I don't understand male virgin shaming.

[Vegosiux]

Note the tone of my reply might appear hostile. I tell you ahead of that it's not intentional, and I'm not trying to antagonize you, I just prefer to speak my mind straight as opposed to soft-shoeing about the issue.

Many people have said here what I believe. A male should have that desire, that primal desire, to spread his seed. If you're an evolutionist then it's something that has stayed with us from our primal days, to spread our seed as far and wide as we can. If you're a religionist then it's one of the orders God gave us to populate the world, and thats what we're doing.

Yeh, and again I'll say, there's nothing rational about being "hard-wired" for something. Sure you can rationalize it, but if that's all it is, it's not a product of rational thought. Instinct is not rational.

There should be that burn in the back of your skull saying "I have to get some" because once you do you'll think "the hell I was waiting this long for?"

Mhm. I know you were speaking in general, not specifically me, but I'd avoid such vague, general blanket statements in your place. There's, like 3.5 billion of guys out here, after all.

My buddy we worked to get laid after he was 21, he hasn't stopped since then and says sex is the grandest thing ever.

Good for him, I suppose...?

I agree, and it's not just the primal feeling, the the intimacy, it's the connection you get with another person you can't have any other way.

That depends entirely on the occasion. There's nothing intimate about a one night stand, it's literally just about sticking your dick into someone, or have someone stick their dick into you. Hell, I put more emotion and intimacy into a handshake than I used to put into my one night stands.

Edit:
Though as for the why you need to be in a real relationship, it's the experince. Be it a 2 month relationship, or a 2 year one. You need to experince that, so you can learn for future experinces. I don't think anyones first love is going to be their last, and you're going to expeince heartbreak sometime or other. It's best to do it when you're young so you can grow more from that experince.

Love, in the end, is utterly irrelevant when it comes to relationships. It needs to step aside for trust, companionship and compromise. Yes, I've had my share of failed relationships. The main thing I got out of it is that I shouldn't be trying to get another one just because the society expects me to.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like sex. But I still think it's overrated, otherwise people would not have been going "You have to have had sex by the time you were X years old or you'll never get your 'has a life' badge." Life just doesn't work that way, it doesn't work in any one particular way.

Ultimately people should be thinking about what they want to do first and only then about what the society expects them to do. (Up to a point, of course, one shouldn't go around vandalizing stuff or worse)

 

[Mordwyl]

Tho I am very sad of the fact that many of my relationships have hit an iceberg and sunk when my partner learned that I don't care of sex. The first few months of social relationships were great but when they wanted to take next step and "go for it" they were dispointed and decided to end it. - Unfair in my opinion.

You cannot be serious.

You think it's unfair that people end relationships with you when they realise that there isn't going to be any sex?

You can be as asexual as you want, but expecting non-asexual people to just give up on one of the most powerful biological imperatives they have because you're not interested is nothing short of ridiculous. And I mean that word literally, as in "worthy of ridicule".

In that situation, surprise surprise, they're going to drop you like a hot rock and go looking for someone who's interested in the same thing they are.

Oh god, yes, this.

I've actually gone through the experience of breaking up with someone because she hated any sort of sexual intimacy. As the saying goes, people have needs.

 

[Delicious Anathema]

Sex is overrated, it's like society has reverted to primal instincts and added social BS on top of it.

To be honest I do feel attraction but to try and work for a relationship and woo a lady sounds like so much work that I don't even care. I'd rather it happen naturally (aka mutually) or not happen at all.

Don't sweat it, as much as the media makes it appear, sex is a very minor part of what makes one human, some people just make it a big part, and it's sad when someone is "desperate", makes me feel like their lives revolve around holes.

 

[Vegosiux]

Sex is overrated, it's like society has reverted to primal instincts and added social BS on top of it.

To be honest I do feel attraction but to try and work for a relationship and woo a lady sounds like so much work that I don't even care. I'd rather it happen naturally (aka mutually) or not happen at all.

Don't sweat it, as much as the media makes it appear, sex is a very minor part of what makes one human, some people just make it a big part, and it's sad when someone is "desperate", makes me feel like their lives revolve around holes.

