How do you break up with someone?

[theninjaone]

She was my first real girlfriend and we'd been together for over a year. What made it worse for me was I got on really well with her family and since we split up I can't exactly got visit them...

 

[UrieHusky]

My way of doing it is pretty heartless so yeah, but after the final straw breaks I just tell it how it is.

If you want out you just have to come out n say it, no point in sugar coating it.
At least in my opinion, I've only had to end two relationships so it's not exactly something I'm experienced at so I'm not the best person to ask (not sure why I'm posting to be honest) but yeah just being honest and blunt about it has worked well for me.

 

[srm79]

My bold for emphasis...

I've not been in a relationship so I wouldn't know.
Also whenever I've fancied someone they have left my school.

*breaks into tears*

youre not alone... *sigh*
im sure we all have been in a similar situation...
OT:I havent as i've never had a realtionship but if i did it would be in a very cowarldy way, seeing as im not even brave enough to even ask someone out

OT but to both of you - don't be afraid to ask. I have a beautiful girlfriend, who when we first met through work a little over a year ago I kind of fell for almost right away. We got on well, spoke quite often and became friends. However, both me and all my mates reckoned she was well out of my league as a potential girlfriend, but as a wise man once said, "Faint heart never won fair maiden" so I went ahead and asked her out.

7 months later, we're still very much together and very much in love and are planning to be living together by next spring (nobody wants to move house in the run up to christmas and new year!).

The moral of the story? Man up, and go for it.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

1. Be honest.
2. Be direct, don't bullshit.
3. Face-to-face in a public place. That way if they make an ass out of themselves, its also public humiliation for them and helps you not be swayed by emotional outbursts.
4. Even if you might love the person, there's a reason you want to break up so keep that firmly in mind and don't give in.
5. If you're a douchebag and have been:
a. Cheating
b. Lying to get in their pants.
c. Emotionally mistreating them.
Then you are not entitled to any sympathy when breaking up and as stated before are a douchebag.

6. Don't give them any signs of hope, because if it was going to work out, it would have before this point.
7. DO NOT GO AND DATE SOMEONE DIRECTLY AFTER BREAKING UP. This means you are a douchebag, untrustworthy and non-committal. Take time to appraise your situation of being single, enjoy it for as long as it takes to make you feel comfortable being by yourself. Breaking up with someone is not license to jump to the next relationship to make you feel better. It means most likely you are co-dependant and have issues that will prevent a successful relationship.
8. Don't be an asshole no matter how bad the person might have treated you. If you want to walk away being the better person, then BE the better person.
9. Don't try taking things you gave the person as gifts back from them, that also makes you a douchebag.
10. If there's money involved, write it off as a bad investment unless you think you can settle it in court (and want to afford a lawyer) or have any way of proving culpability of the other party. Otherwise, don't expect it back, because you'll be tied to that issue possibly for years on end.

Basically if the relationship is over, end it and don't try to walk away being friends. It doesn't usually work out well. Be an adult, know when its over and accept it.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Don't know, never had to do it. Hopefully will never have to do it.

 

[go-10]

depends if she was a lying cheater, I just leave and never talk/look for her again

if things just didn't work out, I'll just tell her slowly as to why I'm making the decision

 

[Keepeas]

Well obviously the best way to break up with someone is as follows:
1. Start an argument. This could be over anything small or big.
2. Start screaming and yelling. This always makes things better.
3. Start swearing. Throw a few F-Bombs here and there; it enhances the argument. Don't be afraid to get creative.
4. Absolutely under no circumstance resort to violence.(I'm fucking serious)
5. Start using words like 'hate' and phrases like 'break up'
6. ?????
7. PROFIT! ...hurp derp

Or you know...you could sit down with them and talk[small]....reasonable...not as interesting...grumble grumble...[/small]

 

[JochemDude]

Breaking up with someone is easy, breaking up with someone without upsetting said person is... difficult
Indeed it's a case to case thing, mostly one how he/she will take it.

With a shotgun and a very hollow piece of land and some deodorant, and maybe a lighter.

Kill Bill 2, do I win something?

 

[Flamezdudes]

Seriously... I can't get my head around you at all. I don't understand your thought pattern and why you think anyone who likes you is a horrible person. I mean, seriously... What the hell?

