Europeans and small talk

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I don't know why, it just is.

Here (Norway) it is considered rude to strike up a conversation with a stranger at, say, a bus stop. Unless you are drunk.
We expect that others will not bother us unless absolutely necessary, and in return we will not bother them.

They often do not even apologize for bumping each other, where if you did that here that might start a fight for being so rude.

If I've already inconvenienced you by bumping in to you, then why would I inconvenience you further by delaying you with idle talk?
A quick nod of the head will do just fine, thank you.

So I have to wonder, how do couples meet each other if people don't talk in public to people they don't know? If guys never walked up and started talking to me, I would have never met them to date them.

Neighbors, friends of friends, the pub, the internet and so on.
I mean, people do get chatty when they drink.

As Bobular pointed out, this kind of culture makes it hell when your job requires you to approach strangers in the street.

If it were up to me it'd be a crime to approach people on the street to sell stuff.
I mean, here I am, going along and minding my own business and some random dude/dudette not only delay me, but tries to push me to buy stuff that I don't really want.

See now I think dating friends of friends is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. If I wanted to be chased around the car by some lizard tongue creep I could at least choose who that creep is on my own without having friends tell me " he is such a great guy" ahead of time. I dunno, I have always had guys just approach me wherever I happen to be, while out shopping, walking, at events.. I usually just meet people wherever I go. When you see those same people more often, you get to know them better over time. I also think that when it is a friend of a friend, guys seem to have different expectations than when you just meet someone on your own.

 

[FalloutJack]

In the US, it is rude not to talk to people and acknowledge them around you and ignore them and keep to yourself.

Well, not exactly. I mean, if someone is talking to you, sure. But not like all the time.

As for non-talking in Europe, I'm willing to bet it's a British thing. Irish and Scottish people talk, if no one else.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

In the US, it is rude not to talk to people and acknowledge them around you and ignore them and keep to yourself.

Well, not exactly. I mean, if someone is talking to you, sure. But not like all the time.

As for non-talking in Europe, I'm willing to bet it's a British thing. Irish and Scottish people talk, if no one else.

The US is a HUGE place too, so it also depends on where you are. Actually the Brits are still more talkative than most of Europe. Finland on the other hand, for example, people will not even respond to someone talking to them and look at you like you are an alien if you ask them a question without knowing them. In the Netherlands people do not even say anything if they almost knock you down. They actually bump into each other and just ignore it even happening. It w as so weird to see that. When my friend from the Netherlands visited here, he was freaked out when a guy asked him about his pants. The guy was genuinely interested in where he got his pants and what brand they were because he liked the style and my friend thought he was trying to start a fight with him. LMAO!

 

[Programmed_For_Damage]

In the US, it is rude not to talk to people and acknowledge them around you and ignore them and keep to yourself.

Well, not exactly. I mean, if someone is talking to you, sure. But not like all the time.

As for non-talking in Europe, I'm willing to bet it's a British thing. Irish and Scottish people talk, if no one else.

The US is a HUGE place too, so it also depends on where you are. Actually the Brits are still more talkative than most of Europe. Finland on the other hand, for example, people will not even respond to someone talking to them and look at you like you are an alien if you ask them a question without knowing them. In the Netherlands people do not even say anything if they almost knock you down. They actually bump into each other and just ignore it even happening. It w as so weird to see that. When my friend from the Netherlands visited here, he was freaked out when a guy asked him about his pants. The guy was genuinely interested in where he got his pants and what brand they were because he liked the style and my friend thought he was trying to start a fight with him. LMAO!

As an Australian we probably take after our English counterparts. Most Aussies have no dramas striking up a conversation with a stranger, but we also respect privacy. I usually find things evolve this way with strangers.

- You make initial eye contact then look away.
- If eye contact is made again there is a mutual nod of the head in greating / acknowledgement.
- If eye contact is made a third time you usually strike up a conversation. It would be rude not to.

