Game Headlines from the Year 2050
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AOLDisneyTimeWarnerSonyFoxGoogleAppleSoft acquires Ikea, announces all game console will now come flatpacked with allen key and oversized instruction manual.
Madden 2050 is still the exact same as every other football game ever made.
Gabe Newell promises that work on Half Life: Episode 3 continues. Claims to have renamed the project "Half Life Forever".
"Call of Duty: Future Modern Space Marines Opera Fantasy Real Fake Operations Combat Extreme Conditions Danger Fight Time To the Maximum" sells approximately eleventy trillion copies to brain dead retards everywhere.
Gabe Newell promises that work on Half Life: Episode 3 continues. Claims to have renamed the project "Half Life Forever".
"Call of Duty: Future Modern Space Marines Opera Fantasy Real Fake Operations Combat Extreme Conditions Danger Fight Time To the Maximum" sells approximately eleventy trillion copies to brain dead retards everywhere.
And in recent news, a website named The Escapist has published a story about the next big thing in gaming, namely uploading the players a'la Tron. When asked on the idea, one editor was quoted as saying, "well, it seemed the natural step, what with players able to control the actions of the character in their virtual reality rooms. The question will be, can the player leave as easily as they enter, and will they be suceptible to hacking?"
Fox news was quoted, "This is evil! This will corrupt the youths and teach them rape one another as they kill the body. Things should go back to simpler times, when children played outside instead of in their holodomes! Back when the tides came in and went out with no explanation beyond god!" Fox News of course having its own issues battling the threat of Anonymous, who have decided that the tides come in and go out due to the moon.
On the lighter side of news, Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps has passed away today. Sources close to him say upon his death, his same sex lover George fell into disarrayed grief, but accepted the passing. "It was just his time. You can only lie and hate so much before it finally gets to you. But he was a fighter till the end, and had everyone faithfully convinced he hated the homosexuals, when in fact he quiet enjoyed their company." A funeral service will be held, which the Hell's Angels, Soldiers, Homosexuals, Arizonians, and Australians plan to boycott in full.
When we come back, we check in with our Sports analysis desk to talk about the Edmonton Oiler's continued stay at the last and 30th ranked team in the NHL. And in the MLB the Pittsburgh Pirates promise change and actually play a season where they will lose LESS then 100 games.
Fox news was quoted, "This is evil! This will corrupt the youths and teach them rape one another as they kill the body. Things should go back to simpler times, when children played outside instead of in their holodomes! Back when the tides came in and went out with no explanation beyond god!" Fox News of course having its own issues battling the threat of Anonymous, who have decided that the tides come in and go out due to the moon.
On the lighter side of news, Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps has passed away today. Sources close to him say upon his death, his same sex lover George fell into disarrayed grief, but accepted the passing. "It was just his time. You can only lie and hate so much before it finally gets to you. But he was a fighter till the end, and had everyone faithfully convinced he hated the homosexuals, when in fact he quiet enjoyed their company." A funeral service will be held, which the Hell's Angels, Soldiers, Homosexuals, Arizonians, and Australians plan to boycott in full.
When we come back, we check in with our Sports analysis desk to talk about the Edmonton Oiler's continued stay at the last and 30th ranked team in the NHL. And in the MLB the Pittsburgh Pirates promise change and actually play a season where they will lose LESS then 100 games.
Tyler Newel, Gabe's grandson, still refuses to release info on Half Life 2: Episode 3. Left 4 Dead 627648 is scheduled to release this November.
Call of Duty Modern Warfare 972, Modern Warfare 973, Black Ops 33 now released. Expansion adding guns and grenades released on Modern Warfares 970, 971 and Black Ops 32. Activision plans on releasing Call of Duty: Prehistoric Warfare this month, and rumors of a Call of Duty: Trench Warfare 7 are abound. Activisions inner city program, Modern Welfare, is having a huge impact on the community, both improving lives of the impoverished, and causing 12 year olds to scream at their welfare checks for being worth less money due to market inflation.
In other news, inflation rose 2.1% today when Activision announced they were printing more money.
On to news about good games, Fallout: Portland Oregon's first two DLCs released, titled "The Bear Grilles Experience" and "Broken Pines." The DLCs will cost about 400 MS points, and Fallout: New Vegas's DLC content is also being released for PC after a 40 year wait.
Grand Theft Auto: Somalia is expected to hit shelves tomorrow, and this time Rockstar games promises there will be at least 3 likeable characters in the game.
Star Wars Battlefront III, may be released within 2-5 years, but don't hold your breath as Lucasarts is still selling stupid Force Unleashed crap to people who were born even after the prequels were remade.
L4D439 has been released in Australia, but without any content whatsoever out of fear that it might offend people.
And in final news, the Bobby Kotick.v.22.8 has resigned as chair of Activision, and has appointed Bobby Kotick.v.23.0 as his successor.
In other news, inflation rose 2.1% today when Activision announced they were printing more money.
On to news about good games, Fallout: Portland Oregon's first two DLCs released, titled "The Bear Grilles Experience" and "Broken Pines." The DLCs will cost about 400 MS points, and Fallout: New Vegas's DLC content is also being released for PC after a 40 year wait.
Grand Theft Auto: Somalia is expected to hit shelves tomorrow, and this time Rockstar games promises there will be at least 3 likeable characters in the game.
Star Wars Battlefront III, may be released within 2-5 years, but don't hold your breath as Lucasarts is still selling stupid Force Unleashed crap to people who were born even after the prequels were remade.
L4D439 has been released in Australia, but without any content whatsoever out of fear that it might offend people.
And in final news, the Bobby Kotick.v.22.8 has resigned as chair of Activision, and has appointed Bobby Kotick.v.23.0 as his successor.
This just in people who played bullet-storm in their youth have raped 78% of the world population in the last 30 years. Wait whose at the door. OH FOX, WHY DIDN'T WE LISTEN!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Also Bethesda promises that their new game engine is completely bug free so long as you don't run it on a computer.
Also Bethesda promises that their new game engine is completely bug free so long as you don't run it on a computer.