Pretty much this, honestly, I'd almost sign my name under this one. Sex isn't this one ultimate goal of life complete with angel chorus and beaming sunlight when you achieve it, it's just another aspect of life.

It's just that to some it seems to be a "rite of passage" and there are more someones like that than someones who think being able to multiply two triple digit numbers in your head is a proper right of passage.

What, you can't do that? Pfsh, losers...I can! What do you mean "we got computers for that"? It's just not the same if you smash it into a calculator, just like masturbation just isn't the same as sex!

Right, that tangent went a little further than I wanted to follow it. But what I mean here is, that I simply get all cranky when people come out with "What!? That person over there isn't living their life the same way I do and has a completely different set of priorities? There must be something WRONG with them!"

 

[Singularly Datarific]

I like how some of the lurkers made an account to make fun of virgins lol

It isn't a big deal so I don't get why people care. I guess it's just because people are stupid.

If they feel the need to reinforce their manliness by bragging about their lack of virginity over the internet, then I want to get some popcorn, this is hilarious.

 

[Delicious Anathema]

Yahtzee put it brilliantly in a post called "Inflexual" on his Fully Ramblomatic blog.

But having made the decision to not pursue any of this sex business anymore I've discovered a strange new world I never knew existed.

It's like I've eaten spam a few times from a few popular brands and in a few serving suggestions, and found I'm not really keen on spam, 'cos it's salty and slimy and looks like something you might find in the alien queen's litter box. But I've found myself in a world that's completely obsessed with spam. People spend their entire lives in pursuit of spam. Every single advert on TV sells their product by placing it alongside spam. Movies have to work in at least one spam scene to reach the broadest audience. People break up and get divorced because they don't exchange enough spam. Soldiers are given time out to go have some spam. Low-risk prisoners are given spam visiting rights. People die for spam. Entire economies have been based around spam. Selling spam is the world's oldest profession. The lack of spam has been linked to mental disorders. The only thing getting teenagers through difficult puberty is the thought of one day getting to have spam of their very own.

And when I explain to people that I'm not that into spam they tell me I must be some kind of hopeless cissy girl, or that I just haven't found the right spam yet. It feels like when a theist says "I'll pray for you." Or when a parent of some hideous mewling womb dropping says "You'll understand when you have one of your own." Quite infuriating. It's just tinned meat, guys.

 

[SinisterGehe]

Tho I am very sad of the fact that many of my relationships have hit an iceberg and sunk when my partner learned that I don't care of sex. The first few months of social relationships were great but when they wanted to take next step and "go for it" they were dispointed and decided to end it. - Unfair in my opinion.

Sorry, I know this is a off topic but if you didn't warn your partner in advance that you'd never have any interest in sex then it's not unfair on you in any way considering you just wasted months of their life. You're the one that's being unfair in this situation (Provided I'm understanding you right but you did refer to them as your partner and say it was after the first few months so I'm fairly sure I've got it.)

I did very clearly state them that I am not looking for sex just partnership. But I think women do not take that seriously. I thik they accept it as a challenge. So I think none of the partners I have met or will meet take the idea of "no sex - relationship" seriously.

 

[cookingwithrage]

People usually don't make a big deal of it if you don't. Never had it happen outside of retardbox360 (where its so ironic its funny.)

 

[hoboman29]

Everyone and their dog and their dog's fleas (not saying your dog has fleas) has posted the same thing...so why not add my version. The reason male virgins are shunned is because of outdated gender roles. Men are expected to be big strong and sexual beasts who hunt women like a caveman. (there's some imagery for ya) Of course any "traditional" view of this nature is based of sexist bullshit but apparently won't go away so the stigma still sticks.

 

[Vault101]

Yes, a guy who is past a certian age should have lost their virginity, now what age is that should be the question. I was 14 when I lost mine. My buddy was 18 when he lost his. I know people past the age or 21 that have just recently lost theirs. (Even a buddy who has no right IMO of getting laid has gotten laid)

what about women? do such rules apply to them?

 

[gphjr14]

Sex is overrated, it's like society has reverted to primal instincts and added social BS on top of it.

To be honest I do feel attraction but to try and work for a relationship and woo a lady sounds like so much work that I don't even care. I'd rather it happen naturally (aka mutually) or not happen at all.

