Friends Zone (AKA why aren't we doing this?)

[barbzilla]

So with the current influx of relationship advice topics popping up the past two weeks I have noticed a few things about the "Friends Zone".

First things first, lets clarify what I mean by friends zone. When I speak of the Friends Zone (FZ from now on as it is going to be a recurring theme here) I mean the unfortunate out come of one friend developing a romantic interest in another who does not reciprocate the feelings. 99% of the time this is the guy who develops the feelings. It usually starts as something innocent, but it can also spawn from poor judgement one night. Whether it comes from just being around each other so much or from making out one night when you were both drunk, the effect is the same. Feelings have changed.

The guy usually knows he is in the FZ and will make the attempt to win the girl over by being there for her and showing her how great of a guy he is. You call us up and complain about the guy you just broke up with or the loser your dating and tell us how you wish you could find someone like us to date. We are listening. At some point (usually after hearing about how you wish you could find a guy just like us) we will confront you with our feelings. There are times when this works out, but usually we get "I don't want to ruin our friendship" or some variation on this (I have heard them all).

I get so sick of hearing women complain about not being able to find a great guy when they are complaining to the person who is always there for them. The guy who never fails to answer the phone when she calls (even if he is busy). The guy who can quote back whole sentences of what she said a week ago. The guy who knows their favorite color, number, flower, movie, or their fears and doubts. The guy who could plan the perfect date at the drop of a hat because he knows what turns you on and find enjoyable.

Women reading this post, if you are reading this and know I am talking about you stop toying with this guy. If we are important enough to give us 20%-40% of your life already then we are important enough to give a chance. Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't, we have proven we are good friends and if it doesn't work out no hard feelings. If it does work though, imagine waking up to a guy 10 years down the road who still wants to listen to you ramble on for 4 hours about the most inane stuff just because we love hearing your voice. You will be glad you gave him the chance.

Even if you don't want to give that person a chance because you are just not into him for whatever reason, fine stop using him. Stay friends, but your privileges of complaining about the losers you choose to date is over. Don't torture him with this crap.

Guys if this is you, make sure she knows how you feel. Don't hide it. You are not going to feel any better if you go through life with What ifs on your mind. If she says no, don't stop being friends with her, but put your foot down when she wants to complain about other guys. Your time and feelings are valuable too.

Just for kicks and giggles I would love to hear the just friends lines you have received in the past (IE: I don't want things to change between us)

EDIT: I am not looking for relationship advice, I am currently in an early stage relationship and having a blast. The purpose of this post was to point out some inconsistencies.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

Queue teenage girls reading this thread for some unknown reason and saying, "But dating friends is weird."

To be honest, I've never seen anyone escape the Friend Zone, I wouldn't mind seeing some stories of people here if they have.

 

[Phlakes]

Alright, well my first girlfriend broke up with me for the second time just before high school started. She said she didn't want to put our friendship at risk by going into high school in a relationship.

It was just an excuse so she could be free to date everyone she met that year. And she did. And then moved. Long story.

 

[Wuggy]

To be honest, I've never seen anyone escape the Friend Zone, I wouldn't mind seeing some stories of people here if they have.

I have. And the person ended the relationship because she didn't want to "lose me as a friend." I said: "Well, it's a bit too late now."

 

[Sniper Team 4]

My favorite? (Keep in mind I usually say this after I have tried repeatedly with the girl I'm talking to)

"I'm never going to find a girlfriend."
"That's not true. You're nice, kind, you have a good head on your shoulders, you listen. You have lots of redeeming features."
"And yet..."
The girl usually stops talking after that because she'll catch herself on what she's about to say: "You're not my type." And no, that hasn't been from one girl. I get that from nearly every girl I ever ask out just for lunch.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Eh, I've always felt that complaints about the "friend zone" were just people trying to avoid thinking too hard about why women chose someone else. If she doesn't see you that way, then she doesn't see you that way, no reason to make a fuss about it.

 

[gkid87]

i laugh a little when guys act like only women do this anyway best just friend line
i got was you are more of a wife type you know i can take you home to meet my mom and i ain`t looking for that
me;so you want a ho.
dude: kind of

 

[Capt. Crankypants]

If a girl isn't romantically interested in you, I say take it on the chin. Remember, this friend of yours should be able to have guy friends that she can feel comfortable opening up to, and whether you think so or not, you ARE actually special to her. Also, you now have yourself a cool girl friend who you can talk with about the girl you DO eventually get to date.

 

[Mordwyl]

It's quite easy to get out of that thing actually: Play their game. Complain to THEM and ignore all of their own. Make it explicitly clear that if they don't want to date you, they can't bother you with their bad mistakes in choosing partners.

She can't have the cake and eat it too.

