Did Twilight really suck that much?

[The_root_of_all_evil]

I suppose people hate it for the same reason people hate Call of Duty. Because it's popular. Or something.

You'd suppose wrong.

While we're just scratching the surface of the zit, we'll come away with layers of misogynistic, Mormon abstinence porn breaking the pus-filled core of a middle-aged woman's creepy adoration for her dream man - who beats her - oozes out.

Then we're left with the open sore that her knowledge and research in the areas of prey/predator, biology, geology, geography, grammar, writing, empathy, maths, physics, anatomy left behind; almost whistling in the wind from the central blank hole now left there - a woman who reads classic romance books as her only friend before the most perfect man ever enters her life - and instantly declares her as the only one.

Looking across the epidermis, we can see little mini-zits rising to the surface as we realise the main core is teasing through the toxins with revelations that the ugly girl already had offers, is teasing an obviously gay werewolf - who is in love with her baby, destroys families for their love, gives up everything to be with a guy she's just met, let's him beat/stalk and pine after her, and spends four months just moping because he isn't there.

Even when we try and scrub the open sores off, we realise that the practice of having these dripping abrasions on your skin has been taken as a sign of honour, of fashion, of almighty right. It drives people swollen with spots to launch themselves at anything that would disagree, the furious rage of the unloved tearing apart those who are ex-sufferers or never suffered at all. There's is the only way to be. They are the only ones who truly know pain.

Then we look beneath the surface of the skin to find out what caused this huge zit and find a plethora of chocolates, teenage longing and hormonal rage that it feeds on, hungrily, satisfied in the male by pictures of sweaty bodies - but satisfied here by bringing out millions of these little zits all across the bodies of those that read them. Permanently disfiguring the reader with ideas that make normal relationships dangerous, if not impossible.

Finally, we'll scrub the remains of the zits off our skin, and we'll find out that years later, unscrupulous people are still injecting this vile collection of poisions back into our system by asking questions like "Why all the hate on Twilight?".

No sir, I don't like it.

 

[Akytalusia]

it's all about the sparkle. vampires do not sparkle, damnit.

 

[Ikaruga33]

I cannot have an opinoin on the book as I have never read it

The movie I have seen and I can say that IT IS BORING

Its not gouge your eyes out horrible its just very boring and uninteresting

 

[ThatLankyBastard]

Spoiler: Art to Porn Discussion

As a piece of art? Yeah, it sucked flaming donkey balls.

It was terrible.

TERRIBLE.

But as porn?

My god. It was a MASTERPIECE.

Think about it. Essentially, the only thing it did was serve as masturbational fodder for teenage girls.

The reason Bella was so non-existent as a character was so that the audience could put themselves in her place.

In a porno, you never show the male leads face. Because the person watching wants to imagine that he's fucking a beautiful woman and has the body of a god.

Edward was kind of an asshole, but he was likable. Desirable. Everyone wanted him.

Ditto for Jacob.

And you had these two men fighting each other over the lead.

Even more importantly, she gave the lead IMPORTANCE. The reader was able to imagine theirself as the center of incredibly important events.

Etc. etc.

Wow... you just made me want to go back and actually read it...

...but then again, i'm sure there's some fan-fic online that can count as actual porn... Rule 34!

OP: I never bothered to read the books because I have no interest in most romance novels (the only exception being "The Forest of Hands and Teeth", and that had zombies in it!), but I was FORCED to watch the movies...

...and I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a rusty quarter!!!

I'm sure the book is good on some sort of level, but the painful memories from the movie would completely ruin it for me even if I did find I enjoyed it...

[sub][sub][sub]Off to Rule 34![/sub][/sub][/sub]

EDIT: Oh! Yeah!

...and I cannot forgive the series for ruining Vampires for me...

"They used to be manly damnit!!! Now look at them...
They don't burn in the sunlight, they fucking sparkle!SPARKLE!"

 

[Asita]

Not really. as I said above, I've read it, and it's not nearly as terrible as everyone says. It's certainly not great, but it's not really below average either. Hell, if you limit yourself to young adult fiction, which is what twilight is, it's a fair sight above average.

