Face-Chomping "Vampire" Attacks Geriatric At Hooters

Sarah Frazier

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Dec 7, 2010
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Biting the face and tearing away chunks: Zombie or werewolf moves, not vampire. Get your monsters straight.

In front of a building, but nobody else saw: Maybe other witnesses will come forward, but they're still likely to miss whatever led up to the actual attack.

If it happened during the day: Wrong time for a classic vampire to be out and about. Either got her monsters confused again, or her first vampire experience was Twilight.

Let an old man in a wheelchair get away: Either she was somehow stunned/distracted, or the old man was the attacker after all.

Missing pants/panties: Either she was assaulted, or she was later getting off to what happened. Creepy either way.

He has 12 arrests in four years: An average of three arrests for things that drunk or homeless people sometimes do. Maybe he just really wanted some money he thought she had?

Summary: Unless there's evidence that points more solidly at one of them being the aggressor, I can't really take any side as being in the wrong. If more statements come out where the woman still claims to be a vampire, then that pretty much takes away her credibility and makes the old man look more like the victim of someone who was either high or not quite mentally intact in the first place.
 

kinggamecat

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Aug 7, 2010
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FogHornG36 said:
I blame Twilight!

This is what happens when kids read the books, and watch the movies, i demand we take them off the shelves right-away!
Thank god, I've been waiting for someone to say this XD

Maybe she was on meth or something.
 

Lord Beautiful

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Aug 13, 2008
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CynderBloc said:
Understandably curious about this whole thing, the officers questioned Smith, but she was unable to explain the attack or why she was partially au naturel.

Smith is a 22-year-old college student with no apparent criminal history. Ellis has been described by police as "a transient" who has 12 arrests over the last four years for things like disorderly intoxication and battery.
This screams seedy wheelchair bound guy drugging young woman for sleazy purposes, drugged young woman through her stupor semi-conciously realises what is happening, fights back, collapses and forgets due to aforementioned drugs. Seedy guy then goes to phone and makes up any story he likes, vampires are the 'in' thing for young women, right?

I refuse to believe that on the evidence presented this is anything but what I've just deduced
As is, I'm inclined to believe this. If there's a more logical explanation, I've not thought of it.
 

KingofallCosmos

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Nov 15, 2010
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I'm appalled. The count's good name gets slandered when constantly associated with either angsty teens or psycho's!
 

jFr[e]ak93

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Apr 9, 2010
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Don't you get it, it's video games' fault. Only gaming can make a person THAT violent. She must have played too much Vampire: Bloodlines and Castlevania...[/quote]

I was thinking to much My Little Pony: Fighting is Magic. That could cause serious problems if over played...

OT - Wha? I look forward to the next full moon to see if anyone... furry... shows up...
 

Ulquiorra4sama

Saviour In the Clockwork
Feb 2, 2010
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After that thing in Texas the vampires suddenly think it's ok to burst out of their coffins all over the world and just feed on us mortals?

Just a matter of time now before the aliens start creeping out of their shells and begins sucking out people's insides.

Not that i really want to know how the first examples are gonna try that though... *Shudders*
 

batuea

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Jun 30, 2009
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CynderBloc said:
Understandably curious about this whole thing, the officers questioned Smith, but she was unable to explain the attack or why she was partially au naturel.

Smith is a 22-year-old college student with no apparent criminal history. Ellis has been described by police as "a transient" who has 12 arrests over the last four years for things like disorderly intoxication and battery.
This screams seedy wheelchair bound guy drugging young woman for sleazy purposes, drugged young woman through her stupor semi-conciously realises what is happening, fights back, collapses and forgets due to aforementioned drugs. Seedy guy then goes to phone and makes up any story he likes, vampires are the 'in' thing for young women, right?

I refuse to believe that on the evidence presented this is anything but what I've just deduced
okay... let me get this straight on what you are saying, a alcoholic wheelchair bound man, was able to catch, a 22 year old woman *with a jawline of a line man* drug her, molested her, then went to a gas station WITHOUT anyone noticing a obviously drugged/molested 22 year old woman screaming for help or anything, oh no wait she wasn't screaming for help or anything, what I am trying to say is how did a old man in a motorized wheelchair catch AND forcibly drug 22 year old woman, seriously, get off the whole feminism band wagon and stop making obvious attackers into victim just because feminism scores awesome intercool points. Also she probably had her pants and underwear down because blood turns her on, you think I am kidding, but that is a fetish, a weird fetish but one anyways.
 

