Do nice guys really finish last?

[FinalHeart95]

It's less "nice" guys and more "boring, passive" guys that end up not getting the girl. Sometimes little eccentricities actually help your cause a lot, just out of being something different. Think about it, do you like a food more if it's something different (assuming it's something you like), or the same thing you've eaten twenty times before?

Unfortunately, for whatever reason, "Nice" and "boring" tend to coincide. There are, obviously, exceptions to this rule. Quite a few in fact. But I'd say the people that complain about "nice guys finishing last" are in fact of the boring variety.

It also helps to not be passive, but I assume a number of people have talked about that already in this thread.

 

[Username Redacted]

Nobody male or female wants to date a doormat. Nothing whose sole purpose is to be walked all over will ever be particularly attractive. That said I don't believe a 50/50 relationship can work. Every relationship needs an alpha person to make a final decision on things. Most healthy relationships exist IMO between a 55/45 and 60/40 power split. 65/35-75/25 is where you'll find most alternate relationships and 80/20+ is where you find domestic abuse.

 

[Diablini]

I'm a 21 year old virgin who's never had any form of romantic relationship with either sex. You have no right to complain.

How is that anyone else's fault, other than yourself?

OP: No they don't. Seeing as you are a teenager (Like me ), 90% of the relationships at our age are superficial and shallow. People rarely marry their highschool sweetheart, highschool relationships are mainly for getting to know what kind of people you are into and gaining some exp. If you want real love you have to wait some time and search in the right place.

 

[Naeras]

Here's the truth: Girls love confidence. The unfortunate reality though is that assholes tend to be a lot more confident than nice guys are. And a lot of nice guys are only nice because they can't get away with being an asshole like other assholes do.

This. The biggest lady-magnet I know of is a textbook nice guy equipped with three bucketloads of confidence.

 

[Daddy Go Bot]

Mutual cooperation? Since when? Women saying what they want is VERY different from what they actually want. It's a cute concept, and since feminism has reared it's ugly head I can see why women would say it's something they want - it just doesn't have any basis in reality.

Men are the natural leaders in relationship, and women want to be lead. What I'm saying is very basic at its core, but it's what works best and it applies to our gender dynamics perfectly.

This very advice has actually saved relationships.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejSq-_NzAps

And it scares me to this day that this is what guys think.

*sigh*

People sometimes wonder why I am not interested in relationships. Because guys are controlling dickheads.

Ah yes, the childish self-entitled attitude of the "modern" woman.

Nice guys DON'T finish last in love.

When you're younger, girls tend to flock to the pricks for some reason. But as you get older, the girls tend to want partners that are more stable and stuff.

*is 23, in an almost 9 month relationship with the sweetest girl ever. Is also pretty damn nice himself*

Haha - ever heard of the phrase "Alpha fucks, beta bucks"? Because that's what you're describing. Women don't want passive nice guys because they're somehow "better", it's just that they're easier to rip off than an alpha.

What are you? Straight out of a 50's relationship advice film?

Not all women are the same, just like not all men are the same. You've either only had experience with very similar women. Or you're basing all of this on third hand information.

Of course there will always be people who deviate from the "standards", like homosexuals. But what I'm talking about is gender dynamics between men and women when it comes to relationships, something that has not changed in the last 50 years believe it or not.

Again, LUL WUT?

You've got no idea what you're talking about. The concept of gender dynamics is pretty much a useless standard these days. They apply to very few people because the collective perception of the genders has changed. It's not a natural concept. It's something which grew from our natural behavior. Behavior which is no longer relevant in our society. Gender roles were subconsciously taught and passed onto us by our parents and by the collective understanding of social norms. They're no longer taught like that, ergo they no longer apply.

You're limiting your view to a very small cross section of human behavior. A reductive outlook on life at best, downright stupidity at worst.

You might say our natural blueprints are no longer needed, but when I look at our society today I can easily say that they're needed now more than ever. Hell, even our children suffer from it.

And both men and women have suffered from it ever since.

Eh, growing pains. But it'll be worth it in the end.

Trying to change natural human behavior and gender as a whole has certainly not borne fruit and I doubt it ever will.

Did you know women are more miserable now than they were 50 years ago?

 

[Yureina]

Anyway, he say's that nice guys finish last because the majority of his girlfriends end up leaving him for some tool. Now from my perspective he treats his girlfriends like princesses, calling them beautiful 24/7, all that stuff. I'm sure most of you having relationships like that. I've seen how most people who can be called "deuce bags" relationships, and they get the girl because they are willing to come down to her level and just talk. So my question is, Agree/Disagree: Nice guys don't finish last, guys who are bent on the fact that they have a girlfriend finish last. Why/why not?

Umm... your friend doesn't sound like a "nice guy", but a "clingy guy" to me. That's the problem.

