Escape to the Movies: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

[Something Amyss]

A reference to The Amazing Spider-Man 2 that isn't filled with horrific bile and a half hearted insult?

Only because he was too busy trying to parallel accusations of a grudge against this movie (preemptively) with accusations of a grudge against Not-Raimi Spider-Man.

Apparently, a pre-emptive shot at people who thought this was insanely harsh (especially for a guy who said he'd been trying to play nice) takes priority.

The downside is I now have to see this movie. Only because I have trouble believing anything could be this bad. This isn't a defense of Michael Bay (Who I dislike as a filmmaker/producer/anything that has him involved in entertainment) or the movie itself (which I fully expect does suck), just general disbelief. I literally cannot imagine a movie so horrible that it would border on a real-world "Springtime for Hitler" equivalent.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

*sees video description*

It's WORSE than we thought it'd be?

Oh dis gun be good. *gets out popcorn*

*watches video*

*sighs and puts down the popcorn* Well that was kinda depressing.

Spoiler

So lemme get this straight...April knows almost everything that's going on, and has a bag full of information just sitting around...but she somehow forgot all of it? That's....Kinda dumb...

And they made Don an URKEL type nerd stereotype?! I...What...WHY?! That's just plain offensive to nerds everywhere at this point. Wasn't he always a crackpot inventor archetype instead? That's much more fun!

And...shredder is the villain's adopted father? I...Wha...*clutches head* That just sounds contrived and dumb.

The "they're only ninjas because splinter found a ninjistu manual in the sewer and thought it'd make a good parenting manual" is pretty hilarious, though. XD I actually like how stupid and funny that is.

Also, am I the only one who actually LIKED "the next mutation" TV show as a kid? I mean, it wasn't amazing, but it was still alright...I even liked the girl turtle quite a bit. XD

 

[Evonisia]

A reference to The Amazing Spider-Man 2 that isn't filled with horrific bile and a half hearted insult?

Only because he was too busy trying to parallel accusations of a grudge against this movie (preemptively) with accusations of a grudge against Not-Raimi Spider-Man.

I think I'll still take that over every unnecessary jab at The Amazing Spider-Man 2, The Amazing Spider-Man, Man of Steel and The Dark Knight Rises in the previous videos.

 

[vid87]

I watched the review twice and it occurs to me that the only possible explanation I can come up with for the whole "Douchebag Bro-Turtles" is that the writers were concentrating on the whole "teenaged" aspect. And that, I feel, is one of the most disturbing trends about modern screenwriting - they try to inject realism and believability and either botch it or make it clash with tone to the point where it's better to just not have it.

Also, I haven't seen either of the Amazing Spiderman films, but judging solely from how trailers for the first one and TMNT both include giant collapsing tower antennae, I was the least bit surprised to find out this copied the climax as well.

 

[wswordsmen]

This seems to be Michale Bay's attempt to defend his title as worst other franchise to movie adaptation ever. If he didn't already hold that title.

 

[Zombie Badger]

The magic blood MacGuffin is a cheap way to make the protagonist 'special'. Instead of actually putting effort into making them an exceptional human being, you just say that they are inherently special and have the rest of the world bow to that (The Incredibles took this to truly Objectivist extremes).

In some ways you could say that it's a product of a popular anti-elitist feeling of the same kind that causes uneducated morons to feel comfortable debunking climate change and who just want to be told they're fine and don't have to improve themselves.

 

[Phil the Nervous]

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/teenage_mutant_ninja_turtles_2013/ - 19%

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/guardians_of_the_galaxy/ - 92%

I literally cannot say how happy these numbers make me

 

[Happiness Assassin]

Thanks a lot Bob. You just reminded me of two things I wish had stayed repressed: the time I watched Cannibal Holocaust and that time my friend sent me some *cough* explicit *cough* fan art involving the turtles. Well, time to break out the brain bleach again, though in honor of Will Arnett and his choice of roles, I best make it a "forget-me-now".

 

[scorptatious]

Yeah, not really surprised this didn't turn out well. Michael Bay's name was essentially a death sentence.

Speaking of which, what's the general consensus here on the current TMNT cartoon?

 

[endtherapture]

Don't really get the big fuss about this. TMNT has never struck me as a special property with any features that make it stand out.

Captcha: Rodents of unusual size. I guess this is funny cos of the giant rat in it.

 

[Triaed]

Loved the in-memoriam dedication at the end!
I was preparing some scathing comments about having redeemed Michael "shakycam" Bay previously, but I was completely disarmed.
Well played, sir. Well played.
RIP indeed

 

[Trooper924]

Shredder doesn't even have to be a Ninja?