As I am myself a horrible person, it stands to reason why anybody who is attracted to me on any level other than pure, unadulterated physical attraction is also a horrible person. Otherwise, why would they be attracted to me? And if they're not attracted to me and are still engaging in a relationship with me, it means they mean to exploit me, thus making them a horrible person in that respect.

Could you explain to me how you're "horrible"? Because horrible could be anything.

 

[devotedsniper]

It's usually them leaving me lol, i've done it once and it was arkward as hell, even after having to answer the arkward questions she still followed me round wanting to get back together for a year, yeh i'm terrible at breaking up with people.

 

[Marcosn]

I've not been in a relationship so I wouldn't know.
Also whenever I've fancied someone they have left my school.

*breaks into tears*

Are you me?? I was basically going to put exactly that!
stupid people moving hundreds of miles away... ¬_¬

However I know I'd have to do it in person as if it was to happen to me I would expect the same of them.

 

[Salpingo]

It's easy, just start a thread about it on the escapist. She'll get the hint.

 

[TMAce]

I've been looking for advice too and come up with these pointers:

- Do it in person. Texting is a dick move, phone call is less so, but in person is always best.

- Try to talk it out first, or at least let them know there's a problem before calling it off so it's not a complete surprise.

- Make it clear that the relationship is over to prevent extended drama.

- Have plans later in the day to keep your mind off of it after the fact.

Probably the best bits of advice I've read on here. Ah, if only my recent ex had followed it! (My first proper relationship, lasted about 3 years);
She told me she was "thinking about it" over MSN 3 days before, and never even said it out loud when it came to it. At least she did do it in person, though, which is something I'd respect her for if it wasn't for...well, many things, but you can't always plan for everything now, can you?

More OT: I think if you want to remain friends (and make the effort) or at least not come out of something hating each other, face-to-face is always the best option. Talking about things at length beforehand is also brilliant, as much here as any walk of life, as it gives you a chance to fix or identify where things have gone wrong, as well as them and/ or yourself a sense of closure.

 

[krazykidd]

1. Be honest.
2. Be direct, don't bullshit.
3. Face-to-face in a public place. That way if they make an ass out of themselves, its also public humiliation for them and helps you not be swayed by emotional outbursts.
4. Even if you might love the person, there's a reason you want to break up so keep that firmly in mind and don't give in.
5. If you're a douchebag and have been:
a. Cheating
b. Lying to get in their pants.
c. Emotionally mistreating them.
Then you are not entitled to any sympathy when breaking up and as stated before are a douchebag.

6. Don't give them any signs of hope, because if it was going to work out, it would have before this point.
7. DO NOT GO AND DATE SOMEONE DIRECTLY AFTER BREAKING UP. This means you are a douchebag, untrustworthy and non-committal. Take time to appraise your situation of being single, enjoy it for as long as it takes to make you feel comfortable being by yourself. Breaking up with someone is not license to jump to the next relationship to make you feel better. It means most likely you are co-dependant and have issues that will prevent a successful relationship.
8. Don't be an asshole no matter how bad the person might have treated you. If you want to walk away being the better person, then BE the better person.
9. Don't try taking things you gave the person as gifts back from them, that also makes you a douchebag.
10. If there's money involved, write it off as a bad investment unless you think you can settle it in court (and want to afford a lawyer) or have any way of proving culpability of the other party. Otherwise, don't expect it back, because you'll be tied to that issue possibly for years on end.

Basically if the relationship is over, end it and don't try to walk away being friends. It doesn't usually work out well. Be an adult, know when its over and accept it.

i disagree with 7 and 9. Who's business is it if i or anyone else dates another person after breaking up , the point of breaking up is to no longer be with the current person , i don't see why this makes you a douchbag. Is it now wrong to date people when you are single?

Also, I'll be DAMNED if i give an expensive gift ( such as jewlery maybe even an engagements rings) have the person i gave it to break up with me and not get it back, the jewlery was a sign of love, and the love is gone, i want it back !

 

[The Man With the Soap]

I have always done the breaking up, but I'm five for seven for being cheated on cheated on.

The way I chose to do it with the cheaters was I took them on very romantic dates, then at the end I turned to them and said, "I know you've been cheating on me. I want you to do me a favor. Walk away, right now. I do not want to see you anymore."

The sixth one had just been lying to me about a lot of things, so I told her that I could no longer trust her and that we had to break up.

The current one has been an angel so far, and I remain hopeful. We were best friends for a long time before we started dating, but I see us having to break it off here in the not-too-distant future.

