Wow, I'm glad that so many of us who've never gone to see the movie agree that it sucks based entirely on the opinion of one individual whose job it is to entertain with sharp criticism on a comedy show! Phew, for a second, there, I was afraid I'd have to go see this movie and form my own opinion, but thankfully we all can now go on about our daily lives of being told what to think instead of being forced to form our own opinions based on our own perceptions!
So, what part of the movie that you guys didn't see do you think sucks the most? I think I have to say it's got to be the 80+ minutes of film footage that aren't included in any of the trailers. I can just magically divine from the way that Scrooge runs in action-packed scenes in the trailer that the rest must logically be terrible. Man, especially those parts with Tiny Tim dying that I didn't see, and the emotional moments where Scrooge is forced to relive the loss of his love that I didn't see, and those parts where Scrooge is forced to see how others will react to his death that I didn't see. Man, those SUCKED, am I right, fellow people who didn't see this movie?
I especially hated that part with how Scrooge's comments about how the poor and homeless children should be sent to the jails and workhouses bite back when it is artfully and powerfully shown how poverty results in people ending up in jails and workhouses because they are forced to be delinquents in order to survive. I'm SO glad I didn't have to see that exceptionally well-delivered message!
Oh, you know what else I hated about this movie I didn't see? I hated all the beautiful fly-throughs of exquisitely-rendered Victorian London that allow you to appreciate the architecture and the stark contrast between the rich and the poor through artistic contrasts in architecture and lavishly detailed lifestyles. Ha-ha, it's sure a good thing I didn't have to go to the movie to see if it was going to suck or not, thus saving myself a paltry ten dollars that I could instead spend on a couple bags of Doritos to assist in the expansion of my waistline!
Hey, another thing that really blows about this movie I know nothing about is the way they talk all funny. I mean, it's like they're talking right out of the book, or something! Seriously, who talks that way? It should be all, "yo, yo, yo, Scrooge! Why you hatin' on Christmas, dog?" and then they can be all like, "I be hatin' 'cause I be an old geezer, son! You gots to show me da true meanin' of Christmas!" "You gonna totally be haunted, dawg!" "Awwww, daaamn!" That's totally how it should be! Man, wouldn't that rock?
And, I totally know what you guys mean about an American being unable to have an artistic interpretation of a British novel. I mean, it's like, white people totally can't dance, right? And black people totally can't do white things, right? And Chinese people totally can't do American things, right? It's so totally like that! The fact that one's education has a far greater impact on how one develops their opinions, and, thus, their interpretations as compared to geographical location of birth doesn't matter at all! Besides, it's not like a modern British person doesn't have far more understanding of a British novel written a hundred and fifty years ago than an American whose life is equally as far-removed from the novel's setting! I mean, it's like Victorian stuff is in the blood, you know what I mean? Those British people, since their great-great grandparents maybe lived in the Victorian era, totally somehow pass on a deeper understanding of Victorian novels to their children through their genes, right? That's been scientifically proven... right? I mean, it's not like the Western World is practically unified in its European-American culture or anything, right?
You know what movie I DO want to see? I totally want to see that Avatar movie. Oh, as a stupid American who can't form his own opinion, I do so love to be reminded of how the evil White Man took over the perfect Native Americans, taking their land and forcing them to live on reservations, while we eeeevil White Folk only know how to completely suck the life out of a planet and don't have the faintest sense of economic appreciation, unlike those Native Americans who are totally perfect. It's not like they're human, and thus prone to the same failings, or anything. It's not like American conquest was inevitable, right? It's not like the Native Americans were forced to be so careful with their environment based solely on how their lifestyles wouldn't have allowed them to survive had they become more wasteful. It's totally because, as a race, they are superior to White people. Especially Americans, even though the British, Spanish, and French also had a large hand in driving them back with their colonies. Yeah, I can't wait to have those points again shoved down my throat in yet another guilt-trip good-native evil-conqueror piece. That's totally never been done before, right?
Now, excuse me while I go snort Yahtzee's semen up my nose to replace my lack of brains that I could form my own opinion with.
olo rock on soul brothas!
P.S. Oh! And I was thinking of starting up a club for all the people who agree that the motion capture medium sucks. That way, we can all sit around and agree with one another not to continue to follow its ongoing improvements and refinements while laughing at everyone else who's having a good time at the movies! Won't that be totally fun?
