How do you break up with someone?
- Thread starter krazykidd
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Meeting up. I like to do it in person, primarily because it keeps the other from getting defensive right off the bat... or helps. I know you say that you don't like the personal contact, but your now-ex-SO being able to see you as well could make all the difference in the world. A text message makes it impossible to read any sort of inflection or emotion - "I think we should stop seeing each other", when read, just has the overtones of "I don't care what your feelings are". However, when you actually meet in person, the way that you say it can convey your emotions much better, such as whether you're genuinely apologetic or just trying to break it gently.
I can tell you how not to do it... My girlfriend of about 5 or 6 years decided to break up with me.
She did so by email.
On Valentine's Day.
And then she moved to Canada.
That's just cold.
She did so by email.
On Valentine's Day.
And then she moved to Canada.
That's just cold.
If she doesn't answer her phone, leave a long message! And at the very end say very fast "oh and I'm breaking up with you."
If you have a routine about breaking up it really says something about your dating habits and general commitment...
I feel like moment to moment is the only way to treat a relationship, if you already know how to break up with the person doesn't that just mean you intend to do it anyway?
I feel like moment to moment is the only way to treat a relationship, if you already know how to break up with the person doesn't that just mean you intend to do it anyway?
hook up with her sister and tell her to come over, but don't tell her you're with her sister. when she catches you just look up and say "oh yea, i'm breaking up with you," then continue.
not really, usually i try to be gentle about it
not really, usually i try to be gentle about it
I only purposely broke up with someone once, and It was my first real girlfriend, I kind of did it in a dick way though.
Of course I broke up with her because she had become immature and irrational and was being really crazy about certain things (we were both 16 and she wanted me to get her pregnant, to the point that she actually begged me)
but basicly I just because shittier and shittier to her until she said "well if you're going to be like this, why don't we just break up" and I said "OK"
kind of a shit way to do it but I really didn't know any better and I wanted to hurt her as little as possible. Maybe that back fired though.
Of course I broke up with her because she had become immature and irrational and was being really crazy about certain things (we were both 16 and she wanted me to get her pregnant, to the point that she actually begged me)
but basicly I just because shittier and shittier to her until she said "well if you're going to be like this, why don't we just break up" and I said "OK"
kind of a shit way to do it but I really didn't know any better and I wanted to hurt her as little as possible. Maybe that back fired though.
My only relationship which was almost two years ended under a relatively mutual understanding. We could both feel that things weren't going to work long term. When I brought up the conversation of it we cried and realized it was for the best, no fighting or convincing or hatred towards each other.
Gotta say it was strange because it was nothing like what I've seen on T.V or movies. Then again, not much in life is.
Gotta say it was strange because it was nothing like what I've seen on T.V or movies. Then again, not much in life is.
Whatever you do don't do it by text. That's how my ex left me and I can't talk to her anymore with out feeling so angry at her. It ended our relationship and ruined our friendship.
i actually had to help someone break up before. my best friend in the world wanted to break up with her douche boyfriend, but he had anger issues so she didnt want to out of fear. i sat the guy down and told him how you cant treat a woman like that and expect her to stick around, he tried to punch me, which was comical and that was that. been looking over my shoulder for quie some time now though...
Same thing happened to me, we used to be really good friends, then we went out for a few months, she says she doesnt ave feelings for me anymore over text and refuses to talk about it, really ended everything between us, its a shame how people just act like it ends when they say it does, cause it never really is done unless you talkk about ittheninjaone said:
I haven't been in a relationship (although I'm starting to realize that at least part of the problem is me not recognizing when I should ask someone out) so I don't have experience with break ups. My friend's girlfriend broke up with him by phone (it was a long distance thing) the day after he visited her, and get this it was supposedly because he wasn't visiting enough. Yeah he travels 2 hours to see her over the weekend, comes back, and the next morning gets a call that she is breaking up. He was pissed.
She was my first real girlfriend and we'd been together for over a year. What made it worse for me was I got on really well with her family and since we split up I can't exactly got visit them...
My way of doing it is pretty heartless so yeah, but after the final straw breaks I just tell it how it is.
If you want out you just have to come out n say it, no point in sugar coating it.
At least in my opinion, I've only had to end two relationships so it's not exactly something I'm experienced at so I'm not the best person to ask (not sure why I'm posting to be honest) but yeah just being honest and blunt about it has worked well for me.