I've had guys fawning over me before, treating me just like how you say your friend treated his girlfriends. As someone who has been on the receiving end of that... it feels weird. Being called beautiful feels good -sometimes-, but it happening constantly just strikes me as clingy and, at worst, even insincere. Eventually it just gets suffocating and you don't want to be around that person anymore. In the end, I want a partner; Not some guy who treats me like a trophy or some kind of mystical goddess.

Also, this thread topic is old and smelly. I see it every month. >_>

And i've never dated a "douchebag" either. This whole stereotype about women only dating jerks is kinda insulting.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

I like how you tried to paint me as a misogynist. That's really cute.

You sure as hell come off like one:

Did you know women are more miserable now than they were 50 years ago?

I mean WOW, dude seriously, step out of your cave, try stepping out into the 21st Century, it's okay we won't bite.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

I was talking to a friend of mine who doesn't really have the best of luck with girls. He's had 5 GF's this year and I have 1, one that lasted 11 months. (He says it give him more experience with girls, but if you ask me 11 month GF > 1 month GF) Anyway, he say's that nice guys finish last because the majority of his girlfriends end up leaving him for some tool. Now from my perspective he treats his girlfriends like princesses, calling them beautiful 24/7, all that stuff. I'm sure most of you having relationships like that. I've seen how most people who can be called "deuce bags" relationships, and they get the girl because they are willing to come down to her level and just talk. So my question is, Agree/Disagree: Nice guys don't finish last, guys who are bent on the fact that they have a girlfriend finish last. Why/why not?

Edit: Maybe this might clear things up a bit. The girl I dated for 11 months was always quite and not very social. So I asked her out knowing that it was either her or spending my time alone. I always would treat her like a princess and everything. I didn't want her to leave, but now I realize, I didn't love her, I loved the fact I had a girlfriend. So basically when I say nice guys, I mean people who talk to their GF 24/7 complementing her, treating her like a celebrity, not really knowing who their dating, they just know their dating somebody, and that's good enough for them.

Edit 2: It may be worth mentioning that the reason I broke up with this girl (and did it in a totally dick way (ignoring her)) is because I finally did come down to her level to see what she was like (boring and homophobic) I found out how wrong we are together. Plus there was another girl, so...

Nice guys finish last, but they don't cheat. Also a good girl is worth waiting for, one who appreciates her man. Nice does not mean doormat however. And being a douchebag isn't worth getting the type of girl it attracts.
Also, if anyone is so obsessed with getting a girl in the first place they might have dependency issues...


Edit: Personal experience. I always used to hate the girl who'd come to me and ***** about not finding the nice guy, and dating all these jerks and then saying how great a guy I was and I would be a great catch and all. It used to piss me off because I wondered why the hell she didn't just ASK me... then later, years later, I figured out she was asking me, she was too scared to openly say it and I should have jumped at the chance if I was really interested but I had NO self-confidence. So really I couldn't have been mad at her at all because it was my damn fault for not asking her out in the first place.

 

[Jake the Snake]

Being a nice guy and being clingy are two different things. The former is about actually being in a relationship with a girl (ie where you're both equals, and you're treating her like you would treat a friend). Girls aren't fair maidens that need to be wooed by some prince charming. Girls are people, just like you and me. I know, gasp, right? The older I get, the more the whole: "Oh, I'm friend zoned" or the "I'm a really nice guy" seems like just cop out for your own insecurities or shortcomings. Because, god forbid, you just might not be the perfect guy for her. Just admit to yourself that you think those other guys are douches because they have her and you don't.

 

[b3nn3tt]

So basically when I say nice guys, I mean people who talk to their GF 24/7 complementing her, treating her like a celebrity, not really knowing who their dating, they just know their dating somebody, and that's good enough for them.

See, I wouldn't describe that kind of person as a nice guy. To me, a nice guy is someone who knows the person they're with, gets on with them, and still does nice things for them. To treat someone like that without even getting to know them just seems stupid to me.

So yes, nice guys as you describe them will finish last because they're not actually very nice guys. However, guys who are genuinely nice will not finish last, they will probably have long-lasting and wonderful relationships.

 

[Daddy Go Bot]

I like how you tried to paint me as a misogynist. That's really cute.

You sure as hell come off like one:

Did you know women are more miserable now than they were 50 years ago?

I mean WOW, dude seriously, step out of your cave, try stepping out into the 21st Century, it's okay we won't bite.

Sorry sir, but your mangina shaming language has no effect on me.

Mutual cooperation? Since when? Women saying what they want is VERY different from what they actually want. It's a cute concept, and since feminism has reared it's ugly head I can see why women would say it's something they want - it just doesn't have any basis in reality.

Men are the natural leaders in relationship, and women want to be lead. What I'm saying is very basic at its core, but it's what works best and it applies to our gender dynamics perfectly.

This very advice has actually saved relationships.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejSq-_NzAps

And it scares me to this day that this is what guys think.

*sigh*

People sometimes wonder why I am not interested in relationships. Because guys are controlling dickheads.

Ah yes, the childish self-entitled attitude of the "modern" woman.

Nice guys DON'T finish last in love.

