First Date, Gifts From The Guy

[infinity_turtles]

As a general rule, no I don' give gifts on a first date. Sometimes this rule is broken, like if I find out we have something in common and we hit it off real quick based on that, then if we run into something appropriate I might buy it for my date. Don't really feel the need to buy things to impress though. I do it because I think someone would enjoy a thing I can afford and I think they deserve it.

I do tend to find it annoying if gifts are turned down though. Mainly because if I'm getting someone something then it's not something I consider a big deal, and refusing it makes it feel like it is. Totally doesn't apply to an offer to split the bill though. That's refreshing.

 

[ShipofFools]

No gifts, all this junk and clutter in our houses...

 

[Plasticaprinae]

If I knew the person a long time before the date, I would feel fine accepting a gift. If I met the person and we dont really know each other completely, I would feel uncomfortable with a gift. Mostly because I don't know if I will see this person again after this date. As a girl, I like splitting the bill.

Though there are special occasions, Like... lets say we made a date to go buy a movie (splitting the cost of the movie) and watch it at home, then he gives me the movie as a gift. Im fine with that. It wasn't exactly a surprise gift and I partially paid for it, so it feels better than "Here you go! Have a video game!"

 

[Flatfrog]

I think it is kind of rude to refuse a gift from anyone. It's easy enough to say 'thanks' and take it. However, it puts you under no obligation of any kind, and anyone who used the acceptance of a gift as a way to pressure someone would be a shit of the first order and should be dumped forthwith.

 

[Eleuthera]

As several people have posted before, bringing gifts on a first date seems strange to me. Assuming we're going out I don't think I'd bring anything, but I assume I'll pay the bill (splitting it is fine if she wants to, but not necessary).

If I'm coming over for dinner or something like that I would bring something, flowers, wine/drinks, chocolates. But visiting someone's home as a first date seems a bit odd to me.

 

[Chairman Miaow]

I know I don't have much to go on, but his actions are kind of stereotypical of a massive whiteknight sexist.

I think giving gifts on a first date should be limited to small stuff "Here, let me buy you a drink, or maybe a slice of cake". Things like paying for her cinema ticket if you are going to a movie. If she wants to pay for things, let her if you feel comfortable. If you don't, then say ok, we'll share.

 

[Nickolai77]

I think it's a bit odd that he repeatedly tried to buy you gifts OP. It makes him seem rather desperate to me, so maybe it was best you decided to just be friends.


I wouldn't buy gifts on the first second or third dates personally. It just feels like you're trying to buy a person's affections with gifts and it feels ingenuine. I'd rather a girl found me attractive for who i was, not for the gifts i may have bought her. Furthermore, chances are you don't know the person well enough on the first few dates to truly know what they like anyway.

However, once in actual relationships themselves i'm quite into gift-buying!

 

[Hazy]

On the first date, the man pays, the man ALWAYS pays, but he doesn't normally buy gifts for the girl. That's just weird, and a great segway to the friendzone.

 

[Whateveralot]

I enjoy giving stuff, but on a first date? Hell naww. That would be wasteful and I wouldn't want the other one to feel morally obliged to repay me somehow.

That's why my first dates hardly ever ended in a fancy, barely affordable restaurant.



If I receive something, I'm increadibly flattered, but I never got anything that was on or near a first date.

 

[Adeptus Aspartem]

On the date, the man pays, the man ALWAYS pays, but he doesn't normally buy gifts for the girl. That's just weird, and a great segway to the friendzone.

The last century called, it wants to tell you, that women earn they own money now and this tradition is obsolete.

I don't see the reason why i have to buy me into a date, just because i've penis.
Why would i pay for someone who probably earns double my income (im a student), when it actually should be the otherway around, if we consider how this tradition came together in the first place.

 

[Hazy]

On the date, the man pays, the man ALWAYS pays, but he doesn't normally buy gifts for the girl. That's just weird, and a great segway to the friendzone.

The last century called, it wants to tell you, that women earn they own money now and this tradition is obsolete.

I don't see the reason why i have to buy me into a date, just because i've penis.
Why would i pay for someone who probably earns double my income (im a student), when it actually should be the otherway around, if we consider how this tradition came together in the first place.

Bear in mind: this if for the first date. In addition, the reason is twofold: One, men are expected to be the dominant of the pair. They are the ones who are to be paying for their dates, as they are entrusted into their care for the evening. It's just the proactive protocol.

