Face-Chomping "Vampire" Attacks Geriatric At Hooters

[kinggamecat]

I blame Twilight!

This is what happens when kids read the books, and watch the movies, i demand we take them off the shelves right-away!

Thank god, I've been waiting for someone to say this XD

Maybe she was on meth or something.

 

[Thedayrecker]

Happened in my hometown....

Cause we're awesome like that

 

[Lord Beautiful]

Understandably curious about this whole thing, the officers questioned Smith, but she was unable to explain the attack or why she was partially au naturel.

Smith is a 22-year-old college student with no apparent criminal history. Ellis has been described by police as "a transient" who has 12 arrests over the last four years for things like disorderly intoxication and battery.

This screams seedy wheelchair bound guy drugging young woman for sleazy purposes, drugged young woman through her stupor semi-conciously realises what is happening, fights back, collapses and forgets due to aforementioned drugs. Seedy guy then goes to phone and makes up any story he likes, vampires are the 'in' thing for young women, right?

I refuse to believe that on the evidence presented this is anything but what I've just deduced

As is, I'm inclined to believe this. If there's a more logical explanation, I've not thought of it.

 

[KingofallCosmos]

I'm appalled. The count's good name gets slandered when constantly associated with either angsty teens or psycho's!

 

[jFr[e]ak93]

Don't you get it, it's video games' fault. Only gaming can make a person THAT violent. She must have played too much Vampire: Bloodlines and Castlevania...[/quote]

I was thinking to much My Little Pony: Fighting is Magic. That could cause serious problems if over played...

OT - Wha? I look forward to the next full moon to see if anyone... furry... shows up...

 

[Ulquiorra4sama]

After that thing in Texas the vampires suddenly think it's ok to burst out of their coffins all over the world and just feed on us mortals?

Just a matter of time now before the aliens start creeping out of their shells and begins sucking out people's insides.

Not that i really want to know how the first examples are gonna try that though... *Shudders*

 

[batuea]

Understandably curious about this whole thing, the officers questioned Smith, but she was unable to explain the attack or why she was partially au naturel.

Smith is a 22-year-old college student with no apparent criminal history. Ellis has been described by police as "a transient" who has 12 arrests over the last four years for things like disorderly intoxication and battery.

This screams seedy wheelchair bound guy drugging young woman for sleazy purposes, drugged young woman through her stupor semi-conciously realises what is happening, fights back, collapses and forgets due to aforementioned drugs. Seedy guy then goes to phone and makes up any story he likes, vampires are the 'in' thing for young women, right?

I refuse to believe that on the evidence presented this is anything but what I've just deduced

okay... let me get this straight on what you are saying, a alcoholic wheelchair bound man, was able to catch, a 22 year old woman *with a jawline of a line man* drug her, molested her, then went to a gas station WITHOUT anyone noticing a obviously drugged/molested 22 year old woman screaming for help or anything, oh no wait she wasn't screaming for help or anything, what I am trying to say is how did a old man in a motorized wheelchair catch AND forcibly drug 22 year old woman, seriously, get off the whole feminism band wagon and stop making obvious attackers into victim just because feminism scores awesome intercool points. Also she probably had her pants and underwear down because blood turns her on, you think I am kidding, but that is a fetish, a weird fetish but one anyways.

 

[internetzealot1]

That story is just too weird on too many levels.

 

[Sonic Doctor]

This screams seedy wheelchair bound guy drugging young woman for sleazy purposes, drugged young woman through her stupor semi-conciously realises what is happening, fights back, collapses and forgets due to aforementioned drugs. Seedy guy then goes to phone and makes up any story he likes, vampires are the 'in' thing for young women, right?

I refuse to believe that on the evidence presented this is anything but what I've just deduced

As is, I'm inclined to believe this. If there's a more logical explanation, I've not thought of it.

Obviously, vampires are among us. I would say that they are starting to overflow in Florida. The police there should start carrying sharpened wooden nightsticks and holy-water infused pepper-spray.

 

[AngloDoom]

I'm no doctor, but it Sounds like she was tripping balls, if I'm honest.

 

[flaming_squirrel]

Hugghhhhhhh, no, brain does not compute.

covered in blood, sans pants and with her panties around her ankles.

