X10J said:
Hmmmmm, I'd like to know... the whole story.
Water. Many of us use this wonderful discovery every day to clean our cars, 'question' terror suspects, sponge bathe invalids, and disperse violent mobs, but what is... the whole story?
Water was first discovered in 1572, by the American painter Joe Batman-Waters. He made the discovery while painting penguins and polar bears in their natural habitat on the Carribean beaches of Normandy, France.
Several of the polar bears had not taken kindly to being painted on (his avant-garde trademark was never using paper, instead he would paint objects
onto the objects themselves.) And he was viciously mauled by the huge claws and fierce teeth of the penguins, being left for dead. after laying on the beach for several hours, only able to stare up at the forlorn silhouettes high in the air of the penguins circling his body, waiting for him to die before they feasted on his carcass, Batman-Waters felt something cold and clammy creep up his legs, making him feel wet and shivery. Looking down he saw a sight he had never seen before: Miles and miles of this strange blue soil, lapping at the bottom of his feet, that churned and frothed like beer. Also the Grim Reaper was gripping his legs, but that spectre was chased away by the strange blue soil creeping up the beach.
Batman-Waters was rescued by a kindly passing wolfpack, and taken to live as one of them, learning their ways and regaining his strength until he was strong enough to return to civilisation.
After several years Joe trimphantly returned to the small French coastal village of Paris, where his brand new wolf-fur suit and travelcase caused so much stir that he was invited to dine with the leader of France: the Dalai Lama himself.
The Dalai treated him to several entertaining dog-baiting matches and a traditional French bullfight in the collosseum, and afterwards a meal of curryhaggis, cooked by renowned French chef Dangermouse.
There Batman-Waters regailed his exciting tale to the Dalai Lama and esteemed writer and used car salesman Rudyard Kipling, who was over in Paris on his annual nun-hunt. Kipling was so taken by the tale of the wolves that he adapted it into the famous literature work: Battlefield Earth.
Joe was delighted to have the blue soil like substance named after him, and so news of the discovery of "Batman" was spread worldwide, helped by new technology from the industrial revolution, such as the steam engine, the Panama canal, and of course Twitter.
However, the story does not end there, as several rival inventors were not pleased at the success of "Batman". Top of this menacing cabal: Thomas Edison, Gargamel, Che Guevara, Donny Osmond and featuring Val Kilmer as the voice of K.I.T.T.
They forced the European Union to crack down on the name rights associated with calling the blue soil "Batman", under section 13-C of the Naming Rights Bill (1994) by the Department of Underachieving Names for Government Bodies, and Existing Environments that Lowers Expectations, or DUNGBEETLE. They stated that the name "Batman" was too awesome to be relegated to an inanimate object, and should be reserved for some sort of animal themed superhero, or daytime T.V. presenter. Their argument was upheld by the Honorable Judge Dread, and the motion was passed that the name must be changed by midnight that night, or Joe Batman-Waters clothes would fall off, his horse would turn back into a mouse and he would never meet his prince.
The name of the blue soil was thus changed from Batman to Water, allowing Joe to keep his share of the copyright royalties, and securing his place in history.
And that's... the whole story.
