I think my boyfriend is developing a WoW addiction?

[SenseOfTumour]

I'd have to go along with people and say 'try it', if you can enjoy it at all, you may well find he finds playing with you in wow far more enjoyable than being solo, and it may cut down on his solo time. You don't have to go to his extremes, maybe an hour or two, two or three times a week, just to do some things together.

Of course, if this works, then he needs to comprimise and try joining you in things you enjoy.

I'm in agreement tho, Ultimatums are rarely a good choice, and finding a level where he can enjoy the game but not leave you feeling ignored would be sensible, and I am happy to hear you're not just going to dump him ...yet.

He definately needs to at least know how you feel tho, that you're feeling in second place to a video game, and that while you'd understand him obsessing over it in December when the new stuff is released, you want him to spend time with you, without feeling you're denying him wow time. HE shouldn't be feeling that girlfriend time is wasted WOW time anyway.

In short, I imagine he just doesn't feel he has a problem, and needs a wakeup call to let him know he's got someone important in his life who loves him and needs him, and he needs to remember to prioritise his free time to keep his relationship strong.

I hope this works out for you.

 

[Boba Frag]

Set some limits for him. If he can't follow them, then make him make the choice. The game, or you. If it's the game, I'm sorry.

Ultimatums like that are not going to exactly help.
All that's doing is creating a hostile confrontation!

If he's got an addiction then you need to talk to him about it, but at the same time you shouldn't go in making ridiculous demands.
I agree that he should probably cut down and that a limit is needed, but it'll go smoother for both of you if it's a limit he agrees to, not one that he feels you're forcing on him.
He'll just resent you treating him like a child.

Try to meet him half way, maybe?
Cut down his playing time, but allow him to make a character for you?

That way you can play together, and don't worry, you won't get sucked into it.

 

[Outright Villainy]

If you have your boobs out and he says wait a minute let me finish this quest, then you have a problem.

So you're saying unless she's bringing sex to the table, she shouldn't expect to get him away from the computer?

You're a dick.

That's the sound of the joke whizzing by your head.

OT: 4-5 hours isn't that bad. If he can't find time to fit the game around hanging out with you, and not the other way around, then you have a problem. Make a plan, something like lunch, but do it a few days in advance and say it'd be nice. If he ever blows you off, and says the reason was the game, then give him the talk. Otherwise it shouldn't be a problem. If it doesn't affect your relationship then it shouldn't be too worrying.

Oh, and an ultimatum should be the last resort. He probably very well would prefer you over the game, but forcing him to choose could leave a sour taste in his mouth. It hurts more often than helps.

 

[Kitteh]

Ever try going on WoW yourself and asking him to stop in-game?

 

[loremazd]

Give him two evenings for whatever he wants to do, then on free evenings he can play if nothing is going on.

I hate to say this, but you really need to plan stuff to do together. Start going on dates, get him out of the house. He's found a solution to his own boredom and you need to find your own and include him. The problem isn't so much that he'd rather play games than you, it's that he'd rather play games than sit around and watch tv.

You'll need to really get to know him and get involved in his life. Lots of WoW widows turn to anger against their spouse, calling them wierdos and further pushing them away. Essentially the problem is partly your responsibility and mostly his.

Note: these only apply if someone is actually addicted, 4 hours may well not be.
A: the guy isn't empathetic to your needs and wants
B: The guy isn't getting what he wants out of life and is basically doing something he things is easy and fun.
C: He might need some help, but it's difficult to confront him about that, he really has to trust you beyond his denial that he has a problem and needs to deal with it.

If I were you i'd start planning date nights that take you outside of your domicile. Talk to him honestly about the fact that you want him to spend more time to you, dont be judgemental, and ask him if he would like evenings that are just his time, and if so, which ones. There is nothing in WoW that cannot be accomplished with three hours, 2 days a week.

 

[HotFezz8]

Looked everywhere for a gaming addiction forum and they don't seem to exist, so you guys are my last hope
My boyfriend's had a gaming addiction in the past, his family have told me he used to spend around 18hrs a day gaming, I tolerate him playing games for a couple of hours a day otherwise he literally gets withdrawal symptoms.
When he bought WoW I was worried because I'd heard about it being extremely addictive and it turns out I was right to be worried I would say he spends 4-5, a day, sometimes more, playing WoW and when he's not playing it he just goes on about how much he wants to play.
I know 4-5 hours isn't anything too serious yet but he does have a past history of game addiction, so am I over reacting or not? If not what do I do?
Any response greatly appreciated

there are girls here? ;-)

yeah it something to be worried about, but how old is he? if he's 18+ its up to him really, and he won't appreciate you "butting in" or "trying to control" him, which is how you WILL come across if you start trying to control how much time he spends on his beloved pc.

if he's <18 this argument applies doubably.

besides he got a new game, he will want to explore and discover stuff on it for a week or two, thats not unreasonable.

ultimatly unless you two are living together i wouldn't be that put out by it, just agree he won't play it when you are around, and then accept you won't be spending every spare hour of every day with him.