Isn't Shredder supposed to be a Samurai? Looks like a Samurai to me. But then I have zero clue about anything Ninja Turtles.

But on the topic of the shredder, I still think the suit looks cool.

Too bad about the movie though.

As someone who has a good working knowledge of the franchise I can say that, despite his appearance, The Shredder has been more or less treated as a ninja like the turtles. His backstory almost always involves him being trained as a ninja. He frequently employs ninja weapons and tactics when fighting. And he commands and trains an army of ninjas, the Foot Clan (who are not ninjas in this film for whatever reason).

OT: Well, this was completely expected. Ever since Michael Bay was attached to this project, it was one controversy and ensuing mass fan outrage after another. The whole "The turtles are going to be aliens" rumor, Megan Fox being cast as April, the other rumor about The Shredder being white (which if Bob is right, was actually true at one point), the reveal of the turtles' oversized and over-accessorized designs, and most recently Fox insulting the film's "haters". And who can blame them? We've been hearing nothing but bad news about it since the very beginning! Sure we occasionally got some small flicker of hope that it might possibly maybe be good, but--nope! April Fools! We got another Transformers movie this year, only with the giant, oversized robots swapped out with giant, oversized reptiles.

 

[ace_of_something]

What I'm getting out of this, is that my children would much prefer me to find some copies of the old 90's live action movies and project them on the side of the house.

Done.

 

[KazeAizen]

I bent my pen when you were talking about their origin. WTF. Like seriously W.T.F. The kids do deserve a better movie and for mine, they'll be watching TMNT until they're old enough for the real Turtles.

Its kind of sad. In over 30 years, across 3 animated series, god knows how many comic books, and 3 live action movies each with its own style, tone, and take you'd think that they would be able to just cherry pick the stuff and make a kick ass movie. Like take the humor from the 80s cartoon, the brother dynamics and tone of the 03 cartoon with a tinge of the original Mirage books, updated character designs from the last live action franchise. Hell the fight choreography and style from the CGI TMNT movie (super underrated btw) as well. Such a shame.

So, basically you want the current IDW comic series? Because that's more or less what you've described.

lol really? I've never picked up a Turtle comic in my life. Just watched the old and 03 series and was aware of the original tone of the Mirage books. So then yeah. If that's the case yes let's just adapt the IDW version or whatever

Hah. Yeah it's a blend of the entire franchise, including Hun of the Purple Dragons from the 2003 cartoon as Casey Jones' father, Krang (He's intensely scary in this one, instead of a joke), Bebop and Rocksteady, even Hot Rodding Teenagers (Neutrinos) from Dimension X get a cameo, along with a new Technodrome.

And there's plenty of new characters, like Hobbes, who is a mutated cat, that starts a street gang trying to kill Splinter.

Sounds like the best iteration of the Turtles yet. Maybe I'll check it out. Though I think my favorite Turtles story and movie will be Turtles Forever. Best feature length movie they've ever been in period

 

[nevarran]

So, you didn't like the movie?

What a shame tho', the Turtles did not deserve such faith.

 

[maxben]

That was a great Cannibal Holocaust reference Bob, and likely the only one I will probably hear for the rest of my life.

 

[DTWolfwood]

yeah you don't spend hundreds of millions on CGI for a "Kids" movie. It's just a convenient excuse should people blast the hell out of this movie. Which from the looks of it, is going to happen. I recant my statement.

Glad i'm going to see the Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend lol

 

[jmarquiso]

I've said for the past year that the ideal current TMNT movie would be like the original comics: a dark, gritty, and serious action film that seems unaware that its lead characters are FREAKING TURTLES, and becomes hilarious by its own seriousness, similar to Airplane!

Sadly, this appears to not be that movie.

Instead of the comic book versiojn - a parody of Daredevil wwith fricking Turtles, it'd be a parody of Batman with fricken Turtles.

 

[jmarquiso]

yeah you don't spend hundreds of millions on CGI for a "Kids" movie. It's just a convenient excuse should people blast the hell out of this movie. Which from the looks of it, is going to happen.

Glad i'm going to see the Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend lol

See Smurfs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Inspector Gadget, etc, etc, etc.

 

[lastjustice]

I looked bad from the word go. I wasn't all that emotionally invested in it being good, so I just shrugged and kept going about myself business. Yeah I could totally see how the let's make the humans drive the plot, and the CGI death machines just advance the action scenes disconnect as the Transformers movies have be annoying.(This aspect is really pushed to forefront in the 4th Transformers film.)