Fun ways to screw with Telephone sales people

[Shymer]

In the UK we have the Telephone Preference Service (TPS) http://www.tpsonline.org.uk/tps/index.html

This is a free service where you can register your phone number. All (legitimate and professional) telemarketing companies operating in the UK must use the database to remove numbers from their cold-calling database or face action from the Information Communications Office (ICO). The Direct Marketing organisations pay for this service themselves.

It doesn't stop international scammers from "Windows Technical Support" calling - or illegitimate cold-calling organisations, but it helps thin the herd and properly identify when someone should be phoning and when they shouldn't.

The Premium number organisation does not recommend consumers setting up a premium rate number and using that when registering for web-sites because it is hard for individuals to ensure that they comply with premium rate regulations, which could leave them open to claims from companies. Just saying.

 

[Here Comes Tomorrow]

Pretend I knew them in high school.

 

[Chessrook44]

The moment I realize they're selling something I state my opinion on the matter and hang up.

"Hello, would you be interested in purcha-"
"Not interested." [click]

 

[Someone Depressing]

Answer with a different accent and cadence everytime, give out different names every time, and just get more and more ridiculous each time they call me.

Eventually, they stop. Looks like making masturbation noises with a can of paint and a plunger with Terminator 2 on with the volume at 100 was their limit.

 

[Nukekitten]

Block all withheld numbers. Anyone who calls from an actual number tends to go:

"Hello, is this [Nukekitten]?"
"... Maybe. Who is this?"
"We're [company]."
"... No, I'm not interested in that. Good day. *Hang up and add their number to the blocked-caller list*"

 

[KnowYourOnion]

I've been getting calls from a construction company recently, and it is bordering on the harassment territory. Any how I got a call yesterday from a different company, this time some solar energy company. So after getting annoyed with how the ***** on the line was trying to keep me on the phone, I finally looked up "WTF BOOM" on YouTube, cranked up my speakers and all the volume sliders on my computer, and with the phone close to the speaker I played the video, needless to say she was not happy.

Any way, I was kinda curious, what are your favorite ways to get back at these telemarketing ass holes?

Don't do anything and just politely tell them you're not interested whilst not being a knobber about it because they probably don't deserve whatever you had planned.

 

[Ratty]

Politely tell them I'm not interested, say goodbye, and then hang up.

You know, because they're people, just like you and I, doing their job and trying to pay the bills.

This. If you don't want to get calls from telemarketers, register your phone on the state no-call list. Don't be an asshole to people who are just trying to make a living.

 

[hazabaza1]

You could just treat them like they're people.
While I'm not in the industry myself I work with some people who do Telesales and guess what, they're actually some rather nice people and try to be as polite as possible. They don't make a habit of phoning random people either, if you're on the list to call you're probably on there for a reason, they're not just trying to make a habit of annoying people.

 

[Ratty]

"It's okay that we're doing bad things, because we're just doing them for money!" Huh?

Nobody gives military or prison contractors shit. Telemarketers, who have little choice in who they call really, are way way down on any list of "bad" things. So they might slightly annoy those who can't be arsed to put their phone on the no-call list, so they can have food to eat and a roof over their heads? Oh what awful people.

Telemarketers aren't rich, they're not powerful. Picking on them just makes one a bully, like those assholes who treat waiters like subhumans just because they can.

 

[Zen Bard]

Politely tell them I'm not interested, say goodbye, and then hang up.

You know, because they're people, just like you and I, doing their job and trying to pay the bills.

I'm mostly with this one because I used to work for an inside sales organization. We were business to business but the concept is the same.

However, a buddy of mine actually used to train telemarketers. So if someone called when he wasn't in the mood, he'd grade them, politely critique their technique and invite them to hang up and try again.

No one ever did.


[Side note: I notice the little red button is back. What's the occasion, I wonder...]

 

[shootthebandit]

I kept getting phone calls which are obviously a scam saying "I work with windows. There is a problem with your computer" or something along those lines

They tried a few times and I recognised it was them and when he said "I work with windows" I interupted and said "good. Bring your ladder and bucket tomorrow"

 

[shootthebandit]

You could just treat them like they're people.
While I'm not in the industry myself I work with some people who do Telesales and guess what, they're actually some rather nice people and try to be as polite as possible. They don't make a habit of phoning random people either, if you're on the list to call you're probably on there for a reason, they're not just trying to make a habit of annoying people.