 

[Jenova65]

Looked everywhere for a gaming addiction forum and they don't seem to exist, so you guys are my last hope
My boyfriend's had a gaming addiction in the past, his family have told me he used to spend around 18hrs a day gaming, I tolerate him playing games for a couple of hours a day otherwise he literally gets withdrawal symptoms.
When he bought WoW I was worried because I'd heard about it being extremely addictive and it turns out I was right to be worried I would say he spends 4-5, a day, sometimes more, playing WoW and when he's not playing it he just goes on about how much he wants to play.
I know 4-5 hours isn't anything too serious yet but he does have a past history of game addiction, so am I over reacting or not? If not what do I do?
Any response greatly appreciated

Is he playing it while your over?

is he turning down dates to play wow?

grades/job, RL buddys slipping(more then they should be)?

(if yes to any you have a problem)
if not 4-5 hours on games if your doing nothing else isint too bad. If your mad that he isint spending those 4-5 hours with you then give him some space to play his hobbys.

Quite right!

To the OP you say that you 'tolerate', him playing for a couple of hours a day, that's big of you :/
I play more than that and am not addicted! What do you do with your evening? If it is watching TV then you are being a hypocrite (not being horrible, honestly) It really chaps my khakis when non gamers go on about addiction and gaming for a few hours being unhealthy then they sit in front of the TV all night being drip fed entertainment without all that troublesome business of thinking!
You also say that he plays for 4-5 hours a day, but was previously addicted, well if he is playing that amount of time then it is no big deal, OK. If you are concerned that he will start to play for longer then talk to him and tell him what you are worried about he may be able to put your mind at ease, but it seems you are worrying about something he isn't doing now so move forward At the end of the day, you have to trust him, if you don't trust him, you aren't having a relationship!
I hope that you get some resolution soon with this
And welcome to the Escapist, unless you only signed up to pick our brains, in which case - get off our lawn..... ;-)

 

[loremazd]

Although to add, 4 hours a day isn't -horrible-.

The average person (without kids) works monday to friday 9-5, then from 6-11 or midnight they usually watch TV, with a little time in for cooking dinner. Nice thing about TV is that, people who live together can talk to each other while watching tv which makes it double as a social event.

Theoretically he substitutes TV for WoW, that's all. There's a ton of fun stuff out of the house and unless he's just a total jerk you should come up with stuff to do, and both of you will be happier for it.

If he is a jerk and wants to play every day, then yeah, he needs help.

The big, super important thing is to communicate -respectfully-. If you have preconcieved notions that video games are for losers and he should stop, that's basically communicating to him "I think you are a loser." And that wont end well.

Also note i'm certainly not attempting to put words in your mouth, it's just a pattern that is common that I wanted to warn you to avoid.

 

[loremazd]

Thanks for all the replies guys I've read all of them.

I'd never dump him, no matter how bad this gets.
If I said it's me or the game I have no doubt he'd choose me but as some people have pointed out I don't want to take his game away from him completely.
Taking everything into account, I think I'm going to tell him I'm worried due to his previous addiction and make him see I'm not over reacting, then try and agree on some sensible time limits. If he needs further persuasion to log off then I may do as several of you have suggested and resort to something more crude lol.

Pleasantly surprised at the number of responses it's been a huge help getting some different perspectives

Everyone needs help from time to time, there's no shame in that. If anything it really speaks volumes to your intelligence for seeking the help of other people who play games to better understand him, as well as to how much you care about him to try and better understand his hobby.

So, well done, I think you'll do just fine.

 

[kouriichi]

You want my tip?
Tell him theres a balance between the two of you.

Or just play WoW with him. Nothings more fun the gaming nude with your soul mate. ((thinks back to naked rockband))

 

[00slash00]

i dont understand how people get so addicted to that game. it bored the crap out of me. in any case, if he has a history of becoming highly addicted to games, you may have a problem on your hands. monitor the situation. if it gets to the point where hes playing more than 8-10 hours a day, have a serious talk with him (or just find out his information and cancel his credit card)

 

[Batsu-sama]

This coming from an ex-WoW addict, all I can really say is be kind, but firm in your methods. Sit him down and talk to him, do NOT get aggravated with him, he will only slam the proverbial door in your face. Try your best to wean him off it, set some limitations with him, and see if you can get him to agree to setting the parental controls with ONLY YOU knowing the password. Do not let him know it.

Also as mentioned before, try to get him out of the house and doing other fun activities, does he have any other interests that he follows along with RPG's? Try taking him out to something related to one of his other interests.

Maybe get a few friends involved, see if you can get them inviting him and you out on a regular basis (Even if it has to be without him knowing it was pre-organised).

