they are admitting to being attracted to something in particular. It's also impossible for me to assure anyone the attraction isn't some fetish, but feels to me like a preference would to someone that likes blondes, or large men, big breasts, thin women or whatever else. To be perfectly blunt, it's not at all about dating someone who happens to be "transgender," but rather about me finding women with the genitals of a man super, super pretty.

Moreover, where being attracted to men or women (your average man or woman, I mean) requires just looking at someone and taking note of their gender, transgirls are... well, trickier than that. Again, totally reasonable to hear (read) that and be offended. But I'm trying my best to word this thing, lol. See, like... if I see a man and they are attractive to me, I will pursue that. If I see a woman and they are attractive to me, I will pursue that. I'm not the kind of person that really has a mold someone must fit for me to want to get to know or date them--man, woman, both, neither, I don't care. But I do have this transgirl preference... Hard to explain >_>

Sooo, after that convoluted wall of text (lol) and without meaning to sound like a frat boy wanting tips to "get with" the chicks in the room next door... any tips for someone attracted to transgender girls? I'll take anything I can get. I feel super ill-informed about this whole issue.

 

[Seydaman]

Not sure how you'd go about dating a transgendered person specifically, outside of dating sites.

But in regards to fetishism, it's no different than the majority of attractions.

 

[Snowbell]

I think you need to get your terms straight; your title says 'dating a transexual', but what your after is a non-op transgender. Or are you? Are you interested in a biological man who looks like a woman but with both sets of genitals, or a biological man who just identifies as being a woman?

Either way, I don't think there are many trans people who would like to fetished for being such, the whole point of being a transexual/gender is that you want to be identified and thought of as that gender. Maybe that's wrong for a lot of trans people but I'm just going on the opinions of my own trans fiend (who is a pre-op male to female).

 

[CaptainMarvelous]

I think you need to get your terms straight; your title says 'dating a transexual', but what your after is a non-op transgender. Or are you? Are you interested in a biological man who looks like a woman but with both sets of genitals, or a biological man who just identifies as being a woman?

Either way, I don't think there are many trans people who would like to fetished for being such, the whole point of being a transexual/gender is that you want to be identified and thought of as that gender. Maybe that's wrong for a lot of trans people but I'm just going on the opinions of my own trans fiend (who is a pre-op male to female).

Perhaps in contrast, my friend who's a transsexual is probably closer to a transvestite as he looks, acts and dresses like a woman but he's also not getting an op and likes his and other men's penises, doesn't want to be a woman just a very pretty man.

Though it's possible OP is really looking for a Transvestite, as in dresses like a woman, walks like a man but is still a bloke rather than a transexual who often wishes to change genders. Just throwing it out there.

 

[Zeriphor]

I think you need to get your terms straight; your title says 'dating a transexual', but what your after is a non-op transgender. Or are you? Are you interested in a biological man who looks like a woman but with both sets of genitals, or a biological man who just identifies as being a woman?

Either way, I don't think there are many trans people who would like to fetished for being such, the whole point of being a transexual/gender is that you want to be identified and thought of as that gender. Maybe that's wrong for a lot of trans people but I'm just going on the opinions of my own trans fiend (who is a pre-op male to female).

I'm also confused by what exactly you're interested in.

Assuming you're interested in pre-op transgender, there are some possible issues. The biggest issue is that typically a transgender doesn't like what they currently are. If you're attracted to what they currently are, it can be very off-putting and can feel like you wouldn't want them to change themselves. If they think you don't want them to change to how they feel they should be or you wouldn't be attracted to them anymore, there will be problems.

 

[tobi the good boy]

Chloroform and google maps, My answer to everything!

 

[CaptainMarvelous]

Chloroform and google maps, My answer to everything!

It didn't help me order that pizza, I just found a restaurant and knocked myself out

 

[Bloodtrozorx]

Chloroform and google maps, My answer to everything!

The keys to love right there. "Hey baby whats this smell like to you?"

 

[Snowbell]

Okey dokey folks, let's get our terms straight!

Perhaps in contrast, my friend who's a transsexual is probably closer to a transvestite as he looks, acts and dresses like a woman but he's also not getting an op and likes his and other men's penises, doesn't want to be a woman just a very pretty man.

If your friend is not interested in the op then he's not a transexual as he doesn't want to change sex, just gender (sex = biological, gender = social construct of how the sexes should behave). Does he ask to be referred to as female? If not then he's just a transvestite as he has no interest in being defined as a woman.

Assuming you're interested in pre-op transgender, there are some possible issues.

Again, those interested in the operation are transexuals not transgenders, 'trans' is the blanket term. But, your point about the op having problems if he's attracted to pre-op transexuals rather than transgenders is a good point.

*rainbow* The more you know!