Don't sweat it, as much as the media makes it appear, sex is a very minor part of what makes one human, some people just make it a big part, and it's sad when someone is "desperate", makes me feel like their lives revolve around holes.

Either you've never had it or you (possibly her) are doing it wrong.
If porn wasn't so readily available I doubt people would be so nonchalant about it. But I do agree the media does often stigmatize males virgins For pretty much the past 2 decades...

 

[crusador90]

Wow! Just wow...
I didn't think this topic would warrant this big and this serious a discussion, but here we are...

I, being a naive and socially-awkward teenager, once bought into the "sex-as-a-rite-of-passage" mindset, that's been pushed by society and a lot of peers who were just as knowledgeable (As in, not very) at how the topic should be handled and approached. The end result was me pursuing and failing at getting girls, which in hindsight, would have created much worse scenarios for me if I had ever succeeded in "getting laid". I still have my pride and self-confidence as a human being and an independent single male, and that's what really counts.
My experiences with this outdated gender role are past, but, as a I said in my short post, I did not understand why exists in the first place. Thankfully, many people who quoted my post answered my question, and I thank you guys for that.
Our outdated and ancient gender roles and how male and female sexuality should be viewed is both backwards (Males are expected to have sex with every single attractive girl that comes their way, but women should save themselves for that perfect man) and harmful in and of itself. The expectation that men should go and have sex and throw themselves at any woman at all and are considered failures if they do not show any or enough interest at all is insulting and harmful to guys for a large number of reasons (What will that hedonistic twat do when he gets an STI or gets his gal pregnant?), but it is also harmful to women in that in that it shames them for putting out at all and sets up this nigh impossible ideal of chastity.
The reason I don't care about having sex without the relationship is because anyone can get it (The sex industry is booming thanks to guys who want to bone women or just want to see them get boned or just see them naked!), and the idea of intercourse with just anyone, let alone someone I am intimately familiar with, just seems really really dull to me.

 

[Timberwolf0924]

Yes, a guy who is past a certian age should have lost their virginity, now what age is that should be the question. I was 14 when I lost mine. My buddy was 18 when he lost his. I know people past the age or 21 that have just recently lost theirs. (Even a buddy who has no right IMO of getting laid has gotten laid)

what about women? do such rules apply to them?

I can't speak for women, because I'm not one. I know it's sounds totally hypocritical but I think a woman shouldn't sleep around a lot. One is because of the social stigma she'll get (whore, slut, tramp.. ect ect) even though guys are looked at differently. Total double standard I know, but I've always felt that way. (On the plus side, I know I'm totally wrong in that aspect)

 

[Phasmal]

Yes, a guy who is past a certian age should have lost their virginity, now what age is that should be the question. I was 14 when I lost mine. My buddy was 18 when he lost his. I know people past the age or 21 that have just recently lost theirs. (Even a buddy who has no right IMO of getting laid has gotten laid)

what about women? do such rules apply to them?

I can't speak for women, because I'm not one. I know it's sounds totally hypocritical but I think a woman shouldn't sleep around a lot. One is because of the social stigma she'll get (whore, slut, tramp.. ect ect) even though guys are looked at differently. Total double standard I know, but I've always felt that way. (On the plus side, I know I'm totally wrong in that aspect)

If you know you're wrong.... why don't you just not think like that?
It's not particularly difficult. The amount that other people fuck isn't really something that should affect you personally, no matter their gender.

 

[Delicious Anathema]

Sex is overrated, it's like society has reverted to primal instincts and added social BS on top of it.

To be honest I do feel attraction but to try and work for a relationship and woo a lady sounds like so much work that I don't even care. I'd rather it happen naturally (aka mutually) or not happen at all.

Don't sweat it, as much as the media makes it appear, sex is a very minor part of what makes one human, some people just make it a big part, and it's sad when someone is "desperate", makes me feel like their lives revolve around holes.

Either you've never had it or you (possibly her) are doing it wrong.
If porn wasn't so readily available I doubt people would be so nonchalant about it. But I do agree the media does often stigmatize males virgins For pretty much the past 2 decades...

