Escape to the Movies: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Kids Deserved Better Than This

[the.chad]

While I can't comment on the movie as I haven't seen it.
Fully agree with Bob saying that kids movies don't have to be bland & boring.
Take Pixar as the perfect example. Not only pointing at kids at there key demographic.
But making engaging characters and enjoyable films for adults as well.
(and make a butt tonne of cash as well!!)

 

[80sboy]

I mean, when there's similar outcry regarding movies like Argo I can understand it since it involved an existing person; but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.


Besides, the idea of William Fichtner being Shredder just sounded so freaking cool.

His name is Oroku Saki, he's from Japan, YES IT IS A BIG THING! You would have to really go purposely out of your way to whitewash a character like that. That's like creating a live action version of Aladdin, having it set in Arabia, and whitewashing all of them just because... just because! I mean Aladdin is a fictional tale too, so how would it hurt!


OT: As for the movie itself...? I saw it and... I remember how embarrassingly stupid the whole ninja rapping with Vanilla Ice part was as a kid. Now I don't see that as being so bad compared to the movie I saw today.

Also... once again. The coolest aspects of the cartoon: technodrome, dimension x. Were completely left out even though today the technology is there to make it with special effects. With the 1990 movie considering it's low production value even for the time... I can completely understand. Now? Not so much.

 

[truckspond]

Michael Bay sees himself as a fine wine when really he's just McDonalds fries, Getting worse with age and should have quit after the first movie

 

[IrisNetwork]

RIP Being Nice to Michael Bay 2014-2014
HOORAY!

Please let this movie bomb so we can have the reboot that takes everything from the cartoon Bob showed. Have Bebop, Rocksteady, Technodrome and Dimension X.

Besides, its not like there isn't a better looking talking antropomorphic animal (and plant) in a fresh, FUN, sci-fi adventure in the same multiplex.

 

[Caostotale]

So who was this made for?

It was made for an audience of people who would never take the time to visit a site like Escapist, read a film review, or even watch a film review that panders to lazy folk by incorporating entertaining trailer footage and visual cues. The only filter that might exist for a lot of these people is some vague and passive nostalgia for brand of 'Ninja Turtles' (or Transformers, GI Joe, etc...). I honestly wish more of the people who are aware of this shit ahead of time would stop going to see these turkeys to 'see how terrible it turns out' since in today's world of artless entertainment, all that matters are asses in seats. In short, people need to grow up and become okay with cutting themselves loose from a mass culture they know is total shit. Otherwise, it just helps to maintain a situation as awful as the Final Fantasy situation Jim was complaining about recently (i.e. FFXIII looked ridiculous and a lot of gamers knew it would suck ahead of time, yet everybody still ignored the reviews and their own instincts and bought the fucking thing anyway, to a point where no amount of 20/20 hindsight could undo the fact that the game sold like crazy and, by that criterion, was a 'hit'. I predict the same will happen with the fifteenth game, which somehow looks even shittier than XIII)

 

[Andrew Wagner]

I've yelled at you before for bashing what I and many others thought were good movies but I actually agree with you 100%. This was the only movie I can remember thinking when I was in the middle of watching it "Wow this is actually terrible and I have to just sit here and watch it till it's over, this is kind of the worst". I refuse to leave a movie I paid to watch but I came very close to doing just that.

 

[LazyAza]

Not unexpected this turned out crap at all, but a real shame their isn't anything in it for kids.

Thankfully we had Guardians come out last week, now their is a movie EVERYONE even young kids can get tonnes out of.

Not to mention the latest cgi turtles cartoon isn't bad so at least current kids didn't miss out completely on getting a cool new version of the turtles. I honestly prefer the 2003 series myself despite being 17 when it was on tv.

 

[FPLOON]

Speaking of which, what's the general consensus here on the current TMNT cartoon?

I'd say it's a Teen Titans-esque take on the Turtles lore in general[footnote]Which doesn't surprise me that some of the writers from the show worked on the Teen Titans animated series...[/footnote], balancing out the humor with the serious as well as making a pretty decent continuing plotline between the Turtles and their villain roster, Splinter and Shredder's overall past, and even teenager April O'Neil's connection to the Kraang... Overall, it's the second best show to come out of Nick, if you're counting the complete Avatar series, that manages to still throw in a few twist along the way to keep those already familiar with the source material interested...

OT: Yeah... I'll wait until Nick showcases this movie on their channel... or until I'm watching in off Netflix with my cousins so that we can laugh at how much we can't believe what's happening on screen...

