Dating a Transsexual
- Thread starter Grey Day for Elcia
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I have never liked the term "gender", I prefer using "sex"
Lets make it easy
you have XY chromosomes, you're male
you have XX, you are female
What you want to think of yourself as is fairly irrelevant. I may go around acting like a tyrannosaurus rex, but it doesn't really make me a t-rex, no matter how convincing I am.
And another thing, why is everybody so supportive about changing their bodies to match their minds. Though if you suggest trying to change the way they think to match their bodies (as in, psychological treatment to make them happy with what they have), you are some kind of insensitive prick.
Lets make it easy
you have XY chromosomes, you're male
you have XX, you are female
What you want to think of yourself as is fairly irrelevant. I may go around acting like a tyrannosaurus rex, but it doesn't really make me a t-rex, no matter how convincing I am.
And another thing, why is everybody so supportive about changing their bodies to match their minds. Though if you suggest trying to change the way they think to match their bodies (as in, psychological treatment to make them happy with what they have), you are some kind of insensitive prick.
Because so far only the one has been shown to work, and we know a lot more about surgery than we do altering people's identities.Champthrax said:
I don't think it's particularly hard to spot transwomen, OP. There are a few things gender reassignment can't address. Height is the first. The majority of adult women are under 5'7", the majority of men are above that height. Obviously there are tall women and short men, but it's the first clue. Another one is relative size of various bones. Men have relatively longer and wider torsos, women have relatively longer legs and smaller noses, eyebrow ridges, and hands/feet.
You can't use any one standard given that women who are abnormal in any one of these categories still probably outnumber transwomen by a large margin, but a woman with several of these? Good chance she's a transwoman.
Hi, sorry if this is a bit of a personal question, don't answer if you don't want to, but when you say "born with both", do you mean you had a full set of internal female organs? Womb, ovaries etc? Performing a hysterectomy (and then I assume sewing what remains of the vagina shut) sounds a lot more dangerous and invasive than removing male organs. I guess if they do get it wrong then you can create a closer approximation of a vagina out of a penis than you can a penis out of a vagina but still, ripping internal organs out of a baby seems the worse option to me if you must do one or the other.Zeckt said:
I can see why parents might think the best thing to do was perform surgery to remove one set and then hope that the hormones from the intact set and lack of hormones from the other would result in a greater chance of developing into someone who identifies with the "correct" gender/sex as opposed to leaving both intact which means there will be some difficult decisions ahead for their child as opposed to might.
I dont understand what it means to feel like you were born the wrong gender. There isn't a way males or females are supposed to think. According to societys standards there might be, but not in reality, so how could you "be the other gender in your mind or thoughts". I mean, your thoughts may fit in with the opposite genders stereotypical way of thinking, but thats not the same thing.
I do however understand how someone would want to have the opposite genders body, its quite mild compared to what other crazy things people do to their bodies.
I do however understand how someone would want to have the opposite genders body, its quite mild compared to what other crazy things people do to their bodies.
A few things...Grey Day for Elcia said:
First, I thought you were very polite and sensitive in your OP. I can't imagine how anyone would find that offensive. I have a thing for gorgeous female red-heads, and for tall men with black hair. That doesn't mean I haven't dated people with other hair colors - those just happen to be my favorites. You prefer women who happen to possess a penis. **shrug**
Second - gay bars/clubs. My spouse and I enjoy hanging out at the local gay club, and we run into all sorts of people there - gay, straight, bi, and various flavors of trans. They're great places to hang out and have fun and meet people.
Of course, that works best if you live in a large city (which I do). The smaller your town, the harder meeting people gets. If your town doesn't have much in the way of lgbt venues, then online is probably best. I've never had good results with online dating (except when it started in person and went online as part of a long-distance relationship) so I tend to be wary of that, but others have had better experiences than I have on that front, so grain of salt and all that.
Thirdly... you shouldn't feed trolls. I'm not saying that there are any trolls in this thread... but I'm not saying there aren't. What I am saying is that if there hypothetically were some, you should, as the mods once told me, just "Report them and then add them to Ignore list". Better for your blood pressure and the state of the forum in general.
Your using logic to back up your argument, which doesn't hold up it this particular situation, people don't grow up thinking they are Armadillo's, they merely dream of being an Armadillo, the difference here is that when someone is born a male and there brain knows for sure that they are female its not that they dream of being female... they know they are a woman.PreviouslyPwned said:
And women are shit at logic.
