Escapism update: We have Gerald

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dekkarax

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Congratulations, you've all just given me a headache. This couldn't get more confusing even if it involved time travel.
 

SargentToughie

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That means... there is only one person who could stop him

Behold!!



...

Yeah... it sucks, but I did it on paint... and it's my very first pic that I actually made
 

rottenbutter

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dekkarax said:
Congratulations, you've all just given me a headache. This couldn't get more confusing even if it involved time travel.
Give it a few more posts. I'm sure we'll think of something.
 

xitel

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Aug 13, 2008
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rottenbutter said:
I'm noticing a trend here. The kidnappers, and nearly all who support them, have no holly, and nearly all those who seek Gerald's safe return, have been hollified.

I think that really says something, about the goodness, and purity of holly.
What about those of us who are against the kidnappers for our own seflish, food-based desires?
 

The Iron Ninja

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Boy do I know when to go to sleep...

Okay. It seems there is something that needs a little clearing up here.

I still have Gerald.



See on my shoulder? The little Red thing wearing a night cap?

Well that's him.

He hasn't left my shoulder the entire time, and just a few minutes ago I asked him the daily precautionary "are you the real Gerald?" question, which he answered correctly.

However.

I have been doing some digging on the matter (with the help of various sources) and have found this CNN (Crab News Network) broadcast about the identity of the crab still held hostage (translated from Crabish into english, though it had to be put into written format)

CNN broadcast said:
...Believed to be a British citizen, one Bernard K. Butterworth, shown here with his wife, Loretta and two kids, Clancy (left) and Harriet (right)

News agencies indicated that he was in Sydney as part of a special international conference for AASOPN (Animals against stepping on puppy's necks) before the kidnapping took place. Police are currently looking for anyone that attended the conference to give any information they have on his movements prior to the incident.

Mrs Butterworth could not be reached for comment at this time, but a temporary spokesperson for the family, one Mr Arthur Pewty of Suffolk (pictured below in a rather snazzy blue suit), stated


"As would happen with any similar case around the world, the family of Mr Butterworth is in deep shock that something so... Uh... Shocking, would happen to someone they love. Along with the rest of the nation, if indeed the world, they hope for his safe return, and urge authorities to do whatever they can to rescue him."

Little details are known about the kidnappers, although it is suggested that the taking of Mr Butterworth could well have been accidental, and that they were looking to kidnap someone else. Though no demands have been sent to Australian authorities as of yet, a short list of demands was sent through to Carl Simmons, the President of WCL (World Crustacean league).

It pointed towards the notion that the kidnappers had intended to steal away with Gerald Geraldson, the renowned Singer-Fireman, and that the part of the demands are being aimed at One Irvine Ron Ninja, who had this to say.

"Bah!"

When asked for further comment on what he would be doing about the demands, Irvine took the printed list and ate it, later noting that he had now absorbed the fighting spirit of the demands and could now best it in combat should the need arise.
Reporters then saw fit to ask Gerald about the matter, who made this public announcement late last night.

"What these people, the kidnappers that is, have done, is in-excusable.
I can't say I know Mr Butterworth, but do I know that we can't just sit idly by and let these cretins hold him hostage like this. I've been talking to the Military on the matter of Bombing any proposed safe houses that the kidnappers might be using, keeping of course the precautionary measure of not bombing any that we think Mr Butterworth might be held in.
Unfortunately the Air Force called me back to tell me that they were virtually non-existent, but if I really wanted they could fly two helicopters overhead in a menacing fashion.
This, I decided, meant that whatever needs to be done to save Mr Butterworth, must be done by us, the people of the world. I would ask that all able bodied men and women do whatever they can, be their means violent or not, to bring Bernard back home."


WCL has given their full backing to Mr Geraldson, but has declined to comment on what exactly they are planning to do, The President merely, smiled, twisted his moustache around in his fingers and said

"We've got plans, but I want to keep them a surprise."

There is only speculation at this point to what the surprise could be, but most have already assumed that it will involve Mungo.
 

Khedive Rex

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rottenbutter said:
I'm noticing a trend here. The kidnappers, and nearly all who support them, have no holly, and nearly all those who seek Gerald's safe return, have been hollified.

I think that really says something, about the goodness, and purity of holly.
I would have 'hollied' my avatar but, I'm not into MIND-CONTROL!

Don't try to deny it! You say so yourself! Everyone fighting for crab-rights and crab-liberation is a holly minion. Only we 'villians' are still in control of our faculties. Holly takes over your mind and makes you care about the well being of small adorable animals! We can't have that!

Mark my words! It will start with ?Gerald? but by the end of the day we will be hugging orphans! Is that what you want for the Escapist?!

Throw your holly away my Brothers and Sisters! Before it's too late!
 

Galletea

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Sep 27, 2008
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Ack! My butlerbot!
Nevermind there are more robots.
Go my minions!
 

dekkarax

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Neosage said:
galletea said:
Hmm this is getting serious, I think more robotic minions might be needed...
HAVE NO FEAR!

Neosage is here!
I hope that was insured.