If they don't make eye contact you assume they want to be left alone. When holidaying in the Pacific Islands I've noticed that every man and his dog will say hello and strike up a conversation with you if you stand still for long enough. I kind of like that.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

In the US, it is rude not to talk to people and acknowledge them around you and ignore them and keep to yourself.

Well, not exactly. I mean, if someone is talking to you, sure. But not like all the time.

As for non-talking in Europe, I'm willing to bet it's a British thing. Irish and Scottish people talk, if no one else.

The US is a HUGE place too, so it also depends on where you are. Actually the Brits are still more talkative than most of Europe. Finland on the other hand, for example, people will not even respond to someone talking to them and look at you like you are an alien if you ask them a question without knowing them. In the Netherlands people do not even say anything if they almost knock you down. They actually bump into each other and just ignore it even happening. It w as so weird to see that. When my friend from the Netherlands visited here, he was freaked out when a guy asked him about his pants. The guy was genuinely interested in where he got his pants and what brand they were because he liked the style and my friend thought he was trying to start a fight with him. LMAO!

As an Australian we probably take after our English counterparts. Most Aussies have no dramas striking up a conversation with a stranger, but we also respect privacy. I usually find things evolve this way with strangers.

- You make initial eye contact then look away.
- If eye contact is made again there is a mutual nod of the head in greating / acknowledgement.
- If eye contact is made a third time you usually strike up a conversation. It would be rude not to.

If they don't make eye contact you assume they want to be left alone. When holidaying in the Pacific Islands I've noticed that every man and his dog will say hello and strike up a conversation with you if you stand still for long enough. I kind of like that.

Aussies are far more talkative than the English though and are probably just as talkative as Americans. All the Aussies I know will have no problem chiming in on any conversation they hear taking place and do not need to know any of the people talking. Aussies more so than any other culture actually are more like they are in the southern US in regards to just talking to everyone around them and checking on their neighbors. One of my guilds has a lot of Aussies in it and they are all pretty outgoing and have no problem talking about just about anything. No subject seems to be taboo or off limits. I like that about them too. They are not as worried about " what other people think about them" and cure awkwardness with humor.

 

[FalloutJack]

In the US, it is rude not to talk to people and acknowledge them around you and ignore them and keep to yourself.

Well, not exactly. I mean, if someone is talking to you, sure. But not like all the time.

As for non-talking in Europe, I'm willing to bet it's a British thing. Irish and Scottish people talk, if no one else.

The US is a HUGE place too, so it also depends on where you are. Actually the Brits are still more talkative than most of Europe. Finland on the other hand, for example, people will not even respond to someone talking to them and look at you like you are an alien if you ask them a question without knowing them. In the Netherlands people do not even say anything if they almost knock you down. They actually bump into each other and just ignore it even happening. It w as so weird to see that. When my friend from the Netherlands visited here, he was freaked out when a guy asked him about his pants. The guy was genuinely interested in where he got his pants and what brand they were because he liked the style and my friend thought he was trying to start a fight with him. LMAO!

And then, there's France...but that's France. The US is huge, yes. I was mostly trying to say that it can be not entirely true and somewhat inconsistant.

 

[Tayh]

I don't care about you, your day or your problems. Just let me get my shopping done so I can get home, or leave me to listen to my music to pass the time while commuting.
Unless I'm specifically out for socializing, I'm not interested in vapid chitter-chatter.
Don't mistake my reservation for rudeness or arrogance, though; I'll be polite, apologise for any inconvenience or harm I've done by accident, and I don't mind offering a helping hand when people need it, but ultimately, I'm not here for your entertainment.
That's my Danish input about this topic.

As an aside, it's still funny when Americans go, "Why are (all) Europeans X?" like all of Europe is just one huge, homogeneous people.

 

[Saelune]

I don't care about you, your day or your problems. Just let me get my shopping done so I can get home, or leave me to listen to my music to pass the time while commuting.
Unless I'm specifically out for socializing, I'm not interested in vapid chitter-chatter.
Don't mistake my reservation for rudeness or arrogance, though; I'll be polite, apologise for any inconvenience or harm I've done by accident, and I don't mind offering a helping hand when people need it, but ultimately, I'm not here for your entertainment.
That's my Danish input about this topic.

