Duke Nukem Forever Review

[mikespoff]

"If you are stuck on a deserted island with only this game to play, go fishing instead."

Ouch. Well, if it's taken 12 years, launches amid a huge media hype and is still crap, then I think such a review is merited.

There are simply no mitigating factors for this game. It's not trying something new and innnovative (like Mirror's Edge) it's not being done by an indie enthusiast (like Minecraft). If it sucks, it has no excuses.

 

[I want to leave because extra credits is gone]

This RvB PSA is fitting of DNF http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5aUvk86XiA&feature=fvsr

 

[OneBig Man]

Meh, I liked Duke's quotes better when they were said by Bruce Campbell.

 

[ProtonGuy]

Ah yes elitistmagazing.com where if a game doesn't have multiplayer filled with screaming, profane 12 year olds, or isn't an artsy downloadable title it's completely written off as shoddy and terrible. Oh I almost for got that if a game isn't somehow related to Final Fantasy VII everyone here will also hate it. But what do I know, I mean I've only been gaming since the Intellivision. Sometimes it's just fun to put in a game and blow up aliens and save the world, but I guess that's to gouache for a generation that wears plaid shits with skinny jeans while sipping their Lattes.

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

Ah yes elitistmagazing.com where if a game doesn't have multiplayer filled with screaming, profane 12 year olds, or isn't an artsy downloadable title it's completely written off as shoddy and terrible.

Hi, you must be new here. A lot of people hate CoD and Halo round these here parts.

Oh I almost for got that if a game isn't somehow related to Final Fantasy VII everyone here will also hate it.

Portal got 4/5. How is that in any way related to FF VII?

But what do I know, I mean I've only been gaming since the Intellivision. Sometimes it's just fun to put in a game and blow up aliens and save the world

Yes. Sometimes it is. However, this is not a good example. Pissing, throwing poop, slapping wall-breasts? Those sound like a good time to you?

but I guess that's to gouache for a generation that wears plaid shits with skinny jeans while sipping their Lattes.

Ad hominem attack. That's all I have to say in that matter

OT: Let's hope that Gearbox puts out a good Duke game next time around. I don't 100% blame them, but from what I see, they could have used a longer dev cycle.

 

[ProtonGuy]

Gee skip you almost hurt my feelings there. I'm just sick of this site taking the game equivalents of B and C movies and making them out to be the anti-christ. Game are, in essence, toys that evolved over the years when it comes down to it there's a toy for everyone, and somewhere someone will enjoy it. I like Duke, I'm having fun with it, but unfortunately my opinion is in the minority because people would rather believe a star or a number than rent it and form their own opinion.

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

Gee skip you almost hurt my feelings there.

"Skip"?

I'm just sick of this site taking the game equivalents of B and C movies and making them out to be the anti-christ.

If you are refering to the review, he didn't say "OMG THIS GAME SUXXXXX". He presented his points in a calm manner about why the game was bad.

Game are, in essence, toys that evolved over the years when it comes down to it there's a toy for everyone, and somewhere someone will enjoy it.

Hence the two stars. Meaning that only the most hardcore fans will enjoy it. And not all toys are created equal

I like Duke, I'm having fun with it

Good for you.

but unfortunately my opinion is in the minority because people would rather believe a star or a number than rent it and form their own opinion.

A lot of people here have already played it and writen lists out of why they did not like it and what they thought was done wrong.

If you enjoy DNF, more power too you. However, a lot of people don't.

 

[theonlywildman]

OT: Let's hope that Gearbox puts out a good Duke game next time around. I don't 100% blame them, but from what I see, they could have used a longer dev cycle.

Agreed i hope that Gearbox is not discouraged by this and continues the series. I still have faith in the King

 

[ProtonGuy]

Gee skip you almost hurt my feelings there.

"Skip"?

I'm just sick of this site taking the game equivalents of B and C movies and making them out to be the anti-christ.

If you are refering to the review, he didn't say "OMG THIS GAME SUXXXXX". He presented his points in a calm manner about why the game was bad.

Game are, in essence, toys that evolved over the years when it comes down to it there's a toy for everyone, and somewhere someone will enjoy it.

Hence the two stars. Meaning that only the most hardcore fans will enjoy it. And not all toys are created equal

I like Duke, I'm having fun with it

Good for you.

but unfortunately my opinion is in the minority because people would rather believe a star or a number than rent it and form their own opinion.

A lot of people here have already played it and writen lists out of why they did not like it and what they thought was done wrong.

If you enjoy DNF, more power too you. However, a lot of people don't.

/handshake, to a heated debate neither of us turned into a flame war. To bad games and good alike!

 

[Koios]

Yes. Sometimes it is. However, this is not a good example. Pissing, throwing poop, slapping wall-breasts? Those sound like a good time to you?

The game isn't focused on doing any of those things. Yea, they're there for the people who might enjoy that, but nobody's forcing players to do any of them.

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

Gee skip you almost hurt my feelings there.

"Skip"?

I'm just sick of this site taking the game equivalents of B and C movies and making them out to be the anti-christ.

If you are refering to the review, he didn't say "OMG THIS GAME SUXXXXX". He presented his points in a calm manner about why the game was bad.

Game are, in essence, toys that evolved over the years when it comes down to it there's a toy for everyone, and somewhere someone will enjoy it.

