Funniest Zero Punctuation One Liners

[Vindestructable]

"Jumping puzzles, fine. Timed jumping puzzles, fair enough. Timed jumping puzzles with fixed cameras, now we've dropped into the ocean of shittiness. But then they hit us with a timed jumping puzzle with a fixed camera where enemies spawn in every time you fail, and now the ocean of shittiness has closed in over our heads with no rescue boat in sight."

 

[FOXGEAR]

From the Amnesia: The Dark Descent review.

"Nope, nothing much up here either. I'll just go back and...whoa what was that thing I just glimpsed running down a hallway? I don't know but it looked cross about something so I think I'll go down this other hallway instead. Oh, it's blocked. Guess I'll turn around and WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?! AH RUNRUNRUN I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO MESS YOUR CHAIRS UP OH PISSING BLIMEY THERE'S JAM COMING OUT OF THE WALLS!"

Not at all a one liner but it is the reason I have seen that particular video so many freaking times.

 

[TheHighDino]

"So without further ado..... Go Team Retard!" and "I'd say it was "made of win" but if I did I'd have to strangle myself." make me lol a lot... but then so does most of the stuff he says..

 

[ZtH]

I love when he used the phrase "When cocks rocket skywards" and have been using it myself since I heard it.

 

[indiangrunt91]

my favorite is still pants on head retarded

 

[-Dragmire-]

Also; 'Wii Bowling.
Oh fuck off.'

I hate that one, it made me spit my drink all over my keyboard.

Unexpected and great

My other favorite "Go team retard!"

and the shurikens and lightening bit

 

[azurine]

"it came with team fortress 2 a multiplayer fps and portal the earthly incarnation of Christ."
"I've never claimed to be a humble man in fact I think I can safely say I'm unequivocally the least humble person in the entire history of the universe."
"god knows what would happen in you spread branstin pickle onto no more heroes possibly the universe would end. and it would be AWESOME!"
"and what confuses me is that people are saying this is a new release when the wikipedia page quite clearly says the game was released in fall of 199- oh... wait, you know what I've done? I've got mortal kombat the 2011 release confused for the game on the snes with the exact same name. YOU SEE HOW THIS IS CONFUSING?"
"it shoots shurikens and lightning! it could only be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire!"

Seriously, I could go on all day.

 

[Genixma]

"And I'll tell you the worst part-worst part worst part!"
-DON!-
-Pszzt-
-Pszzt-
"And Whistled for a baboon."

 

[shrekfan246]

From Dead Space 2: The picture with the little girl and her mom and "My blood all inside me" pointed at the girl makes me crack up for some sick reason.

DC Universe Online: "A good story is like a good bowel movement - It's only really satisfying once its ended. Because if you just keep going then eventually your body runs out of shit and moves on to pushing all your internal organs out your sphincter until only a foul-smelling shell remains and anyone who wants to get in on your incredibly long poo gets turned off because they need to have gone through all the poo up to that point to have the necessary context and this is where the analogy is breaking down somewhat."

Amnesia: The Dark Descent: "You see, there are three kinds of horror games. First, there's the kind where you're in a dark room and a guy in a spooky mask jumps out of a cupboard going "Abloogy woogy woo!" That would be your Doom 3. Then there's the kind where the guy in the spooky mask isn't in a cupboard but standing right behind you and you just know he's going to go "Abloogy woogy woo!" at some point but he doesn't and you're getting more and more tense but you don't want to turn around because he might stick his cock in your eye! That would be your Silent Hill 2. And then there are the horror games where the guy in the spooky mask goes "Abloogy woogy woo!" while standing on the far side of a brightly lit room before walking slowly over to you, plucking a violin, and then slapping you in the face with a T-Bone steak. That would be your Dead Space."

 

[Willsor]

Its not a one liner, but on one of the episodes he portrays a child with a midget version of the normal guy with "I'm a little shit" in a speech bubble
xD

 

[AngelSephy]

"Until Alan wakes up... Oh, I see what you did there! To a hideously grinning mannequin creature leering over him. Oh wait, that's his wife..."

This is just one of way too many that make me burst out laughing no matter how many times I hear them. Though I'm also the kind of gamer that you could dangle those shiny little pieces of metal on a shoe string in front of, and be entertained for hours!

 

[intheweeds]

"...now, if I were a paranoid man - which I'm not, no matter what people have been saying about me..."

 

[Sirch.Cajnos]

"Prototype still wins though because a sandbox is only as good as the method by which you get around in and Cole has a tendency to get get bogged down with climbing while Alex can shoot blood out of his wrists at jet engine velocity and fly like emo Peter Pan. I'd say it was "made of win" but if I did I'd have to strangle myself."

also the visual for that one, "Think whiny thoughts"

 

[myah]

"But of course Nintendo could always axe the franchise and start a new one with new, interesting characters, then maybe they could start a snow shoveling bussiness in HELL."

"Either that or your projecting so hard you could point yourself at a wall and show off powerpoint presentations."

"But since her name was Ashley Williams, which I'm pretty sure was the full name of Bruce Campbell's character from the evil dead series, made things rather uncomfortable."

 

[ZehMadScientist]

"I don't get Japanese games, I really don't, except for the porn ones, I know what those are for."

I wonder how he comes up with all this xD

 

[Hister]

From his prototype review....."as he rolls down the street, limbs cracking under the treads, saying "Garsh, I sure hope this is the right thing to do", like if Mister Bean were a mass murderer

 

[Anaklusmos]

You said less pointless gimmicks? I thought you said MORE pointless gimmicks!

I have no idea which video this is from.

 

[CrazyCapnMorgan]

"I'm not a fanboy-yes you are."

I loved it when he called those SSBB whiners out.

 

[Sarpedon]

"As the frustrated chinese zookeeper said to the last male panda on earth, FUCK THAT!"

This is my favourite too!

:]

 

[Terminate421]

GO TEAM RETARD!

Best one ever.