Europeans and small talk

[Parasondox]

It just depends on where in Europe you go. Remember most European nations still have bad blood towards each other from centuries of conflict.

I was born and grew up on a small island of 12,000 people. Not saying hello or acknowledging people around you would be very very strange. If it were our parents friends we'd call them Aunty or Uncle and to anyone we see in the area, we say hello or morning.

When I came to the UK, people just kept their heads down and just ignored each other. When I say hello to the mailman or cleaners or anyone nearby, they think I am some weirdo. Hell, I remember I was on the train with a mate passing through central London and I was smiling cause I was a happy person. He ask how I could smile and I just said, "I dunno, its natural". If some random guy wanted a random convo, I would engage. Just getting to know my fellow humans. I know it the city its easy to be to blend in and no one will notice you but sometimes its good for the heart and mind to just interact with those around you. Then again, thats the city. Rural areas are often different unless your purposely hide away.

Its my island attitude and adapting it to city life is what keeps me going.

 

[Bob_McMillan]

Where I live, small talk exists but you are hardly obliged to.

Public transport is essentially pressing your body are close to another person without being weird. Kinda hard to talk to someone if turning your head would result in you breaking the other person's nose.

If you are in a line, maybe there would be some complaining about how long it's taking or how incompetent the government is, but nothing more than that.

Anywhere else, say a restaurant or a store, small talk is non-existent. It would't really be seen as rude, but the person you are talking to would be a bit surprised.

At a pub it's normal though right? Like for everyone sitting around talking even when they don't know each other?

Yeah, I suppose. But you won't see groups of people that are made up of more than one clique.

Huh? They have to be in a clique to just talk randomly? These ideas are so weird. It would be very weird for me to think that people were uncomfortable just talking to me normally. I am accustomed to people just talking to me everywhere I go, so I can't imagine trying to think they have to be in a certain clique just to talk to me.

Its not exactly a rule, but I don't really see a college student going up to talk to middle-aged men or something like that. Generally the separations are by age.

It's not a rule and it's not frowned upon either, but it's just not something that happens a lot. I live in Asia, and I think generally differences in age are really obvious when it comes to us. With people in Europe and America, not so much.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

It just depends on where in Europe you go. Remember most European nations still have bad blood towards each other from centuries of conflict.

I was born and grew up on a small island of 12,000 people. Not saying hello or acknowledging people around you would be very very strange. If it were our parents friends we'd call them Aunty or Uncle and to anyone we see in the area, we say hello or morning.

When I came to the UK, people just kept their heads down and just ignored each other. When I say hello to the mailman or cleaners or anyone nearby, they think I am some weirdo. Hell, I remember I was on the train with a mate passing through central London and I was smiling cause I was a happy person. He ask how I could smile and I just said, "I dunno, its natural". If some random guy wanted a random convo, I would engage. Just getting to know my fellow humans. I know it the city its easy to be to blend in and no one will notice you but sometimes its good for the heart and mind to just interact with those around you. Then again, thats the city. Rural areas are often different unless your purposely hide away.

Its my island attitude and adapting it to city life is what keeps me going.

Yes, I have had people comment on me smiling all the time as well. I just normally smile and would be weird for me not to. I have people just talk to me all the time whether I am in the city or the country, but I grew up and live outside of city limits as well so that may be a part of it too. Also, I think me being a girl though doesn't have the same " creep" factor as a guy smiling at another guy would. HAHA

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

Where I live, small talk exists but you are hardly obliged to.

Public transport is essentially pressing your body are close to another person without being weird. Kinda hard to talk to someone if turning your head would result in you breaking the other person's nose.

If you are in a line, maybe there would be some complaining about how long it's taking or how incompetent the government is, but nothing more than that.

Anywhere else, say a restaurant or a store, small talk is non-existent. It would't really be seen as rude, but the person you are talking to would be a bit surprised.

At a pub it's normal though right? Like for everyone sitting around talking even when they don't know each other?

Yeah, I suppose. But you won't see groups of people that are made up of more than one clique.

Huh? They have to be in a clique to just talk randomly? These ideas are so weird. It would be very weird for me to think that people were uncomfortable just talking to me normally. I am accustomed to people just talking to me everywhere I go, so I can't imagine trying to think they have to be in a certain clique just to talk to me.

Its not exactly a rule, but I don't really see a college student going up to talk to middle-aged men or something like that. Generally the separations are by age.

It's not a rule and it's not frowned upon either, but it's just not something that happens a lot. I live in Asia, and I think generally differences in age are really obvious when it comes to us. With people in Europe and America, not so much.

Yea, here the college kids and the old men talk normally joking around and just general conversation all together.

 

[Sonmi]

I think that as far as the Western world goes, that's pretty exclusively American.

We don't really do small talk with strangers here in Canada either, the only times I remember having such a conversation, it's always with the elderly.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I think that as far as the Western world goes, that's pretty exclusively American.

