Do nice guys really finish last?

[Orinon]

nah, they just finish in the shower.

 

[Madara XIII]

I called my girl princess all the time, then she started telling another guy she loved him and tried to get a gang of kids to jump me.
Nice guys finish last.

...I feel the need to cry with you man. *Grabs box of tissues*

 

[Madara XIII]

Wacky Races has taught me that it is in fact the dastardly that finish last. They never get the pigeon either.

*Snickers like Muttly*

XD

Oh so true

 

[PatrickXD]

If you can't talk to her, you're not really having a relationship.

Spoiler: I have an anecdote that would suit this particular thread

There is a girl. She and I have been very good friends for about two years, and there has always been an unspoken notion that we would inevitably end up dating. Neither of us wanted this, however, because we were either interested in some fleeting crush or doing some hardcore schoolwork to try and get some good grades.
Recently, we both found gaps in these problems and grew closer together, we were planning on going out on a date and I was gonna ask her out. Unfortunately my plans were spoiled by some family issues.
In my absence, she invited a couple of friends over to her house, and all of them eventually left as the evening drew to a close. All but one, who decided to make a move on her.
Now, she had never had a boyfriend up to this previous week, and so had never kissed anyone. This guy who she didn't really know, who was more of a tag along character in our group, is very forward and sexually active. I don't know of anyone elses experiences on this site, but a kiss can mean a whole lot to an emotional teenager, and she fell for him.
He isn't a nice guy, he's over the top, selfish, controlling and most of all very demanding in terms of sexual activity.
She isn't so comfortable with this, and is only now realising exactly what's going on, having taken a few days for the first kiss effect to 'wear off'. She wants nothing more than to break up with him now, and has recently been desperate to get closer to me.
So this is how it's gonna work out, from my perspective: She's going to dump this horny teen, and ask me out. I'm gonna say yes, we're gonna have some good times.
EDIT: I guess I should make it a bit clearer: I don't exactly fir your description of a 'nice guy', ie; I don't sit there and call a girl beautiful and wonderful 24/7, but I am a total rock in terms of reliability and trustworthiness. I have a strong moral compass and would never go out of my way to harm another.

And the moral of the story is: Nice guys finish last, but that's exactly where you want to be!

 

[Folksoul]

Green Day wrote a song about it. That makes it true.

 

[damselgaming]

We do love the 'tools'! Though I'll be brutally honest, when I lust over a man it's because he's hot and a bit, rough around the edges shall we say. When I love a man he is usually the opposite, still hot but not quite the dream guy!

 

[Substitute Troll]

Eh. If a girl asks for my opinion I will give it. If I think she's made a mistake I'll point it out, but there's no need to be a jerk about it or try to bring down her self confidence. I don't see what the problem is, you just need to find a good balance between nice and laid back.

 

[lRookiel]

Im not a "Nice guy" im just a person who is nice to others, but I lack confidence in myself, which is why I finish last to the confident party animals or muscle bound douchebags that get all the girls....

So yes, We nicer and shyer guys finish last.

Also the fact I like Ponies wont be helping my chances either.....

 

[mrscott137]

Nice guys do finish last, but you have to actually know them to compliment all the time etc. I have the problem of knowing them too well, and getting hopelessly friend zoned every time.

 

[jawakiller]

Nice guys always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.


I do believe that had absolutely nothing to do with this thread...

Yeah!
My simple advice: Treat her well, protect her but be the man. I hate guys who let there chick drag them around on a leash (READ: dick). Be a man. Women, from my own spotted history, like a real man. Act like a nice (pussy) guy and you'll lose her.

Happened to me several times. Learning from one's mistakes is a useful ability in life.

 

[tobyornottoby]

People have been too quick to dismiss the point that Daddy Go Bot has been trying to make about gender roles (though perhaps he has been overly dismissive of people in general). We live in a world divided into masculine and feminine. This division is not easy to understand for most of us, and rarely splits the world up the way we would like it to be split, but the divide is there, and tends to place dominant, entrepeneurial and aggressive tasks on one side and co-operative, psychological and compassionate tasks on the other.

