Forget the Friend Zone, it's OK to be attracted to a friend

[Phasmal]

I would suggest if people don't want to be associated with the Nice Guys, then maybe don't use the term friendzone?
It's really not difficult.

Also, it's probably for the best. I know that me and a lot of my friends see a guy as an automatic `No` if he bitches about the friendzone and how nobody likes `nice guys`.

Now, there's nothing wrong with being attracted to your friends, and dealing with that in a mature way.
But if your friend isn't into it, they aren't into it. They haven't put you in a magical box that it's somehow your duty to try and get out of.
They just turned you down.

 

[TriGGeR_HaPPy]

Heh. This thread is quite amusing...

Anyway, OP: For the whole "it's okay to be attracted to a friend" thing, well of course it is. If your friend of your preferred gender is attractive, it's natural to be attracted to them.

If you choose to come clean about your feelings, how the pair of you react to it will differ from person to person and complications may arise from it. And if you choose not to come clean about your feelings (whether you're already in a relationship, or just not ready to enter into a new one, or whatever the reason), then it's up to you to deal with it. But the act of just being attracted to a friend doesn't have to be a bad thing by any means, and furthermore, isn't what I'd call the friend-zone anyway.

Following the many posts in this thread about how the term or idea of the "friend-zone" is somehow inherently bad:

One of my friends in particular has had a particularly unlucky spree with women. Always being friends with them, then being attracted to them, then coming clean about their feelings for them, and then (unfortunately) being shut down, but still friends with them. That's what I'd call the friend-zone.

And no, I don't think it's some bs-excuse to lay the blame on the other party, i.e. the person who doesn't want to be more than friends. Every time I've seen it happen to my friend and other people I know, being friend-zoned is something they've dealt with each in their own way, in much the same way that they'd deal with being rejected by someone they'd just met. Hell, the phrase "friend-zone" itself has barely been used at all in any of those situations.

To me and practically everyone I know, the term friend-zone just means that rejection you get from a friend after asking them out unsuccessfully, as opposed to the rejection from someone you didn't know as a friend. Not once have I seen the phrase or idea of the friend-zone been used as an excuse to lay blame on the other person and to avoid dealing with the rejection. And I think that if you know someone who does use the phrase "friend-zone" in this way, then it's a problem with the person, not the phrase.

 

[Reikan]

Their should never be a friendzone. If you are friends with a girl fine. If you are friends with a girl and you want to rail the living shit out of her, fine. If you are friends with a girl and you want to date said girl, not fine. Ask her out/confess attraction whatever you gotta do, and then if she rejects you outright, leave. Never talk to her again.

I just saved everyone a lot of bullshit.

 

[Findlebob]

Its the most soul crushing state of existance a human can live in. Not that im bitter or anything.

 

[Spinozaad]

The Friend Zone is a mental construct, or rather a mental prison people lock themselves up in.

If you become "friends" with someone with the intent of getting a Relationship Upgrade, than you're hilariously naive (at best) or a horrible human being (at worst). If you're actually friends (emphasis on both words) with someone, and you develop feelings for said someone and said someone doesn't reciprocate said feelings, you're not "put in the Friend Zone", you were denied said Relationship Upgrade. Since you were already in her/his circle of friends to begin with.

If you barely know someone, confess your romantic feelings and he/she says they want to be friends, they only want to be acquaintances. They're trying to spare your feelings by, rather awkwardly stating, 'you're not a horrible person, but I just don't think of you as someone I want to have sex with.' No more, no less.

As for attraction towards female friends. Just because they're hot, does not mean I'd bang them if given the chance. Is there a sexual attraction? Certainly, because they're hot. Fact is, there are thousands of girls equally hot who come without the friendship dynamic and are thus easier to bang.

-Edit-

Want to know in which category you fall? Here's a self-test: does the object of your affection have any negative traits? If not, and you think he/she is a perfect human being who never has diarrhea, then you're not really friends as it is. So you're either Type 1 or Type 3.

 

[Vault101]

Nah, it's more of an Alpha male thing. I'm pretty sure they intend it to be consensual, but following the uniquely disgusting brand of PUA logic, that women are naturally inferior and submissive and all they need is to be reminded of their place by an Alpha male and they will willingly submit to the power of the asshole douchebag.

it doesnt strike me as alfa male so much as some pathetic neckbeards revenge fantasy..I mean it is a rage comic

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but friend zone is more applicable when romantic feelings have already been expressed. And at that point it's more a case of what's done is done and you ain't going there again.