We don't really do small talk with strangers here in Canada either, the only times I remember having such a conversation, it's always with the elderly.

Spain, Italy, Greece, most Latin and South american Nations are extroverted, Australia is considered pretty extroverted as well.

 

[Phasmal]

See now the idea that someone is "worthy" to talk to is confirming that people think they are " too good" to talk to another, so yes that should be considered actually rude and terribly judgmental. Why would it ever be considered an inconvenience or a burden to speak to those around you? That idea is what is odd. Are Europeans just more introverted to think that it is an inconvenience to talk to someone? The idea that it is an inconvenience or a burden just to speak to someone is what is rude.

But it's not rude here (in the UK). It's polite here to mind your own business. People are busy, they're getting on with their own lives, why should we need to talk to every person?

I got called rude once by an American on here for saying I don't smile at people in the street. But if I were to go around smiling at people on the street people would think it was weird. It's just a different atmosphere. It's very strange for someone halfway across the world to declare that the way things are normally in your country is rude.

It's not like we have no small talk, but it's generally something to grin and bear, not anything most people actively seek out.

 

[Breakdown]

In my experience, the random people who start talking to me tend to be racists. Especially on the bus.

 

[Sonmi]

I think that as far as the Western world goes, that's pretty exclusively American.

We don't really do small talk with strangers here in Canada either, the only times I remember having such a conversation, it's always with the elderly.

Spain, Italy, Greece, most Latin and South american Nations are extroverted, Australia is considered pretty extroverted as well.

I have little to no experience with the Greeks or the Australians, but from what I've experienced Hispanics and Italians are nowhere near as chatty and, I don't know how to put it, debonair as the Americans are when it comes to social interaction with strangers.

 

[The Philistine]

I think it is called "southern hospitality". New York is known for being exceptionally " cold" in terms of how neighbors interact with one another. In the south though, they bring you baked goods, offer to help you when they see you doing something that could use a hand and also start up conversation when standing in line shopping.

Perhaps it depends on where you live in the South. It's pretty rare for someone to randomly strike up a conversation. Polite "how are you doing" with no real expectation of conversation is pretty typical, however.

 

[Satinavian]

Yes, I have had people comment on me smiling all the time as well. I just normally smile and would be weird for me not to. I have people just talk to me all the time whether I am in the city or the country, but I grew up and live outside of city limits as well so that may be a part of it too. Also, I think me being a girl though doesn't have the same " creep" factor as a guy smiling at another guy would. HAHA

Smiling is something different and even more diverse even in Europe.

Here in Germany to smile at someone indicates the wish to open a conversation. If people look at someone, smile and don't say anything, it is considered creepy. (Which is one of many reasons why Walmart failed so hard after introducing greeters and having employees smile all the time) But it is perfectly acceptable to stare at people without smiling which tends to be mistaken for hostility especcially but not exclusively by Brits.

Cultural norms are different. Including the meaning of body language and smiles.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I think that as far as the Western world goes, that's pretty exclusively American.

We don't really do small talk with strangers here in Canada either, the only times I remember having such a conversation, it's always with the elderly.

Spain, Italy, Greece, most Latin and South american Nations are extroverted, Australia is considered pretty extroverted as well.

I have little to no experience with the Greeks or the Australians, but from what I've experienced Hispanics and Italians are nowhere near as chatty and, I don't know how to put it, debonair as the Americans are when it comes to social interaction with strangers.

I had Italian strangers come up and hug me when visiting Italy, so maybe it was just where you were? Latinos from Mexico, Guatemala and Ecuador here are just as friendly as everyone else ( Texas )

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

Yes, I have had people comment on me smiling all the time as well. I just normally smile and would be weird for me not to. I have people just talk to me all the time whether I am in the city or the country, but I grew up and live outside of city limits as well so that may be a part of it too. Also, I think me being a girl though doesn't have the same " creep" factor as a guy smiling at another guy would. HAHA

Smiling is something different and even more diverse even in Europe.

Here in Germany to smile at someone indicates the wish to open a conversation. If people look at someone, smile and don't say anything, it is considered creepy. (Which is one of many reasons why Walmart failed so hard after introducing greeters and having employees smile all the time) But it is perfectly acceptable to stare at people without smiling which tends to be mistaken for hostility especcially but not exclusively by Brits.

Cultural norms are different. Including the meaning of body language and smiles.

Wait, what? Walmart ran everyone off with the door greetings scaring the bejebas out of everyone? LMAO!!

 

[Sonmi]

I had Italian strangers come up and hug me when visiting Italy, so maybe it was just where you were? Latinos from Mexico, Guatemala and Ecuador here are just as friendly as everyone else ( Texas )

Possible. Might be a case of me not looking as friendly too.

