Do you answer why you turn someone down?

[Hosker]

This has never been a problem for me (yay?), but I think it's better not to know because it is going to be one of two things - something you can't change about yourself, which can't be helped, or something which can be changed, which may end up with you changing and being
insincere.

If it is something physical that can be changed, I don't think it would warrant breaking up with someone.

 

[zumbledum]

Well thats your problem and why they dont have a good answer. Now ladies speak up if im being unfair here but a man basically has the first 10 seconds to make an impression then about half an hour to follow up on that any longer and hes going to get friend zoned if liked or avoided if not.


reason? who cares its not going to help anyone the answer is simply a case of compatibility or perceived compatibility and its neither a fault nor anything you can fix so just forget it

ah yes, because because getting to know someone before asking them out is a crime these days, ain't it?
how is that supposed to work?

how am I supposed to instantly decide wether I want to persue a relationship with someone the first moments I meet them, that is ridiculously shallow and insulting to both parties involved.

your not supposed to instantly decide if they are marriage material, just if they are attractive, finding out if you can even stand them comes later, on for example the first date. its easy if your over average intelligence as i suspect you are to get too cerebral bear in mind there's a chemical component to all this we share with all other mammals it is shallow it is crude but its also normal.

ok you want to go the other way and get to know them first, i get it i do, i was the same and i had a near 10 year constant refusal and rejection rate, you are only at 5 years .. so far .

you don't have to be sleazy or a douche bag you don't have to come on strong, simply project an interest that goes beyond friendship. from the very first moment onwards you are building a relationship your either a potential mate or your not . now if you find you don't get on in that way you can default back to friendship and that can be as fast as the first flirty innuendo going over wrong . but you already have a fair amount of experience at taking a friend relationship and trading up goes.
not saying it doesn't happen but we both have life experience to say its rare.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

I'm one of those ugly ducklings. That no one would have touched with a 10 km pole before but now I've garnered some interest. Knowing how it feels to have your heart be pushed aside with code and understood brush offs, when the event occurs that a woman has interest in me and I have none in her, I sit down and I talk to her about it. I make it clear that in no means do I want to make this a regular event, because constantly having to go over this does wear on someone's psyche. So I want to get everything out in the open.

Sometimes it gets uncomfortable. Sometimes, I've lost friendships because she couldn't deal with just being friends. And you know what? that's fine. I think it's selfish to ask someone to lose their feelings for you and act like everything is ok because you don't feel the same way. But if someone generated feelings enough that she must speak on them, I can do nothing less but give her the common courtesy to express those feelings and have a clear-cut answer from me.

I don't take pleasure in it. In fact, I kind of hate doing it because I remembered being on the opposite side and swearing I'd give everyone a chance. But those were the rantings of a sad little boy who didn't want to be hurt any more. Now I'm a man. And sometimes being a man or woman calls for unpleasant things.

Ah, I forgot to include that too.
Thats pretty much nice shorthand for `I dont fancy you, but I like you`.
I was more referring to the guys who dont actually make a move, but just whine about the friend zone.

The Obsidian of yesteryear would probably have his claws and teeth ready to go with some of the wording. The Obsidian now finds it amusing. But glossing over the use of 'whine', i think people don't make a move because so many people rather use code than actual feelings. I mean, a good deal of the posters here spoke of their tactics to brush a person off instead of getting down and dirty into some truth.

The fact is, people know when others start to have feelings for them. And instead of talking to the person, most cop out and start to drop the 'Oh, you're such a good FRIEND' thing in efforts of trying to keep things from getting messy. So, I don't see it so much as people 'whining' without making a move. I think we all just get it and those preemptively rejected now have to deal with their feelings when they didn't even get to give it a shot.