Sexuality is a good thing that brings nice sensations, but it doesn't even come close to warranting the kind of obsession society puts on it.

 

[Timberwolf0924]

If you know you're wrong.... why don't you just not think like that?
It's not particularly difficult. The amount that other people fuck isn't really something that should affect you personally, no matter their gender.

Ya know, it really doesn't bother me how many people anyone sleeps with. (I've dated some loose women.. as in sleep with anyone.. and the other way too) and everything was good. But I find that women who usually sleep around do so for certian reasons, either someones a sugar daddy, or they have a few sugar daddies or they have a hard time finding someone to stick with so they have multiple boyfriends. Not saying thats true for all women who like to party, but it's been previlant in my experince.

 

[Itsmyvirginlife]

Men are depicted as and expected to be aggressors, being sexually aggressive is the "proper" way to be a man. If you aren't, then you are looked down upon by other men. On the off hand, women who have sex with lots of men are seen as disgusting sluts, so really that makes no sense.

It makes perfect sense. Think about this way: if you have a key that can open lots of different locks, you would have to say that's a pretty damn awesome key, right? But if you have a lock that can be opened by lots of different keys, well, that's a pretty shitty lock. Amirite?

Seriously though, I was 20 before I lost my virginity. There was some winding up from mates who had lost theirs but I don't actually remember it being that bad. And I'm still quite proud that I didn't lose mine until I was with someone I had genuinely deep feelings for. Seriously, there's no shame in it.

Your lock and key analogy doesn't make you look sexist at all. The idea that a woman is a lock that can be opened with a key, a key that all men possess, is about as elementary as some schoolyard sex joke amongst prepubescent teens. Get over it. Your key must be pretty shitty if every guy has the same one. Your key sounds average. Don't even attempt to argue my point, because in doing so you belittle the granule of manhood you possess. You don't want anyone to think I actually got under your skin by insulting your views on gender, do you? But if you think with your (o(K you'll have no choice, for a man who is led by manhood lacks restraint. By the way, I'm a virgin. I get off by being a tease. I get others off by being a tease. The real sex happens in the mind. I'm an attractive, athletic, outgoing, well-endowed 25 y.o. man who's an escapist with no regrets, because even if I did have sex I'd never be likened or reduced to those who think as you do. Sex is great, but engaging in a dialogue with those who think on a general wave-length concerning sex is a most incommodious business.

 

[Darken12]

I absolutely loathe male virgin-shaming.

Though in my country, women get virgin-shamed too. Yay equality, I guess. If you're still a virgin at 15, there's something very wrong with you, since you're expected to lose it by 13. And the pressure gets worse the older you get. It makes me quite angry sometimes.

 

[Epic Bear Man]

I think it really falls into line a few things:

Age

Around the time that the whole "sex = coolness" thing occurs is around high school, and occasionally can slip into college as well. This is around the time that people are really at their peak of sexual adventure. Along with just wanting to express their wonders in bed, we're also seeking out new approaches or techniques to try out, even if the individual we were with was a one-night stand sort of flick.

Biology

This will sound idiotic, but just hear me out; it'll make sense by the end.
Women have a preset number of eggs, therefore a preset number of children they can birth. Men on the other hand constantly generate semen; we can technically have an infinite amount of children (provided there's an infinite supply of women). Men also were originally the hunters, so we've always been very aggressive. Telling another person that we've slept with this girl is, in a way, a sort of territorial mark.

Social Status

You really can't argue and suggest that women aren't treated more like objects than men are. The idea of sleeping with more women could be compared to collectibles; the more of such an item you have, the better of a collector you are. The more women you've slept with, the bigger of a man you are. This one's a bit harder to explain, but when you think about it, it's relatively clear.

As far as virgin = there's something wrong with you, it falls in line with the whole issue of this is when we're (biologically speaking/due to puberty) supposed to be procreating and having children. The fact that you haven't even attempted to partake in the act of trying to conceive a child would suggest that you have some sort of issue with procreating.

Also there's just long-winded social stigmas that keep them alive to this day. It's not really something that will disappear for a while, if ever, I think. It may drop in number, but I doubt it'll ever disappear.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Back from whence you came, thread.

GET BACk!