 

[CellShaded]

Uhh, it's okay to be attracted to your female friends as long as you realize that attraction does not have to be mutual. If you manage to fuck up your friendship because you so desperately want to stick it in and/or can't realize that she's just not that into you, you're obviously doing something wrong and failing to see women/girls as people, but rather as something to unload your sexual and/or romantic desires on.

Also, goddamn, this is something that's been pissing me off for a while. Alot of people tend to confuse kindness/friendliness with sexual interest, and that needs to stop more than anything else.

 

[Doclector]

Oy vey.

The term "Friend Zone" refers to the idea that someone isn't attracted to you because they can only see you as a friend. This term is used and experienced by guys and girls alike. It's a thing.

I honestly don't know why there's such vitriol towards the idea of the "friend-zone".

There are infinite reasons why somebody might not be attracted to you. Have you heard of the "ugly zone" or the "not my type zone" or the "asexual zone" or the "gay zone" or the "already dating someone zone" or the "no chemistry zone" or the "incompatible personalities zone", just to name a few?

The reason I have so much vitriol for the friend zone is because it shifts the responsibility to the person who doesn't feel the attraction. The phrasing is always "X friendzoned you/put you on the friend zone" and never "I put myself in the friend zone". Friendzoning is described as an undesirable thing that someone else does to you. You, the rejected person, are the innocent victim, and the other person is almost always described as having done something bad by not corresponding your feelings or attraction.

The only time the friendzone is described as the rejected person's responsibility is by disgusting misogynists who say that "she friendzoned you because you're too beta, you need to be more dominant, aggressive and Alpha, because [insert sexism here]."

Yes, women claim to be friendzoned too, and they are just as unwilling to face up to rejection as the guys who use the term.

Honestly, I'm sick of this being said.

Not that I don't see people saying "She's so evil, friendzoning me, it couldn't possibly be something wrong with me!", but this view seems to act like nobody who ever wanted something more, but ended up being friends, knows that they fucked something up.

See, I know I'm ugly, socially moronic, lacking any kind of charm, relatively poor, sexually inexperienced, and downright retarded. I know it is my fault, I'm the piece of shit here, not her, and I'm fed up of it being made out like I never admit that.

 

[Malty Milk Whistle]

There's so many different definitions of freindzone, and so many different uses and applications.
Where I come from, it's when you've been actually freinds with someone for a while, you develop feelings for 'em and get knocked back, because it'll get awkward otherwise.
The prats who go on about what a ***** se is for not liking him, or even worse, befriend a girl purely because they want to sleep with her are just assholes.

If you like a girl just bloody talk to her.
It usually works...

 

[Froggy Slayer]

I think that I see the problem here. Friendzone, as a slang term, means many different things to different people. Some people just use as a term meaning that the person wants to be friends, and nothing more. This is acceptable. Some douchebags, however, use it as this weird thing to shift the blame for their rejection onto others. That's about the end of it.

Also, the 'Nice Guy' idea is a lie, I'm a nice guy, and I've never had a girlfriend. Do you know what else I am? Very passive and quiet. Pro-tip; nothing is going to happen if you don't initiate contact.

 

[Froggy Slayer]

I like to think that our generation will be remembered for this "comic".

Spoiler: Trigger warning oh god rape trigger warning to the max. You're probably better not clicking on this box at all

I laughed. It's so fucking ludicrous, how the hell can you not? It's sort of like Sonichu; the work of someone so hilariously inept that laughter can be the only reasonable response.

 

[wooty]

I always put myself into the "friend zone" without beig placed there by someone else. Partially because I now have zero self confidence and partly because my sex drive is the size of a particle of space dust.

I personally find it easier to seek aquaintences and friends than to go looking for a partner, trying to bed a good friend or go seeking what is becoming a growing phrase, "fuck buddy". To hell with that, it just becomes too complicated.

 

[King Billi]

And here I was thinking all along that this whole issue was actually called "Unrequited Love".

I suppose people do need to update their terminology every now and then for the younger generations.

 

[The Funslinger]

The Friend Zone doesn't exist, and the only reason it has achieved such a wide recognition and acceptance is because it allows insecure guys to hide behind that to avoid facing rejection.