I'm not gonna bother looking at any of the rest of your post, but this is just silly. Would you say a man shouldn't be interested in a relationship with only women, because the woman wouldn't be happy that he's only interested because she's a woman? You come across kind of bigoted.BluebellForest said:
As a male, I like the thing between my legs for its performance, but I dislike its aesthetics. and why the hell when I'm horny all thought process goes out the window.Melanie McGreevey said:I never drempt of being female, i knew in my heart and in my mind i was supposed to be/AM a woman... the wires got crossed, and i came with this disgusting "thing" between my legs.DigitalSushi said:... when someone is born a male and there brain knows for sure that they are female its not that they dream of being female... they know they are a woman.
My best friends gay so I'm usually in gay bars, I find them friendlier then straight bars, a lot more fun as a by product of the friendliness!.Melanie McGreevey said:Amen! I started going to gay bars 2 decades before i begun my transition. I LOVED it! so much fun! No one judged..unless you had horrible fashion sense LMAORazadaMk2 said:
I was in The Culvert last year when someone I worked with turned up, this is a transcription of what was said
Dominic: "I'M NOT GAY!, I'm here with a gay friend!"
Sush: "Closets are for clothes darling... fabulous FABULOUS CLOTHES!"
Of course I wouldn't say that, it's just that the OP came across as a little transfixed on having a relationship with a trans and objectifying them just for the state of their gender views, which we cleared up in another post.ItsAChiaotzu said:
How a person looks and/or their body will always play a role in a potential relationship, I was just slightly offended at (what I assumed was) someone choosing to seek a relationship (note, a committed relationship rather than just casual sex, one involving love and reciprocation thereof)based solely on their body, not taking their feelings or interests into account. I'm sorry if I sounded bigoted, I didn't mean to :S
Why do you make it sound wrong to be attracted to something specific?
That logic says that if I only seek partners of my own race I am a racist.
If warnings are being issued to everyone who isn't sensible with his words then their work isn't that consistent.
That logic says that if I only seek partners of my own race I am a racist.
Why did this post get a warning? I mean, if someone is attracted to pre-op trans I don't think they have a problem admitting that they have not changed their natural gender yet. I think.Melanie McGreevey said:
If warnings are being issued to everyone who isn't sensible with his words then their work isn't that consistent.
That would have lead our species to extinction. Males and females think in different ways and our brains actually function in slightly different ways.A Weakgeek said:
I?m a predominantly heterosexual male, and if she looks like a woman, then she?s a woman. Don?t give a shit what she?s got between her legs. That?s not what would?ve attracted to me her in the first place. It might be a bit weird not being able to have vaginal sex, but a penis kind of works just as well (and I guess there?d be some kind of sexually practical advantage by both partners knowing fully how each other?s genitalia works, because they?re the same, or roughly the same). I am a bit like you, to be honest. I?m androgynephilic (yes, I made that word up, but it works), and as far as fetishes go, it seems pretty ?normal?. Best of both, really, and a woman that?s somewhat masculine or just ?different? instantly attracts me or relates to me much more than the generic Playboy model you?ve seen a million times before.
And it?s only shallow if you don?t lay out the ground rules first and/or tell her that you?re serious about a relationship, when you?re actually just interested in re-enacting your sexual fantasy until you get bored and move on. Obviously, what you should do is just treat them as a person if both of you aren?t going in looking for a fling. There?s nothing wrong with being sexually attracted to a trans woman because of that ?quirk?, as long as you don?t treat them like some kind of glorified sex toy because of it.
Side-note: You know, sometimes I find it difficult to determine what really is a fetish and what isn?t, or if they exist at all. Maybe, I dunno, some people just have different tastes. Would you class a preference for short girls alongside a preference for being a human toilet? If so, why not? I?m talking about a mature approach here, rather than the instant ?ick factor? that people go for. I mean, years ago, people used to believe homosexuality was a fetish, but obviously, now it?s not. Or is it just sloping extremes of sexuality or whatever?
Another side-note: Talking of gender?I?m a man, but to be honest, I?m kind of neutral. I don?t go out of my way to do masculine things, but I?m not feminine in the slightest (although it would be kind of nice to try on women?s clothing). I always imagined that male was somewhat more neutral than female, perhaps because there seem to be more gender expectations for females. I don?t have much of an identity in general, but I don?t see myself as genderless. If that makes some sort of sense.