As an aside, it's still funny when Americans go, "Why are (all) Europeans X?" like all of Europe is just one huge, homogeneous people.

To be fair, all people do that to everyone. How many times do people say the same about Americans? And they usually mean people from the US, and yet are confused when US people claim ownership of "American". The US is an even larger place than Europe.

 

[Tayh]

To be fair, all people do that to everyone. How many times do people say the same about Americans? And they usually mean people from the US, and yet are confused when US people claim ownership of "American". The US is an even larger place than Europe.

Well, according to google, Europe is a slightly bigger place than USA: US 9.857 million km? vs EU 10.18 million km?, with a population of 318.9 million versus 742.5 million.

 

[Satinavian]

It is not only about distance and size, it is also about national borders and language. There is not that much distance between Nevada and Sonora but i would guess, cultural differences are as big or small as those between many pairs of European nations.

As for "America" and "USA", well, most people know the difference between continents and nations very well, but it is hard to fight common usage. The same thing happened to England/Britain and (when it still existed) the USSR and Russia. One really prominent part dominates the rest in conversation and some people who do not care start using the wrong word. Also the USA doesnt lend itself very well to deriving words. Canadian, Mexican, French ... but USAian ? No US-American ? Maybe.. but still unwieldy, so it is unfortunately shortened to American.

But then the English language has still "Indian" for two very different origings/cultures while most other languages seem to use different words.

 

[Saelune]

To be fair, all people do that to everyone. How many times do people say the same about Americans? And they usually mean people from the US, and yet are confused when US people claim ownership of "American". The US is an even larger place than Europe.

Well, according to google, Europe is a slightly bigger place than USA: US 9.857 million km? vs EU 10.18 million km?, with a population of 318.9 million versus 742.5 million.

The thing I saw said a much smaller Europe, though double checking says that was wrong *shrug*, but that doesn't refute my point, that Europe and US are both large diverse places. Each state might as well be its own country.

 

[stroopwafel]

On the other hand, the friendships they've made here will likely last them a lifetime.

Isn't that also the source of the 'problem' though? Where I live people make friendships in childhood and early adulthood then draw a circle around them and their group of friends and from that point on not any new friendships are made anymore. The reason for this is I think a sense of tradition(a simple ''the way things are'' becoming a cultural norm) and a general lack of dependance on other people as the state has a much larger presence and influence on social discourse as people rely upon it for economic safety and general functioning of the public space making 'informal' networks way less of a necessity(probably espescially true for Scandinavian countries). These things combined I think echo through on everday mundane exchanges(or lack thereof)) between strangers. Contrary the U.S. has a vastly different history and is built on different social constructs.

Speaking from experience the difference is huge. Whenever I'm in the U.S. I'm still taken by surprise when random people start talking to you at Starbucks, a restaurant or even on the street. In general that really doesn't happen here. Even if it's just small talk people are way more social and outgoing than in Europe. Even though I'm a pretty private person myself I must confess it did make me feel more connected and included despite my stay only being for a short while. I guess b/c people are social creatures so any kind of friendly attention or others acknowledging your presence feels good in some way.

That's not to say that I bash Europe or that these aren't generalizations. And ofcourse any culture has its pros and cons. Even if I think the U.S. is much more socially engaging and dynamic that doesn't mean that the way this society is often divided in 'winners' and 'losers' can be espescially harsh. And what I like about Europe is that it tends to be more relaxed and with more focus on quality of life than competitiveness or accomplishment. Though like I said, relaxed cultural attitudes doesn't necessarily make for relaxed people.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

As for "America" and "USA", well, most people know the difference between continents and nations very well, but it is hard to fight common usage. The same thing happened to England/Britain and (when it still existed) the USSR and Russia. One really prominent part dominates the rest in conversation and some people who do not care start using the wrong word. Also the USA doesnt lend itself very well to deriving words. Canadian, Mexican, French ... but USAian ? No US-American ? Maybe.. but still unwieldy, so it is unfortunately shortened to American.

