Having now gone to see this movie myself, I'm surprised by Bob's love of it.
This was a glossy but ultimately greasy-paper-thin movie. It strongly reminded me of TOS Star Trek (and not just because of all the coloured skin = aliens stuff), especially with the main character letting us know he's the male fantasy 'cool' guy, who has so much sex and so little 'give a shit' that he doesn't bother to remember the names of his partners nor even that they're still on his ship when he goes off to do something dangerous. (Bob writes this off as 'arrested development' but to me, that seems to just be excusing the fact that he still likes it.)
Of course, this could be intentional, designed to point out just how much of an unlikeable asshole he is but there's a difference between charismatic asshole and just asshole. Watching, you start questioning why *any* woman would give him more attention than it takes to pepper spray him. The scene where he boasts/sympathises about pain as he points out all the times he's been stabbed or harmed by a pissed off conquest falls extremely flat as a moment of humour because of, again, the lack of charisma. This isn't a heart-of-gold jerk sharing probably-well-deserved injuries (ignoring the inappropriateness of comparing it to Drax's murdered family), this is a smug gleeful little boy who loves having them because it gives him an excuse to remind everyone about all the sex he's been having and therefore how cool he is.
Again, maybe this is part of his character build to make him unlikeable, but it's spoiled somewhat by Gamora fluttering in his wake like he oozes a Kirkian sexual magnetism when he really, *really* doesn't. (It was so over the top and unexplainable that I actually spent most of the movie expecting it to be a ploy of Gamora's to get him to fall in line. Sadly not.) This same lack of charisma is glaring when he tries to have 'stirring speech' moments and honestly? I don't know if it's the acting or the writing, but he just cannot pull it off. Stiff, uninspiring, peppered with supposed-to-be-funny tangents that just seem awkward; this is a guy who should be playing second fiddle to the real leader, not leader himself by virtue of being Male, White & Human(ish).
Which brings me to Gamora.
WHAT?? This 'daughter of Thanos, genetically modified and broken down and remade to be some badass assassin who has NEVER FAILED Ronan is about as tough as a kitten with attitude (or maybe a joey, considering her propensity for kicking people). Her role in the movie is to be the fragile (thorned) flower who, despite (presumably) having murdered people all over the place, hits her limit when it comes to murdering planets and serves as the emotional, moralising heart of the group, banging on about honour and the right thing to do like she'd have had *sooo* much opportunity to live that way under Thanos. She comes off more as a 'sheltered exotic female' than anything else and that's just bizarre. 'Fragile (thorned) flower' describes her to a T in that all you need to know is 'the right way to handle her' and any danger is negated, leaving only the fragile flower, ripe for the DEflowering.
Groot, Rocket and Drax are all acceptable bit characters and the latter two at least have more developed or well-written personal conflict than either Quill or Gamora. That's about all that can be said for them.
If you took the whole movie as just something that sets up the Infinity glove for the next Avengers... it serves its purpose. As a standalone movie to plant the seeds of new characters, it stubs its toe pretty badly.
Rubbish music, too.