Sonic Doctor

Time Lord / Whack-A-Newbie!
Jan 9, 2010
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Lord Beautiful said:
CynderBloc said:
This screams seedy wheelchair bound guy drugging young woman for sleazy purposes, drugged young woman through her stupor semi-conciously realises what is happening, fights back, collapses and forgets due to aforementioned drugs. Seedy guy then goes to phone and makes up any story he likes, vampires are the 'in' thing for young women, right?

I refuse to believe that on the evidence presented this is anything but what I've just deduced
As is, I'm inclined to believe this. If there's a more logical explanation, I've not thought of it.
Obviously, vampires are among us. I would say that they are starting to overflow in Florida. The police there should start carrying sharpened wooden nightsticks and holy-water infused pepper-spray.
 

flaming_squirrel

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Jun 28, 2008
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Hugghhhhhhh, no, brain does not compute.

covered in blood, sans pants and with her panties around her ankles.
I think this is the bit which actually got me the most though, the fuck was she doing when they found her? Naked vampirism? Did she take a blow to the head whilst on a Twishite marathon?

We desperately need some answers here.
 

Irony's Acolyte

Back from the Depths
Mar 9, 2010
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"Face-Chomping-Vampire-Attacks-Geriatric-At-Hooters"
'Oh look another crazy person who thinks they're one of the Undead.'

"Ellis survived the assault, despite major, bloody facial wounds, and made his way to a nearby gas station to phone the authorities."
'Man, that sucks. Well at least she didn't take out his jugular, he probably would have died.'

"On arrival, the arresting officers found Smith near the scene of the attack covered in blood, sans pants and with her panties around her ankles."
'Wait, what?'

I guess that's the part that confuses me the most: why she was bottomless when the police showed up. I hope she wasn't... getting off to that. Man that woman was C-R-AZY.
 

Zykon TheLich

Extra Heretical!
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Jun 6, 2008
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Other than battery I don't see anything on his arrest record that's too bad, nothing you wouldn't expect for a homeless person, and just because you haven't been convicted of any crimes doesn't mean you're a paragon of virtue. Still, it does seem a bit suspicious, one of those ones that certainly merits further investigation. Maybe she was drugged up and decided to take a bite out of him or maybe she was drugged up and he tried to take advantage of her and she bit him in self defence, hard to tell at this juncture, no real evidence one way or the other.
 
Apr 17, 2009
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batuea said:
CynderBloc said:
Understandably curious about this whole thing, the officers questioned Smith, but she was unable to explain the attack or why she was partially au naturel.

Smith is a 22-year-old college student with no apparent criminal history. Ellis has been described by police as "a transient" who has 12 arrests over the last four years for things like disorderly intoxication and battery.
This screams seedy wheelchair bound guy drugging young woman for sleazy purposes, drugged young woman through her stupor semi-conciously realises what is happening, fights back, collapses and forgets due to aforementioned drugs. Seedy guy then goes to phone and makes up any story he likes, vampires are the 'in' thing for young women, right?

I refuse to believe that on the evidence presented this is anything but what I've just deduced
okay... let me get this straight on what you are saying, a alcoholic wheelchair bound man, was able to catch, a 22 year old woman *with a jawline of a line man* drug her, molested her, then went to a gas station WITHOUT anyone noticing a obviously drugged/molested 22 year old woman screaming for help or anything, oh no wait she wasn't screaming for help or anything, what I am trying to say is how did a old man in a motorized wheelchair catch AND forcibly drug 22 year old woman, seriously, get off the whole feminism band wagon and stop making obvious attackers into victim just because feminism scores awesome intercool points. Also she probably had her pants and underwear down because blood turns her on, you think I am kidding, but that is a fetish, a weird fetish but one anyways.
By that same logic, how did an alcoholic wheelchair bound man get away from a woman completely off her tits (hey, that phrase actually makes sense in context for once!) who thought she was a frikkin' vampire?