Two, men usually set up the dates. As such, they pay, since it was their idea.

Also, I make more money than my dates, so, yeah, I pay. Don't know why this would bother women, unless holding doors open sends them into a stupor as well.

However, if the date was a complete *****, I won't hesitate to tell them I'm leaving and drive off without them, letting them foot the bill. But that's the only time I won't pay. Equality, yo.

 

[Teoes]

Male here, FWIW.

During the date, the man in question decided to purchase me a video game which of course I was happy about (Psychonauts finally).

1st thought: "Woah, that's a bit much for a first date!". Second thought: "Oh, Psychonauts - that's cool, it's dirt cheap and should be owned/played by everyone anyway."

Small gifts are much less of an issue. A few quid? Not really worth getting worked up over by either party - I see no reason to feel uncomfortable receiving a small token like that.

However, I always feel awkward when receiving gifts, even during Christmas. When I attempted to refuse, he said that it was annoying when a girl refuses a mans gifts during a date. As the date continued he kept trying to give me more items, but I was able to refuse all of them.

I think that's out of order on his part. If I were to refuse someone's gift I certainly wouldn't want them being a dick and guilting me about it; especially if we're only on a first date as we can't exactly know each other too well by then. You can easily argue that gifts on a first date are a little much, full stop. Wait until you get a few dates in and see where it's going, eh?

EDIT: Aye, the repeatedly trying to put gifts on you is also not cool. Take the hint dude and calm your jets.

Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts? Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill, or refuses what you're trying to give her?

No. I feel the need to give a female a gift if I want to give her a gift. How impressed she is doesn't enter into my thoughts, except if she's distinctly unimpressed by said gift - in which case it's probably something I've done wrong, not her.

As for bill payment, yeah I'd try and pay it myself but if she wants to chip in then she's more than welcome.

 

[ramboondiea]

I give gifts if I believe its something they will like, hell I buy gifts for everyone if I come across something I think they like, its unlikely I would get something for a first date because its unlikely I will know what to get them. I don't see the point in token gifts,I would rather get people something that is practical. and if I am actually out with people and they see something they want I usually offer to get it for them.

I usually pay for the bill, but if it looks like its going to turn into a fight over who pays i offer to go halfs.

and last question, no-one has ever refused a gift so i dont know how i would re-act, probably not bothered.


on a related note, weirdest gift i have ever given someone on a date was a big book of horror movie survival and a tube of gummibears, she seemed pleased

 

[Playful Pony]

On a date I think that the one that invites should be expected to pay for the dinner+movie or whatever other clichè activity you get up to. I always insist on paying if I invite someone, and I do honestly expect to be payed for if I am invited. I will offer to pay formyself if it is qutie expensive though, I don't like sticking someone with a huge bill just because I am what they call "oldfashioned" X3.

I think gifts on a first date is kinda weird actually... Usually I barely know the person I'm on a date with, and they barely know me. How does that person know what kind of gift I would like? The first date is there to learn about the other person. On the second or third date I don't find it so strange, often the gift will be inspired by something said on the first date which can be kinda cute. Beyond that I don't know, nobody ever made it past 3 dates with me X3... I must be more atractive on the outside than I am on the inside.

 

[Teoes]

Bear in mind: this if for the first date. In addition, the reason is twofold: One, men are expected to be the dominant of the pair. They are the ones who are to be paying for their dates, as they are entrusted into their care for the evening. It's just the proactive protocol.

Again, that's a really old-fashioned way of looking at things and if you do date, well I don't know what sort of women you date - but the sort of women I'm interested in would take offence to that notion and are out for equality. This isn't the 1950s any more, hasn't been for some time. There's a difference between me offering to foot the bill, being happy to do so, them graciously accepting -- and both parties just assuming that that's to be the case. If I were to find out my date was assuming I'd pay then she'd be in for a shock.

Two, men usually set up the dates. As such, they pay, since it was their idea.

Also, I make more money than my dates, so, yeah, I pay. Don't know why this would bother women, unless holding doors open sends them into a stupor as well.

However, if the date was a complete *****, I won't hesitate to tell them I'm leaving and drive off without them, letting them foot the bill. But that's the only time I won't pay. Equality, yo.