They might be nice people but at work they rip off the elderly and vulnerable. Im sure a lot of bank robbers and street hustlers are nice people. It doesnt excuse what they do

 

[Poetic Nova]

I used to have problem with that, once i started working. I started getting calls about "better ways to insure myself" etc. etc.
I was pissed. Then i found out, that where i live, we have this thing called "bel-me-niet-register" (dont call me list).
Apparently you can get a fine if you call someone on that list.


Since then i was never called by telemarketing.

Maybe its not fun, but sure as hell effective way to screw with telephone sales people. And thats what i wanted after a long work day.

Doesn't stop scammers though, last one called to say that there was a problem with my laptop. When I asked them for the OS I was using they got it wrong already. Didn't knew how fast he needed to hang up.

Anyway, if it's a telemarketer: How annoying it may be, I try to be polite myself. If it's a scammer, then I don't mind returning the favor by being annoying.

 

[Poetic Nova]

I kept getting phone calls which are obviously a scam saying "I work with windows. There is a problem with your computer" or something along those lines

They tried a few times and I recognised it was them and when he said "I work with windows" I interupted and said "good. Bring your ladder and bucket tomorrow"

I need to remember this in case they are going to pull the same scam off with me again.

 

[EHKOS]

I just can't. I have ten giant webpages full of Malkavian pranks that would work with telemarketers, but they're PEOPLE. And they work for a company, it's not like they're harassing you directly, it's on an order. I can't do it, I would love to, but my conscience says no.

 

[Agayek]

Any way, I was kinda curious, what are your favorite ways to get back at these telemarketing ass holes?

I think my favorite way to screw with these people is to set up a premium-rate phone line and redirect the telemarketer through it before answering.

It discourages them from calling back quite well.

 

[hazabaza1]

You could just treat them like they're people.
While I'm not in the industry myself I work with some people who do Telesales and guess what, they're actually some rather nice people and try to be as polite as possible. They don't make a habit of phoning random people either, if you're on the list to call you're probably on there for a reason, they're not just trying to make a habit of annoying people.

They might be nice people but at work they rip off the elderly and vulnerable. Im sure a lot of bank robbers and street hustlers are nice people. It doesnt excuse what they do

I'm glad you're aware of what every person whose job it is to phone somebody does. I thought that the people I work with were employed to phone businesses and work towards getting people Apprentices, but I guess I'm just flat out wrong.
Good to know that everyone whose job it is to phone somebody immediately laser-points themselves to old and vulnerable people, I'll remember to tell them that on Monday and compare them to criminals.

Oh wait a second that's a massive assumption and generalization, and actually flat-out wrong! Golly-gosh, I wonder how that came to be. Heaven forbid that maybe, just maybe there are certain people who do enjoy ripping off these people and are scumbags, but there are also some that are just working to get an honest wage and we should assume the minimal human decency (as most people are at least not openly shitbags) and reserve our judgement for when we realise the distasteful actions someone is taking.
Nah, that sounds silly. Let's just insult and annoy everyone.

 

[Genocidicles]

Just say 'yes' to all of their questions. Nothing else, just 'yes'.

They think they have a potential sale, but they eventually realize you're just bullshitting them... which is more fun than simply hanging up on them.

 

[sidhe3141]

Normally I just say, "Not interested", but I totally want to try singing over the pitch sometime. Either that or act like what they're selling is a code word.

"Hello, I'm with Geico and selling insurance."
"Right. I'll send Kay over at 15:03 to pick up the insurance. You'll recognize her by her brown shoelaces. How are your rutabagas doing?"

---

Eventually, they stop. Looks like making masturbation noises with a can of paint and a plunger with Terminator 2 on with the volume at 100 was their limit.

I literally lold.

 

[kalakashi]

As mentioned above there are legal ways of getting rid of this. For scammers, play along; my dad once had the "your PC is broken" call, and he just played along, pretending to be completely technologically illiterate. String them along for as long as you possibly can, and let them see that by calling you they will mostly be wasting time they could be using to scam others.

For regular telemarketers, while I can understand the "they're just doing their job" point, pissing people off is essentially part of the job description, and it's unreasonable to expect people to politely refuse every offer. You're phoning people's personal home phones during their time of 'leisure'; maybe it's a parent who is rushing to make dinner for their children, perhaps somebody is expecting an important call that they may now miss, or perhaps two lovers are sharing a (not-necessarilly sexual) intimate moment which is now cut short.
Yes, people need to make ends meet, yes, the job market definitely is difficult, but if you are taking a job in which you must interrupt people who are not expecting it and have done nothing to deserve it (as opposed to the case of the traffic warden's difficulties), expect them to be pissed off. This is not unreasonable or unfair.