Escape to the Movies: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

maxben

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That was a great Cannibal Holocaust reference Bob, and likely the only one I will probably hear for the rest of my life.
 

DTWolfwood

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yeah you don't spend hundreds of millions on CGI for a "Kids" movie. It's just a convenient excuse should people blast the hell out of this movie. Which from the looks of it, is going to happen. I recant my statement.

Glad i'm going to see the Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend lol
 

jmarquiso

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SlightlyEvil said:
I've said for the past year that the ideal current TMNT movie would be like the original comics: a dark, gritty, and serious action film that seems unaware that its lead characters are FREAKING TURTLES, and becomes hilarious by its own seriousness, similar to Airplane!

Sadly, this appears to not be that movie.
Instead of the comic book versiojn - a parody of Daredevil wwith fricking Turtles, it'd be a parody of Batman with fricken Turtles.
 

jmarquiso

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DTWolfwood said:
yeah you don't spend hundreds of millions on CGI for a "Kids" movie. It's just a convenient excuse should people blast the hell out of this movie. Which from the looks of it, is going to happen.

Glad i'm going to see the Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend lol
See Smurfs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Inspector Gadget, etc, etc, etc.
 

lastjustice

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I looked bad from the word go. I wasn't all that emotionally invested in it being good, so I just shrugged and kept going about myself business. Yeah I could totally see how the let's make the humans drive the plot, and the CGI death machines just advance the action scenes disconnect as the Transformers movies have be annoying.(This aspect is really pushed to forefront in the 4th Transformers film.)
 

DTWolfwood

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jmarquiso said:
DTWolfwood said:
yeah you don't spend hundreds of millions on CGI for a "Kids" movie. It's just a convenient excuse should people blast the hell out of this movie. Which from the looks of it, is going to happen.

Glad i'm going to see the Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend lol
See Smurfs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Inspector Gadget, etc, etc, etc.
Just found out the movie took about $120+million to make. which explains the dated CGI Bob was talking about. It'll break even and be profitable too (Smurfs made back their money 5 fold...) SO i take back everything. This is a terrible terrible kids movie.

Either way, why do they keep making movies where the title characters play second fiddle to everyone else?

You know what, Michael Bay just need to go back to making "original" titles and stop treading on old franchises. I hear Pain and Gain was actually kind of good, and I loved Armageddon when it came out who knows when ago.
 

daxterx2005

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There is no way this movie can make Next Mutation look good, I don't believe it! It's impossible!
 

JimB

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Tsk, that's a shame. In the last few weeks, as more commercials came out, I started getting warily interested in what I was seeing just because Michelangelo would probably get off one line per commercial that I find genuinely funny (I still laugh at the "It's just a mask!" bit). I was hoping this would be...well, not a big surprise, but a movie that is surprising for being better than the skunky-smelling puddle of suck we all expected. Oh, well.

Oh, and add my voice to the choir about the RIP stinger. That's funny as hell.
 

Callate

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I'm surprised, but only in as much as it was that bad. I was expecting "disposable bad", not "degrading the franchise and inspiring despair for the state of modern child-directed entertainment" bad.

I mean, TMNT hasn't exactly been swinging for the fences for some time, now...
 

darthdenim

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So it's only okay to complain about race when a non-white character is turned white, but not the other way around?


Gotcha.
 

direkiller

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wswordsmen said:
This seems to be Michale Bay's attempt to defend his title as worst other franchise to movie adaptation ever. If he didn't already hold that title.
Not while BloodRayne and Uwe Boll still exists.
 

AkatsukiLeader13

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ace_of_something said:
What I'm getting out of this, is that my children would much prefer me to find some copies of the old 90's live action movies and project them on the side of the house.

Done.
You know what that still sounds more appealing this TMNT film.
 

2xDouble

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I'm genuinely sorry this happened, Bob. Here, allow the Warp Zone to blind you to this with nostalgia: (don't worry, it's the good, non-parody version)


And for good measure,
Here's the Transformers too.
 

VonBrewskie

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*waves smoke away from his monitor* Wow. That was a hardcore lashing Bob. I like what you said at the end about kids deserving better. I'm 33. We grew up with some great kids movies. Well written, characters that mattered and had great arcs, great scenery and practical effects that bled with creativity, all of that good stuff. That isn't to say it was all like that though. There were a ton of horrible movies I remember growing up. The turtles were a huge cash cow and I very much remember the original movies as not being that great. I still love them, don't get me wrong, but subsequent viewings have shown them to be what they are: not very good movies. The thing is, if what you're saying is true Bob, the new TMNT is missing the sole saving grace of the earlier films in that the earlier films were a blast to watch. (Yes even the 3rd one imo.) Fun seems to be running away from film and I for one am stoked that a movie like Guardians of the Galaxy exists because that movie, besides everything else that it is, is absolutely one of the most fun movies I've seen in recent memory. Kids do deserve better films than what they are currently getting. I'm worried that they are going to grow up thinking that sh** like this is the norm. Good review Bob. Thanks for the heads-up.
 

Casual Shinji

Should've gone before we left.
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Zachary Amaranth said:
The downside is I now have to see this movie. Only because I have trouble believing anything could be this bad. This isn't a defense of Michael Bay (Who I dislike as a filmmaker/producer/anything that has him involved in entertainment) or the movie itself (which I fully expect does suck), just general disbelief. I literally cannot imagine a movie so horrible that it would border on a real-world "Springtime for Hitler" equivalent.
You mean you haven't seen Transformers 2?

I stopped trying to measure Bay's vileness after that, but I can't imagine anything being worse. That movie literally inserted shit into my brain.
 

VonBrewskie

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The Dubya said:
Wait wait wait...wait....wait...

Are you telling me that a movie that looked every bit as shitty and derivative and unimaginative as blockbuster movies can get nowadays actually WAS every bit as shitty and derivative and unimaginative as blockbuster movies can get these days?
Seriously, I was baffled by how many people were actually looking forward to this crap. Whether you're a TMNT fan or not (which I'm not), how anyone couldn't see this trainwreck coming from a mile away is beyond me.
I don't think many were expecting the film to be good at all, fans or not. The group you're directing your snark at doesn't exist bro. I think at best most people were cautiously optimistic about something they hadn't seen yet even though their gut told them that pessimism was wholly justified. The group are people like my friends with kids who didn't care if the film sucked or not. They just wanted something to distract their kids with for a couple of hours.
 

walsfeo

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Johnny Novgorod said:
Charcharo said:
But... you are biased... Bob...
That is normal though.
What's not normal is calling people who point this out "blithering idiots". I suppose Bob felt somehow threatened by that.

Every month or so I decide to give Bob another shot at movie reviewing. Am I being incredibly unlucky or is he really is this biased/intolerant?
Actually this is a great review. It explains not only that the movie is a big bottle of suck-o-la cola, but why.

Seriously, the world needs more reviews like this.