Your second point is slightly less objectionable but in many people's opinion should still be flexible and open to negotiation. As for you saying you earn more than your dates, how do you know without asking for their salary details before you set off? Or do you aim for that sort of woman so you can reinforce this domineering role you wish to maintain?

 

[masticina]

I am not a fan of "gifts" myself

Even if it comes from the right persons! Understanding how the human mind works "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" gifts tend to lead to expectations. Even if they are utterly expectation free.

Of course part of my family is in that darn jewish community where gifting is all about status. And throwing a big party with expensive gifts is all part of the game. Yes it is true.. it is how things go in some communities

I am terrible myself with remembering birth dates of friends and family and even deciding what gift would work so. I guess if I was a bit more a social person I would be better at it, but I aint.

Psychonauts you say, well at least it wasn't a full price game.

 

[Miyenne]

If a guy tried to give me gifts on a first date, third date, fifth date, two year anniversary, I would feel very uncomfortable. But I was raised that if I wanted something, I was to earn the money to buy it myself. And that mentality translated to "I don't like useless shit." Jewelery? Nope. Flowers? Only if they're a potted plant I can keep and grow. Kitchen stuff? If I need it, sure! Except I don't like to cook...

I even have my own engagement ring. It was my grandmothers. When the ex proposed I said "Okay, let me get my ring." That he didn't argue even a bit should have tipped me off, but oh well. He never gave me gifts either, which didn't bother me, except for our last Valentines together he kept insisting he had a gift, but four months later he was still saying "Almost done..." Yeah.

I wouldn't want to feel indebted to anyone, so I would have to refuse.

 

[KOMega]

Spoiler: Quote snip

Men: Do you feel the need to impress the female by giving gifts?

It depends... But, in general, no. Not really.

I'd rather my potential partner like to be with me because they like my personalty, not because what material goods I could provide.

Do you find it annoying if the girl attempts to help pay the bill,

No. Frankly, I'd rather there be separate checks. This first date should be about two people trying to get to know each other, not one person getting a free meal.

or refuses what you're trying to give her?

Personally, if she wanted to pay, I'd offer assistance. If she refused, I'd ask if she was sure. If she said she was sure, I'd let the matter drop.

I pretty much agree with the above.

1. I think gifts are for special occasions. You could say dates are special occasions but I think those are more for getting to know each other. And what if the date doesn't fall through?

2. Separate or split. I would still be trying to get to know the other person, let alone give them a free meal :/ Plus, my pockets are not deep or padded

3. Generally I don't think anyone should refuse a gift,
unless the person thinks gifts are like trade-able favors -_-.
But if someone refuses something, it is not my business to push it onto them.

 

[Hazy]

Bear in mind: this if for the first date. In addition, the reason is twofold: One, men are expected to be the dominant of the pair. They are the ones who are to be paying for their dates, as they are entrusted into their care for the evening. It's just the proactive protocol.

Again, that's a really old-fashioned way of looking at things and if you do date, well I don't know what sort of women you date - but the sort of women I'm interested in would take offence to that notion and are out for equality. This isn't the 1950s any more, hasn't been for some time. There's a difference between me offering to foot the bill, being happy to do so, them graciously accepting -- and both parties just assuming that that's to be the case. If I were to find out my date was assuming I'd pay then she'd be in for a shock.

They don't just "assume" I'm going to foot the bill, I tell them that I will. They'll usually object, we'll do the whole playful "No I'll pay, no I'll pay" dance, and I end up telling the waitress to run and swipe the card while I keep her at bay. Women like a man who can take care of himself, and others as well. It's the same reason why animals choose the strongest, most dominant leader of the pack - because they have their shit together, and their the most likely to ensure stronger, protected children.

Your second point is slightly less objectionable but in many people's opinion should still be flexible and open to negotiation. As for you saying you earn more than your dates, how do you know without asking for their salary details before you set off? Or do you aim for that sort of woman so you can reinforce this domineering role you wish to maintain?

Good question. I work two jobs, both of which pay pretty handsomely. I won't go into specifics. Anyway, I typically hang out with girls before the big date night, get to know them, ask them where they work, so on and so forth. The general answer I get is either "waitress," "cashier," etc. Y'know, positions 20 something college women typically fill.

As for "roles," I don't really seek a type of woman in particular. They're all fair game.

 

[absulute]

Sometimes. I've also received gifts.

This one time, I got a new dresser just for inviting her over to my place. then I was randomly approached and given a track top.

thanks much.