As for Steven King, I haven't been impressed by anything he's done. I certainly don't consider him much of an authority. I form my own opinions, using my own observations, I really don't care what who said about what.

I dislike a great many things, people, books, purse-dogs, spinach, Mr. Boston Vodka, the list goes on. I don't make a point out of "hating it" all over the internet. I truly believe that people who do that with anything; whether it's twilight, or CoD, or Bieber; are just trying to make themselves feel better about their own horrible lives.

So by making a point out of hating the haters, online, you're trying to make yourself feel better about your own pathetic, miserable life, as you put it? Now if I was a betting man, I'd probably say you're going to disagree with this portrayal of your rationale, if not the condescending assumptions about your life. When you see why you reject that claim, you will also see why we reject yours.

 

[crimsonshrouds]

It was terrible then and its terrible now. I never read the full book but i read a few pieces from it. It's self-insert fanfiction and one of the worst out there. I've read a lot of bad fanfiction too.

Vampires dont sparkle end of discussion and its not reimagining either don't give that stupid excuse.

 

[Seanfall]

YES! End of the fucking argument! (had to quote Lewis Black there. Hee hee)

It's a bad book, Movie, Miniseries, CONCEPT! Sparkly Vampires, hairless wolfs in human form, A cardboard cutout of a main character (who is a manipulative little *****) Who is constantly whining about this non issue of who to choice. You know what both look pretty damn bland to me. And the dialogue oh dear god the Dialogue of these fucking movies, and books. Hell for the third it can be summed up like this: Bella: "Fuck me." Edward: "No. It'll hurt and we're not married." Bella: "Okay turn me into vampire then fuck me." Cause BELLA NEEDS DICK! Hell if this chick got a vibrator the story would be over in a half a fucking hour. The dumb *hour and half of random names* That is Stephenie Myeyre and no I don't care if that's not how you spell her name. That wrote these shitty stories admitted that it was all based on a SEX DREAM! I mean bella almost kills herself when the creepy eyed lame ass excuse for a vampire, (The Count from Sesame Street has is more a Vampire then this douche) dumps her. But then ooooh he gives her a creepy I'm gonna rape you look and suddenly *POOF* back trying to get to his sparkly undead junk. I hope it ruins the careers of everyone involved. I know people who about a year ago were die hard fans. Now they don't even like to talk about it. Guess they grew taste buds.

And SPARKLY. VAMPIRES. Seriously where the fuck do get it an bass ackwards idea like that? No it's not clever, no it's not unique it's fucking stupid. yes I've read all the books, I've seen the moives, no I won't be seeing breaking Dawn cause after I read and watched em I went on a three day drinking binge in an attempt to destroy all memory of it. It kinda worked, expect now 4th-5th grade is kinda splotchy on the details. Yeah it comes off like a rant. But after a couple of years of having this shit almost shoved in my face and in my ears, by TV, the Internet, EVEN ON XBOX!! waaahhh! my one escape and there he was. Robert Effn Patterson staring at me mocking me with his money. Cause despite how awful they where they made money. Despite how terrible the writing, acting, and story is. They will make money and that. That is the sad part.

 

[Loreley]

As a person who's read all four books out of morbid interest: I, too, thought that these books couldn't possibly be as bad as everyone said they were. Well, I was wrong, they were a lot worse. The one positive thing about them is that they are very easy to read. Like brain candy (candy which tastes of rotten apples and oil, but still).

The writing is atrocious, the plot is forced and full of holes, it's misogynistic, the characters are boring and their characterization is frequently all over the place, the Volturi as villains really don't make any sense, but neither does half the other stuff in the series, so whatever. Oh, and that whole Imprinting business where grown men can fall in eternal irreversible love with two year olds and then constantly stalk around them until they're legal and everyone thinks that's romantic? Beyond creepy.

That said, I never quite got why people seemed to fear it would herald the end of western civilization. It was a very annoying popcultural phenomenon, but one that was bound to pass by quite quickly, as it thankfully has.

 

[Sinathor]

I think the movies are entertaining if you watch them as unintentional comedy. The storyline and characters are just laughably badly written and just generally shit.