OP, another question; are you interested in a relationship or just sex with your chosen type of trans person? If it's a relationship you're after then maybe you should stop constraining yourself; the person you would be interested in dating wouldn't be happy that you're only interested because of his/her body. If it's just sex you're after then LGBT bars would be a good place to look, or there's probably a brothel in America somewhere that caters to your tastes...

 

[Vuliev]

Though it's possible OP is really looking for a Transvestite, as in dresses like a woman, walks like a man but is still a bloke rather than a transexual who often wishes to change genders. Just throwing it out there.

Idk--to me, it sounds like the OP is looking for a legitimate "dickgirl" (and pardon the expression since I have no idea what the "proper" term is.) If that's the case, I can't imagine any way to look for that outside of dating sites or specific geographic areas without seriously offending someone, and OP's best bet is to just luck into finding someone like that.


EDIT: Person above me makes a lot of sense. Listen to that person.

 

[CaptainMarvelous]

Okey dokey folks, let's get our terms straight!

Perhaps in contrast, my friend who's a transsexual is probably closer to a transvestite as he looks, acts and dresses like a woman but he's also not getting an op and likes his and other men's penises, doesn't want to be a woman just a very pretty man.

If your friend is not interested in the op then he's not a transexual as he doesn't want to change sex, just gender (sex = biological, gender = social construct of how the sexes should behave). Does he ask to be referred to as female? If not then he's just a transvestite as he has no interest in being defined as a woman.

Oh man, this is where it gets complicated because it varies. Just about everyone refers to him/her as a woman but he has no objection to his long term friends (or people he's been in a relationship) calling him a him but a large number of people he's met recently call him a she and use female diminuitives of his given name. To me I see him as a Gay man in women's clothing, but others call her a woman in a man's body soon to change, so... it's tricky because I don't know of he's decided yet.

So while I said earlier (which is where this arises) that he has no interest in the op, he identifies as a 'tranny' so I just don't dwell on it too much, his gender identity is his business.

>_> I do appreciate the help in getting terms straight but this particular example is harder to define than usual, also why it felt worth mentioning as a counter-point to your example that occasionally OP's dream might be possible.

 

[Lt._nefarious]

... *cough*... It would just... be like... any other relationship... I guess... I'm sure there are better sites for pursuing your fe-... um... preference...

I find this whole situation hard to seriously and for that I apologise...

 

[Tanakh]

Sooo, after that convoluted wall of text (lol) and without meaning to sound like a frat boy wanting tips to "get with" the chicks in the room next door... any tips for someone attracted to transgender girls? I'll take anything I can get. I feel super ill-informed about this whole issue.

Nup, and it does sound unnecessary convoluted, but GL HF

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

OP, another question; are you interested in a relationship or just sex with your chosen type of trans person? If it's a relationship you're after then maybe you should stop constraining yourself; the person you would be interested in dating wouldn't be happy that you're only interested because of his/her body. If it's just sex you're after then LGBT bars would be a good place to look, or there's probably a brothel in America somewhere that caters to your tastes...

See, that's what I was really, really trying to avoid and it's a shame I seem to have failed at it. I'm not sure how to say it without sounding... bad. I'll try to word it out as plainly as possible and avoid using the terms I seem to fuck up, lol. I want a relationship with someone who was born physically male, but I guess feels more female? In that they behave and appear female in all but the sex organ department.

When I hear transvestite, I think just someone who likes to be in drag. That's not really what I'm after.

I totally, 100% understand how someone could be offended by it, but I'm not going into this with some sort of kink or fetish in mind. To me, it's just a physical trait I like, not unlike if someone wants to date a tall woman. I really don't want anyone to think it's a shallow thing, where I'm after this kind of person just for sex or something.

Basically, vagina is great. Penis is great. I prefer penis. Women can look sexy. Men can look sexy. I prefer the way women look.

It is shallow in a way, but not in a "I wanna fuck a tranny" way, to put it bluntly. That's seriously not even a little how I'm seeing this. I just like the way women look over that of men, but would prefer my partner have a penis.

That would mean... transgender, right?

On a different note: if I was with someone in this situation and they wanted to have the operation, I would be totally, 100% supportive of that in every single way possible. This may not make any sense, but for some reason that sort of transition would still mean they are more attractive to be than a "natural" woman--sorry if that's offensive.

 

[Snowbell]

That would mean... transgender, right?

I'm not offended, even if you were attracted as a trans as a fetish then I wouldn't mind, it's the way humans are - we're sometimes attracted to things an unusual amount.

Yup, you're after a transgender, or possibly a feminine transvestite (a good one, not a drag queen), perhaps you could find a dating site?