I would aid the return of Bernard, however, I merely have the ability to execute members of my own team to increase the moral of others (for some reason).
 

jim_doki

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Hello robots, Mungo, I would like you to meet a few friends of mine


<img src=http://www.bruddabear.com/photo/BearCavalry.jpg>
<img src=http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k80/Faema/penguin_army_bear_cavalry.jpg>


if you would like to reopen negotiations before several thousand casualties take place, we can do that. I'm gonna go and put the stove on. I think i want some crab puffs for breakfast
 

Neosage

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Richard Groovy Pants said:
Neosage said:
galletea said:
Hmm this is getting serious, I think more robotic minions might be needed...
HAVE NO FEAR!

Neosage is here!
*snip
Swords don't cut metal.
I remembered your advice oh wise groovy pants. Magic doesn't kill swords but swords+magic=ultimate power

and
galletea do I have to kill those robots aswell?
 

Galletea

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Neosage said:
I remembered your advice oh wise groovy pants. Magic doesn't kill swords but swords+magic=ultimate power

and
galletea do I have to kill those robots aswell?
No you will aid these robots in their assault. We shall rescue my fellow Brit. No one, no crab gets left behind.
 

Neosage

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galletea said:
Neosage said:
I remembered your advice oh wise groovy pants. Magic doesn't kill swords but swords+magic=ultimate power

and
galletea do I have to kill those robots aswell?
No you will aid these robots in their assault. We shall rescue my fellow Brit. No one, no crab gets left behind.
So what am I killing?
 

The Iron Ninja

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Aug 13, 2008
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jim_doki said:
Hello robots, Mungo, I would like you to meet a few friends of mine


<img src=http://www.bruddabear.com/photo/BearCavalry.jpg>
<img src=http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k80/Faema/penguin_army_bear_cavalry.jpg>


if you would like to reopen negotiations before several thousand casualties take place, we can do that. I'm gonna go and put the stove on. I think i want some crab puffs for breakfast
You obviously know nothing about animosity. Your two armies will just end up fighting each other.

I will not negotiate. The only offer I give is that you release Mr Butterworth immediately and unconditionally surrender. If he is killed, little precautions will be taken to ensure you are captured alive.
 

dekkarax

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Neosage said:
galletea said:
Neosage said:
I remembered your advice oh wise groovy pants. Magic doesn't kill swords but swords+magic=ultimate power

and
galletea do I have to kill those robots aswell?
No you will aid these robots in their assault. We shall rescue my fellow Brit. No one, no crab gets left behind.
So what am I killing?
Anything that looks like it might want to viscerally murder you I suppose.
 

Neosage

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Nov 8, 2008
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dekkarax said:
Neosage said:
galletea said:
Neosage said:
I remembered your advice oh wise groovy pants. Magic doesn't kill swords but swords+magic=ultimate power

and
galletea do I have to kill those robots aswell?
No you will aid these robots in their assault. We shall rescue my fellow Brit. No one, no crab gets left behind.

So what am I killing?
Anything that looks like it might want to viscerally murder you I suppose.
I don't like the look of those penguins *rustle rustle*.
 

Galletea

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Richard Groovy Pants said:
Alright so this thread descended into a colossal battle between flame throwing tanks, giant crabs, mages with swords, bear cavalry, penguin riflemen and finally a legion of little robots.

Gentlemen, we have achieved epic status.

Shall I dispatch the Immolator Tanks Canoness?
Make it so, Sir Groovy Pants.
And my robots are not small, I just based them on my toys.
 

jim_doki

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The Iron Ninja said:
jim_doki said:
Hello robots, Mungo, I would like you to meet a few friends of mine


<img src=http://www.bruddabear.com/photo/BearCavalry.jpg>
<img src=http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k80/Faema/penguin_army_bear_cavalry.jpg>


if you would like to reopen negotiations before several thousand casualties take place, we can do that. I'm gonna go and put the stove on. I think i want some crab puffs for breakfast
You obviously know nothing about animosity. Your two armies will just end up fighting each other.

I will not negotiate. The only offer I give is that you release Mr Butterworth immediately and unconditionally surrender. If he is killed, little precautions will be taken to ensure you are captured alive.
no, i don't think so. see, I have them both under control spells.

meet the second level support

<img src=http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb13/triciatwty3/WIZARD252520AND252520DRAGON1.jpg>

now ninja, i am getting a little annoyed. Mr Buttersworth has been well cared for, you know this, but you ALL insist on jepordising his safety. Im not sure he'll want to go with you once he hears about it
 

xitel

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Aug 13, 2008
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galletea said:
Richard Groovy Pants said:
Alright so this thread descended into a colossal battle between flame throwing tanks, giant crabs, mages with swords, bear cavalry, penguin riflemen and finally a legion of little robots.

Gentlemen, we have achieved epic status.

Shall I dispatch the Immolator Tanks Canoness?
Make it so, Sir Groovy Pants.
And my robots are not small, I just based them on my toys.
Toys? Feh. Real robots aren't toys. And besides. Robots can't beat T'lan minions!