The theory that he seems to be saying is that the feminine gender seeks the masculine gender as a complementation. And this seems right to me, in as much as a good balance of character traits in a partnership is a positive thing both socially and individually. So the reason nice guys "finish last", as it were, is that they're really calling upon feminine social traits in their self-definition.

To back this up, he also pre-empts the suggestion that this isn't or needn't be the way the world is. The existence of Feminism would seem to support his theory that this is how things currently are (because it's still very much thought of as "women's rights", and it's still thought that this is a goal that hasn't yet been reached), but resist his suggestion that changing this state of affairs is impossible.

The other primary challenge to DGB's position is one of emasculation by technology. That is, the roles that men have traditionally played in society are being usurped by machines and communication channels reducing the need for manual labour, rigid corporate hierarchies and strict protection of individual property rights. We nowadays see the most egrarious examples of the last throws of man in the world of Politics and Economy, both of whom are being gradually revealed in the onslaught of free information as the hiding places of men who simply haven't a clue what the heck they were supposed to be doing.

I think he's right that the feminine gender seeks a certain amount of external stability in men qua masculinity, and that this goes a long way towards explaining the "nice guys finish last" phenomenon, but that he's very wrong to think that this is a rock-solid aspect of the world we live in. The times, they are a-changin'.

It's not nurture, it's nature. It is however, also not black-and-white. Many men are feminine up to varying percentages, and many women are masculine up to varying percentages. A more feminine guy can find a more masculine woman and they can complement each other.

On avarage, men are more masculine and women more feminine, but you can never judge an individual on this. The bad side of Feminism is however, that you also can't blame women who genuinly like traditionally feminine stuff.

Like homosexuality, your masculinity/femininity is something you're born with.

 

[Lisiecki]

Agree/Disagree: Nice guys don't finish last, guys who are bent on the fact that they have to have a girlfriend finish last. Why/why not?

Nice guys do not in fact finish last. Quite a few guys who say "Nice guys finish last" are in fact utter jerks. LOTS of girls like nice guys, just not ALL girls. (Just as many men are interested in women who are horrible choices for them) Guys (and girls) who go from one relationship to the next are unlikely to find some one they really connect with, and should likely wait a bit instead of jumping in to every relationship that offers its self up

Edit 3: When I say "come down to their level" I mean they stop praising her for a while and just talk, and hold a conversation.

YES! you know what people like? being talked to, not at. Have a conversations, get to know them and throw in a complement from time to time. When all some one hears is "You're so awesome" and "You're so pretty" the statements stop losing all meaning. Don't insult her, but dot worship her either

 

[Daveman]

So your marvelous insight is... guys who actually like their girlfriend have better relationships. I don't need a girlfriend to figure that out.

That said, I reckon I'm a pretty nice guy and I'm single.

I have a better theory... guys who work out, are attractive, generally fun to be around and on the whole nice tend to be more successful with the ladies.

 

[tobyornottoby]

If you can't talk to her, you're not really having a relationship.