When you're younger, girls tend to flock to the pricks for some reason. But as you get older, the girls tend to want partners that are more stable and stuff.

*is 23, in an almost 9 month relationship with the sweetest girl ever. Is also pretty damn nice himself*

Haha - ever heard of the phrase "Alpha fucks, beta bucks"? Because that's what you're describing. Women don't want passive nice guys because they're somehow "better", it's just that they're easier to rip off than an alpha.

What are you? Straight out of a 50's relationship advice film?

Not all women are the same, just like not all men are the same. You've either only had experience with very similar women. Or you're basing all of this on third hand information.

Of course there will always be people who deviate from the "standards", like homosexuals. But what I'm talking about is gender dynamics between men and women when it comes to relationships, something that has not changed in the last 50 years believe it or not.

Again, LUL WUT?

You've got no idea what you're talking about. The concept of gender dynamics is pretty much a useless standard these days. They apply to very few people because the collective perception of the genders has changed. It's not a natural concept. It's something which grew from our natural behavior. Behavior which is no longer relevant in our society. Gender roles were subconsciously taught and passed onto us by our parents and by the collective understanding of social norms. They're no longer taught like that, ergo they no longer apply.

You're limiting your view to a very small cross section of human behavior. A reductive outlook on life at best, downright stupidity at worst.

You might say our natural blueprints are no longer needed, but when I look at our society today I can easily say that they're needed now more than ever. Hell, even our children suffer from it.

And both men and women have suffered from it ever since.

Eh, growing pains. But it'll be worth it in the end.

Trying to change natural human behavior and gender as a whole has certainly not borne fruit and I doubt it ever will.

Did you know women are more miserable now than they were 50 years ago?

Oh, just go watch some more Fox news and live with your ignorant view of the world.

Everything you have said is pure bollocks of the highest order.

You never know, you might find a precious little flower who shares your antiquated views. Then you can protect her from all the nasty things and shelter your no doubt missionary style conceived offspring from the evils of change and all it's unwanted progress.

Meanwhile, I'll go on with my life and be all the happier for it.

Come the fuck on, you're arguing like a chick here. Instead of telling me how wrong I am and how my mean words are making you feel, try to tell me instead WHY I am wrong? You can't. Because you're trying to debate against what has essentially been the driving force behind civilization since forever.

 

[oktalist]

they get the girl because they are willing to come down to her level

Interesting choice of words.

OT: This has been ninja'd but that doesn't matter: Nice guys finish last, but the best guys finish at the same time.

 

[trooper6]

Actual Nice Guys don't finish last.

Needy, clingy, smothering, manipulative passive-aggressive guys with poor self-confidence don't tend to finish first. Because who wants to date people like that?

 

[Estocavio]

It isnt like that.
Hes being *too* nice.

Many Girls tend to like someone who just bes themself, and doesnt constantly try and concvince them to stay with them.
In My Experience, anyway.

 

[Abengoshis]

I've never had a girlfriend. It's not because I'm a nice guy - it's because I never go out.

 

[Odbarc]

I'm a nice guy. I finish last.

 

[Nightmonger]

Well the internet ate my previous post so i will try and post a shorter version using the final metaphor

People are like locks a particular key may fit one lock but will not fit another and will only cause damage if forced to be compatible with said lock.

In other words there is no "golden trait" people (male and female) are after in a relationship so saying "girls like confidence/dominance/(insert thing here) is incorrect and is trying to heap everyone into a single category. To sum up everyone is different an wants/ desires different things from a relationship.

Also in my experience its a mixed bag no the nice guys do not loose out any more than the douches and in general I think it is harsh to the Female sex to say "girls like douches" its simply not true a lot of the time (most)

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Sorry sir, but your mangina shaming language has no effect on me.

Mangina? Really? *sigh* No, you're right, clearly the bubble of ignorence you've encased yourself in is quite impervious to the notion of societal evolution. You can carry on deluding yourself into believing your misogany isn't totally diaphanous, I'm sure it'll land you a woman who hates herself enough to be your servant.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well OP you are confused on so many levels that I don't even know where to go with that, so I'll just address the main topic.

In short girls under the age of 25-30 like challenging / playful relationships it keeps them entertained, after those ages however their focus usually goes to family and then a stable provider is much appreciated.
And a nice guy is no challenge, he is actually quite boring, so unless you want to play with yourself until the advanced ages you better put your gameface on.

 

[Echo136]

Socially awkward, insecure guys finish last.
If you'll give a girl too much attention and will constantly try to prove to her that you're "worthy" of her, she will see that and most likely will be put off by that.
Why idolize a girl? Most of them don't like that. They like to be treated with respect but they want to be able to respect you as well. Turning yourself into a servant makes that impossible. Confidence in who you are gets you respect. Even if she won't like the same things as you do, if you're confident enough about who you are and what you believe in, she will see that and respect that. Being overly confident isn't that good as well but it's still better than being a ***** because at least you can get a girl for a brief moment.

I think you pretty much pinpointed exactly why my last relationship soured.