And it?s only shallow if you don?t lay out the ground rules first and/or tell her that you?re serious about a relationship, when you?re actually just interested in re-enacting your sexual fantasy until you get bored and move on. Obviously, what you should do is just treat them as a person if both of you aren?t going in looking for a fling. There?s nothing wrong with being sexually attracted to a trans woman because of that ?quirk?, as long as you don?t treat them like some kind of glorified sex toy because of it.
Side-note: You know, sometimes I find it difficult to determine what really is a fetish and what isn?t, or if they exist at all. Maybe, I dunno, some people just have different tastes. Would you class a preference for short girls alongside a preference for being a human toilet? If so, why not? I?m talking about a mature approach here, rather than the instant ?ick factor? that people go for. I mean, years ago, people used to believe homosexuality was a fetish, but obviously, now it?s not. Or is it just sloping extremes of sexuality or whatever?
Another side-note: Talking of gender?I?m a man, but to be honest, I?m kind of neutral. I don?t go out of my way to do masculine things, but I?m not feminine in the slightest (although it would be kind of nice to try on women?s clothing). I always imagined that male was somewhat more neutral than female, perhaps because there seem to be more gender expectations for females. I don?t have much of an identity in general, but I don?t see myself as genderless. If that makes some sort of sense.
Many trans women are very convincing nonetheless (many transvestite men, for that matter, are too), and I think there's something called facial feminization surgery that can at least solve the problem of the face.Dags90 said:
Right, but there are only so many bones they can reasonably shave down. There are obviously going to be some who very convincing because of their pre-op androgyny (a man with narrow shoulders and "weak" facial features"), but these are ultimately a minority of people who transition. Another thing is to simply put on the pounds, obesity hides secondary sex characteristics.Relish in Chaos said:
Transvestite is someone who DRESSES as the opposite gender, but isn't attempting to BE the opposite gender.CaptainMarvelous said:
Yeah, I don't know that much about FFS, but I've just heard it being mentioned occasionally.Melanie McGreevey said:
It's difficult to explain gender dysphoria to someone who hasn't experienced it, it'd be like explaining pain to someone who hasn't experienced it, you really do need to feel it to understand. But I'll try.A Weakgeek said:
Our brains are set to a gender (this can be anything from the conventional male and female, to both genders, gender fluid, androgynous, etc.), and in most people, the gender our brain is set to matches the sex characteristics you have been provided with. These people (the correct term is cispeople) generally don't appreciate or understand the difference between gender and sex without education about it, because they can't distinguish between them, since they match up inside them. In transpeople, the gender the brain is set to does not match the sex characteristics provided, causing the dysphoria.
Now to explain what exactly I mean when I say our brains are set to a gender. First, it's important to realise the difference between gender and expression. Having a female gender doesn't mean that you love ponies, pink, housework and other stereotypically female things. Neither does having a male gender mean you enjoy drinking beer with your bros over a sports game every Sunday.
It simply means that your brain expects you to have certain sex characteristics. Gender dysphoria comes from when your brain finds your sex characteristics do not match your gender, and generally freaks out about it.
Note: I'm in no way, at all, an expert or even particularly well-informed about this stuff. This is really just dumbed-down speculation on my part.
Hey, another trans woman here. I think it's important to remember that the OP is looking for a pre-operative trans woman, and in a lot of cases that's where it gets tricky.
Even if a trans woman still has her penis, she very often has no interest in using it in a sexual way because it conflicts with her self-image. For others, they may be ok with using it sexually but there are often major trust issues in the dating scene. Men can be especially cruel to transsexual women who they feel don't measure up to their ideal of what they should be, and women can often prove just as vicious but in different ways. My advice is to go slow, very slow.
That said, a relationship with a trans woman can prove quite satisfying and even fun if everyone knows from the outset exactly what they're getting into.
And hey, we know how to fix the car and we kill our own spiders...what more could a man want?
Even if a trans woman still has her penis, she very often has no interest in using it in a sexual way because it conflicts with her self-image. For others, they may be ok with using it sexually but there are often major trust issues in the dating scene. Men can be especially cruel to transsexual women who they feel don't measure up to their ideal of what they should be, and women can often prove just as vicious but in different ways. My advice is to go slow, very slow.
That said, a relationship with a trans woman can prove quite satisfying and even fun if everyone knows from the outset exactly what they're getting into.
And hey, we know how to fix the car and we kill our own spiders...what more could a man want?