If you want out you just have to come out n say it, no point in sugar coating it.
At least in my opinion, I've only had to end two relationships so it's not exactly something I'm experienced at so I'm not the best person to ask (not sure why I'm posting to be honest) but yeah just being honest and blunt about it has worked well for me.
My bold for emphasis...
7 months later, we're still very much together and very much in love and are planning to be living together by next spring (nobody wants to move house in the run up to christmas and new year!).
The moral of the story? Man up, and go for it.
OT but to both of you - don't be afraid to ask. I have a beautiful girlfriend, who when we first met through work a little over a year ago I kind of fell for almost right away. We got on well, spoke quite often and became friends. However, both me and all my mates reckoned she was well out of my league as a potential girlfriend, but as a wise man once said, "Faint heart never won fair maiden" so I went ahead and asked her out.cahtush said:youre not alone... *sigh*Magicmad5511 said:
im sure we all have been in a similar situation...
OT:I havent as i've never had a realtionship but if i did it would be in a very cowarldy way, seeing as im not even brave enough to even ask someone out
7 months later, we're still very much together and very much in love and are planning to be living together by next spring (nobody wants to move house in the run up to christmas and new year!).
The moral of the story? Man up, and go for it.
1. Be honest.
2. Be direct, don't bullshit.
3. Face-to-face in a public place. That way if they make an ass out of themselves, its also public humiliation for them and helps you not be swayed by emotional outbursts.
4. Even if you might love the person, there's a reason you want to break up so keep that firmly in mind and don't give in.
5. If you're a douchebag and have been:
a. Cheating
b. Lying to get in their pants.
c. Emotionally mistreating them.
Then you are not entitled to any sympathy when breaking up and as stated before are a douchebag.
6. Don't give them any signs of hope, because if it was going to work out, it would have before this point.
7. DO NOT GO AND DATE SOMEONE DIRECTLY AFTER BREAKING UP. This means you are a douchebag, untrustworthy and non-committal. Take time to appraise your situation of being single, enjoy it for as long as it takes to make you feel comfortable being by yourself. Breaking up with someone is not license to jump to the next relationship to make you feel better. It means most likely you are co-dependant and have issues that will prevent a successful relationship.
8. Don't be an asshole no matter how bad the person might have treated you. If you want to walk away being the better person, then BE the better person.
9. Don't try taking things you gave the person as gifts back from them, that also makes you a douchebag.
10. If there's money involved, write it off as a bad investment unless you think you can settle it in court (and want to afford a lawyer) or have any way of proving culpability of the other party. Otherwise, don't expect it back, because you'll be tied to that issue possibly for years on end.
Basically if the relationship is over, end it and don't try to walk away being friends. It doesn't usually work out well. Be an adult, know when its over and accept it.
2. Be direct, don't bullshit.
3. Face-to-face in a public place. That way if they make an ass out of themselves, its also public humiliation for them and helps you not be swayed by emotional outbursts.
4. Even if you might love the person, there's a reason you want to break up so keep that firmly in mind and don't give in.
5. If you're a douchebag and have been:
a. Cheating
b. Lying to get in their pants.
c. Emotionally mistreating them.
Then you are not entitled to any sympathy when breaking up and as stated before are a douchebag.
6. Don't give them any signs of hope, because if it was going to work out, it would have before this point.
7. DO NOT GO AND DATE SOMEONE DIRECTLY AFTER BREAKING UP. This means you are a douchebag, untrustworthy and non-committal. Take time to appraise your situation of being single, enjoy it for as long as it takes to make you feel comfortable being by yourself. Breaking up with someone is not license to jump to the next relationship to make you feel better. It means most likely you are co-dependant and have issues that will prevent a successful relationship.
8. Don't be an asshole no matter how bad the person might have treated you. If you want to walk away being the better person, then BE the better person.
9. Don't try taking things you gave the person as gifts back from them, that also makes you a douchebag.
10. If there's money involved, write it off as a bad investment unless you think you can settle it in court (and want to afford a lawyer) or have any way of proving culpability of the other party. Otherwise, don't expect it back, because you'll be tied to that issue possibly for years on end.
Basically if the relationship is over, end it and don't try to walk away being friends. It doesn't usually work out well. Be an adult, know when its over and accept it.