Plus, if[footnote]*laughs* "If"... *continues laughing, which turns to exaggerated sobbing*[/footnote] there's going to be a sequel to this, does that mean they'll take a page out of ASM2 and have too many villains as well as having a case of the "Gwen Stacy Effect", maybe?

 

[putowtin]

I have been waiting for this...
Not the movie review, as soon as it was announced I knew it would suck...
Not how much it sucked, it was Michael Bay destroying another franchise of course it would suck this bad
No I was waiting for Bob to see it, I'm sorry dude, I know how you feel, and you're right, the kids do deserve better.

Have a beer watch some vintage turtles and don't get too bitter.

 

[webkilla]

Another critic I know is looking for some quotes from the movie, from Michelangelo's hitting on April - he wants to take screenshots of the old classic cartoon and add the new lewd dialogue to them - to highlight just how stupid a change in character that is

 

[Batou667]

I want to make one small remark regarding the racebending Shredder would have had if Fichtner had played him.

Is it really that big of a deal?

I mean, when there's similar outcry regarding movies like Argo I can understand it since it involved an existing person; but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.

I'm in the same boat. At best this raises a "meh" from me - Shredder never struck me as really being any distinct enthnicity back when I watched the cartoons, all you can see are his not-particulary-Oriental eyes and a bit of not-particularly-tanned skin.

The only really "Japanese" character in the cartoon I remember was Master Splinter, and that was in the most clichéd, "Ah so, Daniel-san" vein of stereotyping a martial arts master. Hardly a deep and accurate minority character worthy of "celebration"...

So yeah, I'm not surprised that Bob yet again noted this "whitewashing", but I'd have to ask - does it really matter every time? Especially when other characters in various movie/comic franchises are getting race-swapped and gender-swapped with some regularity now?

 

[Lilani]

I want to make one small remark regarding the racebending Shredder would have had if Fichtner had played him.

Is it really that big of a deal?

I mean, when there's similar outcry regarding movies like Argo I can understand it since it involved an existing person; but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.

I'm in the same boat. At best this raises a "meh" from me - Shredder never struck me as really being any distinct enthnicity back when I watched the cartoons, all you can see are his not-particulary-Oriental eyes and a bit of not-particularly-tanned skin.

The only really "Japanese" character in the cartoon I remember was Master Splinter, and that was in the most clichéd, "Ah so, Daniel-san" vein of stereotyping a martial arts master. Hardly a deep and accurate minority character worthy of "celebration"...

So yeah, I'm not surprised that Bob yet again noted this "whitewashing", but I'd have to ask - does it really matter every time? Especially when other characters in various movie/comic franchises are getting race-swapped and gender-swapped with some regularity now?

I didn't feel like Bob was criticizing the whitewashing so much as their slapdash way of fixing it. He explains much of the movie was already shot with the idea of that one dude being Shredder and only later in production did they make the call to make them two separate people, and this change was apparently painfully obvious in the final product.

 

[Gordon_4_v1legacy]

I want to make one small remark regarding the racebending Shredder would have had if Fichtner had played him.

Is it really that big of a deal?

I mean, when there's similar outcry regarding movies like Argo I can understand it since it involved an existing person; but from what I remember being Japanese has never been a big part of Shredder's character.

I'm in the same boat. At best this raises a "meh" from me - Shredder never struck me as really being any distinct enthnicity back when I watched the cartoons, all you can see are his not-particulary-Oriental eyes and a bit of not-particularly-tanned skin.

The only really "Japanese" character in the cartoon I remember was Master Splinter, and that was in the most clichéd, "Ah so, Daniel-san" vein of stereotyping a martial arts master. Hardly a deep and accurate minority character worthy of "celebration"...

So yeah, I'm not surprised that Bob yet again noted this "whitewashing", but I'd have to ask - does it really matter every time? Especially when other characters in various movie/comic franchises are getting race-swapped and gender-swapped with some regularity now?

They do a bit more with it in the 1990 movie, sure he does the martial arts master thing but his philosophical leanings are more about encouraging the bonds between the turtles as brothers, as family. A tact he also takes with a wannabe Foot ninja who used his connection to April to get Splinter abducted and held hostage by the Shredder by reminding him that (ideally) all fathers care for their sons. And somehow, the idea that he mimics Hamato Yoshi is on the surface less stupid that the book of Ninjitsu.

As for Shredder having to be Japanese, in the Turtles universe it seems that the Foot Clan exist in place of the Yakuza and since we're using Nnjas as set dressing, it's a courtesy we should extend. Also, since Yoshi didn't bail because of a moral objection or a sudden attack of conscience: he left because the act of beating Oroku Nagi to death, regardless that he found him beating his wife (possibly after raping her), was an act like unto the unauthorised killing of a Made Man in La Cosa Nostra - he was happy to be an assassin/gangster until he ran afoul of the rules himself.