I think this is the bit which actually got me the most though, the fuck was she doing when they found her? Naked vampirism? Did she take a blow to the head whilst on a Twishite marathon?

We desperately need some answers here.

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

"Face-Chomping-Vampire-Attacks-Geriatric-At-Hooters"
'Oh look another crazy person who thinks they're one of the Undead.'

"Ellis survived the assault, despite major, bloody facial wounds, and made his way to a nearby gas station to phone the authorities."
'Man, that sucks. Well at least she didn't take out his jugular, he probably would have died.'

"On arrival, the arresting officers found Smith near the scene of the attack covered in blood, sans pants and with her panties around her ankles."
'Wait, what?'

I guess that's the part that confuses me the most: why she was bottomless when the police showed up. I hope she wasn't... getting off to that. Man that woman was C-R-AZY.

 

[Zykon TheLich]

Other than battery I don't see anything on his arrest record that's too bad, nothing you wouldn't expect for a homeless person, and just because you haven't been convicted of any crimes doesn't mean you're a paragon of virtue. Still, it does seem a bit suspicious, one of those ones that certainly merits further investigation. Maybe she was drugged up and decided to take a bite out of him or maybe she was drugged up and he tried to take advantage of her and she bit him in self defence, hard to tell at this juncture, no real evidence one way or the other.

 

[Palindromemordnilap_v1legacy]

Understandably curious about this whole thing, the officers questioned Smith, but she was unable to explain the attack or why she was partially au naturel.

Smith is a 22-year-old college student with no apparent criminal history. Ellis has been described by police as "a transient" who has 12 arrests over the last four years for things like disorderly intoxication and battery.

This screams seedy wheelchair bound guy drugging young woman for sleazy purposes, drugged young woman through her stupor semi-conciously realises what is happening, fights back, collapses and forgets due to aforementioned drugs. Seedy guy then goes to phone and makes up any story he likes, vampires are the 'in' thing for young women, right?

I refuse to believe that on the evidence presented this is anything but what I've just deduced

okay... let me get this straight on what you are saying, a alcoholic wheelchair bound man, was able to catch, a 22 year old woman *with a jawline of a line man* drug her, molested her, then went to a gas station WITHOUT anyone noticing a obviously drugged/molested 22 year old woman screaming for help or anything, oh no wait she wasn't screaming for help or anything, what I am trying to say is how did a old man in a motorized wheelchair catch AND forcibly drug 22 year old woman, seriously, get off the whole feminism band wagon and stop making obvious attackers into victim just because feminism scores awesome intercool points. Also she probably had her pants and underwear down because blood turns her on, you think I am kidding, but that is a fetish, a weird fetish but one anyways.

By that same logic, how did an alcoholic wheelchair bound man get away from a woman completely off her tits (hey, that phrase actually makes sense in context for once!) who thought she was a frikkin' vampire?

 

[KoSTHB]

cocaine is a hell of a drug....

 

[Jodah]

...I don't get it. No criminal history, and just all of a sudden mauls a sleeping old man with her mouth, and has no pants on when the cops show up?

This is either drugs or a mental breakdown. Or both!

Mental drugdown! But seriously, what possess someone to attack an elderly man to consume his blood...besides being a vampire I suppose. Being a vampire would possess them to do it...but that brings us back to the beginning!

 

[King of Wei]

Wasn't the last article about a "vampire" attack on an elderly person as well? Is there some kinda health benefit to munching on a retiree that the rest of the world doesn't know about?

These people freak me the hell out.

 

[The Random One]

Either she is clinically insane, or... well, non-clinically insane. My money's on the first one.

 

[The Arctic Nun]

CLEARLY SOMEONE HAS BEEN PLAYING FAR TOO MANY VIOLENT VIDYAGAMES. BAN! BAAAN! BAAAAAN!!!

This article made my brain hurt. A lot. It's just....what...I just can't understa- WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD?!

 

[Sarah Frazier]

By that same logic, how did an alcoholic wheelchair bound man get away from a woman completely off her tits (hey, that phrase actually makes sense in context for once!) who thought she was a frikkin' vampire?

Was he drunk at the time, or just sleeping through the day for lack of anything else to do? Of course he may have been drunk and that fact skipped out of the news blog.