I wish you luck and hope you can find someone to make happy/make you happy

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

Tans woman here. A quick bit of advise. I have no idea how you would find one of us where you live, but make sure to use "she", "her", etc. when referring to the trans woman. Unless she tells you otherwise, assume to use the "target gender" pronouns. Sensitivity here is of vital importance. Many of us are very sensitive to that. Not all of us, but i know for myself, i do not like being considered a fetish, or just a one time "experiment" (not that that will ever happen as i am very happily married), but if you want to date a trans girl, approach it like you would any relationship, don't try to rush her to bed, go slow, find out her boundaries, etc.

Personally, i think you treat her as a human being. Act like she is a normal person, just a girl (if that's what she likes). Trans people on both sides have vastly different views on certain things (ie intimacy), but that will come in time. Also, don't approach it as dating a trans girl, just a girl. you will know the truth, but don't make her being trans a big deal, or it will get in the way of getting to know the real person.

Sorry if this is rambling or confusing, it's really early here.

Thank you for your reply!

Yeah, I definitely do use the gender term they prefer. I believe a person's brain and mind defines their gender and not their body, so I've always called individuals by what they personally identify as. I myself am genderqueer (I hope that's the right term) in that I consider myself neither gender, playing either "role" as the mood strikes me.

I understand that someone such as yourself is female, so being thought of as anything else is just plain wrong and hurtful in many cases. So I wouldn't think of the special someone as a, for example, transgirl or a transgender person or anything like that; I would think of them as they are--a woman. It's just the thing I happen to like is so commonly thought of as a defining sex/gender attribute of men (the penis) that it's difficult to express that without... well, making someone feel bad.

Most people like things like a certain hair colour, tall or short people, men or women, tanned, olive, black or pale, etc., etc. I happen to like the way penises look and feel >_>

Curse my mind!

 

[Vuliev]

Though it's possible OP is really looking for a Transvestite, as in dresses like a woman, walks like a man but is still a bloke rather than a transexual who often wishes to change genders. Just throwing it out there.

Idk--to me, it sounds like the OP is looking for a legitimate "dickgirl" (and pardon the expression since I have no idea what the "proper" term is.) If that's the case, I can't imagine any way to look for that outside of dating sites or specific geographic areas without seriously offending someone, and OP's best bet is to just luck into finding someone like that.


EDIT: Person above me makes a lot of sense. Listen to that person.

oh for christs sake! it's trans girl. SHEESH!

Apologies, I'm not particularly versed in this sort of thing.

The whole "trans" label is really confusing to me since it encompasses like five different types of "transgender" people.

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

That would mean... transgender, right?

I'm not offended, even if you were attracted as a trans as a fetish then I wouldn't mind, it's the way humans are - we're sometimes attracted to things an unusual amount.

Yup, you're after a transgender, or possibly a feminine transvestite (a good one, not a drag queen), perhaps you could find a dating site?

I wish you luck and hope you can find someone to make happy/make you happy

Thank you very much for the kind words and your input on the terms and such. I think you understood what I was getting at exactly

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

Though it's possible OP is really looking for a Transvestite, as in dresses like a woman, walks like a man but is still a bloke rather than a transexual who often wishes to change genders. Just throwing it out there.

Idk--to me, it sounds like the OP is looking for a legitimate "dickgirl" (and pardon the expression since I have no idea what the "proper" term is.) If that's the case, I can't imagine any way to look for that outside of dating sites or specific geographic areas without seriously offending someone, and OP's best bet is to just luck into finding someone like that.


EDIT: Person above me makes a lot of sense. Listen to that person.

oh for christs sake! it's trans girl. SHEESH!

Apologies, I'm not particularly versed in this sort of thing.

The whole "trans" label is really confusing to me since it encompasses like five different types of "transgender" people.

Like I said, I feel like it's walking through a minefield, where a lot of people are very sensitive (who can blame them?), lol.

You mean a bloke in a dress?

Nah. I prefer the way a woman's body looks to that of men's (but I think men and women are both sexy).

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

you are most welcome! You seem to have your head on "straight" (so to speak ), it just seems you're having trouble finding out where to find one of us. I hate to say it, but online, or a bar (suited for the lgbt community) might be your best bet. Some of us have a hard time finding someone to get serious with, as most people just want to "try it out". Do some digging, is there a LGBT community center near you? volunteer at a pride parade, or some such gathering..you never know.

I'm glad to have worked out the terms and such. At least now I won't put my foot in my mouth, lol. I think I will have to get into some online stuff, just have to be careful to make sure anyone I come across understands my reasoning for looking for a transgender girl. I think there's actually a fairly large "gay" community/area center thing an hour or two from me, but I have pretty crippling anxiety (meds are helping) and it takes a long time for me to even be able to talk to someone in my family, let alone a stranger. Online I do fine, so I think finding someone I hit it off with on the net, getting cool with them and then seeing where it goes is the thing to do. Rather than rushing down to a bar and trying to hit on people, lol.