The idea that a line of indiscretions and fuck ups made by members of the Foot Clan over what is essentially high school bullshit led to the creation of the greatest force of good to fight against them is also very funny.

 

[jobu59749]

I always think it's funny when people point out the Bob is "biased" with a review because of the fact that he exerts his 'personal' opinion. I don't know if you're aware of this, but every review written about anything from anyone is an opinion. To read something or write something from a purely objective viewpoint is just kind of dumb. To sit there and only critique the filming techniques used, the directorial image, and the fact that a boom operator didn't fuck up...is dumb. The majority of people don't actually care about these things.

Also, the fact that so many times it's the same people coming back to ***** about the same things...it means you're still watching his reviews and on some sort of level you actually like them. Maybe for reasons not associated to agree with them, but you may like them if only to have something to complain about. No such thing as bad publicity, even if it means people are talking smack about your articles...means their talking about it and that's the important part.

Sorry for the OT...I enjoy your review immensely Bob as you confirmed many of the fears I had about this reboot. It's the formula of a Bay reboot. I always looked to the TMNT as pillars with which to see a morality. Leonardo showed the virtue's of leadership, Donatello showed the paragons of having a curious mind, Michaelangelo instilled the sense to have a little fun once in a while, and Ralph proved that rushing into things usually doesn't end well. The fact that this has been taken away and what they primarily stand for is to promote stereotypes is pathetic, but not surprising for a FOX movie.

I always feel like the operators at FOX are a bunch of fraternity dudes that sit around deciding the fate of great television and movies by playing beer pong while wearing diapers on their heads. It's truly saddening. I'll still probably watch the movie when it comes out on DVD...if only for a rental, because I won't give them all the money they want for branded garbage.

Thanks Bob

 

[wooty]

The Turtles should of been left in the 90's, where it seemed to fit a lot more than today. The same way that Transformers just felt "80's" when watching and reading about it.

I dread where this is leading if modern cartoons are dug up in 20+ years time to do a realistic reboot.
A Tomb Raider style gritty Dora the Explorer movie, iCarly becoming some Truman show hybrid, My Little Pony becoming some sort of pseudo religi.........OH GOD, CALL THE PENTAGON!!

 

[KazeAizen]

The Turtles should of been left in the 90's, where it seemed to fit a lot more than today. The same way that Transformers just felt "80's" when watching and reading about it.

I dread where this is leading if modern cartoons are dug up in 20+ years time to do a realistic reboot.
A Tomb Raider style gritty Dora the Explorer movie, iCarly becoming some Truman show hybrid, My Little Pony becoming some sort of pseudo religi.........OH GOD, CALL THE PENTAGON!!

Hell the only 90s nostalgia kids property I think would work with the gritty reboot thing would be the fucking SWAT Kats. Even then you couldn't go whole hog gritty reboot because they still had comedic undertones. Seriously though since 90s Nostalgia Properties are getting movies now (Power Rangers, Captain Planet, and The Rescue Rangers) I wouldn't mind seeing a good SWAT Kats movie get made.

 

[Shjade]

....Michelangelo...horny?....BAY! You had one job! ONE FUCKING JOB! It's like something said, the turtles don't exactly have complicated personalities, SO HOW DID YOU FUCK IT UP!? He's a harmless goofball! Not a horndog!

Honestly, as goofy as he was, I think even making him more of a horndog could've still worked as long as he was a goofy horndog (as opposed to an abrasive one). Nothing inherently wrong with that, just a matter of how you handle it.

Clearly it wasn't handled well here.

 

[Coruptin]

you know, the movie might suck but i actually like the new designs

 

[GloatingSwine]

you know, the movie might suck but i actually like the new designs

Then you need to get your sense of style checked.

The new designs are amazingly visually busy, there's shit all over the place that does not add any value to the designs at all, there are no strong outlines or contrasts, just indistinct fiddly shit covered in more indistinct fiddly shit.

Exactly the same problem as the bayformers designs.

 

[TerranV]

The movie sucked and sucked hard. I was considering leaving the theater I was so pissed off. To me it seems like no one involved knew what they were supposed to even be making. The movie constantly fluctuates between "gritty" and cartoonishly goofy. Its a PG-13 movie but it has the sensibilities of a kids toon (a bad one). I feel bad for the kids and parents who came to see this. The kids were probably wondering why the movie was so serious all the time and parents were probably worried about exposing their kids to the more "adult" elements.

And what was up with Raph's magic disappearing toothick?