Does the escapist want to help me?

[lacerator]

as a repair man: if something is broken hit it with a hammer - if it remains broken then you need a larger hammer
as a citizen: if you shake it 3 times then your just playing with yourself again
as a pirate: be superior to ninjas
as a ninja: be superior to pirates
as a philosopher: think very carefully about this
as a lazy person: never finish anyth...

 

[IckleMissMayhem]

They're both corny as hell, but anyway:

You are blessed to have two ears and one mouth. Use them according to their God-given ratio ? with twice as much listening as talking.

And:

* If you get it out, put it up.
* If you sleep on it, make it up.
* If you wear it, hang it up.
* If you drop it, pick it up.
* If you dirty it, wash it.
* If you open it, close it.
* If you turn it on, turn it off.
* If it rings, answer it.
* If it howls, feed it.
* If it cries, love it.

 

[ad5x5]

There is no spoon

No matter what, never go on an away mission wearing a red shirt

Always wear clean underwear in case you get hit by a bus

Whatever you know, is incorrect

Never eat yellow snow

Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you insult them, you're a mile away... and have their shoes.

Find a penny, pick it up, and all the day, you'll have a penny.

Cheese solves all problems

 

[ad5x5]

A shortcut is either quicker or shorter. If it was both, it would be the way.

 

[Isalan]

As a Pet Detective: Do Not Mess With The Do!

Edit: As a Human: Do not attempt to eat things just to see if you can

 

[Samuel Adams]

Ah, my life motto:
Light a man a fire, he will be warm for the rest of the day. Light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Hurr hurr hurr I'm taking your motto.

 

[TheScarecrow]

Pain is an illusion of the senses, despair an illusion of the mind.

There is only the Emperor.

Hide your strikes from your opponent and you may more easily strike his hide.

The fist, the knee, the elbow, the head, you must lash out with every limb like the octopus who plays the drums.

 

[yoyo13rom]

How about all the rules of the internet?

What do you mean all the rules? There are only two true golden rules:
1. The Internet is for pron.
2. Chuck Norris says :[insert universal laws here].

Good day.

 

[Sebenko]

Never do 500 of anything.
Teachers are cunts.

That sounds good to me.

 

[nick n stuff]

the only rule...there are no rules
dare i say it "the cake is a lie"

 

[Kawatoo]

As a Spartan: Dine in Hell

 

[TheScarecrow]

Stay away, from the town of Innsmouth.

 

[Samuel Adams]

How about all the rules of the internet?

What do you mean all the rules? There are only two true golden rules:
1. The Internet is for pron.
2. Chuck Norris says :[insert universal laws here].

Good day.

I beg to differ sir. [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rules+of+the+internet]

 

[martin's a madman]

the only rule...there are no rules
dare i say it "the cake is a lie"

My friend with the same assignment wrote

Rule 1. There are no rules.
Rule 2. The following 498 are exempt from rule one.

 

[Mana Fiend]

As a film fan: Whenever hearing Matt Damon's name, repeat it in a mono-tone, stupid voice.

 

[Cherry Cola]

As Black Adder: If you want something done, kill Baldrick first.

 

[Mana Fiend]

As Black Adder: If you want something done, kill Baldrick first.

As a Baldrick: Always have a cunning plan.

 

[Guy32]

Hahaha! Dharma actually means something?! Now I feel stupid

Here's some stuff if you don't mind taking things from a website. I like pretty much all of them.
http://gotfunny.leroysjokes.com/553/the-36-rules-of-life/

 

[CoverYourHead]

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