Hence the two stars. Meaning that only the most hardcore fans will enjoy it. And not all toys are created equal

I like Duke, I'm having fun with it

Good for you.

but unfortunately my opinion is in the minority because people would rather believe a star or a number than rent it and form their own opinion.

A lot of people here have already played it and writen lists out of why they did not like it and what they thought was done wrong.

If you enjoy DNF, more power too you. However, a lot of people don't.

/handshake, to a heated debate neither of us turned into a flame war. To bad games and good alike!

Cheers!

OT: I think Gearbox can make a good Duke Nukem game. They did make Borderlands, after all, which is one of my all time favorite games.
They would just need to start from the top, and see what makes a good FPS game. The first thing would be to allow him to cary more than 2 guns at once. If my soldier from Borderlands can cary a pistol, SMG, Assault Rifle, rocket launcher, combat shotgun, explosive shotgun, ect, there's no reason why Duke cannot as well.

 

[Triforceformer]

Do not listen to the mean man. I've gotten about 4 hours in now. Mostly the SP with some MP.

Totally. Fucking. Worth it. The second I saw that Alien Commander come in and heard the music start up? Worth the price of admission alone for me. Mothership battle was fun if a bit simple. The multiplayer is...potentially good. By which I mean you have to hope that the server isn't too laggy, and some douchebag doesn't manage to hog the Devastator + Jetpack all round. There are a few good easter eggs so far, the Ego system justifies the interactivity, and there are quite a few good puzzles so far. Also, I have not heard one piece of music that I did not like yet.

Yes, the game is linear as all get out. Not that it's a bad thing at all. The Half-Life series is linear, and I can not tell you how much people suck that series' dick with praise. Duke is surprisingly quiet during "Cutscenes", and only ever says anything when everyone has gotten a word in. Alot of Duke's one liners make me laugh, and the Steroids powerup is fucking awesome. Beer is alright, but it takes a little too much away for what it gives in my opinion. The game also likes to break things up a bit with the odd driving or platforming section (which is a bad thing according to every reviewer in fucking existence). The weapons that I've gotten access to are all satisfying, aside from the Ripper. The Ripper looks ugly, sounds pathetic (Except for the reload), and has some awful firing animations. There are none. The gun just vibrates and has muzzleflash.

Also, I've encountered a turret section, and discovered that use of the actual turret is optional. Which I thank Triptych for many times over.

So far? I'd recommend it. But only for PC or PS3, though. The 360 version is a turd on a bun with a heaping helping of rotten horse radish from what I hear.

 

[puffy786]

If this was gamespot, the reviewer would of this game would have been fired by now, since the background theme is a Duke Nukem Forever advertisement and another DNF advertisement is below the text box i am typing in. A true sign of The Escapist's honesty.

 

[DrEmo]

I still think they missed a trick with the ego health system.

He could have had to do something cool to get his ego back. Like shooting a dude in the dick or something.

The more zaney stuff you do, the bigger your ego bar gets. And when it's low. You have to do something like benchpress an enemy carcase to boost it back up.

The rest of it looks pretty much how I imagined though.

THAT'S what I picture when I hear Duke Nukem. Why didn't they let people like you help with the game?


Oh, right, they wanted to cash in on their 12 year long failure not make a good game. I forgot.

 

[Russ Pitts]

Snip

Wait, why is the escapist still running the giant "Duke Nukem's crouch in your face" adds when you thought the game was awful?

By golly, you're right! It's almost as if our advertisers do not influence our editorial. Shocking!

Can everyone please remember this the next time we happen to have ads running for a game we've highly reviewed and not assume we've been bought off by the publisher? That'd be great. Thanks.


-R

 

[LogicNProportion]

Looks like I'm renting.

 

[AngryFrenchCanadian]

As bad as the game really is, lazy video review is lazy.

 

[BehattedWanderer]

"What if a golden man hath an iron son?"

Plato's argument for hereditary leadership seems to apply well to games. Just because we liked the former doesn't mean we'll like the successor, apparently. Excellent. I find this amusing as all hell.

Snip

Wait, why is the escapist still running the giant "Duke Nukem's crouch in your face" adds when you thought the game was awful?

By golly, you're right! It's almost as if our advertisers do not influence our editorial. Shocking!

Can everyone please remember this the next time we happen to have ads running for a game we've highly reviewed and not assume we've been bought off by the publisher? That'd be great. Thanks.


-R

And because you're not afraid to put up a blatant "Do not buy this game" sign in your reviews of games, I (and hopefully others) love you. All of you. Hopefully more review and editorial sites will take up this policy, eventually culminating in punishing the industry for trying to sell us trash. If games get a good score here, it tends to mean the game was actually good. A dissatisfied review here can likewise usually be counted on to be the result of dissatisfied or unpleasant instances. Not always the case, of course, but as a guideline, it does wonderfully.

 

[blindthrall]

I think this will go on my long list of games I objectively acknowledge as terrible, but enjoy playing none the less

Oh, don't say that, I have huge list of games like that. Dungeon Siege 2, Alpha Protocol, Postal, Deus Ex 2...but not Far Cry 2, I don't care how much people ***** about that game, it was good.

 

[sunpop]

I don't know why people expected anything more than old jokes and nudity thats all duke is about going into this with any high expectation of it being a good story being told perfectly is stupid. But to be fair all modern fps (call of duty and the like) are crap stories too it's just the same generic action hero crap that's been done a million times over.