 

[MorsePacific]

I kind of really love that you made a topic after the last one we participated in, barbzilla.

I just don't believe in the friend zone, though I can agree that there is a point where nothing will come of a relationship. The "friend zone" isn't necessarily a bad place and a lot of times it can give the closure a person needs to move forward.

I think by far the worst "just friends" line I've ever gotten was the whole "I love you like a brother" thing. Always comes off as awkward.

 

[DracoSuave]

If a girl isn't romantically interested in you, I say take it on the chin.

YOU TAKE IT LIKE A CHAMP.

Girls who are your friends often have female friends. Be cool, and ask her (not during the friend zone conversation) if she has any single friends, because you're single and would love to meet new people.

 

[The Arc of Eden]

I had girl i liked. She dated one my friends for a while, nothing happened. Though I liked her way before they even met. After they broke up our friendship dwindled. Long story that i don't want to explain.

Anyway, Half a year later after we stopped talking she contacted me. I decided to let her know and told her how i felt about her. She said she considered me at some point but decided she didn't like my personality enough to be intimate with me (Which hurt WAY more than being put in the friend zone).

I ended communication from there cuz she obviously wasn't interested in maintaining a friendship and thinking about her made me want to punch infants. I've had a few years to get over it, but it's been the closest i've ever been to a relationship so that scar will never heal.

 

[XxSummonerxX]

Hate this. I have once had a girl ring me during lunch and school and say (nearly word for word) "I hate the guy I'm dating! He always drops out of doing something together at the last second. You're so reliable. I wish I could date someone like you".

But... but I'm like me...

 

[Mr Companion]

Hate this. I have once had a girl ring me during lunch and school and say (nearly word for word) "I hate the guy I'm dating! He always drops out of doing something together at the last second. You're so reliable. I wish I could date someone like you".

But... but I'm like me...

Well maybe she was hitting on you, Or was she an ex?

 

[Arehexes]

I don't know about you guys but for me when ever I asked out a girl I was friends with they could never be honest with me. I don't care if they say no it won't hurt me or make me upset or sad or what ever cause I just move on (after all the times I ask a girl out and get a no or what ever I just got to the point now where I don't give a shit), I just don't like it when they say yes and then turn around when I call and bring it up they go "oh no I didn't mean to say yes I just didn't want to hurt you", or they say no when I ask and give a reason (which is fine) and then give another completely different reason. I just can't stay friends with someone who couldn't be honest with me, if you don't like me like that don't lie to me. I mean I put myself on the line to ask you out, the least you could do is say no if you don't want to. It's not like I'm a child who needs to be "protected" from hurtful things.

 

[darkfire613]

Last year, I was friends with a girl I liked. I asked her out twice, spaced about 8 months between them. The first time I got the standard line about not ruining friendship. The second time was about four months before she was moving across the country, and she told me she didn't want to get into a relationship that soon to moving. I understood, and we're still friends.

However, a few months after she moved, she tells me "if you were here, I'd go out with you," or something like that. All I could think was "But...you were here and passed on that chance," but of course I didn't say it. That was about 8 months ago, so I'm not quite sure where she stands on that now.

 

[Arehexes]

I had girl i liked. She dated one my friends for a while, nothing happened. Though I liked her way before they even met. After they broke up our friendship dwindled. Long story that i don't want to explain.

Anyway, Half a year later after we stopped talking she contacted me. I decided to let her know and told her how i felt about her. She said she considered me at some point but decided she didn't like my personality enough to be intimate with me (Which hurt WAY more than being put in the friend zone).

I ended communication from there cuz she obviously wasn't interested in maintaining a friendship and thinking about her made me want to punch infants. I've had a few years to get over it, but it's been the closest i've ever been to a relationship so that scar will never heal.

Yeah I know how the first scar will never heal bud, I know a girl I had a crush on for years when I was in high school and she didn't want to date me because her friends wouldn't like her dating a black guy (I knew her since 2nd grade and this was in 9th grade when she said that). So she called me up when I was in...11th grade and we hung out for a bite and started dating. Well after 3 days she dumped me for another guy (but when she dumped me she said it was because she would have been to busy with her side job she had), and after they dated for a day she called me and was upset about it and was hoping I talk to her to make her feel better. I pretty much told her I have nothing left to say to you, you hurt me more times then I can count and I'm not gonna give you another chance to hurt me don't ever call me again. Never heard from her since, but man it's hard to stop thinking cause every time I get a no I have to question is she lying to me or not now (It's so bad I can't trust a girl, and now I just don't bother with dating cause I rather spend my time doing what I wanna do instead of pleasing someone else who could be a fickle twat).

 

[T5seconds]

I once watched my freind try to talk a girl out of the freind zone... Poor guy, she thought he was joking and laughed in his face. I enjoyed it way too much.