 

[Biosophilogical]

Anybody who enters a relationship with me is stupid, deluded or manipulating and malicious enough to deserve it.

*sigh* And he strikes again... I don't know whether to give you a hug or slap you, y'know...

I doubt he'd let you hug him, so slap first, then while he is stunned, get in a grapple-hug, pinning his arms against his chest. (I clearly play too many videogames when I analyse a hug like a battle) Be careful though, there is only a brief window between the slap and his counter, so you'll have to have killer reflexes.

OT: I've never been in a relationship, the closest is one girl who had a crush on me (not a massive crush, just a regular crush). When she told me, I didn't break my stride (figuratively speaking; we were sitting) and said a) that I knew, b) that I wasn't interested, and c) that it was just her confusing a good friendship with a potential relationship because I was male (a semi-white lie). But my point was that the closest I've come to breaking up with someone actually went fairly well, mostly because there weren't any real feelings to deal with, whereas acting normal just stopped it getting worse.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

*snip*

i disagree with 7 and 9. Who's business is it if i or anyone else dates another person after breaking up , the point of breaking up is to no longer be with the current person , i don't see why this makes you a douchbag. Is it now wrong to date people when you are single?

Also, I'll be DAMNED if i give an expensive gift ( such as jewlery maybe even an engagements rings) have the person i gave it to break up with me and not get it back, the jewlery was a sign of love, and the love is gone, i want it back !

Reason for 7: If you're immediately jumping to the next person to date, then you're not thinking with a clear head. Yes being single is the right way to start dating, but in the interim give yourself a few weeks at least to get past the previous relationship. Jumping from person to person is a sign of emotional problems. Also how can you expect a good relationship to develop if you only just ended the previous one? I've had a lot of experience both first and second hand with this, that a good relationship almost never develops from jumping to the next one immediately after the previous one dissolves. There is always some form of emotional trauma associated with breaking up (whether you admit it or not) and you need time to deal with that. Its not about hurting the feelings of the person you just broke up with, its about taking care of yourself. Also I'll amend the douchebag statement to a point. There are some people who just break up to date someone else without a good reason to break up, other than they want to sleep with someone else and want a way to absolve their guilt of wanting to cheat so they break up. Those people are definitely douchbags because they shouldn't even date. Casual sex does exist and you don't have to date to fuck.

Reason for 9: If you're going to buy your s/o expensive jewelry then expect it back if you break up, then why bother buying it at all? It seems to me thats a pretty stupid investment. Besides, a gift is different than engagement rings. If you break off the engagement then yes you're entitled to that ring back since the promise of commitment is broken. But taking back a gift otherwise because you broke up with that person is petty. Don't buy expensive things for a person you're not sure you'll be with for a long time. Gifts are gifts, they don't come with an "if we break up" clause. Thats more along the lines of a pre-nup, and it also shows that you care more about the material things.

 

[holy_secret]

I personally ( and i am not proud of this ) break up by text message, i know it is viewed as the cowards way to do it,but i handle emotional women rather poorly ( by emotional i don't necessarily mean crying, but also confusion or anger), so i rather not see them when i do it.
So how do you break up with someone?

Yes. You are a coward. If that had happened to me, I would look you up, beat the shit out of you and give a great speech of how cowards disgust me.
You're not alone in this. There are two people involved in this. Why the hell would you let her endure more pain just so you can endure less?

I'd do like I did a couple of weeks ago.
Sit down, talk about it. Try to find a solution to whatever the problem is. Why isn't it working out? Can things change?
Once the person realizes it really won't work (or me myself, depending on how bad I want it to work), it might be hard to accept, but it's still there. There's nothing anyone can do about that fact. It just is.

I'm not into deluding myself or others, so it works out fine. This is the one time I'm rational.

If I ever hear about a friend dumping someone via text message. I'm going to plant my fist in his face, total puss out that is. Guys like that do not deserve to have a girlfriend at all.

Tell it to their face, thats what ive done and will continue to do. OP = Massive coward and should be ashamed of himself.

This.

 

[StarsintheBlood]

A text message? I can say that you actually disgust me. Don't even have the balls to talk on the phone, huh? Nice. Not being as much of a dick as your friend doesn't excuse you.

I always break up with someone face to face. I have an obligation to the person I'm with to go all the way in ending the relationship. Maybe bring a little closure for the both of us if I can.