Face-Chomping "Vampire" Attacks Geriatric At Hooters

[scorptatious]

He should have worn a necklace made out of garlic to keep her away.

In all seriousness, I'm not exactly sure what to make of this. The girl's pants were down and the old man was arrested 12 times already. So something must've been up.

Although I can't say for sure. There's still more to the story we don't know about yet.

 

[Saelune]

I blame Twilight!

This is what happens when kids read the books, and watch the movies, i demand we take them off the shelves right-away!

She tried to suck his blood and kill him. Thus Twilight is innocent here...

 

[tehroc]

I could only imagine the blood of the elderly to not tasting as good as say teenager blood.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

*laughing hysterically*
Oh man. You see, when a woman loves another woman...or alcohol is involved...or takes Stephanie Meyer novels too seriously...

Seriously though, it's not necessary to drag this on any further. Stranger things have occurred that people have been able to come up with a rational explanation. If any futher speculation is required just put her out in the sun. Worst case scenario she turns to ash and best case scenario she sparkles.

 

[Nathan Crumpler]

I'm having trouble believing that an old, wheel-chair bound man is going to escape from a young girl eager to literally chew his face off.

Well, she did take a bite out of him... Maybe he tasted a little stale.

 

[Robert632]

You know the part of the story I don't get? Why the hell did she take her pants off?

 

[Averant]

See, it's things like this that are going to make me stop looking at the news someday. Everything I read these days is either a half-truth or batshit-insane stupid. Or a combination of the two. It's actually getting very, very annoying, and this is coming from someone who LIKES batshit insanity.

 

[Mordereth]

Looks like someone decided to...

*puts on sunglasses*

Take a bit out of crime.

Yeah.

That was my first time doing that. Did I do it right?

Hilarious!

But.

*BITE with an E, mon copain.

 

[Nabohs]

I don't care who you are, that's creepy...

 

[Grabbin Keelz]

Before even clicking on this link I saw a pic of the Count and thought he was in this. I am utterly dissapointed.

 

[Little2Raph]

You know what? To me this looks suspiciously like some creepy old bastard's decided to try his hand at sexual assault and come off second best. Do we only have his word that the girl claimed to be a vampire?

 

[NotAwesomeAtAll]

Well that is... Surreal? My mind has been blown.

 

[spartan773]

Looks like someone decided to...

*puts on sunglasses*

Take a bite out of crime.

Yeah.

That was my first time doing that. Did I do it right?

it should've been bite actually.

 

[Double A]

Her eyes don't match...

So? If she were a vampire, we wouldn't be able to see her eyes because they don't appear in photos. She's just some crazy *****, or maybe she got high while watching a vampire movie. Who knows, and more importantly, who cares?

Vampires DO appear in photos...it's mirrors they don't...

I thought it was both.

 

[alandavidson]

I'm just a wee bit suspicious about this. I mean, were there any witnesses to this attack? Because if there weren't, I'm not entirely sure we should be rooting for the old man here. I mean, she isn't claiming she did it, and I'm having trouble believing that an old, wheel-chair bound man is going to escape from a young girl eager to literally chew his face off. The whole sans panties deal is curious as well. Doesn't seem implausible that maybe he tried to assault her, given his criminal record, and she fought back. She doesn't want to admit what happened, but isn't about to fess up to vampiric assault either.

Good point. Given the history of the two, it does seem likely. Although seemingly stable people have been known to snap.

 

[JoesshittyOs]

Yeah, I heard about this earlier today. It's weird, especially considering she has no criminal record.

I've been having this idea...

Dress up like a real vampire would. A homeless crazy as shit person.

Put in some weird eye contacts, put on some pale make up, and make him dirty. My vision of a real life vampire is a creature that is completely addicted to blood like a poor junkie.

Go to one of these vampire parties where people claim to be vampires who dress up like Dracula from the fables.

Say something when you are in the party to the head honcho or whatever like "You are not true vampire" and have a friend cut the lights.

Scare the shit out of everyone.

 

[JezebelinHell]

Anyone know the best way from Chicago to Florida? Planning a roadtrip. No reason in particular..
I'd fly, but the authorities told me I couldn't ship the throwing knives, bladed Crux and my whip with me; hell, not even my holy water!

I would say take I-70 east to Ohio. Plan on the traffic in Indy sucking balls no matter what time you hit it. Stop by my house with the whip for a bit to.. rest, yeah, rest. Then you can head out in the morning.. afternoon, whatever. Florida is a straight shot down I-75.

 

[Svenparty]

Best headline ever. Sounds to me like a typical evening it's up to the Rockstars to beat exposing yourself AND announcing your a vampire.

 

[duchaked]

oh gosh creepy picture making my head spin x.X

or maybe it's just cuz it's 5:30 am and I'm still not asleep...

 

[Actual]

The bit that's bugging me, is how does a homeless man power an electric wheelchair?