Spoiler: I have an anecdote that would suit this particular thread

There is a girl. She and I have been very good friends for about two years, and there has always been an unspoken notion that we would inevitably end up dating. Neither of us wanted this, however, because we were either interested in some fleeting crush or doing some hardcore schoolwork to try and get some good grades.
Recently, we both found gaps in these problems and grew closer together, we were planning on going out on a date and I was gonna ask her out. Unfortunately my plans were spoiled by some family issues.
In my absence, she invited a couple of friends over to her house, and all of them eventually left as the evening drew to a close. All but one, who decided to make a move on her.
Now, she had never had a boyfriend up to this previous week, and so had never kissed anyone. This guy who she didn't really know, who was more of a tag along character in our group, is very forward and sexually active. I don't know of anyone elses experiences on this site, but a kiss can mean a whole lot to an emotional teenager, and she fell for him.
He isn't a nice guy, he's over the top, selfish, controlling and most of all very demanding in terms of sexual activity.
She isn't so comfortable with this, and is only now realising exactly what's going on, having taken a few days for the first kiss effect to 'wear off'. She wants nothing more than to break up with him now, and has recently been desperate to get closer to me.
So this is how it's gonna work out, from my perspective: She's going to dump this horny teen, and ask me out. I'm gonna say yes, we're gonna have some good times.
EDIT: I guess I should make it a bit clearer: I don't exactly fir your description of a 'nice guy', ie; I don't sit there and call a girl beautiful and wonderful 24/7, but I am a total rock in terms of reliability and trustworthiness. I have a strong moral compass and would never go out of my way to harm another.

And the moral of the story is: Nice guys finish last, but that's exactly where you want to be!

Isn't she just more disliking the other guy than liking the nice guy? It also sounds like the typical inertness of nice guys. No romantic initiative at all, but still hoping she will one day somehow like him in a romantic way. Also the negativity towards the other guy.

http://mightygodking.com/index.php/2007/12/16/the-internet-nice-guy-rears-his-ugly-head-once-more/

Edit 2: It may be worth mentioning that the reason I broke up with this girl (and did it in a totally dick way (ignoring her)) is because I finally did come down to her level to see what she was like (boring and homophobic) I found out how wrong we are together. Plus there was another girl, so...

Something tells me that's not so much a plus but 90% of the reason.

 

[Sunrider]

I didn't even read the first page completely, and already saw signs of flaming. This makes me sad.

OT: Yes. I won't speculate, because people seem to be up in arms in this thread, but yes, nice guys finish last.

 

[Lisiecki]

So your marvelous insight is... guys who actually like their girlfriend have better relationships. I don't need a girlfriend to figure that out.

This seems lost on the OP

 

[brainslurper]

I called my girl princess all the time, then she started telling another guy she loved him and tried to get a gang of kids to jump me.
Nice guys finish last.

EDIT: I'd also just like to add in, this only happened about 3 days ago.

Next time, say a lot of mean things to her and she will tell another guy she doesn't love him, and she will get a gang of kids to jump herself. Is that how it works? Only one way to find out!

 

[brainslurper]

I'm a 21 year old virgin who's never had any form of romantic relationship with either sex. You have no right to complain.

TO THE PUB WITH YOU YOUNG SIR!

When I read that I instantly thought, this guy is British!

I checked you profile.

I love being right.

Well who else is gonna say pub? I don't even think anywhere else but the UK has pubs anymore.

You're all modern with your trendy wine bars and cluuuuubs. Pffffft. Your clubs don't even have nails in them. How are you supposed to successfully vanquish your enemies with nailless clubs.

Barbarity, barbarity at it's purest.

Nope, give me a good old English pub, or better yet. A straw dusted tavern with casks of ye'ole short mead.... and my trusty nailed club for the ladies. Bitches love nailed clubs.

Having read your entire comment, I have no fucking idea what you said. At all.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I'd suggest that part of the problem is that 'nice' is so often seen as 'weak'.

You can be nice, but you need the strength to sometimes confront her on her BS, if she knows she can walk all over you and mould you like play doh, you're just not going to be interesting.

Strangely, it seems that the perfect man is the opposite of what women want, they seem to want someone who's generally good for them, but with flaws that they can constantly battle against, so they feel like there's a challenge.

Also, I'd put 'nice' OR 'asshole' way down the list somewhere among:

money
social status
friends
career
looks
car/possessions
and a multitude of other things.

I could be the world's perfect guy in many ways, but I'm in the situation where I can't just go out for a drink without planning in advance, and I sure as hell don't have the disposable income to do a night at the movies without saving for like a month in advance.

I'm not saying it's all about money, but having the moderate levels of income required to do basic levels of social activity is kinda important, no matter how 'nice' you are.