But then the English language has still "Indian" for two very different origings/cultures while most other languages seem to use different words.

I think Asia has it worst to be honest, given the huge area, the massive diversity of ethnic groups, huge mnumber of nations, and represents the majority of the world's population. I use '(the) Americas' for both, and 'North America' principally if I want to jumble the north specifically. I use 'US' for USA, even though I know it should be U.S. (those two extra periods are hard work, man D ...

Can't really blame people for using 'American' when it's in the acronym itself.\

I quite like 'Oceania' ... but nobody can decide on a set definition for that either. But that's a different topic.

I think we should ditch Southeast Asia and just have Oceania for basically eaverything east and south of the South China Sea. You know ... assuming we want to seperate continents by the specificities of distinct ethnic groupings. Plus Oceania sounds cooler than Southeast Asia. Also sounds way cooler than Australasia. Simply calling a whole bunch of things; "Ehhh, it's 'South of Asia', are we clear?..." really isn't that good of a name.

 

[sageoftruth]

As Bobular pointed out, this kind of culture makes it hell when your job requires you to approach strangers in the street.

If it were up to me it'd be a crime to approach people on the street to sell stuff.
I mean, here I am, going along and minding my own business and some random dude/dudette not only delay me, but tries to push me to buy stuff that I don't really want.

Indeed, they're a real pain. Still, I doubt they would be such a pain if we left the house every day without expecting to be left alone. If talking to strangers was normal, then the only annoyance would be him suddenly segueing into a sales pitch during the conversation.

 

[Adam Jensen_v1legacy]

It's considered rude to interrupt people for no reason when they might be deep in their own thoughts or whatever. I guess. You don't have to talk to people to acknowledge their existence. That's kind of a narcissistic view of the world. Sometimes you can acknowledge other people's existence simply by not bothering them.

 

[Just Ebola]

if you fail to acknowledge those around you and treat them as family

I think you're way overestimating the amount of familiarity Americans are willing to afford strangers. Even in some of the more southern states, a friendly greeting can often be met with a steely glance and a "problem?".

But it's actually surprising how many people here are opposed to a friendly chat among strangers, I usually take part in them and I'm fairly introverted. Mutual complaining about whatever is going on nearby, mindless gossip about politics, theses brief exchanges really enrich my day when they happen. The old saying about how it's easier to talk to a stranger has normally proven true, for me anyways. Every conversation has it's rhythm, and once you find it, it's like slipping into a worn, leathery glove.

I would guess its a result of the language barrier. Put a German next to a French, and they don't share a language or culture. Take a Texan put him next to a New Yorker and they at least both hate California and speak something approaching English.

Generalizing can be fun, but lets not get carried away. If I had a nickel for every time I had to dispel stereotypes about Texans to a dismissive stranger, I wouldn't be posting this right now. I'd be watching a sailboat jousting match from the penthouse of my private yacht.

I've never been to the UK, but I don't assume they're all tea-swilling scone goblins that walk around in Buckingham palace guard hats, singing God Save The Queen all day. People are people wherever you go, don't see why you'd place yourself above them. So let's not paint in broad strokes here.

Ignore sensationalism, stop stereotyping.

 

[Tiger King]

One of the biggest culture shocks to many Europeans coming to the US is how everyone talks to each other when they are complete strangers in the US. It doesn't matter if you know someone here or not, most people just casually talk to those standing near them here when out in public. So why is it most Europeans do not do the same? You would think with how much closer the communities are in Europe, the people would be just as close and friendly when near each other, but they are not. They often do not even apologize for bumping each other, where if you did that here that might start a fight for being so rude.

