How did you do that?

[Pinkros]

I trained an army of squirrels to do it for me!

How did you miss him?

 

[Neonbob]

I was blinded by some asshole with a strobe light!

How did you mess up my favorite place?

 

[The Infinite]

By adding more whales to it.

How did you rob the world?

 

[Paksenarrion]

We're Oceans 9000.

How did you know I'd need these trousers that turn into jam?

 

[Neonbob]

You're a chronic jam abuser.

How did you let me into a building that was completely locked down?

 

[Lusperus]

By digging!

How do you type with boxing gloves on?

 

[axle 19]

I punched the keyboard.
It knows who its master is.

How did you win the drag race?

 

[The Infinite]

I haxed the matrix to make my car faster.

How did you manage to eat all of the worlds tofu?

 

[Ren3004]

I was hungry.

How did you make more?

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

I summoned it from the deepest pits of that place where they make it

How did you find out how many lciks it took to reach the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

 

[axle 19]

I built an automatic licking machine with a built in counter.
The answer is 69.

How did you see that number coming?

 

[Neonbob]

I made a lickmachine. It's surprisingly useful, too!
Because you're a damn pervert.

How did you deliver your face to a magazine?

 

[brtshstel]

EDIT ninja'd: I used a digital camera, a USB cable, photoshop, indesign, and a bribe to the magazine editor. (also, way to steal my previous answer, neonbob)

How did you get a fishing hook in your digestive tract without it getting caught on the way there?

 

[Neonbob]

I bent it until it was flat. Then I swallowed it inside a plastic sleeve.

How did you get so lucky?

 

[Roxas1359]

Lucky rabbit!

How did you manage to get North and South Korea to merge together peacefully?

 

[Craftybonds]

I taped an extra leaf onto my clover.

How could you vote for bush twice?

 

[brtshstel]

I didn't. I voted AGAINST him twice. He was just good at riggin the first election and milking the "rally behind the flag" mentality after 9/11.

How do you make bread with no flour?

 

[Neonbob]

<_<
Sawdust.
Lots of sawdust.

How did you find your way into the future?

 

[axle 19]

I fell through a time paradox in the light at the end of tunnel.
Apparently everything in the future is on fire.

How did you become the ruler of hell?

 

[Neonbob]

I killed Satan. And it was greaaat.
Now I get to control Hell!

How did you stop people from learning?