A friend of mine is a big fan of the books but didn't exactly like the movies, so she obviously told me to read the books. To which I replied that if the books are even remotely connected to the movies, I see no way how the story could ever work properly without replacing all the characters and all plot elements.

The whole love triangle bullshit that the story is all about holds no weight whatsoever when every character is an idiot and has the emotional capacity of a rock. And we are expected to believe that these books and movies tell a story of -true- love. It's not just teenager crush kind of love, but eternal, true love.

Here's a great question for Twilight fans which I believe Spoony asked once... "What does Edward and Bella have in common?"

 

[Seanfall]

Read an Ann Rice novel, then filter that through the characters of American Dad. That is what Twilight is.

wow I...I can't think of a better way to put it. Oo..*bows*

 

[Seanfall]

I think the movies are entertaining if you watch them as unintentional comedy. The storyline and characters are just laughably badly written and just generally shit.

A friend of mine is a big fan of the books but didn't exactly like the movies, so she obviously told me to read the books. To which I replied that if the books are even remotely connected to the movies, I see no way how the story could ever work properly without replacing all the characters and all plot elements.

The whole love triangle bullshit that the story is all about holds no weight whatsoever when every character is an idiot and has the emotional capacity of a rock. And we are expected to believe that these books and movies tell a story of -true- love. It's not just teenager crush kind of love, but eternal, true love.

Here's a great question for Twilight fans which I believe Spoony asked once... "What does Edward and Bella have in common?"

They both love Edwards dick! *ba dum dum pish*

 

[Superior Mind]

I read the first Twilight. I am yet to watch any of the films. I tried to watch the first one once but... couldn't. I just couldn't.

Originally I planned to read all the Twilight books, just so I'd have authority when I said it was crap. Found it a waste of time though. The first book reads like above average fan-fiction, it is very poor writing. Some of the subtext is infuriating but what's more infuriating is how it's probably all by accident anyway. Twilight is nothing more than Mayer's fantasy, she clearly didn't give any thought to the underlying themes.

Basically it's bad writing with bad themes. It's not average, it is decidedly below average. This is not even considering the way it rapes vampire and werewolf lore or the fact that the characters are less then one dimensional. I can fully understand the Twi-hate.

 

[RyoScar]

I just can't stand how it tried to re-invent the Fable of the Vampire. Vampires sparkle in daylight instead of bursting into flames and whithering and dying.

Also the characters are incredibly bland and unlikable, for example: Bella. One of the most selfish and unpleasant characters i've ever seen, who takes everything she has for granted.

She leads man along without saying she has no interest in them, just so they will do things for her.

That my friends is a very unpleasant character.

It wouldn't matter if she wasn't that promanent but she's the Hero of the story. The one girls are meant to look up to!

I mean why would Edward have any interest in someone like this? I personaly wouldn't want anything to do with her.

 

[Minimizer110000]

The writing of twilight is bad and I sort of did an experiment on it:

From the internet, I printed a mocking, satirical piece of writing that imitated Stephany Meyer's writing. I then read it to two twilight fans in my classroom. The writing went to great lengths to describe edwards toes and then had him change into an apple. They only found the fact that he changed into an apple strange.

But they probably punked me instead. We all had a good laugh at least

 

[debossman21]

the only thing i got out the books were 1) Stephanie Meyer REALLY needs a good dicking and 2) it was a piss-poor piece of shit. I read two of the books and half the third without learning anything else. The fourth book was just a fleshed out porn novel. My problem is just how 4 shitty books written by some lonely woman about teenage girls and supernatural creatures spawned a whole sub-culture of TV shows, movies, books, and that whole Team Edward v. Team Jacob bullshit.

 

[Seieko Pherdo]

Twilight was ok, the hype on the other hand just turned something kind of bland into some kind of really annoying. The same applies to all other fanbases ever.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Never read the book, never seen the movies.

Therefore I have no opinion.

 

[Dango]

I honestly don't mind it much, probably because I've never read it. As for the messages that it supposedly sends, I don't think most of its target audience are the kinds of people who'd care about or notice any of them.

 

[Soxafloppin]

There fairly bad films, but most bad films don't get this amount of hate.

No, this is because of its Target audience, Teenage girls. If Teenage girls love it, The internet hates it. See Justin Beiber.