In the US, it is rude not to talk to people and acknowledge them around you and ignore them and keep to yourself. It is frequently taken as thinking you are "too good" or "stuck up" or " snobbish" if you fail to acknowledge those around you and treat them as family, where in much of Europe, if you treat strangers as family they look at you like you are an alien. Why is it so weird to talk to each other in much of Europe?

a bit of generalisation going on here, Europe is very diverse with many different cultures. you can't really say 'Europe' and that covers everything.
anyhow...

citizen of the 'kingdom that is united' here, currently living in California.
Americans may seem very friendly and outgoing in the street but that is all it is. friendly small talk, it never leads to anything, phone numbers are never exchanged and 'hey lets be friends' never happens. I like how friendly people are here but I never kid myself, it's just small talk.

from my experience if I was back home and someone super happy came up to me and was all 'hey how's it going?' my first thought would be 'what are you after? I don't know you'

"They often do not even apologize for bumping each other"
completely untrue by the way.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

One of the biggest culture shocks to many Europeans coming to the US is how everyone talks to each other when they are complete strangers in the US. It doesn't matter if you know someone here or not, most people just casually talk to those standing near them here when out in public. So why is it most Europeans do not do the same? You would think with how much closer the communities are in Europe, the people would be just as close and friendly when near each other, but they are not. They often do not even apologize for bumping each other, where if you did that here that might start a fight for being so rude.

In the US, it is rude not to talk to people and acknowledge them around you and ignore them and keep to yourself. It is frequently taken as thinking you are "too good" or "stuck up" or " snobbish" if you fail to acknowledge those around you and treat them as family, where in much of Europe, if you treat strangers as family they look at you like you are an alien. Why is it so weird to talk to each other in much of Europe?

a bit of generalisation going on here, Europe is very diverse with many different cultures. you can't really say 'Europe' and that covers everything.
anyhow...

citizen of the 'kingdom that is united' here, currently living in California.
Americans may seem very friendly and outgoing in the street but that is all it is. friendly small talk, it never leads to anything, phone numbers are never exchanged and 'hey lets be friends' never happens. I like how friendly people are here but I never kid myself, it's just small talk.

from my experience if I was back home and someone super happy came up to me and was all 'hey how's it going?' my first thought would be 'what are you after? I don't know you'

"They often do not even apologize for bumping each other"
completely untrue by the way.

Yes, of course I didn't say all Europeans, I said " many" as this applies to numerous nations and not just one. In the Netherlands is where I was in awe of people just bumping each other all over the place and not even noticing they did so. I had never seen people do that before. My friend from the Netherlands told me it was normal for much of Europe, not just the Netherlands. That same friend was freaked out by people here just talking to him as well when he came to visit in the US. The UK is far more apologetic than most European nations and are more likely to at least respond to someone asking the a question, unlike Finland where you ask multiple people on the street a question and they look at you like you are crazy, say nothing at all and leave.

Here, I actually do get many phone numbers from people I have met out and about and have met some of my friends that way as well as a few people I dated, including the man I am with now. If he had not approached me while I was out with my friends, we would have never met. I think where it goes from there entirely depends on the people and circumstances. I usually do not go anywhere without at least someone starting up a random conversation with me.

 

[Catnip1024]

Err... Europe is big. But in my experience, if you go outside the big cities, people are more open. And it's just as well, because the kind of people you go past at rush hour in London aren't really the sort of people you want to be talking to anyway.

As for speaking to a complete stranger, only if you'd seen them around before. If you were regularly at the same bus stop, kind of thing. Otherwise you don't know if they even want talking to. I've had train journeys late in the day where all I want to do is put my head back and listen to music, and someone forcing conversation on me would be unwelcome.

 

[Michel Henzel]

I don't care about you, your day or your problems. Just let me get my shopping done so I can get home, or leave me to listen to my music to pass the time while commuting.
Unless I'm specifically out for socializing, I'm not interested in vapid chitter-chatter.
Don't mistake my reservation for rudeness or arrogance, though; I'll be polite, apologise for any inconvenience or harm I've done by accident, and I don't mind offering a helping hand when people need it, but ultimately, I'm not here for your entertainment.
That's my Danish input about this topic.

As an aside, it's still funny when Americans go, "Why are (all) Europeans X?" like all of Europe is just one huge, homogeneous people.

I'd say we Dutch are fairly similar to you Danes in that regard, and I could not say it better myself so I'm quoting you instead .