My experience with Latinos is mainly with Chileans and Venezuelans if that helps as a reference.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I had Italian strangers come up and hug me when visiting Italy, so maybe it was just where you were? Latinos from Mexico, Guatemala and Ecuador here are just as friendly as everyone else ( Texas )

Possible. Might be a case of me not looking as friendly too.

My experience with Latinos is mainly with Chileans and Venezuelans if that helps as a reference.

Well I am a girl so maybe they just offer me more hugs than they do you.

 

[ChairmanFluffy]

I don't know why, it just is.

Here (Norway) it is considered rude to strike up a conversation with a stranger at, say, a bus stop. Unless you are drunk.
We expect that others will not bother us unless absolutely necessary, and in return we will not bother them.

They often do not even apologize for bumping each other, where if you did that here that might start a fight for being so rude.

If I've already inconvenienced you by bumping in to you, then why would I inconvenience you further by delaying you with idle talk?
A quick nod of the head will do just fine, thank you.

Seconded. Danish guy here, pushing my company on people when i have no idea if they want to talk seems like the rude thing to do. Most small talk from Americans comes of as shallow and insincere to me. I talk with strangers when there is actually something to talk about.

 

[Pseudonym]

One of the biggest culture shocks to many Europeans coming to the US is how everyone talks to each other when they are complete strangers in the US.

I have been to America as a European and this doesn't ring a bell. The biggest culture shock for me was that Americans really do sound kind of like in their movies. (I speak a rather small language, so everything for adults is subbed, rather than dubbed) After that, it was that people were rather strict on the rules. After that, it was that the waiters in restaurants always seemed to try to hurry us allong. (free refills though) Being in a rather empty part of the US, I also noticed broad, empty roads, and few but friendly and trusting people. I didn't notice this particular thing you mentioned here.

Why is it so weird to talk to each other in much of Europe?

Idunno. It just is. I haven't got much to share with rando's on the bus nor they with me. If someone starts talking to me I'll politely reply. If the conversation is interesting I might even keep talking but I won't seek it out.

See now the idea that someone is "worthy" to talk to is confirming that people think they are " too good" to talk to another, so yes that should be considered actually rude and terribly judgmental. Why would it ever be considered an inconvenience or a burden to speak to those around you? That idea is what is odd. Are Europeans just more introverted to think that it is an inconvenience to talk to someone? The idea that it is an inconvenience or a burden just to speak to someone is what is rude.

I don't know. I can go through life, feeling not in the slightest bit wronged by the fact that most people have no interest in me. I certainly don't feel entitled to another persons time or attention when I don't even know them. More importantly, in terms of being polite, when in Rome, do as the romans do. If Americans want to talk to eachother more than we do here, then I'll be a bit more talkative when I'm around. Similarly, rather than arguing cultural norms that you probably don't entirely understand, why not just accept that in Europe we are a bit more quiet around strangers.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I don't know why, it just is.

Here (Norway) it is considered rude to strike up a conversation with a stranger at, say, a bus stop. Unless you are drunk.
We expect that others will not bother us unless absolutely necessary, and in return we will not bother them.

They often do not even apologize for bumping each other, where if you did that here that might start a fight for being so rude.

If I've already inconvenienced you by bumping in to you, then why would I inconvenience you further by delaying you with idle talk?
A quick nod of the head will do just fine, thank you.

So I have to wonder, how do couples meet each other if people don't talk in public to people they don't know? If guys never walked up and started talking to me, I would have never met them to date them.

 

[Phasmal]

So I have to wonder, how do couples meet each other if people don't talk in public to people they don't know? If guys never walked up and started talking to me, I would have never met them to date them.

Work? Social places like pubs? The internet? Friends? Friends of friends?
I mean, I know it might be a bit of a culture shock that we don't talk to strangers much, but we obviously manage to pair up anyway.

Couldn't imagine going out with some rando who just came up to me in the street.

In my experience, the random people who start talking to me tend to be racists. Especially on the bus.

Mostly because of this. It's either this or they're trying to sell me some Jesus.

 

[Sonmi]

I don't know why, it just is.

Here (Norway) it is considered rude to strike up a conversation with a stranger at, say, a bus stop. Unless you are drunk.
We expect that others will not bother us unless absolutely necessary, and in return we will not bother them.

They often do not even apologize for bumping each other, where if you did that here that might start a fight for being so rude.

If I've already inconvenienced you by bumping in to you, then why would I inconvenience you further by delaying you with idle talk?
A quick nod of the head will do just fine, thank you.

Seconded. Danish guy here, pushing my company on people when i have no idea if they want to talk seems like the rude thing to do. Most small talk from Americans comes of as shallow and insincere to me. I talk with strangers when there is actually something to talk about.

While I do believe it's rude to start idle conversation with a stranger, not saying "Sorry" should you bump into someone is near goddamn criminal from where I stand.