Oy vey.

The term "Friend Zone" refers to the idea that someone isn't attracted to you because they can only see you as a friend. This term is used and experienced by guys and girls alike. It's a thing.

I honestly don't know why there's such vitriol towards the idea of the "friend-zone".

I'd admit it's a thing, much as you'd describe.

Unfortunately, like many terms, it's abused. I'd go as far as to say the majority of people seriously using the term 'friendzone' to describe an encounter are probably abusing it. You get the people who rampantly complain about being 'friendzoned' due to one of 2 scenarios:

1) They haven't asked said girl out, and are upset when said girl isn't psychic and continues dating other people. 2) They confess their feelings of attraction, and get shot down, but because they relentlessly put themselves out there for the girl, they feel that entitles them to a romp in the sack.

Those people are annoying as hell, and remind me of that one Roger scene from American Dad where he's attracted to Steve's fat girlfriend and follows them on a date. While talking to himself, he says something along the lines of 'you're cheating on me right now, but you don't know we're together yet, so it's okay, I'll forgive you'.

Unfortunately, that creepifying scene is not on Youtube, but I wish it were. Hell, if someone with access to the DVDs could upload it for me, that'd be brilliant. I would post it in all the Friendzone threads.

 

[Monster_user]

Where I come from, it's when you've been actually freinds with someone for a while, you develop feelings for 'em and get knocked back, because it'll get awkward otherwise.

This.

Awkward, or even regretful and friendship ending. Romantic relationships are just a minefield of pain, misery, and hate. For this reason I have decided to forego any such relationship or intimacy altogether. Better to keep people at a distance, so that you can continue to enjoy their company. Good friends are hard enough to find as it is, without having to deal with lingering emotional issues after a messy break up.

If I have, by slightly stretching the definition, "friend-zoned" all women, is it hard to imagine that a woman would "friend-zone" her best friends?

If you value a person's company, and friendship enough to marry them, but are not 95% sure that the relationship will work, why would you risk loosing that friend completely?

 

[Dusty Fred]

It's been so long since we've had a friend-zone thread here I was hoping that fad has passed just to be briefly mention in other threads. I was wrong. I hate being wrong sometimes...

Sorry. I'd intended to use the matter more as a point of departure than go stomping over old ground, but clearly people still feel strongly about this so perhaps there's more to be learned and understood from further discussion.

I honestly wasn't sure if anyone else thought the way I did; whether anyone else had a little lay-by in their head in which to park feeling of attraction towards people who are valued as friends. All of a sudden it came to me that maybe that's a healthy thing after all and perhaps it might avoid getting lost in the messy and confusing back-roads of supposed friend-zoning.

Having been there myself, I'd say I personally find much merit in Darken12's analysis. Retrospectively analysing one's motives is a tricky task but I do recall sulky victimhood being present although in this case there was (and, happily, continues to be) a strand pf genuine friendship woven through it all.

At the same time, I do think that, at the time of life I assume most people here are at, interactions with the opposite sex can be confusing, uncertain and challenging. Such is the means by which we learn and become -hopefully- more socially aware people. But it can produce nebulous zones where locating exactly where you stand vis-a-vis your emotional relations with someone else. The frienzone might not possess objective validity as a genuine social phenomenon, but the fact that it has been thought of and perceived by some to be legitimate could be seen as illuminating in terms of how people deal with what can be a difficult life experience

 

[dmond]

*snip*

*snip*

Hehe.

I think you're a bit over-analyzing this, considering it's just modern slang for "person doesn't want to be more than friends". No need to wax poetic about these perceived psychological implications,

especially since all supposed implications are entirely circumstantial.

Actually, there is.

It's no longer a slang term, it's a very common mentality of overly sensitive and possessive boys (or sometimes slightly older boys), that they are entitled to a girl just because they're nice to her. Well, guess what, nobody owes you sh!t.

Just because it's a popular thing to talk about on the internet doesn't mean it's not an issue. Nobody wants an overly sensitive sulking jerk who believes he or she can manipulate everything that moves and pisses warmly into sleeping with them, and just because the said posters used walls of text to rationalize their opinion doesn't make them any less credible or interesting to read.

TLDR; Grow up already. This is life. Sometimes people won't like you. There's no need to put a name to it and blow it out of proportions.