I will admit for me it was a little harder to break said addiction since I was working "second shift" at the time (3pm until 10-11pm), then would go home, play WoW until pretty much sunrise and sleep until a couple of hours before work. Some friends noticed that I was not getting out much and in the end helped me start spending less and less time on WoW until it has gotten to the point where I am on maybe an hour or 2 a week, with no current interest in buying the new expansion.

I hope it all goes well, but if the gentler methods don't work, then yes, sex sells, and if that doesn't work, then it may be best to 'move on to greener pastures'

 

[RocksW]

Thanks for all the replies guys I've read all of them.

I'd never dump him, no matter how bad this gets.

Thats nice, just dont let him know IMO. If he feels he might lose you he'll change. Even if youre in love and want to stay loyal theres no harm in making him worried the odd time...?

 

[Scythas]

If you have your boobs out and he says wait a minute let me finish this quest, then you have a problem.

This.

 

[xxcloud417xx]

If you have your boobs out and he says "wait a minute let me finish this quest" then you have a problem.

Nice...

It doesn't hurt to try does it? Make sure to do it while he's doing an instance or raiding though

My GF actually does exactly this and I always go running to her lol. Do it! (not even joking I left a raid for sex more than once.)

 

[Demodeus]

Well as an ex-addict (does 5000 hours in one year count as addict?) I seriously advise against talking to him about "addiction" as in his eyes it will just make you look like his mom nagging at him all day. Setting up rules like he may only play for a maximum set of x hours per day wont work. You seriously have to get him to QUIT by any means possible, anything else does not work. And I dont just mean stop playing, I mean quit as making him give away all his belongings and deleting his character.
If his love for you is strong he will make the *right* decision.
Oh yea, there is one thing that makes this hard: He just wont know what the hell he should do all day long since he now has so much free time. Be there for him in that "time of need" else he will relapse very quickly.

100% subjective

 

[Calico93]

Change his password, then if this happens
Run for the hills.

 

[Imp Poster]

Taking everything into account, I think I'm going to tell him I'm worried due to his previous addiction and make him see I'm not over reacting, then try and agree on some sensible time limits.

While your at it, try and make him see what you see. Hopefully, he is rational/open minded to see what you see and what you are worried about. Maybe even getting him to admit he may have a problem or he can have a problem with being addicted to video games.
Maybe try and get him open up about what he sees in these games, why he plays so much. Getting him aware of his problem or potential problem would be maybe the first step.

I know I was there and addicted to them at one point. The label of powergamer has a problem because you have to play many hours doing many things on MMO, that you are pretty much consumed in the game. I have seen others live in MMOs, maybe including me. Hanging out with other powergamers is also one of the fuels. Trying to keep up with other powergamers, you know? Games like WoW is easy to get into because there are facets of life in it that can make you play for a long time. I know a guy who lives in WoW just on crafting. I think he spends more time being a master crafter with every craft possible than actually, raiding or PvPing. He makes alot of money in the game and he has people kissing his ass for stuff he makes. It's his power that he likes that everyone in game likes him or has a need for him, I guess.

 

[JoshGod]

I would recommend getting into gaming. It should help you spend more time together, it may allow you to appreciate it and then mayby if not already you could introduce him to something you like. also at the very least it will allow you know thy enemy. After all fighting a war you don't understand is frivolous. And you never know you could become addicted. Also i broke my MMO addiction by force (my password didnt work, i probly got hacked as my character was quite wealthy) It wasn't great but after a few days it wasn't so bad by 1-2 weeks i didn't care.

Summary
Play games with him.
Try to get him into other things without making him go cold turkey.
Try to keep him to that 4-5 hours a day limit (which will be easier if you're playing with him unless you get addicted).

 

[Wolfram23]

What El Poncho said... (probation??)

I was mildly addicted to WoW in the past, when it first came out... and then again after all the expansions come out lol. It's a very immersive game.

First off, I'd definitely talk to him about it. Maybe ask him if he think it's reasonable to set some limits. Like, only on two or three nights a week he can play it - enough time that he can do a couple raids and get whatever other stuff he may "have" to do in the game (daily quests).

Also I'm sure he would absolutely love it if you could play with him. I know I'd love to get my girlfriend to game with me, and WoW is really a good one to start with because it's big, social, and there's a ton of opportunity for cooperation.

Sadly, I more or less lost my first girlfriend due to WoW... but let's not get into that lol.

Don't know what age you guys are, but I'm now 24 and definitely still love gaming, but I've also matured a lot since those days. I game for maybe 10-15 hours a week now. I even got Fallout New Vegas - a game I've been hugely anticipating - and only have about 7 hours on it (and no other games since buying it).

Unfortunately, WoW takes up so much personal investment it is extremely hard to get away from it, especially since he's clearly still very much enjoying playing. I ended up getting bored because of in game friends moving on and also the dungeons/raids got boring so I felt it was time to get my real life back lol. However, if he does quit or seems to get a little board of it, take the chance to have him delete the game and cancel his account, and then don't let him play an MMO again...