Hmmm anything by the fantastic Alan Partridge.
"How long did you put this in for, Lynn? It's hotter than the sun!!"
"Jackanackanory"
"Kiss my face!"
"What, like three men burning in a tank, going "uurgh"?"
"Yes. In fact, you know, the best thing I ever did was get thrown out by my wife! She's living with a fitness instructor. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. He's an idiot!"
And anything said by Jayne Cobb in Firefly/Serenity.
"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."
"I'll be in my bunk."
"You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with til you understand who's in ruttin' command!"
"She starts on that "girl's name" thing, I'm gonna show her good an' all I got man parts."
"Dear Diary. Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."
"Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature."
"Not as deceiving as a lowdown, dirty... deceiver."
"That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth."
"I'm gonna build my own lunar lander! With blackjack...aaaaand hookers! Actually, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah forget the whole thing." - Bender.
"I'm a pimp. And pimps don't commit suicide." - Boxer Santaros (Southland Tales)
"I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate, nasty little toy. A double whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair. I call them the Eggs Of Numbing Inevitability" - Bill Bailey
"People say there's a fine line between genius and insanity. I don't think there's a fine line. I actually think there's a yawning gulf. You see some poor bugger scuffling up the road with balloons tied to his ears...he's not going home to invent a rocket is he?" - Bill Bailey
Sorry, I have no serious quotes to offer at this time of day